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Signs of Excessive Jealousy in a Relationship and How to Deal with It

Signs of Excessive Jealousy in a Relationship and How to Deal with It

Jealousy and uncertainty can wreak havoc on any relationship. These toxic emotions create toxic relationships and can sap you of any chance of living a life you’ve always desired for.

Your life may be abundant of people who are reducing your energy due to an incurable case of jealousy.

Even on social media, you will find lots of people talking about the same topic and sharing quotes about relationships.

Whether it’s a page on Facebook, or any other social network, people do share their emotions and how they deal with it.

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How can you tell if your partner has an extreme case of jealousy?

These are a few ways to tell if your partner has a severe case of jealousy that could weaken you in your relationships.

Signs of excessive jealousy in a relationship

  • Show you how to dress; act, wear your hair, etc.
  • Overly concerned about the venue of your socializing activities;
  • Follow you around (even to the grocery stores!);
  • Intervene your social systems;
  • Call you excessively to know your location;
  • Be too serious about everything;
  • Struggle to communicate openly with you;
  • Do not see the goods in you and do things that make you feel small;
  • Have a negative standpoint and poor self-esteem and lack of confidence;
  • Be proactive in domestic arrangements;
  • Be aggressive and have biased view over some minor details

One of the most difficult thing for women to notice in a man is to confuse attributes like confidence, determination, persistence and ambition with aggressive behavior due to a lack of trust. When a man depicts tenacity due to insecurity and jealousy, it can become a recipe for failure in the relationship step. In the dating stage, this person looks charming and charismatic. Still, once a relationship is established this person begins having some negative thoughts that they will lose their partner following that THEY BELIEVE in and of themselves that they don’t merit to be loved.

Confronting the Jealous Partner

Before you decide to face the jealous partner [1], you must determine whether or not the relationship is salvageable. You may do this some ways, but I will suggest some of the articles here! Myself, I have found that recharging myself and reconnecting with my intentions is a good way to get to the root of me. Once I do that, I can easily distinguish those individuals that care about my goals and dreams.

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Then once I know that I can pull out people that have the latent to support me and those that I can control out. For the right partners have a conversation with them that provides valuable feedback and criticism. This review can reveal in detail how what they say makes you feel.

The Five Steps to Confronting your Partner

1. Slowly walk your partner through the issue

Set the Scene – (Be positive) “Let’s honor, rekindle and reconnect in our relationship, and I would like to be truthful, honest and forthright with you ” I don’t want to start out saying, “You have a problem/You know what your problem is what is wrong with you.”

2. Communicate honestly about how you feel because of his actions

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Explain how you feel – When you do/say, it makes me feel..

3. Ask for possibility of changes of his actions

Ask – Would you be ready to stop saying/acting/doing?

4. Listen to his response, evaluate and plan the next move

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Listen – Listen to their reply and try to detect or determine sincerity. A serious answer will be one that understands your feelings and your guts to say something. If the other person objects, transfers blame to you or pokes fun/examines you, then consider that person a chump and disassociate yourself or remain in a toxic relationship

5. Acknowledge and be grateful to his change OR reaffirm your needs and leave

Review and then reaffirm – Repeat their response and acknowledge you heard them and repeated your concern and outcomes. For instance, “I’m glad you are willing to change your behavior towards me which makes me feel good. OR if they continue destructive behavior say “I’m sorry that we will not be able to come to an understanding. “Since this impacts my feelings and is critical to me and you seem to disagree, I think maintaining this relationship is not supportive and not a development environment for me, and I have to part ways.”

Reference

[1] WikiHow: How to Handle Jealousy

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Helen Goad

Helen is a financial writer, business consultant, and freelance coach.

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Last Updated on October 30, 2019

How the Stages of Change Model Helps You Change Your Habits

How the Stages of Change Model Helps You Change Your Habits

Change is tough, there’s no doubt about it. Old habits are hard to shift, and adopting a new lifestyle can feel like an uphill battle!

In this article, you will learn about a simple yet powerful model:

Stages of change model, that explains the science behind personal transformation.

You’ll discover how and why some changes stick whereas others don’t last, and how long it takes to build new habits.

What is the Stages of Change Model?

Developed by researchers J.O. Prochaska and Carlo C. DiClemente over 30 years ago[1] and outlined in their book Changing For Good, the Stages of Change Model, also known as the Transtheoretical Model, was formed as a result of the authors’ research with smokers.

Prochaska and DiClemente were originally interested in the question of why some smokers were able to quit on their own, whereas others required professional help. Their key conclusion was that smokers (or anyone else with a bad habit) quits only when they are ready to do so.

Here’s an illustration done by cartoonist and illustrator Simon Kneebone about the different stages a smoker experiences when they try to quit smoking:

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    The Stages of Change Model looks at how these conscious decisions are made. It emphasizes that change isn’t easy. People can spend a long time stuck in a stage, and some may never reach their goals.[2]

    The model has been applied in the treatment of smoking, alcoholism, and drugs. It is also a useful way of thinking about any bad habit. Social workers, therapists, and psychologists draw on the model to understand their patients’ behaviors, and to explain the change process to the patients themselves.

    The key advantages to the model is that it is simple to understand, is backed by extensive research, and can be applied in many situations.

    The Stages of Change Model is a well-established psychological model that outlines six stages of personal change:

    1. Precontemplation
    2. Contemplation
    3. Determination
    4. Action
    5. Maintenance
    6. Termination

    How are these stages relevant to changing habits?

    To help you visualize the stages of change and how each progresses to the next one, please take a look at this wheel:[3]

      Let’s look at the six stages of change,[4] together with an example that will show you how the model works in practice:

      Stage 1: Precontemplation

      At this stage, an individual does not plan to make any positive changes in the next six months. This may because they are in denial about their problem, feel too overwhelmed to deal with it, or are too discouraged after multiple failed attempts to change.

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      For example, someone may be aware that they need to start exercising, but cannot find the motivation to do so. They might keep thinking about the last time they tried (and failed) to work out regularly. Only when they start to realize the advantages of making a change will they progress to the next stage.

      Stage 2: Contemplation

      At this stage, the individual starts to consider the advantages of changing. They start to acknowledge that altering their habits would probably benefit them, but they spend a lot of time thinking about the downside of doing so. This stage can last for a long time – possibly a year or more.

      You can think of this as the procrastinating stage. For example, an individual begins to seriously consider the benefits of regular exercise, but feels resistant when they think about the time and effort involved. When the person starts putting together a concrete plan for change, they move to the next stage.

      The key to moving from this stage to the next is the transformation of an abstract idea to a belief (e.g. from “Exercise is a good, sensible thing to do” to “I personally value exercise and need to do it.)[5]

      Stage 3: Preparation

      At this point, the person starts to put a plan in place. This stage is brief, lasting a few weeks. For example, they may book a session with a personal trainer and enrol on a nutrition course.

      Someone who drinks to excess may make an appointment with a drug and alcohol counsellor; someone with a tendency to overwork themselves might start planning ways to devise a more realistic schedule.

      Stage 4: Action

      When they have decided on a plan, the individual must then put it into action. This stage typically lasts for several months. In our example, the person would begin attending the gym regularly and overhauling their diet.

      Stage 4 is the stage at which the person’s desire for change becomes noticeable to family and friends. However, in truth, the change process began a long time ago. If someone you know seems to have suddenly changed their habits, it’s probably not so sudden after all! They will have progressed through Stages 1-3 first – you probably just didn’t know about it.

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      Stage 5: Maintenance

      After a few months in the Action stage, the individual will start to think about how they can maintain their changes, and make lifestyle adjustments accordingly. For instance, someone who has adopted the habit of regular workouts and a better diet will be vigilant against old triggers (such as eating junk food during a stressful time at work) and make a conscious decision to protect their new habits.

      Unless someone actively engages with Stage 5, their new habits are liable to come unstuck. Someone who has stuck to their new habits for many months – perhaps a year or longer – may enter Stage 6.

      Maintenance can be challenging because it entails coming up with a new set of habits to lock change in place. For instance, someone who is maintaining their new gym-going habit may have to start improving their budgeting skills in order to continue to afford their gym membership.

      Stage 6: Termination

      Not many people reach this stage, which is characterized by a complete commitment to the new habit and a certainty that they will never go back to their old ways. For example, someone may find it hard to imagine giving up their gym routine, and feel ill at the thought of eating junk food on a regular basis.

      However, for the majority of people, it’s normal to stay in the Maintenance period indefinitely. This is because it takes a long time for a new habit to become so automatic and natural that it sticks forever, with little effort. To use another example, an ex-smoker will often find it hard to resist the temptation to have “just one” cigarette even a year or so after quitting. It can take years for them to truly reach the Termination stage, at which point they are no more likely to smoke than a lifelong non-smoker.

      How long does each stage take?

      You should be aware that some people remain in the same stage for months or even years at a time. Understanding this model will help you be more patient with yourself when making a change. If you try to force yourself to jump from Contemplation to Maintenance, you’ll just end up frustrated. On the other hand, if you take a moment to assess where you are in the change process, you can adapt your approach.

      So if you need to make changes quickly and you are finding it hard to progress to the next stage, it’s probably time to get some professional help or adopt a new approach to forming habits.

      The limitations of this model

      The model is best applied when you decide in advance precisely what you want to achieve, and know exactly how you will measure it (e.g. number of times per week you go to the gym, or number of cigarettes smoked per day). Although the model has proven useful for many people, it does have limitations.

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      Require the ability to set a realistic goal

      For a start, there are no surefire ways of assessing whereabouts in the process you are – you just have to be honest with yourself and use your own judgement. Second, it assumes that you are physically capable of making a change, whereas in fact you might either need to adjust your goals or seek professional help.

      If your goal isn’t realistic, it doesn’t matter whether you follow the stages – you still won’t get results. You need to decide for yourself whether your aims are reasonable.[6]

      Difficult to judge your progress

      The model also assumes that you are able to objectively measure your own successes and failures, which may not always be the case.[7] For instance, let’s suppose that you are trying to get into the habit of counting calories as part of your weight-loss efforts. However, even though you may think that you are recording your intake properly, you might be over or under-estimating.

      Research shows that most people think they are getting enough exercise and eating well, but in actual fact aren’t as healthy as they believe. The model doesn’t take this possibility into account, meaning that you could believe yourself to be in the Action stage yet aren’t seeing results. Therefore, if you are serious about making changes, it may be best to get some expert advice so that you can be sure the changes you are making really will make a positive difference.

      Conclusion

      The Stages Of Change Model can be a wonderful way to understand change in both yourself and others.

      While there’re some limitations in it, the Stages of Change Model helps to visualize how you go through changes so you know what to expect when you’re trying to change a habit or make some great changes in life.

      Start by identifying one of your bad habits. Where are you in the process? What could you do next to move forwards?

      Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

      Reference

      [1] Psych Central: Stages Of Change
      [2] Boston University School Of Public Health: The Transtheoretical Model (Stages Of Change)
      [3] Empowering Change: Stages of Change
      [4] Boston University School Of Public Health: The Transtheoretical Model (Stages Of Change)
      [5] Psychology Today: 5 Steps To Changing Any Behavior
      [6] The Transtheoretical Model: Limitations Of The Transtheoretical Model
      [7] Health Education Research: Transtheoretical Model & Stages Of Change: A Critique

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