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How to Find Love That Lasts: Someone Who Fulfils These 5 Things

How to Find Love That Lasts: Someone Who Fulfils These 5 Things

Most of us know that couples falling in love tend to relish spending time with one another, but have you ever wondered why some pairings result in lasting love, whereas others fizzle out quickly? Perhaps you have entered into a new relationship feeling optimistic that they could be “the one,” only for everything to fall apart within months?

The key reason why it’s so hard to find lasting love is easy to understand once you know what happens in the opening stages of a relationship. In the early days, we are so infatuated with our partner that we can be literally blind to any problems or incompatibilities in our relationship. According to researchers at Loyola University, the rush of feel-good neurotransmitters and increased blood flow to the pleasure centers of the brain result in an obsessive fixation with one’s partner. Specifically, we tend to focus only on their good points. This is a great feeling, but it can impair rational judgement.[1]

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Although you might not want to bother analyzing your relationship in the early days, doing so will save you a lot of heartbreak later on. If you are serious about finding lasting love, you need to look beyond your feelings of infatuation. Don’t waste time with people who aren’t suitable for you, otherwise you will look back on lost years with regret and sadness. Take time to find someone who is a good fit for you, and you will be on your way to lasting love.

Fortunately, there is a simple checklist of things to consider when embarking on a new relationship. Ask yourself the following questions, and answer honestly:

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Do they share my core values?

It doesn’t matter how physically attractive your partner is if their values are incompatible with your own. For example, if you are a vegan with a passion for animal rights but your partner loves to eat steak and wear leather, you may have a problem. At some point, value clashes may mean that you start to aggravate one another.

Is their attachment style compatible with my own?

People have different ways of relating to one another. This is known as “attachment style,” and is largely formed by a person’s early experiences with their parents. A securely-attached individual enjoys being with their partner, but is also happy to spend time alone and does not worry excessively about the health of the relationship. Some people are avoidant and reluctant to commit. Others tend to be clingy and needy. Take a realistic look at you and your partner’s attachment styles and ask yourself whether the combination is likely to work out in the long run.[2]

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Are our life goals in alignment?

If you both want very different things, you need to ask yourself whether the relationship is really worth the effort. It is possible to compromise in some situations, but it’s usually best to end a relationship if, in the early stages, you discover that your life goals are not a good fit. For example, if you want to buy a house and get married within five years but your partner plans on taking a career break to travel the world for a while, your life goals are not in alignment.

Can we resolve conflict in a constructive manner?

One mark of a good relationship is the ability to talk about touchy subjects in an open, non-threatening manner.[3] If you cannot talk to your partner about anything and everything without it descending into a slanging match, you probably aren’t going to develop lasting love. In the early stages of a relationship you may avoid conflict at all costs, but this cannot last forever. Everyone has fights, but couples who last the distance fight constructively.

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Do we trust one another?

Trust is a key pillar for lasting love. Even if you share the same life goals, can talk through your issues and are well-matched in terms of core values, there is no hope of long-term love if you cannot trust one another. Pay attention from the beginning as to how your partner makes you feel. If you get an uneasy feeling or suspect that they are deceiving you, do not ignore your intuition.

These questions might not be easy to answer, but in taking time to consider the issues they raise you are laying the foundation for finding and keeping a great relationship.

Reference

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Jay Hill

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on August 15, 2018

What Makes a Relationship Boring and How to Avoid It

What Makes a Relationship Boring and How to Avoid It

You’ve finally reached that comfortable spot in your relationship. You finish each other’s sentences and know before they order what the other one will have for lunch at your favorite restaurant. But, it’s starting to feel like boredom to you.

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Security Can Lead to Boredom

It is normal to reach this level of security in a relationship. The longer you’re with somebody, the more you get to know them and what to expect from them. This level of familiarity is the cause of relationship boredom.

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Although security is definitely something you want with your significant other, what you don’t want is the boredom. One of the biggest mistakes a couple can make is believing that their predictability makes up for the loss of intimacy or excitement they used to feel together.[1] Why? Because this boredom increases your chances of losing the love between you.

When a couple starts to settle for feeling safe and secure, they believe nothing in the world can tear them apart. And this sense of confidence means they often stop putting effort into their relationship. Instead, their shared life becomes automatic, occurring without too much thought or investment and becoming indifferent. The last thing you want is to be in an indifferent romantic relationship. With indifference comes a whole slew of other feelings like annoyance and irritation, which in turn, prompts arguments.[2]

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Don’t allow this to happen to you and your significant other.

How to Prevent Boredom in Your Relationship

So, what can you do to avoid boredom in your relationship? Here are some great ideas to spark the passion and excitement:

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Try Something New Together

There’s nothing better for breaking up monotony than doing something new together. Do you two love taking pictures? Take a photography class together. Do you usually go hiking on the weekends? Throw a zipline or paragliding session into the mix. Research indicates that trying new activities is a great way to beat boredom.

Make a Plan for the Future

No, you don’t have to plan where you’ll buy your house or how many kids you’ll have if you’re not ready for that sort of conversation. You can, however, plan a weekend getaway or a vacation for a few months down the road. Making a plan gives you something to look forward to, which helps fight boredom. According to life coach Kelly Rogers, making plans for the future gives your relationship a little adrenaline rush, making you feel a sense of appreciation for each other.[3]

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Establish a Date Night

In your everyday, mundane life together, it can be easy to forget to make the two of you a priority. Establishing a mandatory date night is a wonderful way to bring you and your significant other together for some quality time. Melanie Schilling, a relationship psychologist, claims that date nights are actually critical to relationship health.[4] Set something specific to do together as often as your schedule allows. It doesn’t have to be dinner at an expensive restaurant either. You can plan a “no cell phone” night, a walk at the park, or even try to recreate one of your first dates together.

Remember to Say “I Love You”

Don’t forget to remind your partner why you are together, especially when boredom creeps its head between you two. Simple things like saying, “I love you” or letting them know how much you appreciate them can help you keep the romance alive in your relationship. Try to think about the happy memories the two of you have shared; it can be far too easy to dwell on the problems. Remembering why and how much you love your significant other is a great way to forget about any boredom you thought you were feeling.

Reference

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