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15 Things Only New Moms Would Understand

15 Things Only New Moms Would Understand

Dirty nappies, constant sleep deprivation and never having time for yourself – most people would think you are mad to be a parent! They just don’t get it, and the fact is that as a new mom there are certain things that only you can understand.

Here are 15 things in particular that you are bound to relate to if you recently had your first child:

1. You worry about everything

With new moms you are constantly aware of the dangers and hazards that surround you at every turn. Even watching your child in the pool can get you worried as you think about the dangers children face in the water.

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2. You forget what its like to get your 8 hours

6 hours uninterrupted sleep is now heaven. Gone are the days where you used to have a full 8 hours most nights – they are so far behind you that you often forget what it feels like to be completely rested. Just the thought of 8 hours makes you feel like superwoman!

3. You are all too familiar with fear

Fear is something that is part of your everyday life. There are a lot of ‘firsts’ involved with being a new mom and while you are constantly fearful you always have the strength to do what needs to be done.

4. You can’t stand to see your child sad

A little bit inside of you dies when you see your child sad. Whether it’s because they fell over in the park or their favourite teddy bear has been misplaced, you feel terrible that you can’t provide a quick solution to turn that frown upside down.

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5. You always put your child first

Overnight you have become one selfless human being. You put your needs so far behind your child’s that they are almost non-existent in your mind.

6. You never have enough time in the day

Between getting to the shop to buy food supplies, changing your child and the million other things on your to-do list it can often feel like there just aren’t enough hours in the day. That being said, you feel as if you achieve something significant everyday and that is one fantastic feeling!

7. You watch your child while they sleep

You love your child so much that you’ll often find yourself watching them sleep, even just for a minute. It is impossible not to savour the peace and quiet, but at the same time you look forward to what the next day brings.

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8. You treasure every moment

You have a new found appreciation for life and the camera is your best friend. Even a trip to the supermarket is a chance for you to take photos of your child and savour the memories. Somehow in the back of your mind you know that the teenage years will rapidly creep up on you.

9. You know that your child isn’t perfect

While you would never tell anyone, you know deep down that your child isn’t perfect… but they are as close as you can get!

10. You count down the days to when you can fit in your regular clothes again

Pregnancy is over but you still can’t fit into your pre-pregnancy clothes. You’ll try all the diets and exercise in the world but you just haven’t quite got there yet.

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11. You have a humongous appetite

All of a sudden you have a humongous appetite – you’ll even find yourself secretly nibbling at a bag of crisps as you prepare dinner for yourself and the family.

12. You don’t get offered a seat on public transport any more

You liked having a guaranteed seat on public transport when you were pregnant, but for some reason people don’t readily give up their seat for you any more and you often find yourself standing during busy hours like a regular person.

13. You have no idea what’s going on in your neighbourhood

You used to love a good chin wag to find out what was going on in your neighbourhood but all of a sudden you are out of the loop. You now have to rely solely on Facebook to get your dose of the local gossip

14. You have to listen to your child-free friends talk about their weekends

Your friends who don’t have children talk about going for weekend breaks or a night out on the town and you pretend not to be envious. For a second you feel jealous of their freedom but then you realise that you have something so much more rewarding in your life.

15. You wouldn’t swap it for the world

Despite any perceived disadvantages you wouldn’t swap your life for the world.

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James Timpson

Marketeer

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

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