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10 Misconceptions You Have About Your Introverted Friends

10 Misconceptions You Have About Your Introverted Friends

Everyone has at least one friend whom they consider to be an introvert. They’re the ones who never want to “go out,” often keep to themselves, and are just as happy to spend a Friday night relaxing at home with a good book rather than honed in on the bar. Because they more often than not decline invitations to big parties, or don’t have dozens and dozens of friends, you might have made some assumptions about your friends that simply aren’t true.

1. Introverts are shy

Being introverted and being shy are not one and the same. Introverted people simply don’t “get their kicks” from interacting with everyone they meet. Introverts don’t want to just meet people; they want to meet the right people.

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2. Introverts aren’t outgoing

Introverts can be very outgoing, given the right circumstances. They might not be the life of the party, but they don’t want to be. Put an introvert in a group of new people who all have common interests, and you might not be able to get him to leave.

3. Introverts hate parties

Introverts don’t hate parties; they hate typical parties. They have no interest in going out to a packed bar that is so loud you can’t even talk to the people you came with. They would much rather get together with the same friends at one of their homes, listen to music at a normal level, watch some TV or play some games, and spend the night actually interacting with each other in a meaningful way.

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4. Introverts don’t like people

Let’s get this straight: introverts don’t like some people. But doesn’t everyone dislike some people? Introverts might be best friends with a person when they’re in one-on-one situations, but hate doing some activities with that same person and his “other” group of friends if it means doing something he or she doesn’t want to do.

5. Introverts hate meeting new people

This doesn’t mean that introverts would rather shut themselves in and never meet anyone new. They just have different criteria for keeping people around. Extroverts are generally happy meeting new people all the time, regardless of whether or not they’ll ever cross paths again. Introverts want to meet people with the understanding that a bond will be forged that will be important enough to keep up in the future.

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6. Introverts are boring

This can’t be further from the truth. Introverts are incredibly interesting, which is why they usually can’t be bothered with talking about the weather in an elevator. While others are happy to have the typical “So how about those Yankees” conversation with perfect strangers, introverts are usually lost in their thoughts about the universe, the state of humanity, or the book they’re currently reading.

7. Introverts aren’t friendly

Introverts might be brief during small-talk situations, but that’s because they usually have other things on their minds (see above). In fact, if an introverted person takes the time to have a give-and-take with you about the news, consider it a compliment. Introverts know that extroverts thrive on communicating with others, so for them to break their own mold for your sake shows how friendly they really are.

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8. Introverts hate talking

Introverts don’t hate talking; they just love listening. While extroverts need to have their voices heard, introverts need to hear what others have to say. Sometimes their quietness is mistaken for rudeness, which, like the above section, is a complete misunderstanding. Introverts often want to learn as much as possible about everything in the world, including other people. What better way is there to do so than remain quiet and listen to what others have to say?

9. Introverts are unhappy

Just because they don’t outwardly show it doesn’t mean introverts are generally unhappy. Introverts simply find happiness in other ways, and others just have to know how to see it. If an introvert is neck-deep in a conversation, or completely engaged in their current activity, you can assume they are as content as can be.

10. Introverts want and need to change

Perhaps the biggest misconception modern society has about introverts is that they all secretly wish they could have the big-shot, life-of-the-party personality that makes rock stars and athletes famous. Introverts are more interested in content than surface appeal, and their own personality is no different. They’re happy with who they are, and also happy with who you are. Introverts know never to judge a book by its cover, and they hope that others will do the same with them.

Featured photo credit: Pixabay via pixabay.com

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Matt Duczeminski

A passionate writer who shares lifestlye tips on Lifehack

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Last Updated on August 4, 2020

The Gentle Art of Saying No For a Less Stressful Life

The Gentle Art of Saying No For a Less Stressful Life

No!

It’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments — you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be able to get anything done, at least not well or on time.

But requests for your time are coming in all the time — through phone, email, IM or in person. To stay productive, and minimize stress, you have to learn the Gentle Art of Saying No — an art that many people have problems with.

What’s so hard about saying no? Well, to start with, it can hurt, anger or disappoint the person you’re saying “no” to, and that’s not usually a fun task. Second, if you hope to work with that person in the future, you’ll want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.

But it doesn’t have to be difficult or hard on your relationship. Here’s how to master the Gentle Art of Saying No:

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1. Value Your Time

Know your commitments, and how valuable your precious time is. Then, when someone asks you to dedicate some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do it. And tell them that: “I just can’t right now … my plate is overloaded as it is.”

2. Know Your Priorities

Even if you do have some extra time (which for many of us is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want to spend that time?

For myself, I know that more commitments means less time with my wife and kids, who are more important to me than anything.

3. Practice Saying No

Practice makes perfect. Saying “no” as often as you can is a great way to get better at it and more comfortable with saying the word. And sometimes, repeating the word is the only way to get a message through to extremely persistent people. When they keep insisting, just keep saying no. Eventually, they’ll get the message.

4. Don’t Apologize

A common way to start out is “I’m sorry but …” as people think that it sounds more polite. While politeness is important, apologizing just makes it sound weaker. You need to be firm, and unapologetic about guarding your time.

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5. Stop Being Nice

Again, it’s important to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. When you make it easy for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do it. But if you erect a wall, they will look for easier targets.

Show them that your time is well guarded by being firm and turning down as many requests (that are not on your top priority list) as possible.

6. Say No to Your Boss

Sometimes we feel that we have to say yes to our boss — they’re our boss, right? And if we say “no,” then we look like we can’t handle the work — at least, that’s the common reasoning.

But in fact, it’s the opposite — explain to your boss that by taking on too many commitments, you are weakening your productivity and jeopardizing your existing commitments. If your boss insists that you take on the project, go over your project or task list and ask him/her to re-prioritize, explaining that there’s only so much you can take on at one time.

7. Pre-Empting

It’s often much easier to pre-empt requests than to say “no” to them after the request has been made. If you know that requests are likely to be made, perhaps in a meeting, just say to everyone as soon as you come into the meeting,

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“Look guys, just to let you know, my week is booked full with some urgent projects and I won’t be able to take on any new requests.”

8. Get Back to You

Instead of providing an answer then and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their request some thought and get back to them. This will allow you to give it some consideration, and check your commitments and priorities. Then, if you can’t take on the request, simply tell them:

“After giving this some thought, and checking my commitments, I won’t be able to accommodate the request at this time.”

At least you gave it some consideration.

9. Maybe Later

If this is an option that you’d like to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s often better to just say,

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“This sounds like an interesting opportunity, but I just don’t have the time at the moment. Perhaps you could check back with me in [give a time frame].”

Next time, when they check back with you, you might have some free time on your hands.

10. It’s Not You, It’s Me

This classic dating rejection can work in other situations. Don’t be insincere about it, though. Often, the person or project is a good one, but it’s just not right for you, at least not at this time.

Simply say so — you can compliment the idea, the project, the person, the organization … but say that it’s not the right fit, or it’s not what you’re looking for at this time. Only say this if it’s true — people can sense insincerity.

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Featured photo credit: Kyle Glenn via unsplash.com

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