Advertising

90% of People Confuse Codependency with Intense Love. Are You One of Them?

Advertising
90% of People Confuse Codependency with Intense Love. Are You One of Them?

How many times have you heard someone say that they couldn’t live without the person they loved? After all, life goes on even if relationships come to an end. For some people, however, there remains far more truth to this castaway statement.

As beautiful as that giddy, intense love may seem to be, there is a firm line between that and co-dependency.

The key differences: codependency VS intense love

The majority of people who fall in love will know when it happens. They experience that surge of butterflies mingled into euphoria in the beginning. As the days go by, these emotions should settle into something calmer yet mostly content.

With co-dependency, the love is often rooted in feelings of low self-esteem, insecurity, and inadequacy. It results in one person losing a sense of themselves and focusing completely on the needs of the other person.

Advertising

The destructiveness of co-dependency

There are some who would argue that a certain amount of co-dependency is not bad in a relationship. If anything, it is encouraged to an extent. Being with someone means that you should, at times, be unselfish and put the other person’s needs first. After all, that is what love is–is it not?

Furthermore, being with someone means that you do not have to be completely independent. Part of having a relationship is knowing that there is someone by your side.

The destructiveness of true co-dependency is not having elements of trust, self-esteem, and assurance that would accompany a healthy relationship. For the one who is co-dependent, he or she needs to feel needed in order to feel accepted or worthy. This can often be exacerbated by an on-going fear of rejection.

This is not to say that people in co-dependent relationships do not experience some of the benefits of a healthy relationship. Yet, those feelings of security are often short-lived and unstable.

Advertising

Attachment theory says that as infants, people create much-needed healthy attachments to at least one caregiver which helps them to grow up to be secure in love, affection and be able to handle rejection. Children who did not build any such attachment are more likely to become co-dependent as adults. As a result, they can often end up in abusive relationships which extend to emotional, mental, physical or sexual abuse.

If you think you are co-dependent, here are 5 tips to help

Stop being a people-pleaser

Know that it is not possible to please everyone all of the time. As a result, it is inevitable that someone will get disappointed or upset.

Perhaps your partner wanted to see you but you are sick and in bed. Don’t allow yourself to feel guilty for declining the offer and focusing on your health instead. Remember that with relationships there are always opportunities to reschedule things.

Advertising

When arguments happen, just walk away first

Don’t make your happiness depend on whether someone else is happy or not. A person may be thrilled with you one day and have an argument with you the next day. When arguments happen, try not to take them as personally and walk away. Let the dust settle before addressing the issue again in a more rational way.

Focus on yourself and love yourself first

A big issue with co-dependency is the focus is mostly on the other person. Learn to love and embrace yourself because ultimately, this is where true love starts. You can do this by spending more time with those who love you such as friends or family. Or perhaps by adopting a new hobby or do something that you always wanted to try.

Advertising

Beware of falling into relationships with abusers or addicts

An example would be a person who refuses to leave a partner who constantly cheats. Instead, they convince themselves that they could make their partner change or perhaps make changes within themselves to prevent the cheating.

Frequently, co-dependent people can find themselves in relationships that do not serve their best interests and can easily fall into relationships with abusers or addicts. Know that you can walk away and if you are scared to do so get support from someone who can help you take the first step.

Speak to a therapist: there’s no shame seeking external help

Advertising

For any underlying issues, it is always good to speak to a specialist who may be able to give you further help. There is no stigma or shame in striving to become the best version of yourself by whatever means necessary.

Featured photo credit: Pexels via pexels.com

More by this author

J.S. von Dacre

Writer at Lifehack

Alert: If You Always Avoid Things You Fear, You May Have This Issue 10 Best Romance Movies That Reflect the Harsh Reality of Relationships Things Parents Do Unconsciously That Make Their Kids Become Codependent If You’re Overly Dependent, Probably It Is Due to the Scars of Childhood 90% of People Confuse Codependency with Intense Love. Are You One of Them?

Trending in Psychology

1 20 Amazing Facts About Dreams that You Might Not Know About 2 11 Essential Philosophy Books That Will Open Your Mind 3 4 Simple Ways to Make Boring Work Become Interesting 4 How to Detect a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing 5 How to Be Happy: Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You Unhappy

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on February 11, 2021

20 Amazing Facts About Dreams that You Might Not Know About

Advertising
20 Amazing Facts About Dreams that You Might Not Know About

Dreams — Mysterious, bewildering, eye-opening and sometimes a nightmarish living hell. Dreams are all that and much more.

Here are 20 amazing facts about dreams that you might have never heard about:

Fact #1: You can’t read while dreaming, or tell the time

    If you are unsure whether you are dreaming or not, try reading something. The vast majority of people are incapable of reading in their dreams.

    The same goes for clocks: each time you look at a clock it will tell a different time and the hands on the clock won’t appear to be moving as reported by lucid dreamers.

    Fact #2: Lucid dreaming

    There is a whole subculture of people practicing what is called lucid or conscious dreaming. Using various techniques, these people have supposedly learned to assume control of their dreams and do amazing things like flying, passing through walls, and traveling to different dimensions or even back in time.

    Want to learn how to control your dreams? You can try these tips:

    Advertising

    Lucid Dreaming: This Is How You Can Control Your Dreams

    Fact #3: Inventions inspired by dreams

    Dreams are responsible for many of the greatest inventions of mankind. A few examples include:

    • The idea for Google -Larry Page
    • Alternating current generator -Tesla
    • DNA’s double helix spiral form -James Watson
    • The sewing machine -Elias Howe
    • Periodic table -Dimitri Mendeleyev

    …and many, many more.

    Fact #4: Premonition dreams

    There are some astounding cases where people actually dreamt about things which happened to them later, in the exact same ways they dreamed about.

    You could say they got a glimpse of the future, or it might have just been coincidence. The fact remains that this is some seriously interesting and bizarre phenomena. Some of the most famous premonition dreams include:

    • Abraham Lincoln dreamt of His Assassination
    • Many of the victims of 9/11 had dreams warning them about the catastrophe
    • Mark Twain’s dream of his brother’s demise
    • 19 verified precognitive dreams about the Titanic catastrophe

    Fact #5: Sleep paralysis

    Hell is real and it is called sleep paralysis. It’s the stuff of true nightmares. I’ve been a sleep paralysis sufferer as a kid and I can attest to how truly horrible it is.

    Two characteristics of sleep paralysis are the inability to move (hence paralysis) and a sense of an extremely evil presence in the room with you. It doesn’t feel like a dream, but 100% real. Studies show that during an attack, sleep paralysis sufferers show an overwhelming amygdala activity. The amygdala is responsible for the “fight or flight” instinct and the emotions of fear, terror and anxiety. Enough said!

    Advertising

    Fact #6: REM sleep disorder

    In the state of REM (rapid-eye-movement) stage of your sleep your body is normally paralyzed. In rare cases, however, people act out their dreams. These have resulted in broken arms, legs, broken furniture, and in at least one reported case, a house burnt down.

    Fact #7: Sexual dreams

    The very scientifically-named “nocturnal penile tumescence” is a very well documented phenomena. In laymen’s term, it simply means that you get a stiffy while you sleep. Actually, studies indicate that men get up to 20 erections per dream.

    Fact #8: Unbelievable sleepwalkers

      Sleepwalking is a very rare and potentially dangerous sleep disorder. It is an extreme form of REM sleep disorder, and these people don’t just act out their dreams, but go on real adventures at night.

      Lee Hadwin is a nurse by profession, but in his dreams he is an artist. Literally. He “sleepdraws” gorgeous portraits, of which he has no recollection afterwards. Strange sleepwalking “adventures” include:

      • A woman having sex with strangers while sleepwalking
      • A man who drove 22 miles and killed his cousin while sleepwalking
      • A sleepwalker who walked out of the window from the third floor, and barely survived

      Fact #9: Dream drug

      There are actually people who like dreaming and dreams so much that they never want to wake up. They want to continue on dreaming even during the day, so they take an illegal and extremely potent hallucinogenic drug called Dimethyltryptamine. It is actually only an isolated and synthetic form of the chemical our brains produce naturally during dreaming.

      Fact #10 Dream-catcher

      Advertising

        The dream-catcher is one of the most well-known Native American symbols. It is a loose web or webs woven around a hoop and decorated with sacred objects meant to protect against nightmares.

        Fact #11: Increased brain activity

        You would associate sleeping with peace and quiet, but actually our brains are more active during sleep than during the day.

        Fact #12: Creativity and dreams

        As we mentioned before, dreams are responsible for inventions, great artworks and are generally just incredibly interesting. They are also “recharging” our creativity.

        Scientists also say that keeping a dream diary helps with creativity.

        In rare cases of REM disorder, people actually don’t dream at all. These people suffer from significantly decreased creativity and perform badly at tasks requiring creative problem solving.

        Fact #13: Pets dream too

          Our animal companions dream as well. Watch a dog or a cat sleep and you can see that they are moving their paws and making noises like they were chasing something. Go get ’em buddy!

          Advertising

          Fact #14: You always dream—you just don’t remember it

          Many people claim that they don’t dream at all, but that’s not true: we all dream, but up to 60% of people don’t remember their dreams at all.

          Fact #15: Blind people dream too

          Blind people who were not born blind see images in their dreams but people who were born blind don’t see anything at all. They still dream, and their dreams are just as intense and interesting, but they involve the other senses beside sight.

          Fact #16: In your dreams, you only see faces that you already know

            It is proven that in dreams, we can only see faces that we have seen in real life before. So beware: that scary-looking old lady next to you on the bus might as well be in your next nightmare.

            Fact #17: Dreams tend to be negative

            Surprisingly, dreams are more often negative than positive. The three most widely reported emotions felt during dreaming are anger, sadness and fear.

            Fact #18: Multiple dreams per night

            You can have up to seven different dreams per night depending on how many REM cycles you have. We only dream during the REM period of sleep, and the average person dreams one to two hours every night.

            Fact #19: Gender differences

            Interestingly, 70% of all the characters in a man’s dream are other men, but women’s dream contain an equal amount of women and men. Also men’s dreams contain a lot more aggression. Both women and men dream about sexual themes equally often.

            Advertising

            Fact #20: Not everyone dreams in color

            As much as 12% of people only dream in black and white.

            Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

            Read Next