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Is It Normal to Feel Jealous of Your Good Friends? Yes but You Can Reduce It by Learning These

Is It Normal to Feel Jealous of Your Good Friends? Yes but You Can Reduce It by Learning These

I could literally feel my friend’s jealousy seething through my Facebook feed.

After posting a status update of myself sipping from a freshly picked coconut on the beach in Fiji I noted how a few “I *really* hate you now”, casual comments on my wall reflected something much deeper.

Intense jealousy.

I have been on the other side of the fence. Having 4 cents and being $70,000 in debt nearly a decade ago I secretly despised the fact that some good buddies of mine were living their dreams.

Feeling jealous of your close friend’s success is normal but you need to keep it in check before it grows into a raging beast that affects your happiness.

Why Does It Feel Hellishly Difficult Not to Be Jealous of Good Friends?

You grew up together. Same circumstances. Same life in most cases.

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If someone seems to break away from the herd to live their wildest dreams or to simply challenge the status quo you are forced to assess why you haven’t made the same bold, freeing moves in your life.

This type of self-analysis is highly uncomfortable because it requires you to dive into your fears.

Feeling jealous of your friend’s success is simply you resisting your deep, intense fear of breaking free from the herd. Most folks respond to their deep fears with a “It’s totally not fair that they have that and I don’t!” type envy versus taking practical, simple steps to dissolve some of this jealousy to be happier and healthier.

Why You Need to Dial Down Jealousy

If you obsess over feeling terribly jealous of good friends you can never have what they have.

But if you reframe this energy you can replace your envy with inspiration.

Christie Aschwanden of the Huffington Post [1] explains how the concept of benign envy can help you be happi er with your own life.

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Stop being jealous of your buddies’ success. Start living your dream life with these practical tips.

Ponder Things You Don’t Envy about Your Friend’s Lives

You may want to squeeze chop sticks under my fingernails after seeing my beach selfies in Bali but are you also jealous of the fact that I’m brainstorming this post at midnight on a Friday night?

Or that I declared bankruptcy and sold nearly everything I owned at the start of my blogging journey?

You will feel less jealous of your friends when you consider “the rest of the story”.

Every successful person you envy had to work long and hard to become successful. These people had to dive into their deepest fears regularly to live their dreams.

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Before you envy someone’s success think about their failures, struggles and all the hard work they put into living their dreams. You won’t feel as jealous of their wins when you understand what they had to do to reach their goals.

You may even turn your jealousy into genuine admiration.

Build a Gratitude List in the Morning

Speak it. Write it. However you dice it, building a gratitude list moves your attention from what you don’t have to what you do have. This helps you feel more whole and complete. How can you feel jealous of your good friends when you feel content with your blessings?

Thinking of things to be grateful for on waking sets a fabulous energetic tone for your day.

Press the Jealousy Rewind Button

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During my lean years I recall feeling hyper jealous of my successful friends. I vividly remember one episode where I couldn’t chip in to buy a pizza because I had no money in my wallet.

My friends said the pizza was on them. I felt like a charity case, shamelessly scarfing down a piece of pie, feeling like a total loser.

I needed to relive this experience in my imagination to clear deeply held jealous feelings I directed towards friends and family. Like any emotion, jealousy vanishes when you are present with the feeling of being intensely jealous. As the feeling vanishes you become less jealous.

Find a quiet room. Relax your body and mind. Press the jealous rewind button by recalling experiences with friends which brought up feelings of envy. Feel the emotions. Grab a pillow to punch or cry into if strong energies arise.

Clearing jealous feelings from the past helps you frame your friend’s success from a healthier, balanced space.

Reference

More by this author

Ryan Biddulph

Blogger and World Traveler at Blogging From Paradise

jealousy Is It Normal to Feel Jealous of Your Good Friends? Yes but You Can Reduce It by Learning These

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Last Updated on May 7, 2019

How to Detect a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

How to Detect a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

Work in any competitive field long enough, and you’re bound to run into a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It’s a powerful image. A shepherd watches over his flock to protect them from harm. He’d chase away any predator that tried to make its way into the flock. A clever wolf wearing the skin of a sheep as a disguise can sneak by the vigilant shepherd and get into the herd undetected.

The story isn’t just a colorful description–it’s a warning to all of us to beware the wolf in sheep’s clothing. They may seem innocent, but they have ulterior motives. They’ll use different tactics to camouflage their intentions.

The person who is kind to you, but undercuts you when you aren’t around is a wolf in disguise. A wolf in sheep’s clothing might pick your brain for ideas and then pass them off as their own to get a promotion. They’re always looking out for themselves at the expense of everyone around them.

Wearing a Disguise Has Its Advantages

People don’t go out of their way to manipulate others unless they’re getting something out of it. Hiding their intentions gives wolves the chance to manipulate other people to advance their own agenda. They know that what they’re trying to do wouldn’t be popular, or it might cause struggle if they presented themselves honestly.

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    They’ll be able to do what they want with less interference if they put on an act. By the time people figure out their true motives, the wolf has what it wants.

    Signs That Someone Is a Wolf in Disguise

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        1. They live to take power instead of empowering others. A wolf uses people as stepping stones to get the things that they want. They don’t care what happens to anyone else.[1] A wolf at work might make you look bad during a presentation to make themselves look amazing in front of the boss.
        2. Wolves seem sweet on the outside, but they’ll show you their teeth. If wolves revealed their true identity, people wouldn’t associate with them. They develop a friendly or kind persona, but they can’t keep up the act 24/7. Eventually, they’ll reveal their aggressive tendencies. A wealthy person who likes to break the law may make sizable charitable donations to convince people that they are kind and thoughtful. These donations largely keep them out of trouble, but if someone calls them out, they destroy that person’s reputation to stifle the criticism.
        3. They manipulate through emotions to get what they want. Wolves know that they can get ahead by appealing to your emotions. They find out what you want and need, and they give you just enough to keep you quiet and compliant. Imagine that your boss is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and you want to ask for a vacation. She might try to play on your guilt and feelings of insecurity to get you to skip vacation or take fewer days off.
        4. A wolf will charm you first. Wolves are experts at manipulating the people around them. They appear interested in whatever you’re doing, and you’ll get the impression that they care. After they get you where they want you, they do just enough to keep you on the hook. This is the coworker who may start out being your friend, but they end up dumping responsibility onto you. When they see that you are growing frustrated, they’ll surprise you with something to charm you some more. Then, they’ll continue to do whatever they want.
        5. Their stories are full of holes.  Calling a wolf out is the surest way to make them squirm. When this person tries to come up with a story, it won’t make much sense because they are improvising.[2] The classic example of this is the significant other that you suspect has cheated on you. When you ask them why they came home so late, they’ll either become upset with you, or they’ll make up a weak explanation.

        How to Spot a Wolf

          Know What’s Real So You Can Spot the Phony

          Do some homework so that you have as much of the story as possible before you work with them. Research how they respond in certain situations, or give them hypothetical problems to see how they respond.

          A job applicant might tell you that she’s always positive and thinks of herself as a team-player. That’s what every employer wants to hear. During the interview you ask applicants to work in groups to solve a problem to see how they handle the situation. The applicant “positive team-player” is bossy and negative. You’ve spotted the wolf.

          A wolf will tell you something that ultimately benefits them. Gather evidence that proves or disproves their position, and see what happens. Chances are, when you choose the side that supports their agenda, they’ll act like your best friend. If you disagree, they’ll become aggressive.

          Spotting a potential wolf–especially if you are one of the sheep–can present you with some challenges. If your gut tells you that a wolf is lurking among all the other sheep, pay attention, and make sure you take the next step.

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          Ask Questions, the More the Better

          There’s nothing wrong with asking questions to uncover the truth. The safety of everyone in your group is at risk. Since wolves often make up stories, you may be able to call them out when their tales lack details.

          When they state an opinion, ask “Why do you think that?” or “How do you know it’s like that?” They’ll have trouble coming up with enough information to pull off the lie.

          Since wolves are always pretending to be something they aren’t, they don’t usually have a clearly thought-out reason for what they say. In a debate, they won’t understand the root of an issue.

          They may also tell you what they think you want to hear, but when pressed for more information, they won’t have anything to add. Their knowledge is superficial. No matter how much you try to encourage discussion, they will not be able to carry on a conversation about the subject.

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          Wolves Are Everywhere

          As much as we want to believe that everyone has the best intentions, it isn’t always the case. Some people only do things to benefit themselves, and they don’t care who they hurt in the process.

          Wolves in sheep’s clothing can be found in almost every setting. You can’t get rid of them, but if you can spot them, you can avoid falling into their traps.

          Reference

          [1] Association of Biblical Counselors: Three Ways to Spot a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing
          [2] Power of Positivity: Beware of a wolf in sheep’s clothing

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