Can you spot the sugar daddy? He’s the older, affluent man with a young, attractive woman on his arm. They’re at nice restaurants, where she’ll fawn over him, and he’ll pick up the tab. They shop at branded stores and stay in swanky hotels.

Gold diggers are the subjects of songs, gossip, and scorn. Most people believe the man is unsuspecting and think the woman is predatory. What does it take to be a gold digger, and is the title reserved only for women?

We’ve compiled responses from actual gold diggers, Tiffany, Matthew, and Tina, to see if we can understand why they do what they do.

Living above your means

Lifehack: Why did you become a gold digger?

Tiffany: I always knew I wanted a lifestyle I couldn’t get as an actress. I figured I could trade my good looks and personality for financial stability.

Lifehack: What have you learned from this experience?

Tiffany: There’s nothing wrong with going after what you want.

Tina: I wasn’t madly in love with my husband at first, but I found him to be kind and attractive. I learned that the security he offered made it possible for me to grow to love him.

Lifehack: Do your family and friends know what you do?

Tiffany: Yes. My family isn’t happy with the way I handle my love life. My friends are all looking for sugar daddies too.

Lifehack: What does being a gold digger entail?

Tina: Sugar babies have to be appealing to wealthy men. We not only need to look nice and dress well, but we also need to be interesting.

After you’ve snagged a guy, you can look forward to fancy gifts and maybe even an allowance. Usually a sugar daddy is too busy to spend lots of time with you, but he wants a companion for his free time. It’s like he’s keeping you on retainer for when he’s around.

Lifehack: Share a bad experience you had as a sugar baby.

Tina: The guy I was with spotted a younger and better looking woman at the club. I poured on extra charm keep him distracted. When we left the club, I thought my worries were over.

As we were waited for the car, she showed up. He invited her to spend the night with us. This crossed a line for me.

Lifehack: Is this a thinly-veiled form of prostitution?

Tiffany: No. Prostitution is a transaction. There isn’t a value that the guy can put on what I do. I’m caring, compassionate, and I improve his life.

Lifehack: What’s it like to be a guy who goes after rich women?

Matthew: I’d say it’s more difficult. There are fewer wealthy women to choose from, but with persistence you can find someone.

You can get security from a sugar mama, but it never lasts. I’m more like their pet. I do what they ask and sleep with them when they want. I’ve never been with one for more than a year, but I know a guy who wound up having a real love connection with his.

Lifehack: Is it getting more common for guys to be involved with rich older women?

Matthew: Women have a lot more freedom today. They’re empowered to go after what they want, and a lot of them want a young guy. This trend will continue as women get better jobs and have less time to deal with the issues from men their own age.

Lifehack: How long will you do this?

Tiffany: Until I find someone to marry me. My plan is to never work hard for the finer things.

Lifehack: Do you intend to have a real relationship or marry someone closer to your age in the future?

Tiffany: I feel good about the caliber of men I’m dating. I don’t mind if they’re older. I don’t think I can go back to dating someone who makes less than me.

Matthew: Yes. I am feeling pretty used up after dealing with cougars for so long. I’m ready to find a nice girl my own age that I can introduce to my parents.

Lifehack: What’s something you wouldn’t expect to know about this lifestyle?

Tina: Some men are aware that they’re entering into a relationship with a sugar baby. They may keep more than one, and make different arrangements with each.

Lifehack: What are some extravagant things you’ve received from your sugar daddy?

Tiffany: I got an apartment in Dubai. He does a lot of business there, and he wanted to have me on standby.

Money does buy happiness for some

The experiences of the “sugars” do vary. Some have fallen in love, and others are just waiting for something better to come along. The position of a gold digger is more complicated than we realized.