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What Is Love and What Is Not

What Is Love and What Is Not

Yes! Unconditional love really exists and it’s not just a myth. But, it’s only understood when we first make attempt to understand what conditional love is.

Today, everyone speaks of love like it is a dice. Hardly do we make attempt to know the content of the word “LOVE” beyond just the written 4 LETTERS. A few of us who claim to know the meaning of this word only speak of its emotional connection with our being and or its chemical drive when we’re with the opposite sex.

Don’t get it confused… there’s “Conditional and Unconditional Love” and below we’ll examine the differences and help us identify unconditional love.

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Conditional Love: You Expect a Recompense for Every Action in Proportion to Your Emotional or Material Input

Have you been in a relationship where you expect a recompense for every action in proportion to your emotional or material input?

For example, you can find numerous online dating platforms today where individuals profile their personality and go for a hunt for suitable partners sharing similar traits or simply possessing desired traits they call the “Perfect Match”. This is especially evident in Sugar daddy/Sugar babies dating in numerous platforms where Rich men or women (single or married) seek emotional dependence, companionship and or sexual satisfaction from the younger men or ladies and in turn either pay their bills or just guarantee their material satisfaction and vise versa. This is a give and take process and of course, as long as each partner gets satisfaction, the relationship continues and each feels a great sense of fulfillment.

This means there’s an opposite emotion for this love, which is ‘Hatred’. Once one of the lovers’ defaults in giving or taking according to their proportion, the love may die or even turn to hatred. Here, you know your limit, what you stand to give and take and at what proportion. Each individual feels like a superman and controls the other when it’s their turn to either give or take, and there’s nothing more than mutual satisfaction. You aren’t looking for someone with whom to share your whole-self with but just someone to complete you. This is a conditional love.

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I discover my dad shows me more love and affection anytime I do exactly as he bids me even when they are against my own will and happiness. This simply means there’s a withdrawal of affection whenever he follows his own will or just considers his happiness and the force behind his action. Of course, this is a conditional love.

On the contrary,

Unconditional Love: You Accept the Whole Person

Unconditional love is often misinterpreted by many people. They simply use this as a wrong reason to continue in an unfavorable relationship or simply persuade someone into managing them. Even when they aren’t sure what it is, they misuse it for some ideal they seek after like you hear they say; “I believe in loving people before they can come to love themselves”. Some even go as far to say “they’ll love unconditionally because they have a special belief”. This is a total mistake.

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Now let’s look at this… not “I love you even if you treat me bad” but “I love you whatever life gives”. If you critically examine these phrases, you’ll understand the second phrase means “in any condition of life I’ll love you”. This is unconditional love. What keeps couples together is not the places they visited or the things they do in common but their responses when there’s a challenge to overcome. That you love someone unconditionally doesn’t mean you don’t feel disappointed at their actions sometimes and being disappointed at them doesn’t mean your affection is reduced or withdrawn. You simply just fulfill the fact that you’re a human.

Unconditional love is simply defined by experts as affection without conditions or limitations (eternal love). In other terms, it is called complete love. But, people commonly refer to this love as ‘deep love’ or the affection you feel for someone that you can go any length to make them happy.

Generally, all lovers refer to this love but what they actually have is conditional love. A clear understanding of unconditional love will reveal you the ultimate power of self-acceptance because this is its foundation for a healthy and long-term relationship success. Its source is the spirit and it springs out from everyone without expecting anything in return to qualify for it.

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You don’t have to do anything to please anyone to accept you or show you affection nor do you expect anything from anyone. But, does this mean we simply accept and agree with everyone on everything even when it offends us? No. It means we respect, show kindness, cooperation and display affection to everyone and everything around us including our pets. This love is part of us and it’s us.

Real love is about self-acceptance

Unconditional love is spiritual, self-acceptance [1], self-forgiving, mental wellness, harmony and beauty and emotional balance. If you lack any of these, you may battle with conditional love for the rest of your life.

What about forgiving others when you can’t forgive yourself? Can you cooperate with others either if you can’t accept them first? Just the same way you can’t show true affection for someone you expect to behave just exactly as you want them to because they need something from you. Only with these characteristics you can feel the beauty of unconditional love. This doesn’t mean both individuals doesn’t give or take anything or doesn’t benefit anything at all, but it’s simply out of self-will and its blessing flows from within on anything it comes in contact with.

When you know the real meaning of love, a lot of relationship problems wouldn’t appear in the first place

It’s very important that you understand what unconditional love is and this will help you to overcoming many relationship challenges. When you fail to understand the concept of this love, you’ll often feel betrayed out of your expectations. Also, people who mistake this love for the opposite “conditional love” often seem to appear as perfectionists and find it very difficult to accept everybody they come in contact with except for selected the few with whom they expect mutual satisfaction. Because they are rewarded for doing things right by whom it was demanded, they grow up with the mindset that everyone must be like them, or they are inferior or fake and end up being treated as they treat others. This brings hatred and unnatural affection.

Truly, understanding this concept brings healing, divine beauty, harmony and pure kindness to everything we come in contact with.

Reference

[1] Psychcentral: 12 ways to accept yourself first

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MICHAEL LILY

Writer/entrepreneural development specialist

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Last Updated on September 17, 2019

10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts

10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts

Positive thinking can lead to a lot of positive change in your life. Developing an optimistic outlook can be good for both your physical and mental health.

But sometimes, certain situations arise in life that makes it hard to keep a positive outlook. Take steps to make positive thinking become more like your second nature and you’ll reap the biggest benefits.

Here are 10 ways to make thinking positive thoughts easy:

1. Spend Time with Positive People

If you surround yourself with constant complainers, their negativity is likely to rub off on you.

Spend time with positive friends and family members to increase the likelihood that their positive thinking habits will become yours too. It’s hard to be negative when everyone around you is so positive.

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2. Take Responsibility for Your Behavior

When you encounter problems and difficulties in life, don’t play the role of the victim. Acknowledge your role in the situation and take responsibility for your behavior.

Accepting responsibility can help you learn from mistakes and prevent you from blaming others unfairly.

3. Contribute to the Community

One of the best ways to feel good about what you have, is to focus on what you have to give.

Volunteer in some manner and give back to the community. Helping others can give you a new outlook on the world and can assist you with positive thinking.

4. Read Positive and Inspirational Materials

Spend time each day reading something that encourages positive thinking. Read the Bible, spiritual material, or inspirational quotes to help you focus on what’s important to you in life. It can be a great way to start and end your day.

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Some recommendations for you:

5. Recognize and Replace Negative Thoughts

You won’t be successful at positive thinking if you’re still plagued by frequent negative thoughts. Learn to recognize and replace thoughts that are overly negative. Often, thoughts that include words like “always” and “never” signal that they aren’t true.

If you find yourself thinking something such as, “I always mess everything up,” replace it with something more realistic such as, “Sometimes I make mistakes but I learn from them.”

There’s no need to make your thoughts unrealistically positive, but instead, make them more realistic.

6. Establish and Work Toward Goals

It’s easier to be positive about problems and setbacks when you have goals that you’re working toward. Goals will give you motivation to overcome those obstacles when you encounter problems along the way. Without clear goals, it’s harder to make decisions and gauge your progress.

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Learn to set SMART goals to help you achieve more.

7. Consider the Consequences of Negativity

Spend some time thinking about the consequences of negative thinking. Often, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

For example, a person who thinks, “I probably won’t get this job interview,” may put less effort into the interview. As a result, he may decrease his chances of getting the job.

Create a list of all the ways negative thinking impacts your life. It likely influences your behavior, your relationships, and your feelings. Then, create a list of the ways in which positive thinking could be beneficial.

8. Offer Compliments to Others

Look for reasons to compliment others. Be genuine in your praise and compliments, but offer it frequently. This will help you look for the good in other people.

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9. Create a Daily Gratitude List

If you start keeping a daily gratitude list, you’ll start noticing exactly how much you have to be thankful for. This can help you focus on the positive in your life instead of thinking about all the bad things that have happened in the day.

Getting in the habit of showing an attitude of gratitude makes positive thinking more of a habit. Here’re 40 Simple Ways To Practice Gratitude.

10. Practice Self-Care

Take good care of yourself and you’ll be more equipped to think positively.

Get plenty of rest and exercise and practice managing your stress well. Taking care of your physical and mental health will provide you with more energy to focus on positive thinking.

Learn about these 30 Self-Care Habits for a Strong and Healthy Mind, Body and Spirit.

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Featured photo credit: DESIGNECOLOGIST via unsplash.com

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