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Are You the Jealous Type? Check the Signs and Identify the Root Causes

Are You the Jealous Type? Check the Signs and Identify the Root Causes

There are times when jealousy affects the best among us. However, it is not always perceived the same. Different people may experience or display jealousy in contrasting fashion, owing largely to their personality types. But regardless, you need to understand that whether you believe being jealous is justified or not, it eventually ends up becoming a destructive influence, and will negatively affect your wellbeing.

But Just What Is Jealousy?

In its simplest form, jealously can be defined as an emotion, or combination of emotions that manifest as either thought, actions or emotional feelings. It is believed that most people will experience feelings of jealousy at one point or another in their lives, and while the reasons for jealousy are common among all walks of life, the expressions can vary significantly.

How To Identify If You Suffer From Jealousy

The appearance of jealousy may not always be obvious from an outside perspective, but traits are present that you would be able to identify. These include:

You Snoop: this can include prying into private mail or email, screening phone calls, or just needing to know where your significant other or loved one is at all times. This can also include friends, who may be in contact with others you despise, causing you to feel left out.

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Pettiness: if you find yourself picking arguments for tiny things, and disguising it as “telling the truth”, this is one of the signs of jealousy. On a subliminal level, the goal is to make the other person feel some of the emotions you are experiencing, but sugar coating it at the same time.

You Constantly Experience Doubts And Need Reassurance: eventually, a point is reached when your significant other/friend stops entertaining outbursts of jealously, and this is when things take a new level. You may find yourself outright questioning that person if they still care about you, but are never convinced enough to listen to the reassurances. This could be a slippery slide down to a very dark place, so try not to have your feelings of jealousy get this bad.

Insincerity: jealously does not just stem from the belief that your partner is hiding an external relationship, but can also be triggered when the other person is uplifted. This can be as a result of a promotion, an extravagant gift from a relative, or anything that make the other person happy. You may say “congratulations” or “I’m happy for you”, but your true feelings show through as insincerity.

You Humiliate In Public: this is extremely bad, and may include snarky remarks like “you’re checking that guy/girl out” and more. These public displays of humiliation that embarrasses your companion stem from jealousy, or bringing up past failures/ mistakes.

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Why Do Your Experience Jealousy?

Most of the causes of jealousy are common; meaning that if you experience it, the triggers are the same, regardless of cultural differences. These commonly include:

Insecurity: insecurity often does not just randomly appear [1], but develops slowly over a relationship. For example, if you notice your significant other publicly checking out other people, you develop some feelings of insecurity. Likewise, being uncomfortable with who you are, and then equating it with the fact that you’re not good enough for your partner can further insecurity.

Fear: primarily the fear that your partner will leave you for someone better, may cause you to lash out and more publicly display jealousy. This could be the worst possible way to handle things, however, as lashing out due to fear will only serve to worsen things.

Competition: completion in a relationship is very common, even though you might like to believe that one person uplifts another. There is a constant battle on the low to see who is the “better” person in the relationship, which may lead to development of jealousy in at least one person. Not all competition is healthy competition, as we were taught in school.

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Why Jealousy Is A Matter You Should be Concerned With

It is believed that a little jealousy is good, as it shows that you have “interest” in your significant other, but this is not really the case. In fact, we all experience jealousy- that is a fact. But there are significant differences in the way we express our jealousy.

In fact, according to the Myers-Briggs Personality test (MBTI), differences in our personality type determine to a large extent the way we deal with jealousy. This is why some people seem unbothered by jealousy, or why some people do not see why their partner is acting out. On the other hand, some people experience a larger degree of extroverted emotional feelings than others, whereby they wear their emotions as a proud badge of honor.

At the end of it all, what you should be concerned with is the way jealousy can alter your relationship. You can use it productively to change the way you handle your emotions, or let it run amok like wildfire and cause destruction. Your choice.

How To Address Your Jealousy

Shift Your Point of View (POV): sometimes taking a step back and trying to visualize if you’re being fair can help you control your outbursts. It doesn’t work for everyone, but is worth a shot.

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Remind Yourself That You’re Worth It: if you feel undervalued, or underappreciated, you need to remind yourself that there are things you bring that no one else has to offer. Then, if you are 100% sure you are not appreciated, leave a relationship where you are often belittled.

Practice Mindfulness: meditation can help you develop appreciation for the present, and boost self-control as well. This is a useful tool in minimizing jealous outbursts.

Seek Support When All Else Fails: talk to a trusted friend, or a professional in an effort to get a foreign perspective. This can help you judge if your jealousy is unwarranted.

Reference

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Founder & CEO, Anabolic Health

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Last Updated on August 15, 2018

What Makes a Relationship Boring and How to Avoid It

What Makes a Relationship Boring and How to Avoid It

You’ve finally reached that comfortable spot in your relationship. You finish each other’s sentences and know before they order what the other one will have for lunch at your favorite restaurant. But, it’s starting to feel like boredom to you.

Video Summary

Security Can Lead to Boredom

It is normal to reach this level of security in a relationship. The longer you’re with somebody, the more you get to know them and what to expect from them. This level of familiarity is the cause of relationship boredom.

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Although security is definitely something you want with your significant other, what you don’t want is the boredom. One of the biggest mistakes a couple can make is believing that their predictability makes up for the loss of intimacy or excitement they used to feel together.[1] Why? Because this boredom increases your chances of losing the love between you.

When a couple starts to settle for feeling safe and secure, they believe nothing in the world can tear them apart. And this sense of confidence means they often stop putting effort into their relationship. Instead, their shared life becomes automatic, occurring without too much thought or investment and becoming indifferent. The last thing you want is to be in an indifferent romantic relationship. With indifference comes a whole slew of other feelings like annoyance and irritation, which in turn, prompts arguments.[2]

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Don’t allow this to happen to you and your significant other.

How to Prevent Boredom in Your Relationship

So, what can you do to avoid boredom in your relationship? Here are some great ideas to spark the passion and excitement:

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Try Something New Together

There’s nothing better for breaking up monotony than doing something new together. Do you two love taking pictures? Take a photography class together. Do you usually go hiking on the weekends? Throw a zipline or paragliding session into the mix. Research indicates that trying new activities is a great way to beat boredom.

Make a Plan for the Future

No, you don’t have to plan where you’ll buy your house or how many kids you’ll have if you’re not ready for that sort of conversation. You can, however, plan a weekend getaway or a vacation for a few months down the road. Making a plan gives you something to look forward to, which helps fight boredom. According to life coach Kelly Rogers, making plans for the future gives your relationship a little adrenaline rush, making you feel a sense of appreciation for each other.[3]

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Establish a Date Night

In your everyday, mundane life together, it can be easy to forget to make the two of you a priority. Establishing a mandatory date night is a wonderful way to bring you and your significant other together for some quality time. Melanie Schilling, a relationship psychologist, claims that date nights are actually critical to relationship health.[4] Set something specific to do together as often as your schedule allows. It doesn’t have to be dinner at an expensive restaurant either. You can plan a “no cell phone” night, a walk at the park, or even try to recreate one of your first dates together.

Remember to Say “I Love You”

Don’t forget to remind your partner why you are together, especially when boredom creeps its head between you two. Simple things like saying, “I love you” or letting them know how much you appreciate them can help you keep the romance alive in your relationship. Try to think about the happy memories the two of you have shared; it can be far too easy to dwell on the problems. Remembering why and how much you love your significant other is a great way to forget about any boredom you thought you were feeling.

Reference

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