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In the Hot Seat: The Gold Digger

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In the Hot Seat: The Gold Digger

Can you spot the sugar daddy? He’s the older, affluent man with a young, attractive woman on his arm. They’re at nice restaurants, where she’ll fawn over him, and he’ll pick up the tab. They shop at branded stores and stay in swanky hotels.

Gold diggers are the subjects of songs, gossip, and scorn. Most people believe the man is unsuspecting and think the woman is predatory. What does it take to be a gold digger, and is the title reserved only for women?

We’ve compiled responses from actual gold diggers, Tiffany, Matthew, and Tina, to see if we can understand why they do what they do.

Living above your means

Lifehack: Why did you become a gold digger?

Tiffany: I always knew I wanted a lifestyle I couldn’t get as an actress. I figured I could trade my good looks and personality for financial stability.

Lifehack: What have you learned from this experience?

Tiffany: There’s nothing wrong with going after what you want.

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Tina: I wasn’t madly in love with my husband at first, but I found him to be kind and attractive. I learned that the security he offered made it possible for me to grow to love him.

Lifehack: Do your family and friends know what you do?

Tiffany: Yes. My family isn’t happy with the way I handle my love life. My friends are all looking for sugar daddies too.

Lifehack: What does being a gold digger entail?

Tina: Sugar babies have to be appealing to wealthy men. We not only need to look nice and dress well, but we also need to be interesting.

After you’ve snagged a guy, you can look forward to fancy gifts and maybe even an allowance. Usually a sugar daddy is too busy to spend lots of time with you, but he wants a companion for his free time. It’s like he’s keeping you on retainer for when he’s around.

Lifehack: Share a bad experience you had as a sugar baby.

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Tina: The guy I was with spotted a younger and better looking woman at the club. I poured on extra charm keep him distracted. When we left the club, I thought my worries were over.

As we were waited for the car, she showed up. He invited her to spend the night with us. This crossed a line for me.

Lifehack: Is this a thinly-veiled form of prostitution?

Tiffany: No. Prostitution is a transaction. There isn’t a value that the guy can put on what I do. I’m caring, compassionate, and I improve his life.

Lifehack: What’s it like to be a guy who goes after rich women?

Matthew: I’d say it’s more difficult. There are fewer wealthy women to choose from, but with persistence you can find someone.

You can get security from a sugar mama, but it never lasts. I’m more like their pet. I do what they ask and sleep with them when they want. I’ve never been with one for more than a year, but I know a guy who wound up having a real love connection with his.

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Lifehack: Is it getting more common for guys to be involved with rich older women?

Matthew: Women have a lot more freedom today. They’re empowered to go after what they want, and a lot of them want a young guy. This trend will continue as women get better jobs and have less time to deal with the issues from men their own age.

Lifehack: How long will you do this?

Tiffany: Until I find someone to marry me. My plan is to never work hard for the finer things.

Lifehack: Do you intend to have a real relationship or marry someone closer to your age in the future?

Tiffany: I feel good about the caliber of men I’m dating. I don’t mind if they’re older. I don’t think I can go back to dating someone who makes less than me.

Matthew: Yes. I am feeling pretty used up after dealing with cougars for so long. I’m ready to find a nice girl my own age that I can introduce to my parents.

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Lifehack: What’s something you wouldn’t expect to know about this lifestyle?

Tina: Some men are aware that they’re entering into a relationship with a sugar baby. They may keep more than one, and make different arrangements with each.

Lifehack: What are some extravagant things you’ve received from your sugar daddy?

Tiffany: I got an apartment in Dubai. He does a lot of business there, and he wanted to have me on standby.

Money does buy happiness for some

The experiences of the “sugars” do vary. Some have fallen in love, and others are just waiting for something better to come along. The position of a gold digger is more complicated than we realized.

More by this author

Anna Chui

Anna is the Chief Editor and Content Strategist of Lifehack. She's also a communication expert who shares tips on motivation and relationships.

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Last Updated on November 22, 2021

Thanksgiving: It’s About The Simple Things

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Thanksgiving: It’s About The Simple Things

Thanksgiving, a day of pure gluttony, football, and possible uncomfortable situations with family members that you may or may not like. Oh, yeah, and the whole “know and reflect on what it is to be thankful and grateful.”

During the holiday season many people forget what this time of year is bout and are too worried about getting the “early-bird” deals on Black Friday and making sure that they have the perfect gifts for their loved ones. I am sort of a “Grinch” when it comes to the holiday season, mostly because of that mentality by many of the poeple around me.

But instead of being grinch-like this holiday season, I decided to simplify things and get back to what this time of year is actually is about; being thankful for what I have and what I can give.

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Simplify

I’m not a “minimalist” in any real sense, but in the last few months the talks of Patrick Rhone and others have got me to rethink my stance. Can you really have too much stuff?

Absolutely.

And with all that stuff comes the burden and the weight of it on your back.

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If you feel that the things around you are out of control, maybe it’s time to simplify and be thankful and grateful for what you have and use. Here are a few things that you can do to simplify:

  • You know those gadgets in the drawer that you said you were going to sell? Well, time to get the listing on eBay and sell them. Or, send them to a place like Gazelle. Even if they are old and won’t get money, you can at least recycle them.
  • Get rid of things you don’t need. Like old books, clothes, tools, etc. Have something that’s been laying around forever with no use? Donate it to a charity or church. If you aren’t using it, someone else could be.
  • Find your productivity tools and stick with them. Use tools and gadgets that serve multiple purposes so you can simplify your tool set.

Be Mindful

You don’t have to be a master Buddhist or meditator to be mindful (although, it can definitely help). Being mindful comes down to being cognizant of the present and not keeping yourself in the past or future. It’s about living in the moment and being aware of yourself and everything around you. It’s just being.

Without getting too “California” on you, it is super important to be mindful during the holiday rush. Rather than worrying about the things that you forgot at your house on the way to relatives or thinking about the next stop in your endless holiday travels, just breath and think about what you are currently doing.

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Spend the time with your family and friends and don’t crush the moment. Try not to concentrate so hard on getting the perfect photo of the “awesome moment” of the day and actually miss the awesome moment.

Being mindful over the holidays will help you be with your families, friends, and yourself allowing you to enjoy your time.

Reflect

As the year is coming to a close (yes, it really is that close!) it’s a great time to start reflecting on what you have accomplished and what you haven’t. Within the next few weeks we will have a more throrough reflection article here at Lifehack.org, but reflecting every now and then over your holiday break is a great way to see where you have been doing well in your life and where you need to improve.

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Reflection shouldn’t be used to “get down” on yourself. Reflection should be used to take an honset inventory of what you have accomplished, how you handeled situations, and what you can do better. If you journal everyday (a daily form of reflection) it may be a good time to start going over some of the things that you have written and start to put together a year’s end journal entry. I mean, how else will you write your autobiography?

But, seriously, reflecting on yourself makes you aware of your successes and faults and helps you plan and make goals for the coming year. It makes you a better person.

So, while you are stuffing your face with bird, stuffing, and mashed taters’, remember that the holidays are much more than the superficial things. Use this holiday to become a better person.

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Featured photo credit: Libby Penner via unsplash.com

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