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24 Things Only Antisocial People Understand

24 Things Only Antisocial People Understand

1. If you can, you refuse most jobs unless you can work by yourself, in the back, or quietly (like a cook, librarian or from home). The front counter, retail or waiting tables would be pure agony. Not you:

    2. You avoid complaining, giving opinions or advice…even when asked. It leads to conversation.

      3. In turn, you don’t often tell your troubles to others. See reason #2 above.

        4. You find yourself in mental torture weighing the pros and cons of seeing your favorite band live and

        having to deal with…the masses.

          5. You avoid eye contact and/or smiling for too long since it’s an invitation for people to approach you.

            6. Your animals–toys or real–know how social you can be. Am I right?

              7. You find yourself thinking how it’s not that you’re shy, it’s just that…you don’t care for most who speak to you.

                8. In fact, you never admire the loud “alpha” dominating the room. You feel very much the opposite towards them.

                  9. You understand the difference between snobbery and wanting to be left in your thoughts.

                    10. You don’t mind that others consider you snobby, nonetheless.

                      11. You are a-okay with others, including your parents, siblings or friends, hogging the spotlight. You were always better working behind the scenes.

                        12. You lock yourself in your room…sometimes for months.

                          13. Have Hikikomori? After careful research: yup.

                            14. You find yourself wondering in what ways Hikikomori is either “concerning” or a “condition.”

                              15. You fantasize about moving to a country where everyone respects quietude.

                                16. You sometimes even refuse to register on your favorite forum threads even when you could contribute a valuable new perspective.

                                  17. When people look into your eyes, you’re told it’s as if you’re in another world (you prefer the label “ethereal”).

                                  17

                                    18. The first time they speak to you, you’re polite. The second time, you’re terse. The third time, you literally stop speaking and avoid them. No hard feelings.

                                      19. You say hello when you pass someone you know. Upon seeing them again, you believe they should recall your initial greeting and ignore you.

                                        20. You find yourself questioning why others have to be so damn loud. Unless there’s a major disaster, nothing warrants it.

                                          21. You’re exhausted after a trip to the mall: you’ve been around too many people for too long and you need to recoup.

                                            22. Dating online comes much more naturally to you…you don’t have to speak and you can always delete.

                                              23. You find yourself questioning why strangers still approach you…despite the disinterested looks, headphones you’re wearing and the very obvious ignores the first couple of times they attempt.

                                                24. You know the difference between “anti-social” (an actual personality disorder for those lacking a conscience) and you: a quiet observer of the world (aka “asocial”).

                                                  Featured photo credit: hiding / Enrico Policardo via flickr.com

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                                                  Last Updated on August 6, 2020

                                                  6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

                                                  6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

                                                  We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

                                                  “Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

                                                  Are we speaking the same language?

                                                  My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

                                                  When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

                                                  Am I being lazy?

                                                  When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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                                                  Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

                                                  Early in the relationship:

                                                  “Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

                                                  When the relationship is established:

                                                  “Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

                                                  It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

                                                  Have I actually got anything to say?

                                                  When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

                                                  A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

                                                  When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

                                                  Am I painting an accurate picture?

                                                  One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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                                                  How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

                                                  Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

                                                  What words am I using?

                                                  It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

                                                  Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

                                                  Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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                                                  Is the map really the territory?

                                                  Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

                                                  A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

                                                  I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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