Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on November 28, 2017

What Is Love and What Is Not

What Is Love and What Is Not

Yes! Unconditional love really exists and it’s not just a myth. But, it’s only understood when we first make attempt to understand what conditional love is.

Today, everyone speaks of love like it is a dice. Hardly do we make attempt to know the content of the word “LOVE” beyond just the written 4 LETTERS. A few of us who claim to know the meaning of this word only speak of its emotional connection with our being and or its chemical drive when we’re with the opposite sex.

Don’t get it confused… there’s “Conditional and Unconditional Love” and below we’ll examine the differences and help us identify unconditional love.

Advertising

Conditional Love: You Expect a Recompense for Every Action in Proportion to Your Emotional or Material Input

Have you been in a relationship where you expect a recompense for every action in proportion to your emotional or material input?

For example, you can find numerous online dating platforms today where individuals profile their personality and go for a hunt for suitable partners sharing similar traits or simply possessing desired traits they call the “Perfect Match”. This is especially evident in Sugar daddy/Sugar babies dating in numerous platforms where Rich men or women (single or married) seek emotional dependence, companionship and or sexual satisfaction from the younger men or ladies and in turn either pay their bills or just guarantee their material satisfaction and vise versa. This is a give and take process and of course, as long as each partner gets satisfaction, the relationship continues and each feels a great sense of fulfillment.

This means there’s an opposite emotion for this love, which is ‘Hatred’. Once one of the lovers’ defaults in giving or taking according to their proportion, the love may die or even turn to hatred. Here, you know your limit, what you stand to give and take and at what proportion. Each individual feels like a superman and controls the other when it’s their turn to either give or take, and there’s nothing more than mutual satisfaction. You aren’t looking for someone with whom to share your whole-self with but just someone to complete you. This is a conditional love.

Advertising

I discover my dad shows me more love and affection anytime I do exactly as he bids me even when they are against my own will and happiness. This simply means there’s a withdrawal of affection whenever he follows his own will or just considers his happiness and the force behind his action. Of course, this is a conditional love.

On the contrary,

Unconditional Love: You Accept the Whole Person

Unconditional love is often misinterpreted by many people. They simply use this as a wrong reason to continue in an unfavorable relationship or simply persuade someone into managing them. Even when they aren’t sure what it is, they misuse it for some ideal they seek after like you hear they say; “I believe in loving people before they can come to love themselves”. Some even go as far to say “they’ll love unconditionally because they have a special belief”. This is a total mistake.

Advertising

Now let’s look at this… not “I love you even if you treat me bad” but “I love you whatever life gives”. If you critically examine these phrases, you’ll understand the second phrase means “in any condition of life I’ll love you”. This is unconditional love. What keeps couples together is not the places they visited or the things they do in common but their responses when there’s a challenge to overcome. That you love someone unconditionally doesn’t mean you don’t feel disappointed at their actions sometimes and being disappointed at them doesn’t mean your affection is reduced or withdrawn. You simply just fulfill the fact that you’re a human.

Unconditional love is simply defined by experts as affection without conditions or limitations (eternal love). In other terms, it is called complete love. But, people commonly refer to this love as ‘deep love’ or the affection you feel for someone that you can go any length to make them happy.

Generally, all lovers refer to this love but what they actually have is conditional love. A clear understanding of unconditional love will reveal you the ultimate power of self-acceptance because this is its foundation for a healthy and long-term relationship success. Its source is the spirit and it springs out from everyone without expecting anything in return to qualify for it.

Advertising

You don’t have to do anything to please anyone to accept you or show you affection nor do you expect anything from anyone. But, does this mean we simply accept and agree with everyone on everything even when it offends us? No. It means we respect, show kindness, cooperation and display affection to everyone and everything around us including our pets. This love is part of us and it’s us.

Real love is about self-acceptance

Unconditional love is spiritual, self-acceptance [1], self-forgiving, mental wellness, harmony and beauty and emotional balance. If you lack any of these, you may battle with conditional love for the rest of your life.

What about forgiving others when you can’t forgive yourself? Can you cooperate with others either if you can’t accept them first? Just the same way you can’t show true affection for someone you expect to behave just exactly as you want them to because they need something from you. Only with these characteristics you can feel the beauty of unconditional love. This doesn’t mean both individuals doesn’t give or take anything or doesn’t benefit anything at all, but it’s simply out of self-will and its blessing flows from within on anything it comes in contact with.

When you know the real meaning of love, a lot of relationship problems wouldn’t appear in the first place

It’s very important that you understand what unconditional love is and this will help you to overcoming many relationship challenges. When you fail to understand the concept of this love, you’ll often feel betrayed out of your expectations. Also, people who mistake this love for the opposite “conditional love” often seem to appear as perfectionists and find it very difficult to accept everybody they come in contact with except for selected the few with whom they expect mutual satisfaction. Because they are rewarded for doing things right by whom it was demanded, they grow up with the mindset that everyone must be like them, or they are inferior or fake and end up being treated as they treat others. This brings hatred and unnatural affection.

Truly, understanding this concept brings healing, divine beauty, harmony and pure kindness to everything we come in contact with.

Reference

More by this author

MICHAEL LILY

Writer/entrepreneural development specialist

What Is Love and What Is Not 4 Proven Ways to Strengthen Relationships 5 Things You Must Do If You’re Moving From Japan To The US Do All Men Cheat and Why Do They Cheat on Their Loved One? Five Tips to Ensure Online Dating Success After 60

Trending in Communication

1 How to Live up to Your Full Potential and Succeed in Life 2 Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset 3 10 Strategies to Keep Moving Forward When You’re Feeling Extra Stuck 4 Learn the Different Types of Love (and Better Understand Your Partner) 5 Anxiety Coping Mechanisms That Work When You’re Stressed to the Max

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

Advertising

The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

Advertising

How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

Advertising

There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

Advertising

When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

Read Next