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In the Hot Seat: The Gold Digger

In the Hot Seat: The Gold Digger

Can you spot the sugar daddy? He’s the older, affluent man with a young, attractive woman on his arm. They’re at nice restaurants, where she’ll fawn over him, and he’ll pick up the tab. They shop at branded stores and stay in swanky hotels.

Gold diggers are the subjects of songs, gossip, and scorn. Most people believe the man is unsuspecting and think the woman is predatory. What does it take to be a gold digger, and is the title reserved only for women?

We’ve compiled responses from actual gold diggers, Tiffany, Matthew, and Tina, to see if we can understand why they do what they do.

Living above your means

Lifehack: Why did you become a gold digger?

Tiffany: I always knew I wanted a lifestyle I couldn’t get as an actress. I figured I could trade my good looks and personality for financial stability.

Lifehack: What have you learned from this experience?

Tiffany: There’s nothing wrong with going after what you want.

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Tina: I wasn’t madly in love with my husband at first, but I found him to be kind and attractive. I learned that the security he offered made it possible for me to grow to love him.

Lifehack: Do your family and friends know what you do?

Tiffany: Yes. My family isn’t happy with the way I handle my love life. My friends are all looking for sugar daddies too.

Lifehack: What does being a gold digger entail?

Tina: Sugar babies have to be appealing to wealthy men. We not only need to look nice and dress well, but we also need to be interesting.

After you’ve snagged a guy, you can look forward to fancy gifts and maybe even an allowance. Usually a sugar daddy is too busy to spend lots of time with you, but he wants a companion for his free time. It’s like he’s keeping you on retainer for when he’s around.

Lifehack: Share a bad experience you had as a sugar baby.

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Tina: The guy I was with spotted a younger and better looking woman at the club. I poured on extra charm keep him distracted. When we left the club, I thought my worries were over.

As we were waited for the car, she showed up. He invited her to spend the night with us. This crossed a line for me.

Lifehack: Is this a thinly-veiled form of prostitution?

Tiffany: No. Prostitution is a transaction. There isn’t a value that the guy can put on what I do. I’m caring, compassionate, and I improve his life.

Lifehack: What’s it like to be a guy who goes after rich women?

Matthew: I’d say it’s more difficult. There are fewer wealthy women to choose from, but with persistence you can find someone.

You can get security from a sugar mama, but it never lasts. I’m more like their pet. I do what they ask and sleep with them when they want. I’ve never been with one for more than a year, but I know a guy who wound up having a real love connection with his.

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Lifehack: Is it getting more common for guys to be involved with rich older women?

Matthew: Women have a lot more freedom today. They’re empowered to go after what they want, and a lot of them want a young guy. This trend will continue as women get better jobs and have less time to deal with the issues from men their own age.

Lifehack: How long will you do this?

Tiffany: Until I find someone to marry me. My plan is to never work hard for the finer things.

Lifehack: Do you intend to have a real relationship or marry someone closer to your age in the future?

Tiffany: I feel good about the caliber of men I’m dating. I don’t mind if they’re older. I don’t think I can go back to dating someone who makes less than me.

Matthew: Yes. I am feeling pretty used up after dealing with cougars for so long. I’m ready to find a nice girl my own age that I can introduce to my parents.

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Lifehack: What’s something you wouldn’t expect to know about this lifestyle?

Tina: Some men are aware that they’re entering into a relationship with a sugar baby. They may keep more than one, and make different arrangements with each.

Lifehack: What are some extravagant things you’ve received from your sugar daddy?

Tiffany: I got an apartment in Dubai. He does a lot of business there, and he wanted to have me on standby.

Money does buy happiness for some

The experiences of the “sugars” do vary. Some have fallen in love, and others are just waiting for something better to come along. The position of a gold digger is more complicated than we realized.

More by this author

Anna Chui

Anna is a communication expert and a life enthusiast. She's the editor of Lifehack and loves to write about love, life, and passion.

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Last Updated on March 13, 2019

How to Get out of a Rut: 12 Useful Ways to Get Unstuck

How to Get out of a Rut: 12 Useful Ways to Get Unstuck

Have you gotten into a rut before? Or are you in a rut right now?

You know you’re in a rut when you run out of ideas and inspiration. I personally see a rut as a productivity vacuum. It might very well be a reason why you aren’t getting results. Even as you spend more time on your work, you can’t seem to get anything constructive done. While I’m normally productive, I get into occasional ruts (especially when I’ve been working back-to-back without rest). During those times, I can spend an entire day in front of the computer and get nothing done. It can be quite frustrating.

Over time, I have tried and found several methods that are helpful to pull me out of a rut. If you experience ruts too, whether as a working professional, a writer, a blogger, a student or other work, you will find these useful. Here are 12 of my personal tips to get out of ruts:

1. Work on the small tasks.

When you are in a rut, tackle it by starting small. Clear away your smaller tasks which have been piling up. Reply to your emails, organize your documents, declutter your work space, and reply to private messages.

Whenever I finish doing that, I generate a positive momentum which I bring forward to my work.

2. Take a break from your work desk.

Get yourself away from your desk and go take a walk. Go to the washroom, walk around the office, go out and get a snack.

Your mind is too bogged down and needs some airing. Sometimes I get new ideas right after I walk away from my computer.

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3. Upgrade yourself

Take the down time to upgrade yourself. Go to a seminar. Read up on new materials (#7). Pick up a new language. Or any of the 42 ways here to improve yourself.

The modern computer uses different typefaces because Steve Jobs dropped in on a calligraphy class back in college. How’s that for inspiration?

4. Talk to a friend.

Talk to someone and get your mind off work for a while.

Talk about anything, from casual chatting to a deep conversation about something you really care about. You will be surprised at how the short encounter can be rejuvenating in its own way.

5. Forget about trying to be perfect.

If you are in a rut, the last thing you want to do is step on your own toes with perfectionist tendencies.

Just start small. Do what you can, at your own pace. Let yourself make mistakes.

Soon, a little trickle of inspiration will come. And then it’ll build up with more trickles. Before you know it, you have a whole stream of ideas.

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6. Paint a vision to work towards.

If you are continuously getting in a rut with your work, maybe there’s no vision inspiring you to move forward.

Think about why you are doing this, and what you are doing it for. What is the end vision in mind?

Make it as vivid as possible. Make sure it’s a vision that inspires you and use that to trigger you to action.

7. Read a book (or blog).

The things we read are like food to our brain. If you are out of ideas, it’s time to feed your brain with great materials.

Here’s a list of 40 books you can start off with. Stock your browser with only the feeds of high quality blogs, such as Lifehack.org, DumbLittleMan, Seth Godin’s Blog, Tim Ferris’ Blog, Zen Habits or The Personal Excellence Blog.

Check out the best selling books; those are generally packed with great wisdom.

8. Have a quick nap.

If you are at home, take a quick nap for about 20-30 minutes. This clears up your mind and gives you a quick boost. Nothing quite like starting off on a fresh start after catching up on sleep.

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9. Remember why you are doing this.

Sometimes we lose sight of why we do what we do, and after a while we become jaded. A quick refresher on why you even started on this project will help.

What were you thinking when you thought of doing this? Retrace your thoughts back to that moment. Recall why you are doing this. Then reconnect with your muse.

10. Find some competition.

Nothing quite like healthy competition to spur us forward. If you are out of ideas, then check up on what people are doing in your space.

Colleagues at work, competitors in the industry, competitors’ products and websites, networking conventions.. you get the drill.

11. Go exercise.

Since you are not making headway at work, might as well spend the time shaping yourself up.

Sometimes we work so much that we neglect our health and fitness. Go jog, swim, cycle, whichever exercise you prefer.

As you improve your physical health, your mental health will improve, too. The different facets of ourselves are all interlinked.

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Here’re 15 Tips to Restart the Exercise Habit (and How to Keep It).

12. Take a good break.

Ruts are usually signs that you have been working too long and too hard. It’s time to get a break.

Beyond the quick tips above, arrange for a 1-day or 2-days of break from your work. Don’t check your (work) emails or do anything work-related. Relax and do your favorite activities. You will return to your work recharged and ready to start.

Contrary to popular belief, the world will not end from taking a break from your work. In fact, you will be much more ready to make an impact after proper rest. My best ideas and inspiration always hit me whenever I’m away from my work.

Take a look at this to learn the importance of rest: The Importance of Scheduling Downtime

More Resources About Getting out of a Rut

Featured photo credit: Joshua Earle via unsplash.com

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