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The One Trick That Will Make You Become More Confident When Facing Challenges

The One Trick That Will Make You Become More Confident When Facing Challenges

You desperately want to be promoted at work, but there’s a problem… you lack the self confidence to push yourself ahead.

Year after year you watch your colleagues move up the ladder, while you languish at the bottom. It’s not that chances don’t come your way – it’s just that you never take them when they do. Sadly, as time goes by, your self-confidence plummets to new lows, and your original career dreams lay dead in the water.

If this (or something similar) has happened to you, then it’s time to realize that…

Self Confidence – The Basis of Success

If you take an impartial look at your colleagues, friends and family members, you’ll discover that the most successful people are not always the most intelligent!

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That’s right. Intelligence is certainly a component of success, but it’s not the be all and end all. In fact, it’s fair to say that confidence is more vital to success than intelligence or skill.

If you don’t believe this, then spend some time studying TV and film actors. Sure, there are many talented actors who are at the top of their game. You see them in all the latest blockbusters. But look a little further at the supporting actors. Some of these are good – but some are (quite frankly) pitiful! I used to wonder how these second-rate actors got regular work, until I realized that they may not be great actors, but they do possess an abundance of self-confidence. In many cases, this self-confidence appears to have landed roles to these inferior actors – while leaving more talented actors in the wings.

Success and confidence go hand in hand. One of the reasons for this, is that confident people are not easily defeated by challenges and obstacles. Instead of falling at the first hurdle, they seek ways to overcome problems.

Would you like to have more success in your life? I’m sure you do. So, let’s turn now to a practical way of boosting your self-confidence.

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The Internal Confidence Boost That You Can Do Anytime Anywhere

From your home to the global arena, challenges are everywhere. You must be resilient and resourceful if you want to overcome these relentless challenges.

One way to do this, is to take some time to study a major personal challenge. Specifically, write down all the possible excuses you may have now (or in the future) of why you cannot defeat this challenge. Once you have this list, the next step is to write down a counter argument to each point. The second stage will be the part you primarily focus on, as you build your self-confidence to overcome the challenge.

Putting The Confidence Boost in Practice

To understand this further, I’m going to give you an entertaining example.

The challenge is this: You want to ask a potential partner to go out with you on a first date. Whatever your age and experience, asking someone out on a date is bound to be stressful and nerve-racking. In your head, you’re likely to have these questions going around and around… “Do they like me?” “Will they turn me down?” “Will they laugh at me?!”

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If you allow your mind to have a constant repetition of negative thoughts, it’s likely that you’ll lose your confidence and willingness to ask the person out on a date. Don’t let this happen. Instead, make a list of reasons why you don’t feel up to asking the question.

These could be things like:

  • He/she may already have a partner.
  • They probably don’t fancy me.
  • I doubt I’m in their league!

Now, create your counter argument list:

  • They may be single and open to a relationship.
  • They have been flirting with you, so there’s a decent chance they find you attractive.
  • They may be thinking the same thing as you… “Am I out of their league?!”

The above scenario can easily reach a conclusion if you’re willing to build up enough confidence to ask the other person out. If they say no, then you’ll be no worse off than if you didn’t ask them. And if they say yes – then enjoy your date!

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It Applies to All Scenarios, Not Limited to Interpersonal Interaction

Another significant challenge many people face, is financial worries. You may have credit card debts, or you’re behind with your mortgage (or both!). Again, make a list of what’s stopping you tackling the problem, and then write a supplementary list with reasons why you should and will take control of the situation.

Once you’ve got negativity and inaction out the way, take decisive steps to overcome your challenges. The more times you find yourself on the winning side, the more your self-confidence will be boosted. And remember, self-confidence is an essential component of success.

More by this author

Craig J Todd

Freelance Writer helping businesses and people to thrive.

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Last Updated on February 19, 2019

Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

No one wants to suffer. As a general rule, people like to avoid hurt and pain as much as possible. As a species, humans want a painless existence so much that scientists make a living trying to create it.

People can now choose “pain-free” labor for babies, and remedies to cure back pain, headaches, body-pains and even mental pains are a dime a dozen. Beyond medicine, we also work hard to experience little pain even when it comes to loss; often times we believe a breakup won’t hurt as much if we are the ones to call it off.

But would a world without pain truly be painless? It’s unlikely. In fact, it would probably be painful exactly for that reason.

If people never experienced hurt, they wouldn’t know what it was. On the surface level, that seems like a blessing, but think for a moment: if we didn’t know pain, how would we know peace? If you don’t know you’ve hurt or been hurt, how would you know that you need to heal? Imagine someone only knowing they have an incurable cancer at the final stage because no obvious symptoms have appeared at early stages.

Without the feeling of pain, people won’t be aware of dangerous situations—what should or shouldn’t do for survival.

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Pain Is Our Guardian

Pain serves to protect human beings from harmful actions. It’s the same reason parents teach babies that fire equals hot, and that hot equals hurt. Should the baby still place its hand in a fire or on a stove, the intense pain remains so memorable, that the child is certain never to repeat that action.

In the same way, pain within human bodies can serve as a warning that something is not right. Because you know what it is to feel “well,” you know what it is to feel poorly.[1]

Along with serving as a teacher of what not to do, pain also teaches you what you are made of in terms of what you can handle as an individual.

While the cliche, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is a tired term, it’s used excessively for a reason: it’s true. Pain helps you learn to cope with life’s inevitable difficulties and sadnesses— to develop the grit it takes to push past hardships and carry on.

Whether it’s a shattering pain, like the loss of a loved one or a debilitating accident, pain affects everyone differently. But it still affects everyone. Take a breakup as an example, anyone who has experienced it knows it can hurt to the point of feeling physical. Especially the first breakup. At a young age, it feels like the loss of the only love you’ll ever know. As you grow and learn, you realize you’re more resilient with every ended relationship.

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No Pain, No Happiness

You only know happiness when you have known pain. While the idea of constant happiness sounds nice, there is little chance it would be. Without the comparison to happiness, there’s no reason to be grateful for it. That is to say, without ever knowing sadness or pain, you would have no reason to be grateful for happiness.

In reality, there is always something missing, or something unpleasant, but it is only through those realizations that you know to be grateful when you feel you have it all. Read more about why happiness and pain have to exist together: Chasing Happiness Won’t Make You Happy

In a somewhat counter-intuitive finding, researchers found one of the things that brings about the most happiness is challenge. When people are tested, they experience a greater sense of accomplishment and happiness when they are successful. It is largely for this reason that low-income individuals can often feel happier than those who have a sense of wealth.[2]

This is a great thing to remember the next time you feel you would be happier if you just had a little more cash.

Avoiding Pain Leads to More Suffering

Pain is inevitable, embrace it positively. Anyone who strives to have a painless life is striving for perfectionism; and perfectionism guarantees sadness because nothing will ever be perfect.

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This isn’t a bleak outlook, but rather a truthful one. The messy moments in life tend to create the best memories and gratitude. Pain often serves as a reminder of lessons learned, much like physical scars on the body.

Pain will always be painful, but it’s the hurt feelings that help wiser decisions be made.

Allow Room for the Inevitable

Learning how to tolerate pain, especially the emotional kind, is a valuable lesson.

Accepting and feeling pain makes you human. There is no weakness in that. Weakness only comes when you try to blame your own pain on someone else, expecting the blame to alleviate your hurting. There’s a saying,

“Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die.”

Think back to the last time you were really angry with someone. Maybe you were hurt because you got laid off from a job. You felt angry and that anger caused so much pain that you could feel it in a physical way. Being angry and blaming your ex boss for that pain didn’t affect him or her in any way; you’re the only one who lost sleep over it.

The healthier thing to do in a situation like that is acknowledge your pain and the anger along with it. Accept it and explore it in an introspective way. How can you learn and grow? What is at the root of that pain? Are you truly hurting and angry about being laid off, or is the pain more a correlation to you feeling like you failed?

While uncomfortable, exploring your pain is a way to raise your self-awareness. By understanding more about yourself, you know how to deal with similar situations in the future. You can never expect to be numb to difficult situations, but you will learn to better prepare financially for the loss of a job and be grateful for an income since you now know nothing is promised (no matter how much you work or how deserving you may feel).

Pain Hurts, but Numbness Would Be Worse

Pain does not feel good, but the bad feeling of it will help you learn and grow. It makes the sweet moments in life even sweeter and the gratitude more sincere.

To have a happier and more successful life, you don’t learn from success or accomplishment, but through pain and failures. For it is in those moments that you learn how to do better in the future or at least cope a little more easily.

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You are the strong person you are today because of the hardships this life has presented to you. While you may have felt out of control when those hard times came, the one thing you will always have control over is how you choose to react to things. The next time you hurt or you’re angry or sad, acknowledge it and allow yourself to ruminate in it. Then take a deep breath and start learning from that pain. You’ve got this!

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

[1] University of Calgary: Why is Pain Important?
[2] Greater Good Magazine: The Importance of Pain

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