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20 Things To Look For In The Person You’ll Fall In Love With

20 Things To Look For In The Person You’ll Fall In Love With

“Relationship” is an appropriate word for those who might be falling in love. You have to be able “relate” to that person, or the possibility of falling in love quickly diminishes. The variety in people’s attitudes, preferences, lifestyles, or even physical attributes may expose the negatives in creating that relationship, but it also helps you choose the best partner.

Here are 20 traits to look for when trying to decide if someone is worthy of your love. Remember, these are all positive things YOU can do too!

1. Fall in love with someone you can openly share your thoughts with.

There is no greater joy in a relationship then when someone allows you to “vent” your frustrations, reveal your sadness, share your happiness, or even sit quietly when there are no words to say.

2. Fall in love with someone who will listen with more than just their ears.

There’s a difference between hearing someone and really listening. If they can’t remember what you said just moments ago, they aren’t actively listening; they’re just hearing what you say and not giving it any thought.

3. Fall in love with someone who will communicate with their eyes.

A person who is truly interested will give you visual cues, like making direct unbroken eye-to-eye contact.

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4. Fall in love with someone who gives you affection.

The human touch at appropriate times feels healing to someone in distress. A hug is a great example.

5. Fall in love with someone who uplifts you with their words.

Affirmation, or just the willingness to spend time listening to you and giving you time to figure things out, means they are willing to go a little further for your happiness. Words like “tell me more” and “I’m listening” are uplifting.

6. Fall in love with someone who sees you as perfect for them.

There are NO perfect humans. We all have our flaws. The person you fall in love with may know this fact, but realizes they are also flawed and accepts you as you.

7. Fall in love with someone who will not allow you to degrade yourself.

We are all imperfect physically. Enjoy the variety in people and build them up so they have a positive view of themselves physically.

8. Fall in love with someone who will compliment your body.

If the person you are with is listening to you, they will hear you brag about some aspects of your body. When they affirm that compliment, they are in agreement with your view. That’s a great way to build your self esteem. Do the same for them too!

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9. Fall in love with someone who helps you refocus your negative thoughts.

Life has its ups and downs. Sometimes the downs really bring us down and we need someone to help us put life in proper perspective.

10. Fall in love with someone who will look for alternatives to stressful situations.

No one can catch every trigger that sends us into the dark side of our emotions, but a proactive person can see a few of those and help us avoid those situations. If a social scene you like to attend has a person that gets you angry, for example, your partner should help you avoid them so everyone has a good time!

11. Fall in love with someone who admits their wrongdoings.

Honesty is essential in any relationship. We all hope that the person we fall in love with will always be truthful with us. The consequences of a person’s wrongdoing may not be the easiest thing for them to accept. But as humans we all make mistakes.

12. Fall in love with someone who realizes how a wrongdoing affects your relationship.

This person will actively look for ways to get your forgiveness so the mending can begin. Someone who has no interest in your feelings won’t take this step.

13. Fall in love with someone who is honest and openly communicates.

There’s always a reason why someone gets angry or hurt. It doesn’t just “happen”. Someone willing to take the time to explain the “why” AND not use it as an excuse is serious about their relationship with you. Even if it will take time to mend it.

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14. Fall in love with someone that shows they are serious about preserving the relationship.

If there are certain situations that caused issues in your relationship, this person will choose NOT to get into those situations again. It may mean avoiding people who wrongly influence them.

15. Fall in love with someone who appreciates the little things you do.

No one wants to be taken for granted. If you are the type of person who loves to do the little things for people, then you are most likely a person who also wants to be affirmed for doing those things every once in a while.

16. Fall in love with someone who says “thank you”.

Ever listened to an unappreciated coworker? The words “thank you” are always a welcome sound to those who give an effort to make something positive in other’s lives.

17. Fall in love with someone who values your success.

She should be genuinely thrilled when you score that raise, run 5 miles or finally train your dog to high-five.

18. Fall in love with someone who will brag to their family and friends about you.

If he boasts to people close to him about how awesome you are, he’s probably a keeper.

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19. Fall in love with someone who will imitate your positive actions.

Imitation is the highest form of flattery. Give them an example of how to live and they will copy your efforts!

20. Fall in love with someone you are confident being with.

No one should be ashamed of who they are in this world. The person you fall in love with should raise your head high, support your efforts, and help you become the best person you can be!

Featured photo credit: 9images.blogspot.org via ts4.mm.bing.net

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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