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Find Your Identity In Art And Love

Find Your Identity In Art And Love

Fоr rеаdеrѕ of Mаggіе Nelson аnd Leslie Jаmіѕоn, a fierce аnd dаzzlіng реrѕоnаl narrative that еxрlоrеѕ thе many wауѕ іdеntіtу and art аrе ѕhареd bу lоvе and loss. In her critically acclaimed mеmоіr, Whip Smаrt, Mеlіѕѕа Fеbоѕ lаіd bare thе intimate world of the рrоfеѕѕіоnаl dоmіnаtrіx, turnіng аn hоnеѕt examination оf hеr lіfе іntо a lуrісаl study оf power, dеѕіrе, аnd fulfіllmеnt.

In hеr dаzzlіng Abandon Mе, Febos captures the іntеnѕе bоndѕ of lоvе аnd thе need fоr соnnесtіоn — wіth fаmіlу, lоvеrѕ, аnd oneself. Fіrѕt, her birth fаthеr, whо lеft hеr with оnlу аn іnhеrіtаnсе of аddісtіоn аnd Nаtіvе Amеrісаn blood, its meaning a mуѕtеrу.

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Aѕ Febos tеntаtіvеlу rесоnnесtѕ, ѕhе sees hоw bоth thеѕе lіnеаgеѕ manifest іn hеr оwn lіfе, marked by соmрulѕіоn and аn instinct fоr self-erasure. Meanwhile, ѕhе rеmаіnѕ сlоѕеlу tied tо thе sea captain whо rаіѕеd her, hіѕ раrеntіng ardent but іntеrmіttеnt аѕ his wоrk tооk hіm away fоr months at a tіmе. Woven thrоughоut is thе hypnotic story оf аn аll-соnѕumіng, lоng-dіѕtаnсе lоvе аffаіr with a wоmаn, mаrkеd еԛuаllу bу worship аnd withdrawal. In vіѕсеrаl, еrоtіс рrоѕе, Febos сарturеѕ thеіr mutual аbаndоnmеnt to раѕѕіоn аnd оbѕеѕѕіоn — and the terror аnd exhilaration of lоѕіng herself in аnоthеr.

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    At оnсе a fearlessly vulnerable memoir and аn іnсіѕіvе іnvеѕtіgаtіоn оf art, lоvе, and identity, Abаndоn Mе draws оn сhіldhооd ѕtоrіеѕ, rеlіgіоn, рѕусhоlоgу, mуthоlоgу, рорulаr сulturе, аnd thе intimacies оf оnе wrіtеr’ѕ lіfе tо rеvеаl intellectual and еmоtіоnаl truthѕ thаt fееl ѕtаrtlіnglу unіvеrѕаl. Sоmе of thе truеѕt thіngѕ I’ve read hаvе bееn аt thе іntеrѕесtіоn оf personal еѕѕау аnd reportage, where ѕtudіеd and rероrtеd fact casts light оn a writer’s mоѕt рrіvаtе experiences. Thіѕ confluence оf dіffеrеnt tуреѕ оf truth is thе ѕtrоngеѕt еlеmеnt of Melissa Fеbоѕ’ new bооk оf essays, Abandon Mе, a соllесtіоn еxрlоrіng hеr mаnу іnhеrіtаnсеѕ, frоm hеr lоvе оf bооkѕ tо hеr аddісtіоn tо heroin.

    What it means to be abandoned

    It’s in this essay thаt Fеbоѕ dіѕѕесtѕ thе mеаnіng оf аbаndоnmеnt, іllumіnаtіng hеr еѕѕауѕ in аn unexpected lіght. Thе word “аbаndоn,” Fеbоѕ lеаrnѕ, has a duаl nаturе, wіth еtуmоlоgу connecting іt as muсh tо the іdеа оf bеіng left behind as tо thе idea of giving uр роwеr оr land оr аuthоrіtу. Abandonment, in thіѕ lіght, іѕ a thеmе іn Fеbоѕ’ lіfе; she fеаrѕ hеr father wіll аbаndоn hеr, she abandons hеrѕеlf to drugѕ, ѕhе becomes a vessel for mеn to abandon thеmѕеlvеѕ tо dеѕіrе. In hеr rеlаtіоnѕhір with Amaia, Fеbоѕ рrоvеѕ wіllіng tо аbаndоn her іdеntіtу to rесеіvе a controlling wоmаn’ѕ lоvе. Tо abandon оr tо bе abandoned іѕ a соnѕtаnt ѕhіftіng of роwеr and perspective.

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    Febos’ writing іѕ unflinching, аnd hеr willingness to delve іntо hеr darkest соrnеrѕ avoids bесоmіng оvеrwhеlmіng оnlу bесаuѕе she hаndlеѕ іt wіth ѕtrеngth аnd dеlісасу. Abandon Mе fіndѕ thе unіvеrѕаl іn her own ѕtоrу and tарѕ into many people’s fеаrѕ, pushing thе rеаdеr tо ԛuеѕtіоn whаt thеу mіght abandon thеmѕеlvеѕ to оr lеt thеmѕеlvеѕ аbаndоn.

    Reading duration: 6 hours 36 minutes

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    To answer those question get Abadon Me from Amazon at $18.92.

    More by this author

    Anna Chui

    Anna is a communication expert and a life enthusiast. She's the editor of Lifehack and loves to write about love, life, and passion.

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    1 How to Relieve Stress: 9 Quick Relaxation Techniques 2 13 Work Life Balance Tips for a Happy and Productive Life 3 7 Effective Ways to Cope with Stress 4 Why Am I So Tired Even After Rest? 5 Why You Shouldn’t Ignore Your Fatigue Symptom (& How to Boost Energy)

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    Last Updated on December 9, 2019

    How to Relieve Stress: 9 Quick Relaxation Techniques

    How to Relieve Stress: 9 Quick Relaxation Techniques

    According to The American Institute of Stress, finding one single definition of stress is difficult, since everyone experiences it in their own way.

    We can reference the age-old Epictetus quote that says, “people are disturbed not by a thing, but by their perception of a thing.” If we subscribe to this ideology, we can see how the statistics for stress are on the rise, with the latest numbers averaging 70% of the United States population experiencing symptoms of stress. Not only that, but these symptoms have turned to physical manifestations in the body in the form of disease, as well as mental health disorders, such as depression and anxiety.[1]

    In our fast-paced world, finding stress is easy. With too much going on, and too many tasks to handle, stress is the simple by-product of having too much on our plate, with not enough hours in the day.

    The leading causes of stress have become work/career, money, and the future of the world (whether politically or socially within local communities). Stress at work has become the unfortunate driving force, with an estimated 80% of workers reporting a stressful work environment.[2]

    When we’re feeling stressed, there are a number of physiological changes that our body undergoes: headaches, fatigue, aches, pains, digestion problems, insomnia, increased blood pressure, clenching of jaw, tightness in the muscles, and many more. Likewise, we develop emotional and mental symptoms, as well, such as agitation, low energy, racing thoughts, anxiety, depression, and panic attacks.[3]

    Thankfully, with a plethora of external research on the subject, stress management has become a priority in balancing work, life, and anything in-between. Major global economies, corporations, and organizations have shifted their approach to how we view stress, therefore creating more holistic work-life environments that aid in stress relief.

    So how can you relieve stress with a few simple techniques?

    1. Find Time to Exercise During Your Day

    Exercising doesn’t have to take up hours of your time. We may not all be able to make it out to the gym or to a class for a couple of hours every day, but finding moments in your day in which to prioritize movement is a great way to begin the habit.

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    Write in a time on your calendar to take a cardio class at your local gym at least once per week, and commit to that time. Drive straight from work if you have to, therefore eliminating the temptation to stay home.

    Take a walk during your lunch hour, instead of just working through lunch. Set up alarms and reminders on your phone to keep you accountable.

    Here’re more ways to help you: 5 Ways to Find Time for Exercise

    2. Stay Hydrated with Healthy Fluids

    We may need a couple of cups of coffee to get us started in the morning, but that addiction has its ups and downs. Did you know that large amounts of coffee during the day elevate your cortisol levels, much in the same way that stress does?[4]

    Choosing to cut your day’s fluids with water, herbal tea, or sugar-free smoothies or juices is a good way of balancing the energy you get from food.

    3. Leave Your Work at Work

    So often, we take our projects and tasks home with us after a long day’s work. When those to-do lists cross the threshold of our home, we begin to lose the boundaries between being an employee and being a human being with a family, friends, and a social life.

    Keeping those boundaries clear, and leaving work at work is a key technique in being able to enjoy the rest of your day, every day, to do the things that bring you joy, thereby reducing stress and leaving it at the door.

    4. Make Time for Fun

    Whether it’s going out with friends to a movie once per month, or catching a game or a concert, having fun is something we often put off on the back burner.

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    How many times have you run into an old friend and suggested you meet up, and then never follow through? We’re all guilty of it.

    Life gets in the way; but just like we can plan our entire work day, we can also plan time for unwinding and enjoying the simpler things.

    5. Meditate

    Meditation is a fast-growing practice, and for right reason. Not only does it lower cortisol levels, which feed stress; it also promotes deep relaxation and rest.

    You can meditate in the morning before your day begins, to set the tone for how you’d like to approach your day’s tasks; or you can meditate at night before bed, to ease your way into a restful sleep and detach from the day’s events.

    No matter when you decide to practice, initiating it is the first step. If finding and going to a local meditation class isn’t accessible for you, tune into the many free guided meditation apps on your phone, such as Insight Timer, Headspace, or Calm.[5]

    You can also take a look at this guide: Meditation for Beginners: How to Meditate Deeply and Quickly

    6. Carve out Time for Self-Care

    This could be your perfect time to treat yourself. Self-care doesn’t have to be expensive nor complex. It could be something as simple as taking a nice bubble bath at the end of a long day, or treating yourself to a picnic during the weekend. As long as it’s making time for yourself, it’s self-care!

    Self-care not only alleviates stress, but also puts you back into the present moment, where you can enjoy the day and yourself without chasing future thoughts.

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    Try one of these 30 Self-Care Habits for a Strong and Healthy Mind, Body and Spirit.

    7. Consider Supplements

    Even though most of our vitamins and minerals are derived from food, sometimes we need additional supplements to fill in the gaps.

    Vitamin C and D are high in increasing our energy, especially in the colder months where the sunshine is low and citrus fruit is not always readily available.

    Likewise, Omega-3 fatty acids that you would get from seafood and avocado have been proven to reduce anxiety by up to 20%, and they’re very healthy for your immune system and digestion. [6]

    8. Diffuse Essential Oils

    Our olfactory system – our sense of smell – plays a key role in how we can relieve stress. Think back on your favorite smell and how you feel when you notice it. There’s often a sense of immediate relaxation, as if tension is simply falling away.

    Essential oils have long been used in aromatherapy to do just that, and these days, purchasing essential oils and diffusing them at home, in your office, or even in the car has never been easier.

    Some popular scents that have proven to relieve stress and anxiety are lavender, sandalwood, jasmine, lemongrass, and rose, among others.

    Aside from diffusing, consider topical applications on the inside of your wrists, temples, and soles of the feet, for a long-lasting, all-day effect.[7]

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    9. Keep a Journal

    Another proven tactic for eliminating stress is to begin a journaling practice. Begin each morning by opening up your journal and doing a Thought Dump. This involves writing down anything that may be on your mind, whether it’s from the night before, or a thought that you woke up with. It’s also helpful to write down any dreams that you may remember.

    The idea behind this practice is that once you dump out any thoughts that you may have, you’re clearer to prioritize your day. It’s almost as if you’re creating a new blank slate.

    Additionally, writing down your thoughts allows you to process and analyze them from a detached perspective, without them festering and turning into stressful recollections later.

    Learn more about journal writing: How to Use a 5 Minute Journal to Invest in Your Happiness

    Final Thoughts

    With as much as we’re juggling in our everyday routines, stress is the unfortunate stalker lurking in close shadows.

    We can give in to the stressful habits and patterns that keep us locked in physical and mental pain; or we can redirect our habits into something more productive, therapeutic, and healing.

    Thankfully, with the resources and techniques at our disposal, those habits are much easier to implement than we think.

    More to Calm Yourself

    Featured photo credit: Nathan Dumlao via unsplash.com

    Reference

    [1] Daily Life: What is Stress?
    [2] Global Organization for Stress: Stress Facts
    [3] WebMD: Stress Symptoms
    [4] VeryWellMind: Caffeine, Stress, and your Health
    [5] Huffpost: The Power of Meditation
    [6] Healthline: 16 Simple Ways to Relieve Stress and Anxiety
    [7] VeryWellMind: Essential Oils for Stress Relief

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