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Is It Normal to Feel Jealous of Your Good Friends? Yes but You Can Reduce It by Learning These

Is It Normal to Feel Jealous of Your Good Friends? Yes but You Can Reduce It by Learning These

I could literally feel my friend’s jealousy seething through my Facebook feed.

After posting a status update of myself sipping from a freshly picked coconut on the beach in Fiji I noted how a few “I *really* hate you now”, casual comments on my wall reflected something much deeper.

Intense jealousy.

I have been on the other side of the fence. Having 4 cents and being $70,000 in debt nearly a decade ago I secretly despised the fact that some good buddies of mine were living their dreams.

Feeling jealous of your close friend’s success is normal but you need to keep it in check before it grows into a raging beast that affects your happiness.

Why Does It Feel Hellishly Difficult Not to Be Jealous of Good Friends?

You grew up together. Same circumstances. Same life in most cases.

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If someone seems to break away from the herd to live their wildest dreams or to simply challenge the status quo you are forced to assess why you haven’t made the same bold, freeing moves in your life.

This type of self-analysis is highly uncomfortable because it requires you to dive into your fears.

Feeling jealous of your friend’s success is simply you resisting your deep, intense fear of breaking free from the herd. Most folks respond to their deep fears with a “It’s totally not fair that they have that and I don’t!” type envy versus taking practical, simple steps to dissolve some of this jealousy to be happier and healthier.

Why You Need to Dial Down Jealousy

If you obsess over feeling terribly jealous of good friends you can never have what they have.

But if you reframe this energy you can replace your envy with inspiration.

Christie Aschwanden of the Huffington Post [1] explains how the concept of benign envy can help you be happi er with your own life.

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Stop being jealous of your buddies’ success. Start living your dream life with these practical tips.

Ponder Things You Don’t Envy about Your Friend’s Lives

You may want to squeeze chop sticks under my fingernails after seeing my beach selfies in Bali but are you also jealous of the fact that I’m brainstorming this post at midnight on a Friday night?

Or that I declared bankruptcy and sold nearly everything I owned at the start of my blogging journey?

You will feel less jealous of your friends when you consider “the rest of the story”.

Every successful person you envy had to work long and hard to become successful. These people had to dive into their deepest fears regularly to live their dreams.

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Before you envy someone’s success think about their failures, struggles and all the hard work they put into living their dreams. You won’t feel as jealous of their wins when you understand what they had to do to reach their goals.

You may even turn your jealousy into genuine admiration.

Build a Gratitude List in the Morning

Speak it. Write it. However you dice it, building a gratitude list moves your attention from what you don’t have to what you do have. This helps you feel more whole and complete. How can you feel jealous of your good friends when you feel content with your blessings?

Thinking of things to be grateful for on waking sets a fabulous energetic tone for your day.

Press the Jealousy Rewind Button

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During my lean years I recall feeling hyper jealous of my successful friends. I vividly remember one episode where I couldn’t chip in to buy a pizza because I had no money in my wallet.

My friends said the pizza was on them. I felt like a charity case, shamelessly scarfing down a piece of pie, feeling like a total loser.

I needed to relive this experience in my imagination to clear deeply held jealous feelings I directed towards friends and family. Like any emotion, jealousy vanishes when you are present with the feeling of being intensely jealous. As the feeling vanishes you become less jealous.

Find a quiet room. Relax your body and mind. Press the jealous rewind button by recalling experiences with friends which brought up feelings of envy. Feel the emotions. Grab a pillow to punch or cry into if strong energies arise.

Clearing jealous feelings from the past helps you frame your friend’s success from a healthier, balanced space.

Reference

More by this author

Ryan Biddulph

Blogger and World Traveler at Blogging From Paradise

jealousy Is It Normal to Feel Jealous of Your Good Friends? Yes but You Can Reduce It by Learning These

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Last Updated on April 1, 2019

How to Be Happy: Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You Unhappy

How to Be Happy: Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You Unhappy

When we talk about happiness, we often think about staying happy all the time – every single day, every single minute with zero negativity. Many try to pursue this constant state of “happiness” as their ultimate goal, and avoid anything that may take it away from them.

But, what is the meaning of this type of “happiness”?

It’s a lot like your favorite food. The more often you have it isn’t always better. On the contrary, when you only have a chance to eat it sparingly, that’s when you really savor every bite. So is it the food itself that makes you happy, or is it how valuable it is to you when you are eating it?

Always remember that only by experiencing sadness do we understand what it is to be happy.

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Video Summary

Don’t Assume Others Are Always Happy

Most people see those who have seemingly perfect lives and assume they are happy all the time. Since childhood, we are conditioned to chase the idea of “happily-ever-after” that we see in fairytales. On social media, everyone tends to share only the best looking aspects of their lives. So, it’s very easy to have a distorted view of what “happiness” is around us.

In reality, there is always something missing, something lacking, or something unpleasant.

No one has a perfect life. Even the most glamorous celebrities or the richest billionaires have their own set of challenges and problems.

When we feel negative, we’re only focusing on a small fluctuating curve. As CEO of Lifehack, I’ve had to deal with countless problems, and some of them felt like real setbacks at the time. During those moments, it really seemed like these problems would be the life or death of my company and my life goals. But, I got through them; and, weeks, months and eventually years passed with many more ups and downs.

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You need to keep your sights on the extended curve.  Looking back now, a lot of those “really big” problems at the time now seem like only small blips in a long line of experiences. Recalling them in my mind now makes me smile!

Stop Trying to Be Happy–Just Be

It’s natural to want to be happy as often as possible.

So what can we do?

First, throw away the belief that a perfect life means happiness. Personally, I would be miserable if everything was perfect. It’s through experiencing the pains of lifelong challenges that drives us to care for others when they are experiencing similar trials. If life was perfect, you wouldn’t be able to empathize. If life was perfect, you wouldn’t grow.

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To be truly happy, stop chasing permanent happiness.

It sounds like a paradox. But, what I mean is to accept that there will be ups and downs throughout life. Gracefully understand that happiness is a fluctuation of positive and negative events.

Understand the importance of gratitude. Instead of focusing on the unpleasant moment, flash back your memory to when you didn’t have something. I like to think about my career, for example. When I didn’t have a career I was passionate about, I felt lost and demotivated. I felt like everyone was figuring out their lives but me. But, when I found my purpose and started Lifehack, I was deeply happy, even before I realized I would be successful! This memory keeps me going when I hit tough spots. It takes the darkness to make us grateful for the light.

Happiness and Sadness Exist Together

What it all comes down to is this: your life will be filled with beautiful, happy and incredible moments–happy tears and joyous shouts and funny stories. But, your life will also be filled with rain and storms that never seem like they will pass while you’re going through them.

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But, whether your face is warmed by the sunshine, or your heart is dampened by the rain, know that it’s all part of the ebb and flow of life.

Treasure the happy moments and power through the sad ones. Don’t try to avoid “sad” or “negative” experiences, and blindly chase being “happy”. In the end you will achieve a true level of contentment in your life, based on meaningful experiences and achievements. Being able to create growth and meaning out of both positive and negative events — that is the true meaning of “happiness”.

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