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The Lost Art of Serious Relationships: It’s Too Easy to Meet New People in Today’s World

The Lost Art of Serious Relationships: It’s Too Easy to Meet New People in Today’s World

Let’s face it, the dating world today isn’t what it used to be. With all of the social networking and online dating sites out there, finding a partner has become too easy. So instead of taking the time to really get to know somebody, everyone is too busy expecting the next, better option to come along. It’s part of the instant gratification culture – put in little to no effort and the perfect partner will just fall into your lap.

Dating apps give us the illusion of choice.

You probably have more access to dating websites and apps than social networking sites. In fact, the last relationship advice you received was probably to open an account with an online dating site. When you wake up in the morning, you check your calendar, check your messages, and check your dating account.

This easy access to potential romantic partners is a problem. Why? Because it gives you the illusion of choice. How many potential dating matches do you see in a day, or even in an hour? Hundreds! And how easy is it to swipe right on by their picture and keep looking for another, better option?

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Finding a significant other is not supposed to be easy.

Too many times I hear people criticize potential romantic partners that they’ve found on a dating app. “He has no motivation.” “I don’t like her personality.” “He seems too immature.” You can’t decide these things about somebody you have never met.

Take this relationship advice: you will never find someone who is a 100% match for you. That person doesn’t exist and finding them is not what falling in love and having a long-term relationship is about. It’s about finding somebody who is not exactly like you, loving them anyway, and learning to grow with them. Finding a life partner is not supposed to be a simple task; it takes effort and dedication.

You cannot just be yourself.

Being confident in who you are and what you want in life is a good thing. Deciding that everything about you is enough for a relationship and that you don’t need to change for everything to go well is not a good thing. The worst relationship advice you could ever listen to is to “just be yourself”.

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It’s true to a certain degree that you should just be who you are with no dishonesty and pretending. Too often, however, people think this relationship advice means they never have to change and that simply isn’t true.

It takes compromise.

Long term relationships are all about change. You can’t expect to be with somebody for the rest of your life and that neither one of you will ever change. Each person in a relationship has to put in some effort. Effort to get to know each other, effort to understand each other’s likes and dislikes, and effort to make compromises.

Unwillingness to compromise means you won’t find a lifelong partner. If you want to share your life with another person, you have to be ready and willing to accept change. Making a lifelong commitment to another person isn’t about giving up when things seem difficult or when you have to change something about yourself. It isn’t taking a chance on the next best person to come across your computer or phone screen, either.

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You don’t have to lower your standards.

Accepting this relationship advice doesn’t mean you have to lower your standards. It just means you have to be open to making changes in life and adapting to the wants and needs of another person. Because in a relationship, it’s about the happiness of two people.

Compromise, change, and adaptation means giving up that weekend spa getaway to go see the movie they’re really excited about. It means picking up the shoes they forgot to put away for the millionth time because they’re really exhausted from work. It means staying in for the night when your partner is sick.

You do these things because you are concerned for the happiness, well-being, and growth of your partner. And they do the same for you.

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Don’t be tricked by the seemingly endless supply of available partners. Finding and keeping a serious relationship isn’t as easy as scrolling through a list of pictures. It takes much more effort than that.

Featured photo credit: Burst via pexels.com

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Amber Pariona

EFL Teacher, Lifehack Writer, English/Spanish Translator, MPA

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Last Updated on April 1, 2019

How to Be Happy: Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You Unhappy

How to Be Happy: Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You Unhappy

When we talk about happiness, we often think about staying happy all the time – every single day, every single minute with zero negativity. Many try to pursue this constant state of “happiness” as their ultimate goal, and avoid anything that may take it away from them.

But, what is the meaning of this type of “happiness”?

It’s a lot like your favorite food. The more often you have it isn’t always better. On the contrary, when you only have a chance to eat it sparingly, that’s when you really savor every bite. So is it the food itself that makes you happy, or is it how valuable it is to you when you are eating it?

Always remember that only by experiencing sadness do we understand what it is to be happy.

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Video Summary

Don’t Assume Others Are Always Happy

Most people see those who have seemingly perfect lives and assume they are happy all the time. Since childhood, we are conditioned to chase the idea of “happily-ever-after” that we see in fairytales. On social media, everyone tends to share only the best looking aspects of their lives. So, it’s very easy to have a distorted view of what “happiness” is around us.

In reality, there is always something missing, something lacking, or something unpleasant.

No one has a perfect life. Even the most glamorous celebrities or the richest billionaires have their own set of challenges and problems.

When we feel negative, we’re only focusing on a small fluctuating curve. As CEO of Lifehack, I’ve had to deal with countless problems, and some of them felt like real setbacks at the time. During those moments, it really seemed like these problems would be the life or death of my company and my life goals. But, I got through them; and, weeks, months and eventually years passed with many more ups and downs.

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You need to keep your sights on the extended curve.  Looking back now, a lot of those “really big” problems at the time now seem like only small blips in a long line of experiences. Recalling them in my mind now makes me smile!

Stop Trying to Be Happy–Just Be

It’s natural to want to be happy as often as possible.

So what can we do?

First, throw away the belief that a perfect life means happiness. Personally, I would be miserable if everything was perfect. It’s through experiencing the pains of lifelong challenges that drives us to care for others when they are experiencing similar trials. If life was perfect, you wouldn’t be able to empathize. If life was perfect, you wouldn’t grow.

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To be truly happy, stop chasing permanent happiness.

It sounds like a paradox. But, what I mean is to accept that there will be ups and downs throughout life. Gracefully understand that happiness is a fluctuation of positive and negative events.

Understand the importance of gratitude. Instead of focusing on the unpleasant moment, flash back your memory to when you didn’t have something. I like to think about my career, for example. When I didn’t have a career I was passionate about, I felt lost and demotivated. I felt like everyone was figuring out their lives but me. But, when I found my purpose and started Lifehack, I was deeply happy, even before I realized I would be successful! This memory keeps me going when I hit tough spots. It takes the darkness to make us grateful for the light.

Happiness and Sadness Exist Together

What it all comes down to is this: your life will be filled with beautiful, happy and incredible moments–happy tears and joyous shouts and funny stories. But, your life will also be filled with rain and storms that never seem like they will pass while you’re going through them.

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But, whether your face is warmed by the sunshine, or your heart is dampened by the rain, know that it’s all part of the ebb and flow of life.

Treasure the happy moments and power through the sad ones. Don’t try to avoid “sad” or “negative” experiences, and blindly chase being “happy”. In the end you will achieve a true level of contentment in your life, based on meaningful experiences and achievements. Being able to create growth and meaning out of both positive and negative events — that is the true meaning of “happiness”.

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