Advertising
Advertising

12 Behaviors that Destroy Relationships, and How to Fix Them

12 Behaviors that Destroy Relationships, and How to Fix Them

Relationships are destroyed when communication breaks down. Communication involves transmitting and receiving, so when you are being receptive to someone, send the other person signals that what they are saying and showing is being received. It’s even better if you can send them signals that their words are being valued. Remember that you communicate with more than just words: your actions and body language say a lot to the other person.

The behaviors listed below tend to poison relationships. Are you doing any of these?

1. No eye contact.

Eye contact is basic. If you don’t make eye contact with the person speaking, you aren’t giving them 100% of your attention. Be sure to hold their gaze as they speak.

Advertising

2. Frowning.

Look in the mirror: are the corners of your mouth turned down? For many people, what they believe is a neutral expression is actually a frown. A person on the receiving end of that frown will interpret it as though you are not happy with her. Interrupting. When you interrupt someone, you tell them, “What I have to say is more important than what you are saying.” If you think you know what people are going to say, don’t say it for them; just let them say it. If you want to offer a counterpoint to the discussion, bookmark it in your brain and offer it when there is a pause.

3. Drumming fingers or toes.

Drumming creates an audible interruption which tells the speaker that you want them to hurry up and that you are getting impatient with them. Keep your hands still and in a receptive position, such as with your palms facing upward and in your lap.

4. Crossed arms or hugging knees.

This says to the other person, “I need to protect my heart from you. I don’t trust you.” Instead, uncoil and relax.

Advertising

5. Rolling eyes.

When you do this, you tell the other person, “Here we go again with this foolishness”. Instead, soften your gaze and turn on your peripheral vision.

6. A rapid exhale.

This type of exhale sounds exasperated—yet another sign of impatience. Instead, keep your breathing slow and even.

7. Flicking a wrist.

If you are making a “shoo-fly” motion with your hand, you are dismissing the speaker like a pesky insect. Basically, you are telling them, “You annoy me. Go away.” If you need to retrain this habit, hold your hands.

Advertising

8. Showing them the palm.

“Talk to the hand” puts a physical wall between you and the speaker. If you do this, you are telling them, “Stop speaking. I’ve had enough of you.” Keep your arms at your sides as the other one speaks.

9. Reading or texting.

If you think you are doing this surreptitiously, you’re not. People can tell, and it’s offensive. The signals you are sending the other person are, “I would rather be doing this than listening to you. I merely tolerate what you say.” Instead, stop what you are doing and give the person your full attention.

10. Walking out of the room.

This is the epitome of dismissal. What you are saying is, “I don’t value what you are saying, and I would rather be somewhere else.” Instead, hold still and receive what the other is saying—however uncomfortable. The other thing you have to do can wait a little bit. If you must leave urgently, wait for a pause, and explain to the other why you must leave now.

Advertising

11. Saying, “Well, you do it” when someone give constructive criticism.

That doesn’t give the impression that you value their feedback. Rather, it sounds like you are justifying your behavior. Instead, thank them for their feedback and tell them that things will change in the future (or that you will weigh their comments carefully).

If you are doing any of these behaviors, you have an opportunity to receive more out of life.

As you practice the art of listening, observe your posture, your facial expressions, your breathing, and your movements.

Remember that everyone wants to feel valued, and one way to let them feel valued is to receive and acknowledge what they say. Give them the gift of being heard.

More by this author

12 Behaviors that Destroy Relationships, and How to Fix Them 104 Ways to Boost Your Energy Can’t Keep up? 13 Habits that will Keep Your House Clean (Even if You have Kids) How to End a Love Affair With Sugar

Trending in Communication

1 7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life 2 10 Famous Failures to Success Stories That Will Inspire You to Carry On 3 What Is Your Destiny in Life? How to Mindfully Achieve Your Purpose 4 7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck 5 10 Things You Can Do Now to Change Your Life Forever

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on September 20, 2018

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

What do I want to do with my life? It’s a question all of us think about at one point or another.

For some, the answer comes easily. For others, it takes a lifetime to figure out.

It’s easy to just go through the motions and continue to do what’s comfortable and familiar. But for those of you who seek fulfillment, who want to do more, these questions will help you paint a clearer picture of what you want to do with your life.

1. What are the things I’m most passionate about?

The first step to living a more fulfilling life is to think about the things that you’re passionate about.

What do you love? What fulfills you? What “work” do you do that doesn’t feel like work? Maybe you enjoy writing, maybe you love working with animals or maybe you have a knack for photography.

The point is, figure out what you love doing, then do more of it.

Advertising

2. What are my greatest accomplishments in life so far?

Think about your past experiences and the things in your life you’re most proud of.

How did those accomplishments make you feel? Pretty darn good, right? So why not try and emulate those experiences and feelings?

If you ran a marathon once and loved the feeling you had afterwards, start training for another one. If your child grew up to be a star athlete or musician because of your teachings, then be a coach or mentor for other kids.

Continue to do the things that have been most fulfilling for you.

3. If my life had absolutely no limits, what would I choose to have and what would I choose to do?

Here’s a cool exercise: Think about what you would do if you had no limits.

If you had all the money and time in the world, where would you go? What would you do? Who would you spend time with?

Advertising

These answers can help you figure out what you want to do with your life. It doesn’t mean you need millions of dollars to be happy though.

What it does mean is answering these questions will help you set goals to reach certain milestones and create a path toward happiness and fulfillment. Which leads to our next question …

4. What are my goals in life?

Goals are a necessary component to set you up for a happy future. So answer these questions:

Once you figure out the answers to each of these, you’ll have a much better idea of what you should do with your life.

5. Whom do I admire most in the world?

Following the path of successful people can set you up for success.

Think about the people you respect and admire most. What are their best qualities? Why do you respect them? What can you learn from them?

Advertising

You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.[1] So don’t waste your time with people who hold you back from achieving your dreams.

Spend more time with happy, successful, optimistic people and you’ll become one of them.

6. What do I not like to do?

An important part of figuring out what you want to do with your life is honestly assessing what you don’t want to do.

What are the things you despise? What bugs you the most about your current job?

Maybe you hate meetings even though you sit through 6 hours of them every day. If that’s the case, find a job where you can work more independently.

The point is, if you want something to change in your life, you need to take action. Which leads to our final question …

Advertising

7. How hard am I willing to work to get what I want?

Great accomplishments never come easy. If you want to do great things with your life, you’re going to have to make a great effort. That will probably mean putting in more hours the average person, getting outside your comfort zone and learning as much as you can to achieve as much as you can.

But here’s the cool part: it’s often the journey that is the most fulfilling part. It’s during these seemingly small, insignificant moments that you’ll often find that “aha” moments that helps you answer the question,

“What do I want to do with my life?”

So take the first step toward improving your life. You won’t regret it.

Featured photo credit: Andrew Ly via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next