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Self-Esteem: What Is Self-Esteem and What Is Not

Self-Esteem: What Is Self-Esteem and What Is Not

When the subject of self-esteem is raised, the air suddenly becomes dense with the negative connotation that the topic suggests. It has become a deep-seeded issue that resonates with the majority; we can find solidarity in the fact that we never feel whole. Therein lies the problem. It has become normal to feel obsolete. Although highly influenced by external factors, our level of self-worth can come from nowhere but within ourselves.

Self-esteem issues effect our everyday performance, and basically just every moment of everyday. How you perceive yourself is transmitted through every action you take, every expression you make. You can vastly improve your quality of life by positively altering the way that you view yourself, and realize that you’re awesome, and so deserving of love and the rewards from your success. Changing your thought process is next to impossible, but it can be done. And it is quite literally, a labor of love.

Here are a few Lifehack articles (written by yours truly) covering different facets of self-esteem.

The Most Appropriate Definition of Self-Esteem

Fame Doesn’t Equal Self-Esteem

Social Media presence has such a hold on society, that we gauge or self-worth based on our “following” or “fame.”

How We Are Confusing Self-Love With Narcissism In This Generation

Identifying narcissistic behaviors within yourself or others, and how to nurture self-love without allowing it to turn into narcissism.

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Signs of People Who Have Self-Esteem Issues

Signs Of Low Self-Esteem And The Root Causes You Might Not Know

People who have low self esteem are always hard on themselves. Sometimes they don’t accept compliments because they second guess others’ intentions.

15 Signs Of Self-Absorbed People

Self-absorbed people portray certain patterns that are similar to narcissistic people, and these  self-esteem.

The Hidden Causes of Low Self-Esteem

How Parents’s Love Destroy Their Children’s Self-Esteem

Some friendly advice on how to be a healthy and positive influence on a growing child’s self esteem.

How Social Media Secretly Manipulates Our Views On Winners and Losers

A look into the negative effects of social media, Spot-light culture, and the fear of missing out.

How Our Obsession With Other People’s Approval Is Destroying Us

Spotlight Culture has given us all the impression that everyone is always watching and judging our every move. Here’s how to separate yourself from that silly mentality.

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Where Self-Esteem Comes From

Winning It All Doesn’t Guarantee High Self-esteem

Battling Shame Culture, and learning how to not lose yourself in the process of winning your success.

The More We Compare, The More We Lose Ourselves

The toxicity that comes along with comparison, when we put too much focus on the success of others, that it inhibits our own growth.

Why People’s Approval Shouldn’t Matter

If you want to live a fulfilling life, let go of your need for approval from others.

People Who Have A Life Purpose Have Higher Self-Esteem

How finding your life’s work and committing to it will greatly improve your self-esteem.

The Magic of Boosing Self-Esteem Lies within You

True self-esteem comes from within, not external stuff like the number of likes on the social media.

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How to Build Self-Esteem & Self-Confidence

10 Ways To Believe In Yourself Again

We have to believe in ourselves and in our abilities to succeed in life.

15 Things Highly Confident People Don’t Do

Highly confident people believe in their ability to achieve greatness. Learn from them and become a confident person.

63 Ways to Build Self-Confidence

Confidence is a tool you can use to boost your self-esteem and achieve what you want in your everyday life.

Incredible Ways to Make You a Charming Person

When you start to believe in yourself and demonstrate confidence, you’ll become more charming than ever.

How to Love Yourself More for Better Self-Esteem

3 Simple Steps to Make You Constantly Feel Good About Yourself

By feeling good about yourself, you let your true self shine.

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30 Ways to Practice Self-Love and Be Good to Yourself

It’s not about being self-absorbed, it’s about getting in touch with our well-being and happiness.

How to Love Yourself, Even if No One Else Does

You don’t need anyone else to complete your life, you’re the one responsible for your own love.

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

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Jenn Beach

Traveling vagabond, freelance writer, & plantbased food enthusiast.

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Last Updated on August 16, 2018

Narcissistic Personality: What Is It and How to Deal with a Narcissist?

Narcissistic Personality: What Is It and How to Deal with a Narcissist?

He asks you for your opinion, but only follows his own advice regardless of what you say.She loves to talk about herself, everything about her is just better than you.  When you try to share anything happy about yourself, she seriously doubts it.

If you know someone who acts like these examples, there’s a chance they might be a narcissist.

What is a narcissistic personality?

Narcissism is a spectrum personality disorder which most of us have.

In popular culture, narcissism is interpreted as a person who’s in love with themselves, more accurately, their idealized selves. Narcissists believe that they are too unique to be understood and that they are so good that they demand for admiration from others.

Psychologist Stephen Johnson writes that,[1]

the narcissist is someone who has buried his true self-expression in response to early injuries and replaced it with a highly developed, compensatory false self.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) describes narcissistic personality as a personality disorder. It is a spectrum disorder, which means it exists on a continuum ranging from some narcissistic traits to the full-blown personality disorder.[2]

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is not very common, but the truth is, we all have some of the narcissistic traits.

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Traits of a narcissist:

  • They have a deep need for admiration and validation. They think they’re special and too unique to be understood.
  • They feel they are superior to other. They achieve more and know a lot more than you.
  • They do not show their vulnerabilities. They fear what others think of them and they want to remain superior in all situations.
  • They are unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others. They want to be the centre of attention and believe that showing emotions is a sign of weakness.
  • They are skilled manipulators and are emotionally abusive. They know how to make use of their charm to take advantage of others to get what they want.

How are narcissists different from others?

Narcissism expert and the author of Narcissism in a Nutshell, Zari Ballard, tried to answer some common questions asked by non-narcissists about what a narcissist thinks and feels from a narcissist’s perspective.[3]

Do narcissists know they are narcissists and are they happy?

We could really care less about how others feel. We enjoy our so called cold existence. True narcissists don’t want to change. We feel in total control of our lives using this method.

Do narcissists know or understand right from wrong?

Narcissists know the difference between right and wrong because they understand cause and effect. There is no “guilty conscience” giving them a clue and they are displaying the symptom of being “indifferent to social norms” while most likely presenting as ‘cold-hearted.’

Narcissists have a very different thinking mechanism. They see things from a different perspective. Unlike non-narcissists and empaths, they don’t have much sympathy and are reluctant to show emotions to others.

Why do people become narcissists?

1. Narcissism is vulnerability taken to an extreme.

The root of a narcissistic personality is a strong resistance to feeling vulnerable with anyone.[4]

Narcissists refuse to put themselves in a position where they feel vulnerable. They fear that others will take advantage of their weaknesses, so they learn to camouflage their weaknesses by acting strong and powerful. The think showing emotions to others is a sign of weakness, so they learn to hide their emotions and act cold-hearted most of the times.

Narcissists live in a state of anxiety because they are highly aware of their emotions and how others think of them.

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Vulnerability aversion, is the root of a narcissistic personality.

2. A narcissistic personality could be a result of a wounded past.

Narcissists are desperate to seek validation constantly because they either didn’t feel worthwhile and valued in the past, or were being paid too much attention as the most precious and unique one in the world.

Faulty or inadequate parenting, for example a lack of limit setting, is believed to be a major cause, and both permissive and authoritarian styles of parenting have been found to promote narcissistic symptoms.[5]

Both parents who fail to see the worth in a child, and parents who spoil and give excessive praise to the child promote narcissism as the child grows. While the former ones make the child feel inferior of others and want to get more attention, the latter ones encourage an idealized-self in the child.

How to deal with a narcissist?

1. If someone close to you is a narcissist, embrace the differences.

There’re different personality types and not everyone will think and act the same as you do. Instead of trying to change others, learn to accept the differences and strike a balance when you really have to communicate with them.

2. Don’t try to change them, focus on your own needs.

Try to understand that narcissists are resistant to change, it’s more important for you to see who they really are, instead of who you want them to be. Focus on how you feel, and what you want yourself to be.

Embrace the fact that there’re different types of personality and the only thing you can control is your attitude and your own actions.

3. Recognize what they do only comes from their insecurity.

Narcissists are quite vulnerable deep inside, they question others because that’s how they can make themselves feel better.

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When you learn that what a narcissist does to you is nothing personal, but something that comes from their insecurity, you know that sometimes they just need a certain amount of reassurance.

This is especially important if the narcissist is someone you have to closely work with, or if they’re your family member. The right amount of reassurance can calm them down and get the tasks on hand completed.

4. Ask them what would others think instead of what’d others feel.[6]

Narcissists don’t feel guilty, but they care about how others think of them deep in their heart.

Clinical psychologist Al Bernstein explains:

There are just things, like other people’s feelings, that narcissists rarely consider. If you have their ear, don’t tell them how people might react; instead, ask probing questions. Narcissists are much more likely to act on ideas that they think they thought up themselves.

If you have to work with a narcissist closely, focus on the facts and ideas, not the emotions.

5. Let go of the need of getting a narcissist’s approval.

You’re not who a narcissist says you are. Don’t let their blame game undermine your self-esteem, and don’t argue with them just to defend what you believe is right.

There is no point arguing with a narcissist just to prove them wrong because they will not give in proving themselves right. It’s more likely that you’ll get more upset when they disagree with you in an unpleasant way.

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Know your own worth and detach from a narcissist’s opinion on you.

6. If a narcissist is hurting you, stay away from them.

Remember, a healthy relationship is two-sided. It’s about mutual respect and it’s based on give and take. But any kind of relationship with a narcissist is likely to be the contrary, it’s about making the narcissist happy and constantly supporting them. A relationship like this will only weigh you down and is unhealthy for your growth.

7. Set a boundary and always keep it.

If you’re setting a boundary, you have to be willing to keep it. When a narcissist sees that you’re trying to take back control of your life, they will try to test your limits, it’s just their instinct to do it.

Be prepared that your boundary will be challenged. Make your boundary clear, have all the actions needed to be taken in your mind.

For example, if you have decided to stop communicating with them, they will likely to show up in front of you just to talk to you. Be brave enough to keep your boundary, don’t back down and get close to them again; or else they will not take your boundary seriously any more.

8. Learn when to walk away.

When a narcissist starts to make you feel uncomfortable and doubt about yourself, it’s time to pick yourself up and give yourself enough respect to just walk away from them.

If you’re in love with a narcissist, you should seriously think about ending the relationship and move on for a better life. If the narcissist is your family member, you don’t have to be cruel to them, but it’s better to keep distance from them.

Reference

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