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Self-Esteem: What Is Self-Esteem and What Is Not

Self-Esteem: What Is Self-Esteem and What Is Not

When the subject of self-esteem is raised, the air suddenly becomes dense with the negative connotation that the topic suggests. It has become a deep-seeded issue that resonates with the majority; we can find solidarity in the fact that we never feel whole. Therein lies the problem. It has become normal to feel obsolete. Although highly influenced by external factors, our level of self-worth can come from nowhere but within ourselves.

Self-esteem issues effect our everyday performance, and basically just every moment of everyday. How you perceive yourself is transmitted through every action you take, every expression you make. You can vastly improve your quality of life by positively altering the way that you view yourself, and realize that you’re awesome, and so deserving of love and the rewards from your success. Changing your thought process is next to impossible, but it can be done. And it is quite literally, a labor of love.

Here are a few Lifehack articles (written by yours truly) covering different facets of self-esteem.

The Most Appropriate Definition of Self-Esteem

Fame Doesn’t Equal Self-Esteem

Social Media presence has such a hold on society, that we gauge or self-worth based on our “following” or “fame.”

How We Are Confusing Self-Love With Narcissism In This Generation

Identifying narcissistic behaviors within yourself or others, and how to nurture self-love without allowing it to turn into narcissism.

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Signs of People Who Have Self-Esteem Issues

Signs Of Low Self-Esteem And The Root Causes You Might Not Know

People who have low self esteem are always hard on themselves. Sometimes they don’t accept compliments because they second guess others’ intentions.

15 Signs Of Self-Absorbed People

Self-absorbed people portray certain patterns that are similar to narcissistic people, and these  self-esteem.

The Hidden Causes of Low Self-Esteem

How Parents’s Love Destroy Their Children’s Self-Esteem

Some friendly advice on how to be a healthy and positive influence on a growing child’s self esteem.

How Social Media Secretly Manipulates Our Views On Winners and Losers

A look into the negative effects of social media, Spot-light culture, and the fear of missing out.

How Our Obsession With Other People’s Approval Is Destroying Us

Spotlight Culture has given us all the impression that everyone is always watching and judging our every move. Here’s how to separate yourself from that silly mentality.

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Where Self-Esteem Comes From

Winning It All Doesn’t Guarantee High Self-esteem

Battling Shame Culture, and learning how to not lose yourself in the process of winning your success.

The More We Compare, The More We Lose Ourselves

The toxicity that comes along with comparison, when we put too much focus on the success of others, that it inhibits our own growth.

Why People’s Approval Shouldn’t Matter

If you want to live a fulfilling life, let go of your need for approval from others.

People Who Have A Life Purpose Have Higher Self-Esteem

How finding your life’s work and committing to it will greatly improve your self-esteem.

The Magic of Boosing Self-Esteem Lies within You

True self-esteem comes from within, not external stuff like the number of likes on the social media.

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How to Build Self-Esteem & Self-Confidence

10 Ways To Believe In Yourself Again

We have to believe in ourselves and in our abilities to succeed in life.

15 Things Highly Confident People Don’t Do

Highly confident people believe in their ability to achieve greatness. Learn from them and become a confident person.

63 Ways to Build Self-Confidence

Confidence is a tool you can use to boost your self-esteem and achieve what you want in your everyday life.

Incredible Ways to Make You a Charming Person

When you start to believe in yourself and demonstrate confidence, you’ll become more charming than ever.

How to Love Yourself More for Better Self-Esteem

3 Simple Steps to Make You Constantly Feel Good About Yourself

By feeling good about yourself, you let your true self shine.

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30 Ways to Practice Self-Love and Be Good to Yourself

It’s not about being self-absorbed, it’s about getting in touch with our well-being and happiness.

How to Love Yourself, Even if No One Else Does

You don’t need anyone else to complete your life, you’re the one responsible for your own love.

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

More by this author

Jenn Beach

Traveling vagabond, writer, & plant-based food enthusiast.

How We Are Confusing Self-Love with Narcissism In This Generation How Traveling Can Drastically Improve Your Interpersonal Skills 10 Best Lumbar Support Cushions That All Desk Workers Need One Small Action Separates Success From Mediocrity. How Not To Turn Meaningful Discussions Into Arguments By Keeping This 1 Thing In Mind.

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Last Updated on May 7, 2019

How to Detect a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

How to Detect a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

Work in any competitive field long enough, and you’re bound to run into a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It’s a powerful image. A shepherd watches over his flock to protect them from harm. He’d chase away any predator that tried to make its way into the flock. A clever wolf wearing the skin of a sheep as a disguise can sneak by the vigilant shepherd and get into the herd undetected.

The story isn’t just a colorful description–it’s a warning to all of us to beware the wolf in sheep’s clothing. They may seem innocent, but they have ulterior motives. They’ll use different tactics to camouflage their intentions.

The person who is kind to you, but undercuts you when you aren’t around is a wolf in disguise. A wolf in sheep’s clothing might pick your brain for ideas and then pass them off as their own to get a promotion. They’re always looking out for themselves at the expense of everyone around them.

Wearing a Disguise Has Its Advantages

People don’t go out of their way to manipulate others unless they’re getting something out of it. Hiding their intentions gives wolves the chance to manipulate other people to advance their own agenda. They know that what they’re trying to do wouldn’t be popular, or it might cause struggle if they presented themselves honestly.

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    They’ll be able to do what they want with less interference if they put on an act. By the time people figure out their true motives, the wolf has what it wants.

    Signs That Someone Is a Wolf in Disguise

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        1. They live to take power instead of empowering others. A wolf uses people as stepping stones to get the things that they want. They don’t care what happens to anyone else.[1] A wolf at work might make you look bad during a presentation to make themselves look amazing in front of the boss.
        2. Wolves seem sweet on the outside, but they’ll show you their teeth. If wolves revealed their true identity, people wouldn’t associate with them. They develop a friendly or kind persona, but they can’t keep up the act 24/7. Eventually, they’ll reveal their aggressive tendencies. A wealthy person who likes to break the law may make sizable charitable donations to convince people that they are kind and thoughtful. These donations largely keep them out of trouble, but if someone calls them out, they destroy that person’s reputation to stifle the criticism.
        3. They manipulate through emotions to get what they want. Wolves know that they can get ahead by appealing to your emotions. They find out what you want and need, and they give you just enough to keep you quiet and compliant. Imagine that your boss is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and you want to ask for a vacation. She might try to play on your guilt and feelings of insecurity to get you to skip vacation or take fewer days off.
        4. A wolf will charm you first. Wolves are experts at manipulating the people around them. They appear interested in whatever you’re doing, and you’ll get the impression that they care. After they get you where they want you, they do just enough to keep you on the hook. This is the coworker who may start out being your friend, but they end up dumping responsibility onto you. When they see that you are growing frustrated, they’ll surprise you with something to charm you some more. Then, they’ll continue to do whatever they want.
        5. Their stories are full of holes.  Calling a wolf out is the surest way to make them squirm. When this person tries to come up with a story, it won’t make much sense because they are improvising.[2] The classic example of this is the significant other that you suspect has cheated on you. When you ask them why they came home so late, they’ll either become upset with you, or they’ll make up a weak explanation.

        How to Spot a Wolf

          Know What’s Real So You Can Spot the Phony

          Do some homework so that you have as much of the story as possible before you work with them. Research how they respond in certain situations, or give them hypothetical problems to see how they respond.

          A job applicant might tell you that she’s always positive and thinks of herself as a team-player. That’s what every employer wants to hear. During the interview you ask applicants to work in groups to solve a problem to see how they handle the situation. The applicant “positive team-player” is bossy and negative. You’ve spotted the wolf.

          A wolf will tell you something that ultimately benefits them. Gather evidence that proves or disproves their position, and see what happens. Chances are, when you choose the side that supports their agenda, they’ll act like your best friend. If you disagree, they’ll become aggressive.

          Spotting a potential wolf–especially if you are one of the sheep–can present you with some challenges. If your gut tells you that a wolf is lurking among all the other sheep, pay attention, and make sure you take the next step.

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          Ask Questions, the More the Better

          There’s nothing wrong with asking questions to uncover the truth. The safety of everyone in your group is at risk. Since wolves often make up stories, you may be able to call them out when their tales lack details.

          When they state an opinion, ask “Why do you think that?” or “How do you know it’s like that?” They’ll have trouble coming up with enough information to pull off the lie.

          Since wolves are always pretending to be something they aren’t, they don’t usually have a clearly thought-out reason for what they say. In a debate, they won’t understand the root of an issue.

          They may also tell you what they think you want to hear, but when pressed for more information, they won’t have anything to add. Their knowledge is superficial. No matter how much you try to encourage discussion, they will not be able to carry on a conversation about the subject.

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          Wolves Are Everywhere

          As much as we want to believe that everyone has the best intentions, it isn’t always the case. Some people only do things to benefit themselves, and they don’t care who they hurt in the process.

          Wolves in sheep’s clothing can be found in almost every setting. You can’t get rid of them, but if you can spot them, you can avoid falling into their traps.

          Reference

          [1] Association of Biblical Counselors: Three Ways to Spot a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing
          [2] Power of Positivity: Beware of a wolf in sheep’s clothing

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