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Last Updated on February 27, 2018

The Two Ends Of Love and What Lies Between, Or Is There A Between?

The Two Ends Of Love and What Lies Between, Or Is There A Between?

Love is a feeling of affection from one person towards another. While there are perhaps one thousand and one definitions for love from the human perspective, the best way to experience it is only when it is reciprocated. Love has many shades – you know those fleeting emotions that works up our feelings and heightens our interest in the other person while we are practically trying to find meaning for these feelings. Of course, real love exists but what Elyane Youssef communicates in the article Healthy Love versus Obsessive Love—& how to Get Over the Obsessive Kind shows how to identify the not so brazen difference between what love is and what it is believed to be.

Can You Answer What Love is?

Healthy love traits

The word love is loosely used these days to describe feelings of attraction, but love is more than feelings. Real, healthy love is simple and seeks to look for the other person’s good and comfort above your own. Healthy love draws its root from selflessness, open-mindedness, trust with each individuals happiness not necessarily dependent on the other person. Real love blossoms out of respect for one another and learning to go so separate ways if it fails.

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Obsessive love traits

Obsessive love is selfish and non-sacrificial. If there is any sacrifice at all, it is because of what they intend to gain later down the line. There is always no regard for the other person’s happiness and the goal is to possess the one we claim to love. It is controlling, jealous and lacks trust. Obsessive love does not like the truth; it exists in disguise and exposes both individuals involved to harm on the long run.

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Breaking away from obsession

Give love. Receive love. Repeat.”

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Obsessive love in itself should never be described as love because it fails to live up to the billing in every way. Notwithstanding, situations leading to obsessive love can be avoided at times. You may find yourself in an unexpected loop and instead of hanging on, and pushing for the light at the end of the tunnel, which is definitely lacking in this case, it is best you break it off. Breaking it off as a matter of fact cannot be achieved easily because the relationship is a predator prey relationship. What is best is a tactical approach that appraises the situation while using the opportunity to learn what true love is all about. Learning about true love can start from identifying the things you didn’t get from your supposed lover and identifying areas you have failed. That way, you avoid leaving one obsessive relationship for another.

There is an indisputable fact. If you give love – pure, honest true love, just like you want it reciprocated you are bound to get the same. Why don’t you then give love to receive more love? The French would say encore to that.

To read the full article, click here.

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More by this author

Anna Chui

Anna is a communication expert and a life enthusiast. She's the editor of Lifehack and loves to write about love, life, and passion.

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Last Updated on September 17, 2018

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

1. You’re depressed about your home life.

No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

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When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

3. You can’t stop snooping.

Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

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I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

4. You’re afraid of commitment.

If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

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No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

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If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

7. You chase past feelings.

It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

Final thoughts

If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

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