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90% of People Chase for What Others Want, but Not What They Really Want

90% of People Chase for What Others Want, but Not What They Really Want

What do you think the main purposes in life are? Some people would say that the main goal is to have a happy family, while others may say a successful career. Some people may prioritize traveling and seeing the world, while others want to spend as much time as possible with their friends.

In reality the main purposes are different for everyone, but sadly lots of people are heavily influenced by other people. This can mean that they have the wrong purpose for their life as instead of following something that they feel passionately about, they are following something someone else feels passionately about.

One of the main problems with this is that most people who are easily influenced don’t realize how easily they can be influenced! They think that they are following their own goals, and they don’t realize that they are actually prioritizing the approval of others above their own dreams.

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Ask yourself these questions; do you think that your purpose in life is great? Do you think you would still do it if others disapproved?

Our Purpose of Life Is Often Subtly Influenced by People Around Us

Do you ever find that you are agreeing with people, even though in your head you don’t actually agree with what they are saying? This can indicate that you value the opinions of others over your own opinions.

When this happens you are not expressing your personality; you are shoving it down and trying to disguise it with a new personality that isn’t really you. This is okay on a low level; humans are social creatures and so it is normal to want to get along with your peers. However it shouldn’t be affecting your life in a major way – and it definitely shouldn’t be affecting big choices such as career moves and your life purpose.

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Remember that there is nothing wrong with having a different opinion to other people. Just because you disagree, it doesn’t mean that you are wrong! It may not be easy to express your feelings, but it is important if you want to live a happy and genuine life.

How to Find Your Real Purpose of Life

While others can still provide a positive influence in your life, it is important to make sure that no-one is influencing how you think completely. If you feel like you are easily influenced by others, try these tips to solve the problem.

Imagine this: All your loved ones disappear, and no one will comment on what you do. Will you still go for what you’re doing now?

Imagine a world where you can do exactly what you want without jugdgment. Your family and friends won’t comment on your choices, and you will never know if they approve or disapprove of your decisions. Would you still be living the life that you are living right now? What you still be making the same decisions, or would you be a totally different person?

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If you imagine a totally different life, start making moves to change your current life. It may seem scary, but try and be grateful that you realized at an age when you can still change your life.

Communicate with yourself more. You shouldn’t just seek advice

Try to be very aware of your feelings so that you are less likely to just agree with other people. Think about what you care about and what bothers you, and make sure that you can articulate your feelings so that you know what to say if the subject comes up.

Practise saying “no” every day

Lots of people who are easily influenced struggle to say no, as they perceive that the other person will be upset or offended. In reality you should avoid people who get offended by your differing opinion, as it means that they don’t really like you for who you are – they just want you to act like a reflection of themselves, which is cruel and narcissistic.

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Practise saying no in the mirror every day, as this will help to build up your confidence and it will make it easier for you to stand your ground in the future.

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Amy Johnson

Amy is a writer who blogs about relationships and lifestyle advice.

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Last Updated on February 19, 2019

Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

No one wants to suffer. As a general rule, people like to avoid hurt and pain as much as possible. As a species, humans want a painless existence so much that scientists make a living trying to create it.

People can now choose “pain-free” labor for babies, and remedies to cure back pain, headaches, body-pains and even mental pains are a dime a dozen. Beyond medicine, we also work hard to experience little pain even when it comes to loss; often times we believe a breakup won’t hurt as much if we are the ones to call it off.

But would a world without pain truly be painless? It’s unlikely. In fact, it would probably be painful exactly for that reason.

If people never experienced hurt, they wouldn’t know what it was. On the surface level, that seems like a blessing, but think for a moment: if we didn’t know pain, how would we know peace? If you don’t know you’ve hurt or been hurt, how would you know that you need to heal? Imagine someone only knowing they have an incurable cancer at the final stage because no obvious symptoms have appeared at early stages.

Without the feeling of pain, people won’t be aware of dangerous situations—what should or shouldn’t do for survival.

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Pain Is Our Guardian

Pain serves to protect human beings from harmful actions. It’s the same reason parents teach babies that fire equals hot, and that hot equals hurt. Should the baby still place its hand in a fire or on a stove, the intense pain remains so memorable, that the child is certain never to repeat that action.

In the same way, pain within human bodies can serve as a warning that something is not right. Because you know what it is to feel “well,” you know what it is to feel poorly.[1]

Along with serving as a teacher of what not to do, pain also teaches you what you are made of in terms of what you can handle as an individual.

While the cliche, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is a tired term, it’s used excessively for a reason: it’s true. Pain helps you learn to cope with life’s inevitable difficulties and sadnesses— to develop the grit it takes to push past hardships and carry on.

Whether it’s a shattering pain, like the loss of a loved one or a debilitating accident, pain affects everyone differently. But it still affects everyone. Take a breakup as an example, anyone who has experienced it knows it can hurt to the point of feeling physical. Especially the first breakup. At a young age, it feels like the loss of the only love you’ll ever know. As you grow and learn, you realize you’re more resilient with every ended relationship.

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No Pain, No Happiness

You only know happiness when you have known pain. While the idea of constant happiness sounds nice, there is little chance it would be. Without the comparison to happiness, there’s no reason to be grateful for it. That is to say, without ever knowing sadness or pain, you would have no reason to be grateful for happiness.

In reality, there is always something missing, or something unpleasant, but it is only through those realizations that you know to be grateful when you feel you have it all. Read more about why happiness and pain have to exist together: Chasing Happiness Won’t Make You Happy

In a somewhat counter-intuitive finding, researchers found one of the things that brings about the most happiness is challenge. When people are tested, they experience a greater sense of accomplishment and happiness when they are successful. It is largely for this reason that low-income individuals can often feel happier than those who have a sense of wealth.[2]

This is a great thing to remember the next time you feel you would be happier if you just had a little more cash.

Avoiding Pain Leads to More Suffering

Pain is inevitable, embrace it positively. Anyone who strives to have a painless life is striving for perfectionism; and perfectionism guarantees sadness because nothing will ever be perfect.

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This isn’t a bleak outlook, but rather a truthful one. The messy moments in life tend to create the best memories and gratitude. Pain often serves as a reminder of lessons learned, much like physical scars on the body.

Pain will always be painful, but it’s the hurt feelings that help wiser decisions be made.

Allow Room for the Inevitable

Learning how to tolerate pain, especially the emotional kind, is a valuable lesson.

Accepting and feeling pain makes you human. There is no weakness in that. Weakness only comes when you try to blame your own pain on someone else, expecting the blame to alleviate your hurting. There’s a saying,

“Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die.”

Think back to the last time you were really angry with someone. Maybe you were hurt because you got laid off from a job. You felt angry and that anger caused so much pain that you could feel it in a physical way. Being angry and blaming your ex boss for that pain didn’t affect him or her in any way; you’re the only one who lost sleep over it.

The healthier thing to do in a situation like that is acknowledge your pain and the anger along with it. Accept it and explore it in an introspective way. How can you learn and grow? What is at the root of that pain? Are you truly hurting and angry about being laid off, or is the pain more a correlation to you feeling like you failed?

While uncomfortable, exploring your pain is a way to raise your self-awareness. By understanding more about yourself, you know how to deal with similar situations in the future. You can never expect to be numb to difficult situations, but you will learn to better prepare financially for the loss of a job and be grateful for an income since you now know nothing is promised (no matter how much you work or how deserving you may feel).

Pain Hurts, but Numbness Would Be Worse

Pain does not feel good, but the bad feeling of it will help you learn and grow. It makes the sweet moments in life even sweeter and the gratitude more sincere.

To have a happier and more successful life, you don’t learn from success or accomplishment, but through pain and failures. For it is in those moments that you learn how to do better in the future or at least cope a little more easily.

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You are the strong person you are today because of the hardships this life has presented to you. While you may have felt out of control when those hard times came, the one thing you will always have control over is how you choose to react to things. The next time you hurt or you’re angry or sad, acknowledge it and allow yourself to ruminate in it. Then take a deep breath and start learning from that pain. You’ve got this!

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

[1] University of Calgary: Why is Pain Important?
[2] Greater Good Magazine: The Importance of Pain

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