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To Make a Long Distance Relationship Work, the First Thing Is to Overcome Jealousy

To Make a Long Distance Relationship Work, the First Thing Is to Overcome Jealousy

There’s that moment—that flash of jealousy you can’t control when you hear that your significant other (SO) has been spending time with someone else—and you’re hundreds or thousands of miles away. It’s a totally normal feeling, but it can ruin meaningful relationships if it gets out of hand.

When you’re dealing with jealousy in a long distance relationship (LDR), it doesn’t just negatively impact your relationship, it can also affect your everyday life. You may start to feel resentful of your partner, angry at the people around them who get to spend time with them, and you’ll be focusing on those emotions instead of work, school, or your other relationships.

Jealously in a LDR can be difficult to solve, because there are communication barriers involved, and you can’t see what’s really happening or feel any sense of control over the situation.

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Even though it may be a challenge to overcome jealousy in a LDR, it’s essential to do so if the relationship is going to last until you can be together again. Being consistently jealous isn’t good for your emotional or physical well-being, and jealousy can erode trust between you and your partner.

The good news? There are some strategies you can use to help overcome jealousy and maintain a fulfilling long distance relationship. Here are a few ways to get started on your path to a healthier, happier LDR[1] and let go of jealousy.

Comparison is always toxic

When jealousy does come up, stop reading into every little thing. Don’t compare yourself[2]to other people who may be involved in the situation. Instead, consider why these feelings are coming up.

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Is there a trust issue in the relationship? Has your partner repeatedly engaged in behavior that makes you uncomfortable?

When you start feeling jealous, it’s important to take a step back and think about the real problem. In some cases, it may just be your tendency to experience jealousy, which is something you’ll want to work on—use it to challenge yourself and make positive changes. In other cases, it may be a sign that something isn’t quite right in the relationship.

Remember both of you are imperfect and are going to have bad days

You’re not perfect, and neither is your SO. You’re both going to have bad days, and it’s not realistic to think that you can get rid of jealousy altogether. Forgive yourself for those feelings, and then work on them.

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Use some of the strategies you’ve learned, and examine why you’re feeling jealous—and how you can react in a healthy way. Success isn’t about always controlling your emotions—it’s sometimes about controlling your reactions so you don’t make the situation worse.

Schedule Time for Deep Connection

We all have busy lives, and it’s much easier to make time for our partners when they’re nearby. In LDRs, it’s all too common to have conflicting schedules and not make the time to fully communicate.

However, strong relationships need nurturing, whether that’s through phone calls, Skype dates, or in-person visits. With the ongoing progress in virtual reality[3], you may even be able to be (virtually) in the same room one day! Overcoming jealousy involves at lot of work on both your part and your partner’s, but new technology tools make it easier than ever to make time for one another—you can even go on a walk[4] together with FaceTime!

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Ongoing virtual communication and attention is important, but it’s also important to make a schedule for in-person visits (or at least some ground rules). That gives you both something to look forward to, and makes being apart a little easier.

Do the Things That Help You Keep Calm and Relaxed

When it comes to overcoming jealous feelings, anxiety can really sabotage your progress. Remaining calm is a great way to help overcome jealousy—and it will improve your overall well-being as well! Staying calm is easier said than done, so you’ll need to make use of both long term and short term methods to achieve a relaxed and calm attitude.

You can start off with simple methods like deep breathing and stress balls, but you’ll also want to incorporate other methods into your life. Yoga and other forms of exercise will improve your mood and give you a self-confidence boost, while meditation and acupuncture[5] can help you calm down and look at the world with more gratitude and relaxation.

Overcoming jealousy in an LDR is always a work in progress, but it can help you develop a deep and lasting relationship with your SO!

Reference

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Pregnancy Craving: Why Do Pregnant Women Crave Pickles and Other Kinds of Food? The One Practice That Will Help You Face with Every Challenge Much More Easily To Make a Long Distance Relationship Work, the First Thing Is to Overcome Jealousy If You Have These 8 Habits, You’re More Likely to Make Terrible Decisions Than Others How to Form an Unstoppable Team with Your Colleagues for Massive Success

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Last Updated on May 7, 2019

How to Detect a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

How to Detect a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

Work in any competitive field long enough, and you’re bound to run into a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It’s a powerful image. A shepherd watches over his flock to protect them from harm. He’d chase away any predator that tried to make its way into the flock. A clever wolf wearing the skin of a sheep as a disguise can sneak by the vigilant shepherd and get into the herd undetected.

The story isn’t just a colorful description–it’s a warning to all of us to beware the wolf in sheep’s clothing. They may seem innocent, but they have ulterior motives. They’ll use different tactics to camouflage their intentions.

The person who is kind to you, but undercuts you when you aren’t around is a wolf in disguise. A wolf in sheep’s clothing might pick your brain for ideas and then pass them off as their own to get a promotion. They’re always looking out for themselves at the expense of everyone around them.

Wearing a Disguise Has Its Advantages

People don’t go out of their way to manipulate others unless they’re getting something out of it. Hiding their intentions gives wolves the chance to manipulate other people to advance their own agenda. They know that what they’re trying to do wouldn’t be popular, or it might cause struggle if they presented themselves honestly.

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    They’ll be able to do what they want with less interference if they put on an act. By the time people figure out their true motives, the wolf has what it wants.

    Signs That Someone Is a Wolf in Disguise

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        1. They live to take power instead of empowering others. A wolf uses people as stepping stones to get the things that they want. They don’t care what happens to anyone else.[1] A wolf at work might make you look bad during a presentation to make themselves look amazing in front of the boss.
        2. Wolves seem sweet on the outside, but they’ll show you their teeth. If wolves revealed their true identity, people wouldn’t associate with them. They develop a friendly or kind persona, but they can’t keep up the act 24/7. Eventually, they’ll reveal their aggressive tendencies. A wealthy person who likes to break the law may make sizable charitable donations to convince people that they are kind and thoughtful. These donations largely keep them out of trouble, but if someone calls them out, they destroy that person’s reputation to stifle the criticism.
        3. They manipulate through emotions to get what they want. Wolves know that they can get ahead by appealing to your emotions. They find out what you want and need, and they give you just enough to keep you quiet and compliant. Imagine that your boss is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and you want to ask for a vacation. She might try to play on your guilt and feelings of insecurity to get you to skip vacation or take fewer days off.
        4. A wolf will charm you first. Wolves are experts at manipulating the people around them. They appear interested in whatever you’re doing, and you’ll get the impression that they care. After they get you where they want you, they do just enough to keep you on the hook. This is the coworker who may start out being your friend, but they end up dumping responsibility onto you. When they see that you are growing frustrated, they’ll surprise you with something to charm you some more. Then, they’ll continue to do whatever they want.
        5. Their stories are full of holes.  Calling a wolf out is the surest way to make them squirm. When this person tries to come up with a story, it won’t make much sense because they are improvising.[2] The classic example of this is the significant other that you suspect has cheated on you. When you ask them why they came home so late, they’ll either become upset with you, or they’ll make up a weak explanation.

        How to Spot a Wolf

          Know What’s Real So You Can Spot the Phony

          Do some homework so that you have as much of the story as possible before you work with them. Research how they respond in certain situations, or give them hypothetical problems to see how they respond.

          A job applicant might tell you that she’s always positive and thinks of herself as a team-player. That’s what every employer wants to hear. During the interview you ask applicants to work in groups to solve a problem to see how they handle the situation. The applicant “positive team-player” is bossy and negative. You’ve spotted the wolf.

          A wolf will tell you something that ultimately benefits them. Gather evidence that proves or disproves their position, and see what happens. Chances are, when you choose the side that supports their agenda, they’ll act like your best friend. If you disagree, they’ll become aggressive.

          Spotting a potential wolf–especially if you are one of the sheep–can present you with some challenges. If your gut tells you that a wolf is lurking among all the other sheep, pay attention, and make sure you take the next step.

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          Ask Questions, the More the Better

          There’s nothing wrong with asking questions to uncover the truth. The safety of everyone in your group is at risk. Since wolves often make up stories, you may be able to call them out when their tales lack details.

          When they state an opinion, ask “Why do you think that?” or “How do you know it’s like that?” They’ll have trouble coming up with enough information to pull off the lie.

          Since wolves are always pretending to be something they aren’t, they don’t usually have a clearly thought-out reason for what they say. In a debate, they won’t understand the root of an issue.

          They may also tell you what they think you want to hear, but when pressed for more information, they won’t have anything to add. Their knowledge is superficial. No matter how much you try to encourage discussion, they will not be able to carry on a conversation about the subject.

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          Wolves Are Everywhere

          As much as we want to believe that everyone has the best intentions, it isn’t always the case. Some people only do things to benefit themselves, and they don’t care who they hurt in the process.

          Wolves in sheep’s clothing can be found in almost every setting. You can’t get rid of them, but if you can spot them, you can avoid falling into their traps.

          Reference

          [1] Association of Biblical Counselors: Three Ways to Spot a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing
          [2] Power of Positivity: Beware of a wolf in sheep’s clothing

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