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Seeing Your Ex Partner Getting into a New Relationship Is Often Devastating, Here’s What to Do

Seeing Your Ex Partner Getting into a New Relationship Is Often Devastating, Here’s What to Do

So you’re casually checking out what’s up on Instagram’s “Explore” section and suddenly a photo of your ex with a new flame shows up.

Yes, your relationship ended but it is still awkward and somewhat devastating to see your former partner moving on, especially if the breakup is still fresh. Then, you start seeing them all over the place, laughing, having fun, and posting photos on social media profiles.

Like adding salt to the wound, people start texting to inform you about your ex’s new relationship. This leads to self-doubt, low self-esteem and in worst scenario – depression. Is there any way to overcome this? YES Of course!

Why is it hard to accept ex’s new relationship?

How many times have you promised yourself you’ll move on and stop thinking about your ex and his/her new relationship? We do it quite often. Sometimes we can’t help it and jealousy kicks in. Getting over your ex and the idea of them finding someone else already can be easier said than done.

According to one study, 88% of 18- to 35-year-olds have stalked their ex’s social media profiles and 80% of them also stalked their ex’s new partners.

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The more stalking occurred, the more distress we experience , scientists say. We always feel this urge to check their profiles, but it only causes more pain. It is not uncommon to develop symptoms of depression [1] including social isolation, feelings of helpless and worthlessness, guilt, difficulty concentrating, and others.

Why is it so difficult to just stop and move on?

No, you are not the problem here. Scientists explain that we are always in competition with our own sex. Since the ancient men and women natural instinct was to breed and fight for the alpha dog status, the devastation caused by ex’s new relationship is instinctive too. Subconsciously you think “that’s mine” despite being aware you’re not even together.

At one point or another, you start thinking maybe he/she will dump the new flame and you’ll be together. Deep down you know this outlook is detrimental to your emotional health and overall being at the same time. If you don’t move on and continue to dwell over your ex finding a new love, you’ll deprive yourself of the opportunity to find a new boy/girlfriend as well.

For instance, you may stress out over the fact your ex has a new flame but you don’t. But, just because you’re single it doesn’t mean you are emotionally available. Other people pick up on that and know you wouldn’t be able to commit. You owe it to yourself to move on and find the love, happiness, and a relationship that you deserve. But how to do it; you probably wonder. These tips can help.

Always remember…

Newer doesn’t always equal better

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One of the most common reasons why we can’t let go of the fact our ex has a new love is that we automatically assume this new person is better than you in every way. In order to overcome this problem, you should ditch those thoughts that say your ex got an upgrade. This new person in their life isn’t necessarily more attractive, smarter, or prettier than you are.

Bear in mind that the relationship ended because things didn’t work out, it’s life and those things happen to everyone. Banishing negative thoughts isn’t always easy, but with regular practice, you can do it successfully. Every time you start thinking the other person is better and you’re worthless, think of a reason to debunk those thoughts.

New relationship doesn’t erase the old one

It’s easy to think that the new relationship, especially if the breakup is fresh, erases everything you two had. But, that is impossible! No, this new person is not your replacement. In fact, he/she doesn’t want to be a mere replacement as well. The new relationship doesn’t come with some magical option that deletes a person’s past. Both of you will still share the same memories, it’s entirely natural. Accepting this fact is a part of growing up and acknowledging it is time to move on.

No, he/she didn’t win

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Okay, you’ve probably thought about this already; your ex won because he/she found a new guy or girl before you did. This isn’t about winning, how quickly you get into the new relationship depends on your needs and preferences. Your ex’s new relationship doesn’t make you a loser. And who cares whether someone else would consider the other person a winner. Two people were in a relationship, so someone else’s opinion shouldn’t knock you down.

Look for a role model

Humans learn not only from their own experiences but from other people too. We can strengthen our willpower just by learning from people we consider good role models. A practical way to deal with your ex’s new relationship is to look for a role model from your own life or pop culture i.e. any person who’s been in the same situation and overcame it successfully. It won’t take long, we’ve all been there. Now, in the moments of weakness and despair, think of your role model and how he/she tackled this situation and came out of it as a bigger, better person.

Get a hobby to have some fun

When we have too much time on our hands, we tend to think all kinds of things and they’re usually negative. You get caught up with one thought and it grows inside, makes you feel worse. You just need to preoccupy yourself, find a hobby, do something you’re passionate about. In turn, you’ll boost your confidence, reduce stress, feel emotionally better and the best thing of all – you won’t spend too much time focusing on your ex and his/her new partner.

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Watch out for the white bear

Psychologists define a white bear as an occurrence when we try not to think about something or someone and we end up thinking even more . Don’t be alarmed if your ex and his girl pop up in your mind from time to time. Let’s face it, sometimes you think of people from your high school too. Is that a sign of concern? No! Forcing yourself to stop thinking about them could induce the counterproductive effect. You just need a good strategy to deal with those thoughts such as finding a positive characteristic about yourself each time you think the other person is better (1st point).

Be patient and take your time to recover

When it comes to dealing with the ex moving on, we tend to feel depressed and hurt because we don’t expect them to do it so soon. This happens regardless of how long it’s been since breakup or who induced it. Sometimes you are the one who broke up, but you still feel upset when the ex moved on. Don’t take his/her actions as a measure of your own worth and avoid considering them as some sort of a payback. Remember, people, heal at different times and at different rates. The best thing to do is to focus on yourself, your emotional and physical wellbeing, and get back into the game to find a new, healthy relationship when you feel the time is right.

Getting over an ex is not the easiest thing in the world, particularly if the other person moved on and found someone else. This is a major blow to our self-esteem and mental health, but only because we tend to compare ourselves with other people. The key is to develop a positive mindset and have a healthy lifestyle [2]. You’ll move on at your own pace and stay open to a new relationship.

Reference

More by this author

Katleen Brown

Katleen is a health and beauty advisor.

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Last Updated on February 11, 2021

20 Amazing Facts About Dreams that You Might Not Know About

20 Amazing Facts About Dreams that You Might Not Know About

Dreams — Mysterious, bewildering, eye-opening and sometimes a nightmarish living hell. Dreams are all that and much more.

Here are 20 amazing facts about dreams that you might have never heard about:

Fact #1: You can’t read while dreaming, or tell the time

    If you are unsure whether you are dreaming or not, try reading something. The vast majority of people are incapable of reading in their dreams.

    The same goes for clocks: each time you look at a clock it will tell a different time and the hands on the clock won’t appear to be moving as reported by lucid dreamers.

    Fact #2: Lucid dreaming

    There is a whole subculture of people practicing what is called lucid or conscious dreaming. Using various techniques, these people have supposedly learned to assume control of their dreams and do amazing things like flying, passing through walls, and traveling to different dimensions or even back in time.

    Want to learn how to control your dreams? You can try these tips:

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    Lucid Dreaming: This Is How You Can Control Your Dreams

    Fact #3: Inventions inspired by dreams

    Dreams are responsible for many of the greatest inventions of mankind. A few examples include:

    • The idea for Google -Larry Page
    • Alternating current generator -Tesla
    • DNA’s double helix spiral form -James Watson
    • The sewing machine -Elias Howe
    • Periodic table -Dimitri Mendeleyev

    …and many, many more.

    Fact #4: Premonition dreams

    There are some astounding cases where people actually dreamt about things which happened to them later, in the exact same ways they dreamed about.

    You could say they got a glimpse of the future, or it might have just been coincidence. The fact remains that this is some seriously interesting and bizarre phenomena. Some of the most famous premonition dreams include:

    • Abraham Lincoln dreamt of His Assassination
    • Many of the victims of 9/11 had dreams warning them about the catastrophe
    • Mark Twain’s dream of his brother’s demise
    • 19 verified precognitive dreams about the Titanic catastrophe

    Fact #5: Sleep paralysis

    Hell is real and it is called sleep paralysis. It’s the stuff of true nightmares. I’ve been a sleep paralysis sufferer as a kid and I can attest to how truly horrible it is.

    Two characteristics of sleep paralysis are the inability to move (hence paralysis) and a sense of an extremely evil presence in the room with you. It doesn’t feel like a dream, but 100% real. Studies show that during an attack, sleep paralysis sufferers show an overwhelming amygdala activity. The amygdala is responsible for the “fight or flight” instinct and the emotions of fear, terror and anxiety. Enough said!

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    Fact #6: REM sleep disorder

    In the state of REM (rapid-eye-movement) stage of your sleep your body is normally paralyzed. In rare cases, however, people act out their dreams. These have resulted in broken arms, legs, broken furniture, and in at least one reported case, a house burnt down.

    Fact #7: Sexual dreams

    The very scientifically-named “nocturnal penile tumescence” is a very well documented phenomena. In laymen’s term, it simply means that you get a stiffy while you sleep. Actually, studies indicate that men get up to 20 erections per dream.

    Fact #8: Unbelievable sleepwalkers

      Sleepwalking is a very rare and potentially dangerous sleep disorder. It is an extreme form of REM sleep disorder, and these people don’t just act out their dreams, but go on real adventures at night.

      Lee Hadwin is a nurse by profession, but in his dreams he is an artist. Literally. He “sleepdraws” gorgeous portraits, of which he has no recollection afterwards. Strange sleepwalking “adventures” include:

      • A woman having sex with strangers while sleepwalking
      • A man who drove 22 miles and killed his cousin while sleepwalking
      • A sleepwalker who walked out of the window from the third floor, and barely survived

      Fact #9: Dream drug

      There are actually people who like dreaming and dreams so much that they never want to wake up. They want to continue on dreaming even during the day, so they take an illegal and extremely potent hallucinogenic drug called Dimethyltryptamine. It is actually only an isolated and synthetic form of the chemical our brains produce naturally during dreaming.

      Fact #10 Dream-catcher

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        The dream-catcher is one of the most well-known Native American symbols. It is a loose web or webs woven around a hoop and decorated with sacred objects meant to protect against nightmares.

        Fact #11: Increased brain activity

        You would associate sleeping with peace and quiet, but actually our brains are more active during sleep than during the day.

        Fact #12: Creativity and dreams

        As we mentioned before, dreams are responsible for inventions, great artworks and are generally just incredibly interesting. They are also “recharging” our creativity.

        Scientists also say that keeping a dream diary helps with creativity.

        In rare cases of REM disorder, people actually don’t dream at all. These people suffer from significantly decreased creativity and perform badly at tasks requiring creative problem solving.

        Fact #13: Pets dream too

          Our animal companions dream as well. Watch a dog or a cat sleep and you can see that they are moving their paws and making noises like they were chasing something. Go get ’em buddy!

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          Fact #14: You always dream—you just don’t remember it

          Many people claim that they don’t dream at all, but that’s not true: we all dream, but up to 60% of people don’t remember their dreams at all.

          Fact #15: Blind people dream too

          Blind people who were not born blind see images in their dreams but people who were born blind don’t see anything at all. They still dream, and their dreams are just as intense and interesting, but they involve the other senses beside sight.

          Fact #16: In your dreams, you only see faces that you already know

            It is proven that in dreams, we can only see faces that we have seen in real life before. So beware: that scary-looking old lady next to you on the bus might as well be in your next nightmare.

            Fact #17: Dreams tend to be negative

            Surprisingly, dreams are more often negative than positive. The three most widely reported emotions felt during dreaming are anger, sadness and fear.

            Fact #18: Multiple dreams per night

            You can have up to seven different dreams per night depending on how many REM cycles you have. We only dream during the REM period of sleep, and the average person dreams one to two hours every night.

            Fact #19: Gender differences

            Interestingly, 70% of all the characters in a man’s dream are other men, but women’s dream contain an equal amount of women and men. Also men’s dreams contain a lot more aggression. Both women and men dream about sexual themes equally often.

            Fact #20: Not everyone dreams in color

            As much as 12% of people only dream in black and white.

            Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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