Have you ever felt the irrational anger of someone who felt you came short of their expectations or just misunderstood you? Or someone who just want to take the glory for your successes without considering you at all or just see your achievements as a threat to their value or respect? This is exactly what we will be looking at as we go further.
Anyone can be a narcissist but that could be more tolerable than having a parent who is one, let alone being raised by such parent. This context is not about blaming but simply exposing the hidden things about some parents you may not have known.
Generally, people define a narcissist as someone with a high sense of value for him or herself alone and care less about others or their feelings.
However, experts define narcissism as a high sense of self-importance, a deep need for self-admiration and complete lack of empathy for others.
Children who are raised by narcissistic parents may not be aware of the fact that their parents are narcissistic.
Every child wants to hear these words;
- I love you.
- I’m proud of you.
- I’m sorry.
- I forgive you.
- I’m listening to you,
- This is your responsibility so, go for what it takes.
But with Narcissistic Parents, this is just a nightmare and the fun of it is, they often appear so loving and concerned about their children and could manipulate them to believe what they are doing is actually a show of love or just a display of parental authority over their children.
Here’re some ways to tell if a parent is narcissistic.
Well, most NP behaviors may often seem like normal difficult personalities but only a closer look and observation will reveal it’s entirely an abnormal behavior or simply a psychological problem. There are many ways you can tell if someone is a narcissistic parent.
1. They’re always right.
How parent reacts to criticism is simply a trait that they are a narcissist too. Because they possess a delicate self-esteem, a slight criticism gets them off the hook and that could make their children their worst enemy. Whatever they say or do is the best and their children aren’t just thinking right . Their children could become a subject to total domestic violence and abuse. All their children’s life choices are wrong except those they have approved; friends, school, career, finance or anything else.
2. They hardly have time for their children.
My child, it’s late already, can we talk tomorrow? But he just came in late. And by tomorrow, there would be another tomorrow and that tomorrow never came. Most of the time it’s either I’m going out with friends let’s talk when I’m back or I’m just so tired from work and can’t talk now. A narcissistic parent will always have one or more excuses to avoid a conversation because they don’t want to listen to what you have to say.
3. They may see their children’s achievements as threats.
Because narcissists adore themselves and simply put their self-value ahead of everything else, they either take the glory of your accomplishments or see you as a competitor. If they can’t take the glory of their children’s achievements, they would rather leave them alone.
Growing up with a narcissistic parent affects their children in many ways.
- The children may lose their self-esteem and have difficulty measuring up with friends. Their friends may not understand their situations and leave them helpless.
- Narcissistic parents may take away their children’s rights as part of the family and leave them feeling invalidated.
- The children will be clouded with feelings of vulnerability and worries in their future relationship life.
- Because narcissistic parents often use emotional blackmail to get what they want, their children may find it very difficult to trust anyone around them even with other people’s sincere intentions.
- Since they’re always right and ahead of their children, the children will hardly appreciate themselves enough for anything they do. They may become a perfectionist.
Living with a narcissistic parent is not easy, but there’re ways to maintain a better family relationship.
There’s one fact you can’t take away from this and that’s you’ll always remain a family. However, you must deal with this fact. So, a good counseling session is required to handle this situation.
- Always think about “what you want to happen” instead of being worried about “what will happen”. This helps you make better plans to stand or avoid anything that may come after.
- Think about the times the narcissist behaviors already happened and how you let them roll by. This will give you a little strength to overcome and move on.
- If you keep no contact with your narcissistic parent, always try to be in the company of friends who understand your current situation and are ready to help you.
Decide for yourself whether it’s best to remain in contact or stay away from a narcissistic parent.
This is totally your answer depending on the circumstances surrounding you and your parent. For instance, if you see yourself go no contact for a while after a tough argument and not too long you feel like going back again after the rage comes down. Going no contact may be impossible for you.
But decide for yourself to go no contact if the rage never come down. Don’t forget that narcissistic parents are simply suffering from psychological problems and this could really make the whole situation difficult for you. So, you should know when your options are exhausted and all your efforts fruitless. This is the time to cut ties and move on.
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