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10 Ways To Keep Your Relationship Exciting And Fresh

10 Ways To Keep Your Relationship Exciting And Fresh

The excitement that stems from a new relationship can make you feel on top of the world. As the newness wears off, the relationship can feel like it’s growing stale. You aren’t doomed to remain in a dull and boring relationship, however. There are some steps you can take to keep a mature relationship fresh and exciting.

1. Keep the Element of Surprise Alive

Surprise your partner from time to time in a variety of ways. Arrive home with a small gift, cook your partner’s favorite meal or book a surprise weekend getaway. These types of surprises will keep the excitement alive and prevent you from getting stuck in a relationship rut.

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2. Send Romantic Text Messages

When you’re apart, send romantic text messages to one another. This can build anticipation for when you’ll see each other again. Use texting to send short messages of love, admiration, and encouragement. Don’t be afraid to send some sexy text messages to spice things up. It is a simple and easy way to keep the romance in your relationship.

3. Schedule Regular Date Nights

Most couples go on dates regularly during the initial phase of their relationship. However, going out to dinner often gets traded in for sitting on the couch. As a result, the relationship can become a little dull. Schedule regular date nights so you can spend quality time together as a couple.

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4. Verbalize Your Loving Feelings

Don’t forget to use your words to express your feelings. Sometimes people forget all those mushy things they used to say to one another once the relationship matures. Say, “I love you,” often and don’t shy away from words that truly express how you feel.

5. Try Something New Together

Participating in a new activity together can keep the relationship exciting. Take a Chinese cooking class, volunteer at a soup kitchen, or take golf lessons together. A willingness to learn something new can help you grow together as a couple.

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6. Spend Time with Other Couples

Spending time with couples who have healthy relationships can be good for you. Look for couples who share your values and who have a strong relationship. It can help reinforce the importance of commitment and help remind you to keep the relationship exciting.

7. Establish Goals Together

Create some goals that you can work on together as a couple. It may include a financial goal, such as saving a certain amount of money to go to on a vacation. Or, it could include a fitness goal, such as running a half marathon together. Working toward your goals can help you feel like a team and gives you new things to talk about and do together.

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8. Discuss Your Hopes and Dreams

It’s likely that when you were dating, you talked about your hopes and dreams. However, over time, those sorts of conversations can fall by the wayside. Set time aside to continue to discuss your dreams for the future and support one another in making those dreams a reality.

9. Ask Meaningful Questions

The types of questions people ask one another often change over time. Questions such as, “What was your life like when you were growing up?” often get replaced with questions like, “What do you want for dinner?” Ask meaningful questions about your partner’s past, thoughts on current events, and feelings about a variety of topics. Try to get past superficial day-to-day conversations and dive deeper.

10. Greet One Another with Excitement

The way you greet one another after being apart can set the tone for the rest of the day. Changing small habits, such as the way you greet your partner when they get home, can be key to a lasting relationship. Greet your partner at the door with a hug and a kiss and express your joy at being together again. This can start things off on the right foot and set you on the path to reconnect after being apart.

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Amy Morin

A psychotherapist, psychology instructor, keynote speaker, and the author of the bestselling book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do

10 Things To Remember When Everything Goes Wrong How to Think Positive Thoughts When Feeling Negative 12 Ways To Improve Social Skills And Make You Sociable Anytime 6 Mistakes That Keep You Struggling in Life And Stuck 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

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Last Updated on August 6, 2020

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

Are we speaking the same language?

My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

Am I being lazy?

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

Early in the relationship:

“Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

When the relationship is established:

“Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

Have I actually got anything to say?

When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

Am I painting an accurate picture?

One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

What words am I using?

It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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Is the map really the territory?

Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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