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11 WARNING Signs Of Unhealthy Relationships You Need to Be Aware Of

11 WARNING Signs Of Unhealthy Relationships You Need to Be Aware Of

Are you in an unhealthy relationship?  Is it real love or just infatuation?  What, you’re not sure?  

Here are the 11 telltale warning signs that you’re in an unhealthy relationship:

1. Your personal growth can not flourish in the relationship

Whereas healthy relationships offer safe havens for personal growth, people who feel that their own growth and happiness needs to be sacrificed for the survival of the relationship often find themselves going the wrong way in the tunnel of love.

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2. You feel as if the life is being sucked out of you

Did you ever hear of emotional vampires? These unseemly characters thrive while sucking the energy and life out of others. If you feel like you are in a relationship that is draining your energy and leaves you feeling exhausted and spent, there is rarely a happy ending.

3. They don’t “get it that it’s not all your fault!

If you are involved with someone who tends to blame you for their anger and problems, and you spend too much energy either defending yourself or trying to be understood, stop expecting the light bulb to turn on. Rather, it only will serve to dim yours. After all, no one can make sense out of nonsense.

4. The conflict and arguments just keep popping up

Relationships that are defined by conflict, fighting, blaming and a lack of forgiveness spell disaster. Remember that it takes two people to argue, and another person’s unreasonable behavior is never any excuse for yours. Arguments are like the Finger Trap carnival toy: the more each side is pulled, as in an argument, the more both sides get stuck in the trap.

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5. One person has most of the power over the two of you

Does your loved one have too much power over you, aside from the power of love? A sure sign of unhealthiness is when someone has more power over you than you have over yourself. Remember—no one has power over you unless you give it to them!

6. The negatives aren’t turning positive

Unhealthy relationships are filled with negativity, and bring out the worst in people rather than the best. Put-downs, criticisms, and insults are all examples of emotional abuse and should never be tolerated. No one deserves to be treated like that, and never make excuses for anyone who treats you that way.

7.  Being in need is confused with being in love

Look out for possessiveness and jealousy, as those signs are more about someone being in need rather than in love. If someone’s love is contingent on “what you can do for me” realize that there might not be room enough in the relationship for the two of you. If there is no foundation of trust in your relationship, you can trust that it’s a warning sign of more trouble ahead!

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8. When the team is losing, they get lost

People who think they’re in love might really be more in infatuation. How do you know? One sure sign is when times get tough, the tough get going. It’s easy to be part of a winning team, but it’s time life does not go so smoothly that reveal the depth of a relationship. Infatuation is less about what a person can do for you and more about what you can do for the other person, especially through challenging times.

9. You feel worse about yourself, not better

Watch out for a relationship that do not make you a better “you.” If the relationship makes you feel worse about yourself and less comfortable in your own skin, it might be time to shed yourself of the relationship! Mature relationships are based on acceptance, not judgement of how someone thinks someone else should be.

10. The focus is on changing the other person

In unhealthy relationships, the focus is more about changing others rather than working on changing yourself. In a mutually respectful relationship, you won’t be trying to mold someone into your ideal person. When you do that, it becomes more about you than the other person, and becomes a recipe for chronic relationship unhappiness. In healthy relationships, people are respected for who they are, and are not anyone else’s “project.”

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11. You lose yourself trying to find someone else

Last but not least, make sure that you don’t lose yourself in trying to find somebody else. As much as you may think you need someone else, you need yourself much more. 

So if you find yourself in a relationship that stunts your growth and can only survive at expense of your own emotional survival, might be time to get out of the love boat before you find yourself sinking!

More by this author

Judy Belmont

Mental health author, motivational speaker and psychotherapist

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Last Updated on May 17, 2019

This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

The pursuit of worthwhile goals is a part of what makes life enjoyable. Being able to set a goal, then see yourself progress towards achieving that goal is an amazing feeling.

But do you know the biggest obstacle for most people trying to achieve their goals, the silent dream killer that stops people before they ever even get started? That obstacle is the comfort zone, and getting stuck there is bound to derail any efforts you make towards achieving the goals you’ve set for yourself.

If you want to achieve those goals, you’ll have to break free from your comfort zone. Let’s take a look at how your life will change once you build up the courage to leave your comfort zone.

What Is the Comfort Zone?

The comfort zone is defined as “a behavioural state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.”

What stands out to me the most about that definition is the last part: “using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.” How many successful people do you know who deliver a steady level of performance?

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The goal in life is to continually challenge yourself, and continually improve yourself. And in order to do that, you have move out of your comfort zone. But once you do, your life will start to change in ways you could never have imagined. I know because it’s happening right now in my own life.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

1. You will be scared

Leaving your comfort zone isn’t easy. In fact, in can be downright terrifying at times, and that’s okay. It’s perfectly normal to feel a little trepidation when you’re embarking on a journey that forces you to try new things.

So don’t freak out or get overwhelmed when you feel yourself getting a little scared. It’s perfectly normal and all part of the process. What’s important is that you don’t let that fear hold you back. You must continue to take action in the face of fear.

That’s what separates winners from losers.

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2. You will fail

Stepping out of your comfort zone means you’re moving into uncharted territory. You’re trying things that you’ve never tried before, and learning things you’ve never learned before.

That steep learning curve means you’re not going to get everything right the first time, and you will eventually fail when you move out of your comfort zone. But as long as the failures aren’t catastrophic, it can actually be a good thing to fail because …

3. You will learn

Failure is the best teacher. I’ve learned more from each one of my failures than I have from each one of my successes. When you fail small, and fail often, you rapidly increase the rate at which you learn new insights and skills. And that new knowledge, if applied correctly, will eventually lead to your success.

4. You will see yourself in a different way

Once you move out of your comfort zone, you immediately prove to yourself that you’re capable of achieving more than you thought was possible. And that will change the way you see yourself.

Moving forward, you’ll have more confidence in yourself whenever you step out of your comfort zone, and that increased confidence will make it more likely that you continue to step outside your comfort zone. And each time you do, you’ll prove to yourself again and again what you’re really capable of.

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5. Your peers will see you in a different way

Whether we want to admit or not, people judge other people. And right now, people view you in a certain way, and they have a certain idea of what you’re capable of. That’s because they’ve become accustomed to seeing you operate in your comfort zone.

But once you move out of your comfort zone, you’ll prove to other people, as well, that you’re capable of much more than you’ve shown in the past.

The increased confidence other people place in you will bring about more opportunities than ever before.

6. Your comfort zone will expand

The good thing about the comfort zone is that it’s flexible and malleable. With each action you take outside of your comfort zone, it expands. And once you master that new skill or action, it eventually becomes part of your comfort zone.

This is great news for you because it means that you can constantly increase and improve upon the behaviors that you’re comfortable with. And the more tools and skills you have at your disposal, the easier it will be to achieve your goals.

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7. You will increase your concentration and focus

When you’re living inside of your comfort zone, the bulk of your actions are habitual: automatic, subconscious, and requiring limited focus.

But once you move out of your comfort zone, you no longer rely on those habitual responses. You’re forced to concentrate and focus on the new action in a way you never do in your comfort zone.

8. You will develop new skills

Moving out of your comfort zone requires that you develop new skills. One of the many benefits you’ll experience is that you’ll be stepping away from the “limited set of behaviors” and start to develop your ability and expertise in new areas.

Living inside of your comfort zone only requires a limited skill set, and those skills won’t contribute much to your success. Once you can confidently step outside of your comfort zone and learn a new skill, there’s no limit to how much you can achieve.

9. You will achieve more than before

With everything that happens once you move out of your comfort zone, you’re naturally going to achieve more than ever before.

Your increased concentration and focus will help you develop new skills. Those new skills will change the way you see yourself, encouraging you to step even further out of your comfort zone.

Featured photo credit: Josef Grunig via farm3.staticflickr.com

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