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10 Best Romance Movies That Reflect the Harsh Reality of Relationships

10 Best Romance Movies That Reflect the Harsh Reality of Relationships

A lot of people love romantic movies. They provide the ultimate escapism and feel-good factor when the forces of love triumphs. Most of the times, the reason why it has such an impact on us is because of the message it brings–a message of hope. Many can relate to sitting in front of a screen with loved ones–whether at home or in the cinema, and feeling teary eyed when that moment comes up which has the power to tug on heartstrings.

The best romantic movies do not just act as entertainment, but in fact, can actually teach us important lessons of life, love and relationships. Here are 10 romantic movies and what they taught us

1. Silver Linings Playbook (2012)

    Life is sometimes difficult and we can feel like we are trapped in a situation where there is no escape. But the beauty is its unpredictability as well as the people who can come into our lives when we least expect it.

    Be open to the unexpected happening. Even though you may be struggling with demons of your own, you never know who may wander into your life when you are least expecting it. Stop looking for love and let love find you.

    2. One Day (2011)

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      This is one of those romantic movies that teaches us about the importance of friendship in a relationship. Your significant other should also be your friend. And like any good friend, they should know all your good and bad points but still love you any way.

      Even if you do not end up dating your best friend, be with someone who will ultimately be one of your closest companions and someone you can rely on–no matter what.

      3. Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001)

        Love sometimes catches us off-guard and we fall in love with the person we may least expect.

        Don’t judge a book by its cover. There are sometimes connections we have with people that we may never have envisioned. Physical chemistry is important, but it is even more important that they can connect with you on other levels.

        4. What’s Your Number? (2011)

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          Stop focusing on the past. There is a reason why people didn’t make to your present. If you are single (and single for a while) you may feel nostalgic and wonder “what if” about failed relationships. But remember, if those relationships were right, they would have worked out. So the fact is, one of you was a wrong match for the other person.

          Open yourself to welcoming new people and opportunities into your life.

          5. 10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

            Don’t change who you are. If the person is right for you, they will appreciate all those things that make you different–even the things that make you uncool to everyone else.

            The right one will love you just the way you are–and they will love you even more for your flaws and quirky bits.

            6. He’s Just Not That Into You (2009)

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              Don’t wait around for someone who doesn’t behave like they want to be with you. If you find yourself always making excuses or justifying someone’s absence or lack of attention, the reality is that they are probably just not that into you. It may hurt to accept this, but taking the first step to recognizing this will be the first step to breaking free from that hurt.

              Don’t allow yourself to be nothing more than an option for someone who doesn’t see you as a priority.

              7. Love Actually (2003)

                This is one of those romantic movies that follows the lives of a few people.

                We are reminded that everyone has the same chance of finding love–it doesn’t matter who you are, where you are from or what your circumstances may be. It’s all about being in the right place and the right time. Everyone deserves love and everyone has the possibility to find it.

                8. Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961)

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                  If someone is more interested in the other person’s status or money, it’s not real love. This has sadly become far too common with many people more in pursuit of what they can gain from a partner, as opposed to how that person makes them feel.

                  If someone truly loves you for you, the size of your bank balance, who you know or the material things they can benefit from being with you, will not matter.

                  9. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

                    There is sometimes no greater pain than a heartbreak, and to some people, it may feel impossible to find a way out of that anguish.

                    Don’t force healing or deny yourself the grieving process. It is important to you give yourself the time that you need. Don’t try to find quick solutions such as partying or finding someone else immediately, as ultimately, these are just misguided ways to numb the pain. Pushing yourself too hard to get over someone often makes things worse. It should not be rushed–take as long as you need.

                    10. The Notebook (2004)

                      True love never forgets and will stand the test of time. And no matter what, it will keep fighting and being loyal till the end, irrespective of the circumstances. There are no obstacles that are too big or small when it comes to real love.

                      If you want to be further inspired by some REAL life love stories to remind you that true love does still exist, check out my other article here.

                      More by this author

                      J.S. von Dacre

                      Writer at Lifehack

                      Alert: If You Always Avoid Things You Fear, You May Have This Issue 10 Best Romance Movies That Reflect the Harsh Reality of Relationships Things Parents Do Unconsciously That Make Their Kids Become Codependent If You’re Overly Dependent, Probably It Is Due to the Scars of Childhood 90% of People Confuse Codependency with Intense Love. Are You One of Them?

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                      Last Updated on October 30, 2019

                      How the Stages of Change Model Helps You Change Your Habits

                      How the Stages of Change Model Helps You Change Your Habits

                      Change is tough, there’s no doubt about it. Old habits are hard to shift, and adopting a new lifestyle can feel like an uphill battle!

                      In this article, you will learn about a simple yet powerful model:

                      Stages of change model, that explains the science behind personal transformation.

                      You’ll discover how and why some changes stick whereas others don’t last, and how long it takes to build new habits.

                      What is the Stages of Change Model?

                      Developed by researchers J.O. Prochaska and Carlo C. DiClemente over 30 years ago[1] and outlined in their book Changing For Good, the Stages of Change Model, also known as the Transtheoretical Model, was formed as a result of the authors’ research with smokers.

                      Prochaska and DiClemente were originally interested in the question of why some smokers were able to quit on their own, whereas others required professional help. Their key conclusion was that smokers (or anyone else with a bad habit) quits only when they are ready to do so.

                      Here’s an illustration done by cartoonist and illustrator Simon Kneebone about the different stages a smoker experiences when they try to quit smoking:

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                        The Stages of Change Model looks at how these conscious decisions are made. It emphasizes that change isn’t easy. People can spend a long time stuck in a stage, and some may never reach their goals.[2]

                        The model has been applied in the treatment of smoking, alcoholism, and drugs. It is also a useful way of thinking about any bad habit. Social workers, therapists, and psychologists draw on the model to understand their patients’ behaviors, and to explain the change process to the patients themselves.

                        The key advantages to the model is that it is simple to understand, is backed by extensive research, and can be applied in many situations.

                        The Stages of Change Model is a well-established psychological model that outlines six stages of personal change:

                        1. Precontemplation
                        2. Contemplation
                        3. Determination
                        4. Action
                        5. Maintenance
                        6. Termination

                        How are these stages relevant to changing habits?

                        To help you visualize the stages of change and how each progresses to the next one, please take a look at this wheel:[3]

                          Let’s look at the six stages of change,[4] together with an example that will show you how the model works in practice:

                          Stage 1: Precontemplation

                          At this stage, an individual does not plan to make any positive changes in the next six months. This may because they are in denial about their problem, feel too overwhelmed to deal with it, or are too discouraged after multiple failed attempts to change.

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                          For example, someone may be aware that they need to start exercising, but cannot find the motivation to do so. They might keep thinking about the last time they tried (and failed) to work out regularly. Only when they start to realize the advantages of making a change will they progress to the next stage.

                          Stage 2: Contemplation

                          At this stage, the individual starts to consider the advantages of changing. They start to acknowledge that altering their habits would probably benefit them, but they spend a lot of time thinking about the downside of doing so. This stage can last for a long time – possibly a year or more.

                          You can think of this as the procrastinating stage. For example, an individual begins to seriously consider the benefits of regular exercise, but feels resistant when they think about the time and effort involved. When the person starts putting together a concrete plan for change, they move to the next stage.

                          The key to moving from this stage to the next is the transformation of an abstract idea to a belief (e.g. from “Exercise is a good, sensible thing to do” to “I personally value exercise and need to do it.)[5]

                          Stage 3: Preparation

                          At this point, the person starts to put a plan in place. This stage is brief, lasting a few weeks. For example, they may book a session with a personal trainer and enrol on a nutrition course.

                          Someone who drinks to excess may make an appointment with a drug and alcohol counsellor; someone with a tendency to overwork themselves might start planning ways to devise a more realistic schedule.

                          Stage 4: Action

                          When they have decided on a plan, the individual must then put it into action. This stage typically lasts for several months. In our example, the person would begin attending the gym regularly and overhauling their diet.

                          Stage 4 is the stage at which the person’s desire for change becomes noticeable to family and friends. However, in truth, the change process began a long time ago. If someone you know seems to have suddenly changed their habits, it’s probably not so sudden after all! They will have progressed through Stages 1-3 first – you probably just didn’t know about it.

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                          Stage 5: Maintenance

                          After a few months in the Action stage, the individual will start to think about how they can maintain their changes, and make lifestyle adjustments accordingly. For instance, someone who has adopted the habit of regular workouts and a better diet will be vigilant against old triggers (such as eating junk food during a stressful time at work) and make a conscious decision to protect their new habits.

                          Unless someone actively engages with Stage 5, their new habits are liable to come unstuck. Someone who has stuck to their new habits for many months – perhaps a year or longer – may enter Stage 6.

                          Maintenance can be challenging because it entails coming up with a new set of habits to lock change in place. For instance, someone who is maintaining their new gym-going habit may have to start improving their budgeting skills in order to continue to afford their gym membership.

                          Stage 6: Termination

                          Not many people reach this stage, which is characterized by a complete commitment to the new habit and a certainty that they will never go back to their old ways. For example, someone may find it hard to imagine giving up their gym routine, and feel ill at the thought of eating junk food on a regular basis.

                          However, for the majority of people, it’s normal to stay in the Maintenance period indefinitely. This is because it takes a long time for a new habit to become so automatic and natural that it sticks forever, with little effort. To use another example, an ex-smoker will often find it hard to resist the temptation to have “just one” cigarette even a year or so after quitting. It can take years for them to truly reach the Termination stage, at which point they are no more likely to smoke than a lifelong non-smoker.

                          How long does each stage take?

                          You should be aware that some people remain in the same stage for months or even years at a time. Understanding this model will help you be more patient with yourself when making a change. If you try to force yourself to jump from Contemplation to Maintenance, you’ll just end up frustrated. On the other hand, if you take a moment to assess where you are in the change process, you can adapt your approach.

                          So if you need to make changes quickly and you are finding it hard to progress to the next stage, it’s probably time to get some professional help or adopt a new approach to forming habits.

                          The limitations of this model

                          The model is best applied when you decide in advance precisely what you want to achieve, and know exactly how you will measure it (e.g. number of times per week you go to the gym, or number of cigarettes smoked per day). Although the model has proven useful for many people, it does have limitations.

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                          Require the ability to set a realistic goal

                          For a start, there are no surefire ways of assessing whereabouts in the process you are – you just have to be honest with yourself and use your own judgement. Second, it assumes that you are physically capable of making a change, whereas in fact you might either need to adjust your goals or seek professional help.

                          If your goal isn’t realistic, it doesn’t matter whether you follow the stages – you still won’t get results. You need to decide for yourself whether your aims are reasonable.[6]

                          Difficult to judge your progress

                          The model also assumes that you are able to objectively measure your own successes and failures, which may not always be the case.[7] For instance, let’s suppose that you are trying to get into the habit of counting calories as part of your weight-loss efforts. However, even though you may think that you are recording your intake properly, you might be over or under-estimating.

                          Research shows that most people think they are getting enough exercise and eating well, but in actual fact aren’t as healthy as they believe. The model doesn’t take this possibility into account, meaning that you could believe yourself to be in the Action stage yet aren’t seeing results. Therefore, if you are serious about making changes, it may be best to get some expert advice so that you can be sure the changes you are making really will make a positive difference.

                          Conclusion

                          The Stages Of Change Model can be a wonderful way to understand change in both yourself and others.

                          While there’re some limitations in it, the Stages of Change Model helps to visualize how you go through changes so you know what to expect when you’re trying to change a habit or make some great changes in life.

                          Start by identifying one of your bad habits. Where are you in the process? What could you do next to move forwards?

                          Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

                          Reference

                          [1] Psych Central: Stages Of Change
                          [2] Boston University School Of Public Health: The Transtheoretical Model (Stages Of Change)
                          [3] Empowering Change: Stages of Change
                          [4] Boston University School Of Public Health: The Transtheoretical Model (Stages Of Change)
                          [5] Psychology Today: 5 Steps To Changing Any Behavior
                          [6] The Transtheoretical Model: Limitations Of The Transtheoretical Model
                          [7] Health Education Research: Transtheoretical Model & Stages Of Change: A Critique

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