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Is Attachment Parenting a Good or Bad Thing for My Children?

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Is Attachment Parenting a Good or Bad Thing for My Children?

“If you were on an island, and you had no mother-in-laws, no psychologists, no doctors around, no experts, this is what you would naturally and instinctively do to give your baby the best investment you’ll ever give.” – Dr. William Sears on Attachment Parenting

Your baby cries. You bend over and pick him up or offer him a soothing hand. His little hand wraps around your fingers and you both are smiling. Granted, not every interaction with your baby goes so smoothly, but you proved the attachment theory naturally: that it’s the response to the security & touch of a caregiver that is important to a baby.

Attachment Parenting, a phrase coined by Dr. William Sears, pediatrician and author, promotes a maternal figure providing crucial warmth, security, nourishment and love in the critical stages of infancy to help ensure a successful, well balanced child.[1]

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Attachment parenting promotes very close connection between the mom and her baby.

The four key elements that center around Attachment Parenting encourage what is instinctively given between a loving caregiver and baby. These items help to form a bond and strengthen that connection between the caregiver, usually the mother, and the newborn child.[2]

  • Responding to Crying – tending to needs when crying begins and not letting baby get distressed.
  • Body Contact – Keeping baby physically close through holding it when feeding and wearing baby close to your body in a baby carrier or sling for as many hours as possible.
  • Co-Sleeping – sharing the same bed/ same room with baby, using safety guidelines. The American Academy of Pediatrics urges against using the same bed, due to possibility of parents rolling over on their babies, but suggests sleeping in the same room- in a separate bed to help prevent SID.[3]
  • Feeding on demand– Feeding baby when he wants, even if he is snacking and not at the parents convenience. Attachment parenting encourages feeding a child past the stages of infancy.

Why is parental attachment necessary?

It is essential in healthy childhood development for a baby to make that maternal bond. If the attachment is broken during the baby’s critical stage, the result could be detrimental to that child and their future.

In a highly criticized experiment done by psychologist Harry Harlow in 1958, a group of baby Rhesus monkeys were taken from their mothers. Half were put in a cage with a cloth mother, while the other half were given a wire mother who had milk. It was the monkeys with the the cloth mother who were more secure and ran to the safety of their mother when feeling scared, not the milk provider. Further experiments proved that lack of close maternal connections resulted in emotional and social problems when they were introduced to other monkeys.[4]

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The good things about Attachment Parenting

Children reared using Attachment Parenting are healthier, have higher self-esteem and are more resilient under stress.[5] The other positive side effects are:

  • It makes you a better person. – Giving love and care to an infant is rewarded by smiles, giggles and love in return.
  • It reinforces your parental instinct skills.  By paying close attention to your child, you begin to pick up on their non-verbal cues, like when they start sucking on their hand means they are hungry.
  • It helps your children to be more trusting, confident & secure.  Providing a close, secure environment, your child learns that you have got their back. They will face their fears with you there by their side.
  • Your child becomes better at learning to speak. – Being at your side, observing and listening to a parent speak, they are quicker to pick up on language and use it.
  • It helps to make them smarter & independent. – When all of their needs are met, and they don’t need to stress over not being fed or having that wet diaper too long, they can focus their resources on exploring/observing their world.
  • You and your child are more connected. – The child-parent connection grows strong with Attachment Parenting, and they can have a closer relationship growing up because of it.
  • Disciplining your child becomes easier. – A simple look can convey disappointment and displeasure when parent and child are more connected. That quick shake of the head can dissuade a child from doing something ill-advised.

The negative side of Attachment Parenting

With all pros, there are cons, and the Attachment Theory is not without critics.

  • It is too demanding on parents. – Responding to every cry can be taxing on parents and being awake for all those nighttime feeding is rough and dangerous, as it was proven that an over tired driver is just as dangerous as a drunk driver. Studies show that being awake for 18 hours is similar as having a .05 blood alcohol level.[6]
  • It’s not feasible when parents work. – Unfortunately society does not always allow us to keep our babies strapped to our bodies. Work commitments often separate parents from their children, and third party caregivers are brought into the mix. Babies are often handed over to day-care centers to be taken care of during those hours.
  • The baby doesn’t learn to soothe itself. – If parents respond to their child’s every cry, then how can this baby learn to soothe itself? Babies learn techniques to calm themselves and even put themselves to sleep, that a well-meaning parent can disrupt by picking them up.
  • The baby becomes too accustomed to being held/fed and can be hard to wean. – A baby that has grown accustomed to food on demand can be harder to wean. And a baby that is picked up and comforted at every cry can become spoiled for attention and demanding.
  • Putting the child’s needs in front of parents’ can lead to a future of serving the child above parents themselves. – Critics of Attachment Parenting argue that by serving your child above yourself, you are opening up for a life of servitude- always putting your child first.

Taking the Middle Ground

Though with modern day lifestyles, wearing your baby in a sling for hours may not be feasible, taking a middle ground on Attachment Parenting by using what works for you and your baby best. Do what feels natural.

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Spend quality time with your infant

The most important time for your baby during this critical infant stage is time spent with you. This is necessary for parental bonding and can be done through quality time. One on one.

Offer your baby unconditional love

Your baby reaches out by crying and getting your attention as instinctive act of survival. They are also aware when they are not receiving the love and nurturing that they need.[7] A newborn is a clean slate. Untainted by time or experiences. Hold your baby often. Speak kindly. Comfort him when he is stressed. Offer reassurances.

Invest in a baby carrier

The closer your child is to you, the more you bond. A child carrier enables you to hold your baby and have your hands free to perform other tasks as well.

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Hold your baby during feedings

Not everyone breastfeeds their baby, but the mere act of holding your baby close during feeding- be it with a bottle or otherwise, can establish a close connection between you and your child.

Infancy is just a brief period but its impact on the child can be forever.

With the arrival of this new baby, your life has changed forever. Even though in the moment it can seem eternal, babies grow up at lightening speed. Infancy is a brief period and that one precious time you can form a lasting bond with your child. Use that time wisely. Use your instincts with your child to parent naturally.

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

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Reference

[1] Sears, Bill; Sears, Martha: The Attachment Parenting Book: A Commonsense Guide to Understanding and Nurturing Your Baby
[2] Susan Krause Whitbourne Ph. D. Psychology Today. The 4 Principals of Attachment Parenting and Why They Work
[3] AAP.org: American Academy of Pediatrics Announces New Safe Sleep Recommendations to Protect Against SIDs, Sleep-Related Infant Deaths
[4] Saul McLeod. SimplyPsychology.com: Attachment Theory
[5] AhaParenting.com: Pros and Cons of Attachment Parenting
[6] NationalSleepFoundation.org. Drowsy Driving Vs Drunk Driving: How Similar Are They?
[7] ChidhoodDevelopmentMedia.com: The Infant Brain: An Long Way to Grow

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Last Updated on February 11, 2021

20 Amazing Facts About Dreams that You Might Not Know About

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20 Amazing Facts About Dreams that You Might Not Know About

Dreams — Mysterious, bewildering, eye-opening and sometimes a nightmarish living hell. Dreams are all that and much more.

Here are 20 amazing facts about dreams that you might have never heard about:

Fact #1: You can’t read while dreaming, or tell the time

    If you are unsure whether you are dreaming or not, try reading something. The vast majority of people are incapable of reading in their dreams.

    The same goes for clocks: each time you look at a clock it will tell a different time and the hands on the clock won’t appear to be moving as reported by lucid dreamers.

    Fact #2: Lucid dreaming

    There is a whole subculture of people practicing what is called lucid or conscious dreaming. Using various techniques, these people have supposedly learned to assume control of their dreams and do amazing things like flying, passing through walls, and traveling to different dimensions or even back in time.

    Want to learn how to control your dreams? You can try these tips:

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    Lucid Dreaming: This Is How You Can Control Your Dreams

    Fact #3: Inventions inspired by dreams

    Dreams are responsible for many of the greatest inventions of mankind. A few examples include:

    • The idea for Google -Larry Page
    • Alternating current generator -Tesla
    • DNA’s double helix spiral form -James Watson
    • The sewing machine -Elias Howe
    • Periodic table -Dimitri Mendeleyev

    …and many, many more.

    Fact #4: Premonition dreams

    There are some astounding cases where people actually dreamt about things which happened to them later, in the exact same ways they dreamed about.

    You could say they got a glimpse of the future, or it might have just been coincidence. The fact remains that this is some seriously interesting and bizarre phenomena. Some of the most famous premonition dreams include:

    • Abraham Lincoln dreamt of His Assassination
    • Many of the victims of 9/11 had dreams warning them about the catastrophe
    • Mark Twain’s dream of his brother’s demise
    • 19 verified precognitive dreams about the Titanic catastrophe

    Fact #5: Sleep paralysis

    Hell is real and it is called sleep paralysis. It’s the stuff of true nightmares. I’ve been a sleep paralysis sufferer as a kid and I can attest to how truly horrible it is.

    Two characteristics of sleep paralysis are the inability to move (hence paralysis) and a sense of an extremely evil presence in the room with you. It doesn’t feel like a dream, but 100% real. Studies show that during an attack, sleep paralysis sufferers show an overwhelming amygdala activity. The amygdala is responsible for the “fight or flight” instinct and the emotions of fear, terror and anxiety. Enough said!

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    Fact #6: REM sleep disorder

    In the state of REM (rapid-eye-movement) stage of your sleep your body is normally paralyzed. In rare cases, however, people act out their dreams. These have resulted in broken arms, legs, broken furniture, and in at least one reported case, a house burnt down.

    Fact #7: Sexual dreams

    The very scientifically-named “nocturnal penile tumescence” is a very well documented phenomena. In laymen’s term, it simply means that you get a stiffy while you sleep. Actually, studies indicate that men get up to 20 erections per dream.

    Fact #8: Unbelievable sleepwalkers

      Sleepwalking is a very rare and potentially dangerous sleep disorder. It is an extreme form of REM sleep disorder, and these people don’t just act out their dreams, but go on real adventures at night.

      Lee Hadwin is a nurse by profession, but in his dreams he is an artist. Literally. He “sleepdraws” gorgeous portraits, of which he has no recollection afterwards. Strange sleepwalking “adventures” include:

      • A woman having sex with strangers while sleepwalking
      • A man who drove 22 miles and killed his cousin while sleepwalking
      • A sleepwalker who walked out of the window from the third floor, and barely survived

      Fact #9: Dream drug

      There are actually people who like dreaming and dreams so much that they never want to wake up. They want to continue on dreaming even during the day, so they take an illegal and extremely potent hallucinogenic drug called Dimethyltryptamine. It is actually only an isolated and synthetic form of the chemical our brains produce naturally during dreaming.

      Fact #10 Dream-catcher

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        The dream-catcher is one of the most well-known Native American symbols. It is a loose web or webs woven around a hoop and decorated with sacred objects meant to protect against nightmares.

        Fact #11: Increased brain activity

        You would associate sleeping with peace and quiet, but actually our brains are more active during sleep than during the day.

        Fact #12: Creativity and dreams

        As we mentioned before, dreams are responsible for inventions, great artworks and are generally just incredibly interesting. They are also “recharging” our creativity.

        Scientists also say that keeping a dream diary helps with creativity.

        In rare cases of REM disorder, people actually don’t dream at all. These people suffer from significantly decreased creativity and perform badly at tasks requiring creative problem solving.

        Fact #13: Pets dream too

          Our animal companions dream as well. Watch a dog or a cat sleep and you can see that they are moving their paws and making noises like they were chasing something. Go get ’em buddy!

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          Fact #14: You always dream—you just don’t remember it

          Many people claim that they don’t dream at all, but that’s not true: we all dream, but up to 60% of people don’t remember their dreams at all.

          Fact #15: Blind people dream too

          Blind people who were not born blind see images in their dreams but people who were born blind don’t see anything at all. They still dream, and their dreams are just as intense and interesting, but they involve the other senses beside sight.

          Fact #16: In your dreams, you only see faces that you already know

            It is proven that in dreams, we can only see faces that we have seen in real life before. So beware: that scary-looking old lady next to you on the bus might as well be in your next nightmare.

            Fact #17: Dreams tend to be negative

            Surprisingly, dreams are more often negative than positive. The three most widely reported emotions felt during dreaming are anger, sadness and fear.

            Fact #18: Multiple dreams per night

            You can have up to seven different dreams per night depending on how many REM cycles you have. We only dream during the REM period of sleep, and the average person dreams one to two hours every night.

            Fact #19: Gender differences

            Interestingly, 70% of all the characters in a man’s dream are other men, but women’s dream contain an equal amount of women and men. Also men’s dreams contain a lot more aggression. Both women and men dream about sexual themes equally often.

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            Fact #20: Not everyone dreams in color

            As much as 12% of people only dream in black and white.

            Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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