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90% of People Chase for What Others Want, but Not What They Really Want

90% of People Chase for What Others Want, but Not What They Really Want

What do you think the main purposes in life are? Some people would say that the main goal is to have a happy family, while others may say a successful career. Some people may prioritize traveling and seeing the world, while others want to spend as much time as possible with their friends.

In reality the main purposes are different for everyone, but sadly lots of people are heavily influenced by other people. This can mean that they have the wrong purpose for their life as instead of following something that they feel passionately about, they are following something someone else feels passionately about.

One of the main problems with this is that most people who are easily influenced don’t realize how easily they can be influenced! They think that they are following their own goals, and they don’t realize that they are actually prioritizing the approval of others above their own dreams.

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Ask yourself these questions; do you think that your purpose in life is great? Do you think you would still do it if others disapproved?

Our Purpose of Life Is Often Subtly Influenced by People Around Us

Do you ever find that you are agreeing with people, even though in your head you don’t actually agree with what they are saying? This can indicate that you value the opinions of others over your own opinions.

When this happens you are not expressing your personality; you are shoving it down and trying to disguise it with a new personality that isn’t really you. This is okay on a low level; humans are social creatures and so it is normal to want to get along with your peers. However it shouldn’t be affecting your life in a major way – and it definitely shouldn’t be affecting big choices such as career moves and your life purpose.

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Remember that there is nothing wrong with having a different opinion to other people. Just because you disagree, it doesn’t mean that you are wrong! It may not be easy to express your feelings, but it is important if you want to live a happy and genuine life.

How to Find Your Real Purpose of Life

While others can still provide a positive influence in your life, it is important to make sure that no-one is influencing how you think completely. If you feel like you are easily influenced by others, try these tips to solve the problem.

Imagine this: All your loved ones disappear, and no one will comment on what you do. Will you still go for what you’re doing now?

Imagine a world where you can do exactly what you want without jugdgment. Your family and friends won’t comment on your choices, and you will never know if they approve or disapprove of your decisions. Would you still be living the life that you are living right now? What you still be making the same decisions, or would you be a totally different person?

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If you imagine a totally different life, start making moves to change your current life. It may seem scary, but try and be grateful that you realized at an age when you can still change your life.

Communicate with yourself more. You shouldn’t just seek advice

Try to be very aware of your feelings so that you are less likely to just agree with other people. Think about what you care about and what bothers you, and make sure that you can articulate your feelings so that you know what to say if the subject comes up.

Practise saying “no” every day

Lots of people who are easily influenced struggle to say no, as they perceive that the other person will be upset or offended. In reality you should avoid people who get offended by your differing opinion, as it means that they don’t really like you for who you are – they just want you to act like a reflection of themselves, which is cruel and narcissistic.

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Practise saying no in the mirror every day, as this will help to build up your confidence and it will make it easier for you to stand your ground in the future.

More by this author

Amy Johnson

Amy is a writer who blogs about relationships and lifestyle advice.

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Last Updated on May 7, 2019

How to Detect a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

How to Detect a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

Work in any competitive field long enough, and you’re bound to run into a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It’s a powerful image. A shepherd watches over his flock to protect them from harm. He’d chase away any predator that tried to make its way into the flock. A clever wolf wearing the skin of a sheep as a disguise can sneak by the vigilant shepherd and get into the herd undetected.

The story isn’t just a colorful description–it’s a warning to all of us to beware the wolf in sheep’s clothing. They may seem innocent, but they have ulterior motives. They’ll use different tactics to camouflage their intentions.

The person who is kind to you, but undercuts you when you aren’t around is a wolf in disguise. A wolf in sheep’s clothing might pick your brain for ideas and then pass them off as their own to get a promotion. They’re always looking out for themselves at the expense of everyone around them.

Wearing a Disguise Has Its Advantages

People don’t go out of their way to manipulate others unless they’re getting something out of it. Hiding their intentions gives wolves the chance to manipulate other people to advance their own agenda. They know that what they’re trying to do wouldn’t be popular, or it might cause struggle if they presented themselves honestly.

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    They’ll be able to do what they want with less interference if they put on an act. By the time people figure out their true motives, the wolf has what it wants.

    Signs That Someone Is a Wolf in Disguise

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        1. They live to take power instead of empowering others. A wolf uses people as stepping stones to get the things that they want. They don’t care what happens to anyone else.[1] A wolf at work might make you look bad during a presentation to make themselves look amazing in front of the boss.
        2. Wolves seem sweet on the outside, but they’ll show you their teeth. If wolves revealed their true identity, people wouldn’t associate with them. They develop a friendly or kind persona, but they can’t keep up the act 24/7. Eventually, they’ll reveal their aggressive tendencies. A wealthy person who likes to break the law may make sizable charitable donations to convince people that they are kind and thoughtful. These donations largely keep them out of trouble, but if someone calls them out, they destroy that person’s reputation to stifle the criticism.
        3. They manipulate through emotions to get what they want. Wolves know that they can get ahead by appealing to your emotions. They find out what you want and need, and they give you just enough to keep you quiet and compliant. Imagine that your boss is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and you want to ask for a vacation. She might try to play on your guilt and feelings of insecurity to get you to skip vacation or take fewer days off.
        4. A wolf will charm you first. Wolves are experts at manipulating the people around them. They appear interested in whatever you’re doing, and you’ll get the impression that they care. After they get you where they want you, they do just enough to keep you on the hook. This is the coworker who may start out being your friend, but they end up dumping responsibility onto you. When they see that you are growing frustrated, they’ll surprise you with something to charm you some more. Then, they’ll continue to do whatever they want.
        5. Their stories are full of holes.  Calling a wolf out is the surest way to make them squirm. When this person tries to come up with a story, it won’t make much sense because they are improvising.[2] The classic example of this is the significant other that you suspect has cheated on you. When you ask them why they came home so late, they’ll either become upset with you, or they’ll make up a weak explanation.

        How to Spot a Wolf

          Know What’s Real So You Can Spot the Phony

          Do some homework so that you have as much of the story as possible before you work with them. Research how they respond in certain situations, or give them hypothetical problems to see how they respond.

          A job applicant might tell you that she’s always positive and thinks of herself as a team-player. That’s what every employer wants to hear. During the interview you ask applicants to work in groups to solve a problem to see how they handle the situation. The applicant “positive team-player” is bossy and negative. You’ve spotted the wolf.

          A wolf will tell you something that ultimately benefits them. Gather evidence that proves or disproves their position, and see what happens. Chances are, when you choose the side that supports their agenda, they’ll act like your best friend. If you disagree, they’ll become aggressive.

          Spotting a potential wolf–especially if you are one of the sheep–can present you with some challenges. If your gut tells you that a wolf is lurking among all the other sheep, pay attention, and make sure you take the next step.

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          Ask Questions, the More the Better

          There’s nothing wrong with asking questions to uncover the truth. The safety of everyone in your group is at risk. Since wolves often make up stories, you may be able to call them out when their tales lack details.

          When they state an opinion, ask “Why do you think that?” or “How do you know it’s like that?” They’ll have trouble coming up with enough information to pull off the lie.

          Since wolves are always pretending to be something they aren’t, they don’t usually have a clearly thought-out reason for what they say. In a debate, they won’t understand the root of an issue.

          They may also tell you what they think you want to hear, but when pressed for more information, they won’t have anything to add. Their knowledge is superficial. No matter how much you try to encourage discussion, they will not be able to carry on a conversation about the subject.

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          Wolves Are Everywhere

          As much as we want to believe that everyone has the best intentions, it isn’t always the case. Some people only do things to benefit themselves, and they don’t care who they hurt in the process.

          Wolves in sheep’s clothing can be found in almost every setting. You can’t get rid of them, but if you can spot them, you can avoid falling into their traps.

          Reference

          [1] Association of Biblical Counselors: Three Ways to Spot a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing
          [2] Power of Positivity: Beware of a wolf in sheep’s clothing

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