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How to Find Love That Lasts: Someone Who Fulfils These 5 Things

How to Find Love That Lasts: Someone Who Fulfils These 5 Things

Most of us know that couples falling in love tend to relish spending time with one another, but have you ever wondered why some pairings result in lasting love, whereas others fizzle out quickly? Perhaps you have entered into a new relationship feeling optimistic that they could be “the one,” only for everything to fall apart within months?

The key reason why it’s so hard to find lasting love is easy to understand once you know what happens in the opening stages of a relationship. In the early days, we are so infatuated with our partner that we can be literally blind to any problems or incompatibilities in our relationship. According to researchers at Loyola University, the rush of feel-good neurotransmitters and increased blood flow to the pleasure centers of the brain result in an obsessive fixation with one’s partner. Specifically, we tend to focus only on their good points. This is a great feeling, but it can impair rational judgement.[1]

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Although you might not want to bother analyzing your relationship in the early days, doing so will save you a lot of heartbreak later on. If you are serious about finding lasting love, you need to look beyond your feelings of infatuation. Don’t waste time with people who aren’t suitable for you, otherwise you will look back on lost years with regret and sadness. Take time to find someone who is a good fit for you, and you will be on your way to lasting love.

Fortunately, there is a simple checklist of things to consider when embarking on a new relationship. Ask yourself the following questions, and answer honestly:

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Do they share my core values?

It doesn’t matter how physically attractive your partner is if their values are incompatible with your own. For example, if you are a vegan with a passion for animal rights but your partner loves to eat steak and wear leather, you may have a problem. At some point, value clashes may mean that you start to aggravate one another.

Is their attachment style compatible with my own?

People have different ways of relating to one another. This is known as “attachment style,” and is largely formed by a person’s early experiences with their parents. A securely-attached individual enjoys being with their partner, but is also happy to spend time alone and does not worry excessively about the health of the relationship. Some people are avoidant and reluctant to commit. Others tend to be clingy and needy. Take a realistic look at you and your partner’s attachment styles and ask yourself whether the combination is likely to work out in the long run.[2]

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Are our life goals in alignment?

If you both want very different things, you need to ask yourself whether the relationship is really worth the effort. It is possible to compromise in some situations, but it’s usually best to end a relationship if, in the early stages, you discover that your life goals are not a good fit. For example, if you want to buy a house and get married within five years but your partner plans on taking a career break to travel the world for a while, your life goals are not in alignment.

Can we resolve conflict in a constructive manner?

One mark of a good relationship is the ability to talk about touchy subjects in an open, non-threatening manner.[3] If you cannot talk to your partner about anything and everything without it descending into a slanging match, you probably aren’t going to develop lasting love. In the early stages of a relationship you may avoid conflict at all costs, but this cannot last forever. Everyone has fights, but couples who last the distance fight constructively.

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Do we trust one another?

Trust is a key pillar for lasting love. Even if you share the same life goals, can talk through your issues and are well-matched in terms of core values, there is no hope of long-term love if you cannot trust one another. Pay attention from the beginning as to how your partner makes you feel. If you get an uneasy feeling or suspect that they are deceiving you, do not ignore your intuition.

These questions might not be easy to answer, but in taking time to consider the issues they raise you are laying the foundation for finding and keeping a great relationship.

Reference

More by this author

Jay Hill

Jay writes about communication and happiness on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on March 17, 2020

4 Simple Ways to Make Boring Work Become Interesting

4 Simple Ways to Make Boring Work Become Interesting

Are you bored at work right now?

Sitting at your desk, wishing you could be anywhere other than here, doing anything else…?

You’re not alone.

Even when you have a job you love, it’s easy to get bored. And if your job isn’t something you’re passionate about, it’s even easier for boredom to creep in.

Did you know it’s actually possible to make any job more interesting?

That’s right.

Whether it’s data entry or shelf stacking, even the most mind-numbing of jobs can be made more fun.

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Understanding the science behind boredom is the first step to beating it.

Read on to learn the truth about boredom, and what you can do to stop feeling bored at work for good.

VIDEO SUMMARY

I’m bored – as you’re watching the same film over and over again, even though it’s your favorite one

When you experience something new, your brain releases opioids – chemicals which make you feel good. [1]

It’s the feeling you might get when you taste a new food for the first time, watch a cool new film, or meet a new person.

However, the next time you have the same experience, the brain processes it in a different way, without releasing so many feel-good chemicals.

That’s why you won’t get the same thrill when you eat that delicious meal for the tenth time, rewatch that film again, or spend time with the same friend.

So, in a nutshell, we get bored when we aren’t having any new experiences.

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Now, new experiences don’t have to be huge life changes – they could be as simple as taking a different route to work, or picking a different sandwich shop for lunch.

We’re going to apply this theory to your boring job.

Keep reading find out how to make subtle changes to the way you work to defeat boredom and have more fun.

Your work can be much more interesting if you learn these little tricks.

Ready to learn how to stop feeling so bored at work?

We’ve listed some simple suggestions below – you can start implementing these right now.

Let’s do this.

Make routine tasks more interesting by adding something new

Sometimes one new element is all it takes to turn routine tasks from dull to interesting.

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Maybe there’s a long drive you have to make every single week. You get so bored, going the same old route to make the same old deliveries.

Why not make it a routine to create a playlist of new music each Sunday, to listen to on your boring drive during the week?

Just like that, something you dread can be turned into the highlight of your day.

For other routine tasks, you could try setting a timer and trying to beat your record, moving to a new location to complete the task, or trying out a new technique for getting the work done – you might even improve your productivity, too.

Combine repetitive tasks to get them out of the way

Certain tasks are difficult to make interesting, no matter how hard you try.

Get these yawn-inducing chores out of the way ASAP by combining them into one quick, focused batch.

For example, if you hate listening to meeting recordings, and dislike tidying your desk, do them both at the same time. You’ll halve the time you spend bored out of your mind, and can move onto more interesting tasks as soon as you’re done.

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Break large tasks into small pieces and plan breaks between them

Feeling overwhelmed can lead you to procrastinate and get bored. Try breaking up large tasks into lots of small pieces to keep things manageable and fun.

Try breaking up a 10,000 word report into 1000-word sections. Reward yourself at the end of each section, and you’ll get 10 mini mood boosts, instead of just one at the end.

You can also plan short breaks between each section, which will help to prevent boredom and keep you focused.

Give yourself regular rewards, it can be anything that makes you feel good

Make sure you reward yourself for achievements, even if they feel small.

Rewards could include:

  • Eating your favourite snack.
  • Taking a walk in a natural area.
  • Spending a few minutes on a fun online game.
  • Buying yourself a small treat.
  • Visiting a new place.
  • Spending time on a favourite hobby.

Your brain will come to associate work with fun rewards, and you’ll soon feel less bored and more motivated.

Boredom doesn’t have to be a fact of life.

Make your working life feel a thousand times more fun by following the simple tips above.

Reference

[1] Psychology Today: Why People Get Bored

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