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In the Hot Seat: The ‘Short’ One In The Relationship

In the Hot Seat: The ‘Short’ One In The Relationship

How do you feel about your height? More specifically, how do you feel about your height when you’re in a relationship? You may be a small lady with a much taller partner, or a short man with a towering other half. You may have a preference to height when it comes to choosing a partner and it can all be down to how we feel about our own height whether consciously or subconsciously.

Not everyone feels comfortable being the shorter or taller person in a relationship especially if it goes against the stereotype that men should be taller than women. So for those people that don’t conform to the height stereotype in a relationship, how does it feel? Specifically, how does it feel to be the ‘short’ person? Do they own their shortness with pride or do some struggle with their lack of height?

Lifehack: How do you feel about the height stereotypes in relationships?

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“Being short myself I firmly believe that the whole concept “men must be taller than women” should go. There may be evolutionary and social reasons why women usually look for the taller partners, but in the modern world height doesn’t necessarily translate into better personal qualities or any increased benefits. So it would be much better if the social stigma of reversed height couples will go away.”

Lifehack: How does it feel as a woman dating a shorter man?

“I’m 5’7 and I was with a man an inch or two shorter than me once and I never even realised until he pointed it out. But I do tend to prefer men around my height whereas I have friends taller than me who would feel awkward with a man shorter. My advice would be not to do what my bloke did and point it out. Even though he said it in a jokey way it was obvious that he had an issue with it which then made me feel awkward about it.”

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“It doesn’t bother me although I tend to avoid wearing high heels more when I’m dating a shorter man maybe because sometimes it’s nice to not tower over your partner!”

Lifehack: How does it feel as a man dating a taller woman?

“My girlfriend is 9″ taller than me. She was the one that asked me out. I was actually shocked that she was interested in me. We’ve been dating for about 6 months now. The height difference is not a big deal. You just have to be confident about it.”

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“My girlfriend is a good 1-2″ taller than me. Admittedly it was a bit weird when she would grab something from my cupboard that I couldn’t quite reach, and standing face to face I have to raise up a bit to kiss her. Other than that it doesn’t matter. She doesn’t care, and according to her, it’s cute. Everyone is different and if she makes a fuss over height, she isn’t worth it.”

“As a shorter man, I always believed I’d struggle with women or only be able to date women shorter than me. I used to feel a kind of lack and end up acting with more bravado and flashiness but I soon learned many women don’t care about height. At the end of the day, height isn’t an issue when love is involved.”

Lifehack: As a woman, have you always dated taller men?

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“Yes mainly because I’d amassed a collection of subconscious prejudices connected with height. Was he going to have a Napoleon Complex? Would he be less confident, less at ease with himself and less successful than a man who stood up at six foot? Looking back, I think my problems were mainly to do with my own insecurities.”

Lifehack: Does being a ‘short’ man affect your self-confidence?

“As a 5″2 man, I rarely meet an adult male who is my height or shorter, although quite a few women are my height or slightly shorter. It is not a big deal. My wife is the same height as I am. And I have a successful enough career. I haven’t noticed my height being a restriction in these areas.”

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

So, maybe it’s time to ditch the height stereotypes when it comes to dating. Our height isn’t something we can overly control and we all have preferences to being attracted to tall or short people. But society has a lot to answer for in terms of shaping the way we believe the height stereotype should be. After all, it’s more about the person than how they look. So if you’re on the shorter (or taller) side, own it and feel confident because it’s your confidence that will shine through in the end.

Featured photo credit: Rosie Ann via pexels.com

More by this author

Anna Chui

Anna is a communication expert and a life enthusiast. She's the editor of Lifehack and loves to write about love, life, and passion.

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

The Best Way to Create a Vision for the Life You Want

The Best Way to Create a Vision for the Life You Want

Creating a vision for your life might seem like a frivolous, fantastical waste of time, but it’s not: creating a compelling vision of the life you want is actually one of the most effective strategies for achieving the life of your dreams. Perhaps the best way to look at the concept of a life vision is as a compass to help guide you to take the best actions and make the right choices that help propel you toward your best life.

your vision of where or who you want to be is the greatest asset you have

    Why You Need a Vision

    Experts and life success stories support the idea that with a vision in mind, you are more likely to succeed far beyond what you could otherwise achieve without a clear vision. Think of crafting your life vision as mapping a path to your personal and professional dreams. Life satisfaction and personal happiness are within reach. The harsh reality is that if you don’t develop your own vision, you’ll allow other people and circumstances to direct the course of your life.

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    How to Create Your Life Vision

    Don’t expect a clear and well-defined vision overnight—envisioning your life and determining the course you will follow requires time, and reflection. You need to cultivate vision and perspective, and you also need to apply logic and planning for the practical application of your vision. Your best vision blossoms from your dreams, hopes, and aspirations. It will resonate with your values and ideals, and will generate energy and enthusiasm to help strengthen your commitment to explore the possibilities of your life.

    What Do You Want?

    The question sounds deceptively simple, but it’s often the most difficult to answer. Allowing yourself to explore your deepest desires can be very frightening. You may also not think you have the time to consider something as fanciful as what you want out of life, but it’s important to remind yourself that a life of fulfillment does not usually happen by chance, but by design.

    It’s helpful to ask some thought-provoking questions to help you discover the possibilities of what you want out of life. Consider every aspect of your life, personal and professional, tangible and intangible. Contemplate all the important areas, family and friends, career and success, health and quality of life, spiritual connection and personal growth, and don’t forget about fun and enjoyment.

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    Some tips to guide you:

    • Remember to ask why you want certain things
    • Think about what you want, not on what you don’t want.
    • Give yourself permission to dream.
    • Be creative. Consider ideas that you never thought possible.
    • Focus on your wishes, not what others expect of you.

    Some questions to start your exploration:

    • What really matters to you in life? Not what should matter, what does matter.
    • What would you like to have more of in your life?
    • Set aside money for a moment; what do you want in your career?
    • What are your secret passions and dreams?
    • What would bring more joy and happiness into your life?
    • What do you want your relationships to be like?
    • What qualities would you like to develop?
    • What are your values? What issues do you care about?
    • What are your talents? What’s special about you?
    • What would you most like to accomplish?
    • What would legacy would you like to leave behind?

    It may be helpful to write your thoughts down in a journal or creative vision board if you’re the creative type. Add your own questions, and ask others what they want out of life. Relax and make this exercise fun. You may want to set your answers aside for a while and come back to them later to see if any have changed or if you have anything to add.

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    What Would Your Best Life Look Like?

    Describe your ideal life in detail. Allow yourself to dream and imagine, and create a vivid picture. If you can’t visualize a picture, focus on how your best life would feel. If you find it difficult to envision your life 20 or 30 years from now, start with five years—even a few years into the future will give you a place to start. What you see may surprise you. Set aside preconceived notions. This is your chance to dream and fantasize.

    A few prompts to get you started:

    • What will you have accomplished already?
    • How will you feel about yourself?
    • What kind of people are in your life? How do you feel about them?
    • What does your ideal day look like?
    • Where are you? Where do you live? Think specifics, what city, state, or country, type of community, house or an apartment, style and atmosphere.
    • What would you be doing?
    • Are you with another person, a group of people, or are you by yourself?
    • How are you dressed?
    • What’s your state of mind? Happy or sad? Contented or frustrated?
    • What does your physical body look like? How do you feel about that?
    • Does your best life make you smile and make your heart sing? If it doesn’t, dig deeper, dream bigger.

    It’s important to focus on the result, or at least a way-point in your life. Don’t think about the process for getting there yet—that’s the next stepGive yourself permission to revisit this vision every day, even if only for a few minutes. Keep your vision alive and in the front of your mind.

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    Plan Backwards

    It may sound counter-intuitive to plan backwards rather than forwards, but when you’re planning your life from the end result, it’s often more useful to consider the last step and work your way back to the first. This is actually a valuable and practical strategy for making your vision a reality.

    • What’s the last thing that would’ve had to happen to achieve your best life?
    • What’s the most important choice you would’ve had to make?
    • What would you have needed to learn along the way?
    • What important actions would you have had to take?
    • What beliefs would you have needed to change?
    • What habits or behaviors would you have had to cultivate?
    • What type of support would you have had to enlist?
    • How long will it have taken you to realize your best life?
    • What steps or milestones would you have needed to reach along the way?

    Now it’s time to think about your first step, and the next step after that. Ponder the gap between where you are now and where you want to be in the future. It may seem impossible, but it’s quite achievable if you take it step-by-step.

    It’s important to revisit this vision from time to time. Don’t be surprised if your answers to the questions, your technicolor vision, and the resulting plans change. That can actually be a very good thing; as you change in unforeseeable ways, the best life you envision will change as well. For now, it’s important to use the process, create your vision, and take the first step towards making that vision a reality.

    Featured photo credit: Matt Noble via unsplash.com

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