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Are You the Jealous Type? Check the Signs and Identify the Root Causes

Are You the Jealous Type? Check the Signs and Identify the Root Causes

There are times when jealousy affects the best among us. However, it is not always perceived the same. Different people may experience or display jealousy in contrasting fashion, owing largely to their personality types. But regardless, you need to understand that whether you believe being jealous is justified or not, it eventually ends up becoming a destructive influence, and will negatively affect your wellbeing.

But Just What Is Jealousy?

In its simplest form, jealously can be defined as an emotion, or combination of emotions that manifest as either thought, actions or emotional feelings. It is believed that most people will experience feelings of jealousy at one point or another in their lives, and while the reasons for jealousy are common among all walks of life, the expressions can vary significantly.

How To Identify If You Suffer From Jealousy

The appearance of jealousy may not always be obvious from an outside perspective, but traits are present that you would be able to identify. These include:

You Snoop: this can include prying into private mail or email, screening phone calls, or just needing to know where your significant other or loved one is at all times. This can also include friends, who may be in contact with others you despise, causing you to feel left out.

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Pettiness: if you find yourself picking arguments for tiny things, and disguising it as “telling the truth”, this is one of the signs of jealousy. On a subliminal level, the goal is to make the other person feel some of the emotions you are experiencing, but sugar coating it at the same time.

You Constantly Experience Doubts And Need Reassurance: eventually, a point is reached when your significant other/friend stops entertaining outbursts of jealously, and this is when things take a new level. You may find yourself outright questioning that person if they still care about you, but are never convinced enough to listen to the reassurances. This could be a slippery slide down to a very dark place, so try not to have your feelings of jealousy get this bad.

Insincerity: jealously does not just stem from the belief that your partner is hiding an external relationship, but can also be triggered when the other person is uplifted. This can be as a result of a promotion, an extravagant gift from a relative, or anything that make the other person happy. You may say “congratulations” or “I’m happy for you”, but your true feelings show through as insincerity.

You Humiliate In Public: this is extremely bad, and may include snarky remarks like “you’re checking that guy/girl out” and more. These public displays of humiliation that embarrasses your companion stem from jealousy, or bringing up past failures/ mistakes.

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Why Do Your Experience Jealousy?

Most of the causes of jealousy are common; meaning that if you experience it, the triggers are the same, regardless of cultural differences. These commonly include:

Insecurity: insecurity often does not just randomly appear [1], but develops slowly over a relationship. For example, if you notice your significant other publicly checking out other people, you develop some feelings of insecurity. Likewise, being uncomfortable with who you are, and then equating it with the fact that you’re not good enough for your partner can further insecurity.

Fear: primarily the fear that your partner will leave you for someone better, may cause you to lash out and more publicly display jealousy. This could be the worst possible way to handle things, however, as lashing out due to fear will only serve to worsen things.

Competition: completion in a relationship is very common, even though you might like to believe that one person uplifts another. There is a constant battle on the low to see who is the “better” person in the relationship, which may lead to development of jealousy in at least one person. Not all competition is healthy competition, as we were taught in school.

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Why Jealousy Is A Matter You Should be Concerned With

It is believed that a little jealousy is good, as it shows that you have “interest” in your significant other, but this is not really the case. In fact, we all experience jealousy- that is a fact. But there are significant differences in the way we express our jealousy.

In fact, according to the Myers-Briggs Personality test (MBTI), differences in our personality type determine to a large extent the way we deal with jealousy. This is why some people seem unbothered by jealousy, or why some people do not see why their partner is acting out. On the other hand, some people experience a larger degree of extroverted emotional feelings than others, whereby they wear their emotions as a proud badge of honor.

At the end of it all, what you should be concerned with is the way jealousy can alter your relationship. You can use it productively to change the way you handle your emotions, or let it run amok like wildfire and cause destruction. Your choice.

How To Address Your Jealousy

Shift Your Point of View (POV): sometimes taking a step back and trying to visualize if you’re being fair can help you control your outbursts. It doesn’t work for everyone, but is worth a shot.

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Remind Yourself That You’re Worth It: if you feel undervalued, or underappreciated, you need to remind yourself that there are things you bring that no one else has to offer. Then, if you are 100% sure you are not appreciated, leave a relationship where you are often belittled.

Practice Mindfulness: meditation can help you develop appreciation for the present, and boost self-control as well. This is a useful tool in minimizing jealous outbursts.

Seek Support When All Else Fails: talk to a trusted friend, or a professional in an effort to get a foreign perspective. This can help you judge if your jealousy is unwarranted.

Reference

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Founder & CEO, Anabolic Health

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Last Updated on September 11, 2020

Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

No one wants to suffer. As a general rule, people like to avoid hurt and pain as much as possible. As a species, humans want a painless existence so much that scientists make a living trying to create it.

People can now choose “pain-free” labor for babies, and remedies to cure back pain, headaches, body-pains and even mental pains are a dime a dozen. Beyond medicine, we also work hard to experience little pain even when it comes to loss; often times we believe a breakup won’t hurt as much if we are the ones to call it off.

But would a world without pain truly be painless? It’s unlikely. In fact, it would probably be painful exactly for that reason.

If people never experienced hurt, they wouldn’t know what it was. On the surface level, that seems like a blessing, but think for a moment: if we didn’t know pain, how would we know peace? If you don’t know you’ve hurt or been hurt, how would you know that you need to heal? Imagine someone only knowing they have an incurable cancer at the final stage because no obvious symptoms have appeared at early stages.

Without the feeling of pain, people won’t be aware of dangerous situations—what should or shouldn’t do for survival.

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Pain Is Our Guardian

Pain serves to protect human beings from harmful actions. It’s the same reason parents teach babies that fire equals hot, and that hot equals hurt. Should the baby still place its hand in a fire or on a stove, the intense pain remains so memorable, that the child is certain never to repeat that action.

In the same way, pain within human bodies can serve as a warning that something is not right. Because you know what it is to feel “well,” you know what it is to feel poorly.[1]

Along with serving as a teacher of what not to do, pain also teaches you what you are made of in terms of what you can handle as an individual.

While the cliche, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is a tired term, it’s used excessively for a reason: it’s true. Pain helps you learn to cope with life’s inevitable difficulties and sadnesses— to develop the grit it takes to push past hardships and carry on.

Whether it’s a shattering pain, like the loss of a loved one or a debilitating accident, pain affects everyone differently. But it still affects everyone. Take a breakup as an example, anyone who has experienced it knows it can hurt to the point of feeling physical. Especially the first breakup. At a young age, it feels like the loss of the only love you’ll ever know. As you grow and learn, you realize you’re more resilient with every ended relationship.

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No Pain, No Happiness

You only know happiness when you have known pain. While the idea of constant happiness sounds nice, there is little chance it would be. Without the comparison to happiness, there’s no reason to be grateful for it. That is to say, without ever knowing sadness or pain, you would have no reason to be grateful for happiness.

In reality, there is always something missing, or something unpleasant, but it is only through those realizations that you know to be grateful when you feel you have it all. Read more about why happiness and pain have to exist together: Chasing Happiness Won’t Make You Happy

In a somewhat counter-intuitive finding, researchers found one of the things that brings about the most happiness is challenge. When people are tested, they experience a greater sense of accomplishment and happiness when they are successful. It is largely for this reason that low-income individuals can often feel happier than those who have a sense of wealth.[2]

This is a great thing to remember the next time you feel you would be happier if you just had a little more cash.

Avoiding Pain Leads to More Suffering

Pain is inevitable, embrace it positively. Anyone who strives to have a painless life is striving for perfectionism; and perfectionism guarantees sadness because nothing will ever be perfect.

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This isn’t a bleak outlook, but rather a truthful one. The messy moments in life tend to create the best memories and gratitude. Pain often serves as a reminder of lessons learned, much like physical scars on the body.

Pain will always be painful, but it’s the hurt feelings that help wiser decisions be made.

Allow Room for the Inevitable

Learning how to tolerate pain, especially the emotional kind, is a valuable lesson.

Accepting and feeling pain makes you human. There is no weakness in that. Weakness only comes when you try to blame your own pain on someone else, expecting the blame to alleviate your hurting. There’s a saying,

“Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die.”

Think back to the last time you were really angry with someone. Maybe you were hurt because you got laid off from a job. You felt angry and that anger caused so much pain that you could feel it in a physical way. Being angry and blaming your ex boss for that pain didn’t affect him or her in any way; you’re the only one who lost sleep over it.

The healthier thing to do in a situation like that is acknowledge your pain and the anger along with it. Accept it and explore it in an introspective way. How can you learn and grow? What is at the root of that pain? Are you truly hurting and angry about being laid off, or is the pain more a correlation to you feeling like you failed?

While uncomfortable, exploring your pain is a way to raise your self-awareness. By understanding more about yourself, you know how to deal with similar situations in the future. You can never expect to be numb to difficult situations, but you will learn to better prepare financially for the loss of a job and be grateful for an income since you now know nothing is promised (no matter how much you work or how deserving you may feel).

Pain Hurts, but Numbness Would Be Worse

Pain does not feel good, but the bad feeling of it will help you learn and grow. It makes the sweet moments in life even sweeter and the gratitude more sincere.

To have a happier and more successful life, you don’t learn from success or accomplishment, but through pain and failures. For it is in those moments that you learn how to do better in the future or at least cope a little more easily.

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You are the strong person you are today because of the hardships this life has presented to you. While you may have felt out of control when those hard times came, the one thing you will always have control over is how you choose to react to things. The next time you hurt or you’re angry or sad, acknowledge it and allow yourself to ruminate in it. Then take a deep breath and start learning from that pain. You’ve got this!

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

[1] University of Calgary: Why is Pain Important?
[2] Greater Good Magazine: The Importance of Pain

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