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How to Differentiate Between Real Love and Superficial Love

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How to Differentiate Between Real Love and Superficial Love

One of the many things human beings seek during their lifetime is a loving companion. In other words, find real love instead of superficial love. This is hard to come by depending on who you ask, and each person will tell you a different story.

But the truth of the matter is love finds you instead of the other way around. Real love is about genuinely giving someone compassion, comfort, trust and most of the time telling the truth. These are some of the core principles of real love, but superficial love is a mortal enemy. It masquerades itself as true love, and will discuss in the next sections ways to possibly identify it.

It’s hard to differentiate at the beginning

When we go through love the first time, we need to maintain to a certain extent some objectivity, and have our feet grounded. Because all of these changes will make it more difficult to evaluate the person we are supposedly in love with.

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Having love is different than being in love or breathing it. It is essential to recognize the three stages of love. They are the following: lust, attraction and attachment.

The lust stage is characterized as hormone-driven and leads to desire. Afterwards, attraction on the other hand has blood flow to the pleasure center of the brain. This leads to an increased fixation on the person becoming an attachment.

“Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction”

So, how do we know if it’s real love or superficial love? The answer can be deciphered based on circumstances you will live through. They may end up being a determinant factor of success or the failure of a relationship.

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It is important to point out that as a person you will experience change, and will be presented with choices to make during your lifetime. Your personal growth will undergo transformation, and unravel the person that you are.

Naturally, new events in your life will test you as a person including your significant other. This means whether you like it or not it will shed light on whether you have real or superficial love.

When you are confronted with an opportunity like a new job offer, working for a company in another part of the country, or going to a university or college for a period of time it will test whether, or not you will remain with your partner.

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There is an old saying that by Antoine de Saint-Exupery that says “Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction”. It is about complementing each other’s goals, and accepting personal growth over time.

Psychology Today [1] makes a very important observation about how each partner should approach love with one another. It is the following: “Ideally, our partners love us for who we are intrinsically: our personality, character, and values, all foundational elements of our selves which are less likely to change as we find new opportunities for growth and development.”

To summarize, when it comes to love we should utilize the previously mentioned foundational elements of who we are as a person, as a human being. Sure there are differences that include your ethnicity, culture, tradition, birthplace, etc. The heart of the matter is to really explore and learn about who we are first, and then seek out a partner that fills your heart and not an empty void instead.

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Takeaways and conclusion:

A difference between real love and superficial love is accepting who you were, are and will be. It is more than idolizing or buying expensive gifts. It is about each person integrating into each other’s lives, and growing magnificently.

Change along with many challenges to any relationship are a positive thing. Life is not a destination, it is a journey. We all must find a partner who loves, enriches and supports us in every situation. When the contrary happens it simply means it was superficial love, and not the other way around.

Reference

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Anthony Carranza

Multilingual writer and journalist covering all things technology and productivity.

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Last Updated on February 11, 2021

20 Amazing Facts About Dreams that You Might Not Know About

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20 Amazing Facts About Dreams that You Might Not Know About

Dreams — Mysterious, bewildering, eye-opening and sometimes a nightmarish living hell. Dreams are all that and much more.

Here are 20 amazing facts about dreams that you might have never heard about:

Fact #1: You can’t read while dreaming, or tell the time

    If you are unsure whether you are dreaming or not, try reading something. The vast majority of people are incapable of reading in their dreams.

    The same goes for clocks: each time you look at a clock it will tell a different time and the hands on the clock won’t appear to be moving as reported by lucid dreamers.

    Fact #2: Lucid dreaming

    There is a whole subculture of people practicing what is called lucid or conscious dreaming. Using various techniques, these people have supposedly learned to assume control of their dreams and do amazing things like flying, passing through walls, and traveling to different dimensions or even back in time.

    Want to learn how to control your dreams? You can try these tips:

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    Lucid Dreaming: This Is How You Can Control Your Dreams

    Fact #3: Inventions inspired by dreams

    Dreams are responsible for many of the greatest inventions of mankind. A few examples include:

    • The idea for Google -Larry Page
    • Alternating current generator -Tesla
    • DNA’s double helix spiral form -James Watson
    • The sewing machine -Elias Howe
    • Periodic table -Dimitri Mendeleyev

    …and many, many more.

    Fact #4: Premonition dreams

    There are some astounding cases where people actually dreamt about things which happened to them later, in the exact same ways they dreamed about.

    You could say they got a glimpse of the future, or it might have just been coincidence. The fact remains that this is some seriously interesting and bizarre phenomena. Some of the most famous premonition dreams include:

    • Abraham Lincoln dreamt of His Assassination
    • Many of the victims of 9/11 had dreams warning them about the catastrophe
    • Mark Twain’s dream of his brother’s demise
    • 19 verified precognitive dreams about the Titanic catastrophe

    Fact #5: Sleep paralysis

    Hell is real and it is called sleep paralysis. It’s the stuff of true nightmares. I’ve been a sleep paralysis sufferer as a kid and I can attest to how truly horrible it is.

    Two characteristics of sleep paralysis are the inability to move (hence paralysis) and a sense of an extremely evil presence in the room with you. It doesn’t feel like a dream, but 100% real. Studies show that during an attack, sleep paralysis sufferers show an overwhelming amygdala activity. The amygdala is responsible for the “fight or flight” instinct and the emotions of fear, terror and anxiety. Enough said!

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    Fact #6: REM sleep disorder

    In the state of REM (rapid-eye-movement) stage of your sleep your body is normally paralyzed. In rare cases, however, people act out their dreams. These have resulted in broken arms, legs, broken furniture, and in at least one reported case, a house burnt down.

    Fact #7: Sexual dreams

    The very scientifically-named “nocturnal penile tumescence” is a very well documented phenomena. In laymen’s term, it simply means that you get a stiffy while you sleep. Actually, studies indicate that men get up to 20 erections per dream.

    Fact #8: Unbelievable sleepwalkers

      Sleepwalking is a very rare and potentially dangerous sleep disorder. It is an extreme form of REM sleep disorder, and these people don’t just act out their dreams, but go on real adventures at night.

      Lee Hadwin is a nurse by profession, but in his dreams he is an artist. Literally. He “sleepdraws” gorgeous portraits, of which he has no recollection afterwards. Strange sleepwalking “adventures” include:

      • A woman having sex with strangers while sleepwalking
      • A man who drove 22 miles and killed his cousin while sleepwalking
      • A sleepwalker who walked out of the window from the third floor, and barely survived

      Fact #9: Dream drug

      There are actually people who like dreaming and dreams so much that they never want to wake up. They want to continue on dreaming even during the day, so they take an illegal and extremely potent hallucinogenic drug called Dimethyltryptamine. It is actually only an isolated and synthetic form of the chemical our brains produce naturally during dreaming.

      Fact #10 Dream-catcher

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        The dream-catcher is one of the most well-known Native American symbols. It is a loose web or webs woven around a hoop and decorated with sacred objects meant to protect against nightmares.

        Fact #11: Increased brain activity

        You would associate sleeping with peace and quiet, but actually our brains are more active during sleep than during the day.

        Fact #12: Creativity and dreams

        As we mentioned before, dreams are responsible for inventions, great artworks and are generally just incredibly interesting. They are also “recharging” our creativity.

        Scientists also say that keeping a dream diary helps with creativity.

        In rare cases of REM disorder, people actually don’t dream at all. These people suffer from significantly decreased creativity and perform badly at tasks requiring creative problem solving.

        Fact #13: Pets dream too

          Our animal companions dream as well. Watch a dog or a cat sleep and you can see that they are moving their paws and making noises like they were chasing something. Go get ’em buddy!

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          Fact #14: You always dream—you just don’t remember it

          Many people claim that they don’t dream at all, but that’s not true: we all dream, but up to 60% of people don’t remember their dreams at all.

          Fact #15: Blind people dream too

          Blind people who were not born blind see images in their dreams but people who were born blind don’t see anything at all. They still dream, and their dreams are just as intense and interesting, but they involve the other senses beside sight.

          Fact #16: In your dreams, you only see faces that you already know

            It is proven that in dreams, we can only see faces that we have seen in real life before. So beware: that scary-looking old lady next to you on the bus might as well be in your next nightmare.

            Fact #17: Dreams tend to be negative

            Surprisingly, dreams are more often negative than positive. The three most widely reported emotions felt during dreaming are anger, sadness and fear.

            Fact #18: Multiple dreams per night

            You can have up to seven different dreams per night depending on how many REM cycles you have. We only dream during the REM period of sleep, and the average person dreams one to two hours every night.

            Fact #19: Gender differences

            Interestingly, 70% of all the characters in a man’s dream are other men, but women’s dream contain an equal amount of women and men. Also men’s dreams contain a lot more aggression. Both women and men dream about sexual themes equally often.

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            Fact #20: Not everyone dreams in color

            As much as 12% of people only dream in black and white.

            Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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