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20 Things To Look For In The Person You’ll Fall In Love With

20 Things To Look For In The Person You’ll Fall In Love With

“Relationship” is an appropriate word for those who might be falling in love. You have to be able “relate” to that person, or the possibility of falling in love quickly diminishes. The variety in people’s attitudes, preferences, lifestyles, or even physical attributes may expose the negatives in creating that relationship, but it also helps you choose the best partner.

Here are 20 traits to look for when trying to decide if someone is worthy of your love. Remember, these are all positive things YOU can do too!

1. Fall in love with someone you can openly share your thoughts with.

There is no greater joy in a relationship then when someone allows you to “vent” your frustrations, reveal your sadness, share your happiness, or even sit quietly when there are no words to say.

2. Fall in love with someone who will listen with more than just their ears.

There’s a difference between hearing someone and really listening. If they can’t remember what you said just moments ago, they aren’t actively listening; they’re just hearing what you say and not giving it any thought.

3. Fall in love with someone who will communicate with their eyes.

A person who is truly interested will give you visual cues, like making direct unbroken eye-to-eye contact.

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4. Fall in love with someone who gives you affection.

The human touch at appropriate times feels healing to someone in distress. A hug is a great example.

5. Fall in love with someone who uplifts you with their words.

Affirmation, or just the willingness to spend time listening to you and giving you time to figure things out, means they are willing to go a little further for your happiness. Words like “tell me more” and “I’m listening” are uplifting.

6. Fall in love with someone who sees you as perfect for them.

There are NO perfect humans. We all have our flaws. The person you fall in love with may know this fact, but realizes they are also flawed and accepts you as you.

7. Fall in love with someone who will not allow you to degrade yourself.

We are all imperfect physically. Enjoy the variety in people and build them up so they have a positive view of themselves physically.

8. Fall in love with someone who will compliment your body.

If the person you are with is listening to you, they will hear you brag about some aspects of your body. When they affirm that compliment, they are in agreement with your view. That’s a great way to build your self esteem. Do the same for them too!

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9. Fall in love with someone who helps you refocus your negative thoughts.

Life has its ups and downs. Sometimes the downs really bring us down and we need someone to help us put life in proper perspective.

10. Fall in love with someone who will look for alternatives to stressful situations.

No one can catch every trigger that sends us into the dark side of our emotions, but a proactive person can see a few of those and help us avoid those situations. If a social scene you like to attend has a person that gets you angry, for example, your partner should help you avoid them so everyone has a good time!

11. Fall in love with someone who admits their wrongdoings.

Honesty is essential in any relationship. We all hope that the person we fall in love with will always be truthful with us. The consequences of a person’s wrongdoing may not be the easiest thing for them to accept. But as humans we all make mistakes.

12. Fall in love with someone who realizes how a wrongdoing affects your relationship.

This person will actively look for ways to get your forgiveness so the mending can begin. Someone who has no interest in your feelings won’t take this step.

13. Fall in love with someone who is honest and openly communicates.

There’s always a reason why someone gets angry or hurt. It doesn’t just “happen”. Someone willing to take the time to explain the “why” AND not use it as an excuse is serious about their relationship with you. Even if it will take time to mend it.

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14. Fall in love with someone that shows they are serious about preserving the relationship.

If there are certain situations that caused issues in your relationship, this person will choose NOT to get into those situations again. It may mean avoiding people who wrongly influence them.

15. Fall in love with someone who appreciates the little things you do.

No one wants to be taken for granted. If you are the type of person who loves to do the little things for people, then you are most likely a person who also wants to be affirmed for doing those things every once in a while.

16. Fall in love with someone who says “thank you”.

Ever listened to an unappreciated coworker? The words “thank you” are always a welcome sound to those who give an effort to make something positive in other’s lives.

17. Fall in love with someone who values your success.

She should be genuinely thrilled when you score that raise, run 5 miles or finally train your dog to high-five.

18. Fall in love with someone who will brag to their family and friends about you.

If he boasts to people close to him about how awesome you are, he’s probably a keeper.

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19. Fall in love with someone who will imitate your positive actions.

Imitation is the highest form of flattery. Give them an example of how to live and they will copy your efforts!

20. Fall in love with someone you are confident being with.

No one should be ashamed of who they are in this world. The person you fall in love with should raise your head high, support your efforts, and help you become the best person you can be!

Featured photo credit: 9images.blogspot.org via ts4.mm.bing.net

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20 Things To Look For In The Person You’ll Fall In Love With

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Last Updated on August 19, 2019

How to Be True to Yourself and Live the Life You Want

How to Be True to Yourself and Live the Life You Want

We live in a world that constantly tells us what to do, how to act, what to be. Knowing how to be true to yourself and live the life you want can be a challenge.

When someone asks how we are, we assume that the person does not mean the question sincerely, for it would lead to an in depth conversation. So telling them that you are good or fine, even if you’re not, is the usual answer.

In an ideal world, we would stop and truly listen. We wouldn’t be afraid to be ourselves. Instead, when we answer about how we are doing, our mask, the persona we show the world, tightens. Sometimes even more so than it might have been before. Eventually, it becomes hard to take off, even when you’re alone.

Imagine a world where we asked how someone was doing and they really told us. Imagine a world where there were no masks, only transparency when we talked to one another.

If you want to live in a world that celebrates who you are, mistakes and all, take off the mask. It doesn’t mean you have to be positive or fine all the time.

According to a Danish psychologist, Svend Brinkman, we expect each other to be happy and fine every second, and we expect it of ourselves. And that “has a dark side.”[1] Positive psychology can have its perks but not at the expense at hiding how you truly feel in order to remain seemingly positive to others.

No one can feel positive all the time and yet, that is what our culture teaches us to embrace. We have to unlearn this. That said, telling others you are ‘“fine”’ all the time is actually detrimental to your wellbeing, because it stops you from being assertive, from being authentic or your truest self.

When you acknowledge a feeling, it leads you to the problem that’s causing that feeling; and once you identify the problem, you can find a solution to it. When you hide that feeling, you stuff it way down so no one can help you.You can’t even help yourself.

Feelings are there for one reason: to be felt. That doesn’t mean you have to act on that feeling. It just means that you start the process of problem solving so you can live the life you want.

1. Embrace Your Vulnerability

When you are your true self, you can better self-advocate or stand up for what you need. Your self-expression matters, and you should value your voice. It’s okay to need things, it’s okay to speak up, and it’s okay not to be okay.

Telling someone you are simply “fine” when you are not, does your story and your journey a great disservice. Being true to yourself entails embracing all aspects of your existence.

When you bring your whole self to the table, there is nothing that you can’t beat. Here’re 7 benefits of being vulnerable you should learn.

Can you take off the mask? This is the toughest thing anyone can do. We have learned to wait until we are safe before we start to be authentic.

In relationships especially, this can be hard. Some people avoid vulnerability at any cost. And in our relationship with ourselves, we can look in the mirror and immediately put on the mask.

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It all starts with your story. You have been on your own unique journey. That journey has led you here, to the person you are today. You have to be unafraid, and embrace all aspects of that journey.

You should seek to thrive, not just survive. That means you do not have to compete or compare yourself with anyone.

Authenticity means you are enough. It’s enough to be who you are to get what you want.

What if for the first time ever, you were real? What if you said what you wanted to say, did what you wanted to do, and didn’t apologize for it?

You were assertive, forthcoming in your opinions or actions to stand for what is right for you, (rather than being passive or aggressive) in doing so. You didn’t let things get to you. You knew you had something special to offer.

That’s where we all should be.

So, answer me this:

How are you, really?

And know that no matter the answer, you should still be accepted.

Bravery is in the understanding that you still may not be accepted for your truth.

Bravery is knowing you matter even when others say that you do not.

Bravery is believing in yourself when all evidence counters doing so (i.e. past failures or losses)

Bravery is in being vulnerable while knowing vulnerability is a sign of strength.

It’s taking control.

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2. Choose Your Attitude in Adversity

You can take control of your destiny and live the life you want by being true to yourself. You can start anytime. You can start today.

You can start with one day at a time, just facing what happens that day. Most of us get overwhelmed when faced with the prospect of a big change. Even if the only thing we change is our attitude.

In one instant, you can become a different person with a change of attitude. When you take control of your attitude, you become able to better understand what is around you. This allows you to move forward.

Originally, you may have had a life plan. It could have started when you were little; you were hoping to become a mermaid, doctor, astronaut or all three when you grew up. You were hoping to be someone. You were hoping to be remembered.

You can still dream those dreams, but eventually reality sets in. Obstacles and struggles arise. You set on a different path when the last one didn’t work out. You think of all the “shoulds” in your life in living the life you want. You should be doing this…should be doing that…

Clayton Barbeau, psychologist, coined the term “shoulding yourself.’[2] When we are set on one path and find ourselves doing something different. It becomes all the things you should be doing rather than seeing the opportunities right in front of you.

But in all this disarray, did you lose sight of the real you?

It may be in our perceived failures and blunders that we lose sight of who we are, because we try to maintain position and status.

In being who we really are and achieving what we really want, we need to be resilient: How to Build Resilience to Face What Life Throws at You

It means that we do not see all possibilities of what might happen, but must trust ourselves to begin again, and continue to build the life we want. In the face of adversity, you must choose your attitude.

Can attitude overcome adversity? It certainly helps. While seeking to be true to yourself and live the life you want, you will have to face a fact:

Change will happen.

Whether that change is good or bad is unique to each person and their perspective.

You might have to start over, once, twice, a few times. It doesn’t mean that everything will be okay, but that you will be okay. What remains or should remain is the true you. When you’ve lost sight of that, you’ve lost sight of everything.

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And then, you rebuild. Moment after moment, day after day. We all have a choice, and in this moment, that matters.

You can choose to have a positive attitude, seeing the silver lining in each situation and, where there is none, the potential for one. Maybe that silver lining is you and what you will do with the situation. How will you use it for something good?

That’s how you can tap into yourself and your power. Sometimes it happens by accident, sometimes on purpose. It can happen when we aren’t even looking for it, or it can be your only focus. Everyone gets there differently.

You can rise, or you can remain. Your choice.

When the worst happens, you can rely on your authenticity to pull you through. That’s because Self Advocacy, speaking up to let others know what you need, is part of finding the real you.

There is nothing wrong with asking for help. Or sometimes, helping others can help us deal with the pain of a hurtful situation. You decide how you’re going to help others, and suddenly, you become your best self.

3. Do What Makes You Happy When No One’s Looking

Being the best version of you has nothing to do with your success or your status. It has everything to do with your Character, what you do when no one’s looking.

In order to create the life you want, you have to be the person you want to be. Faking it till you make it is just a way to white knuckle it through your journey. You have the fire inside of you to make things right, to put the pieces together, to live authentically. And Character is how you get there.

If you fall down and you help another up while you’re down there, it’s like you rise twice.

Along with attitude, your character is about the choices you make rather than what happens to you.

Yes, it’s about doing the right thing even when obstacles seem insurmountable.  It’s about using that mountain you’ve been given to show others it can be moved.  It’s about being unapologetically you, taking control, choosing your attitude in adversity and being the best version of you to create the life you want.

How do you know what you really want? Is it truly status or success?

Unfortunately, these things do not always bring happiness. And aspects of our image or “performance driven existence” may not achieve satisfaction. Materialism is part of our refusal to accept ourselves as enough. All the things we use to repress our true selves are about being enough.

“Enoughness” is what we truly seek, but ego gets in the way.

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Ego is the perception of self as outer worth. It’s not REAL self worth.

Ego represses our true self with a new self— the self of chasing ‘“Am I ever enough?”’ questions. And instead of filling our true selves with self-love and acceptance, when we “should ourselves” and chase “enoughness,” we feed the ego or our image.

It’s important to realize YOU ARE ENOUGH, without all the material trappings.

Stanford psychologist Meagan O’Reilly describes the damage of not thinking we are enough. One of her tactics for combating this is to complete the sentence,[3]

“If I believed I were already enough, I’d ____”

What would you do if you felt you were enough?

By believing you are enough, you can live the life you want.

So many fake it to try to get there, and they end up losing themselves when they lose more and more touch with their Authenticity.

Final Thoughts

By being yourself, you are being brave. By acknowledging all you can be, you tell the universe that you can until you believe it too. The steps are easy, and you are worth it. All of it is about the purpose you are leading and the passion that is your fuel.

Being true to yourself is all about mastering how to live life authentically rather than faking or forcing it. Having the life you want (and deserve) is about being trusting in yourself and the purpose you are living for. Both need passion behind it, fueling it each second, or you will experience burn out.

When you are authentic, you can call the road you walk your own. When you live your life for you and not just the results of all your actions (faking it till you make it), you can let go of what you don’t need. This clarifies and pushes purpose to you, living for something that is greater than you.

You will find that making decisions based on what will actually achieve your goals, will help you attain the life you want, and your success with each step, will allow you to enjoy the process. Good luck!

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Featured photo credit: Ariana Prestes via unsplash.com

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