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Signs You’re in a Codependent Relationship and It’s Time to Fix It

Signs You’re in a Codependent Relationship and It’s Time to Fix It

Have you ever been in a relationship that seemed very one way? Perhaps one person was doing most of the giving and the other person was doing most of the taking?

One of the main signs of co-dependency is when someone’s sense of purpose revolves around their partner’s needs. It can leave them feeling trapped, undervalued or seeking the other person’s validation to feel complete. It is important to pay close attention as if left undetected, it can create long-term harm and prohibit the relationship from growing healthily.

What is co-dependency?[1]

Experts say that co-dependency is a form of addiction hence it is also known as “relationship addiction”. It often stems from childhood if the child was forced to grow up too quickly due to the lack of proper parental guidance. As a result, the child may have taken on a parental role. As a result, in adulthood, they revert to that instinct of taking care of others.

Shawn Burn, PhD, a psychology professor at California Polytechnic State University said, “These kids are often taught to subvert their own needs to please a difficult parent, and it sets them up for a long-standing pattern of trying to get love and care from a difficult person.”[2]

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Co-dependency can also be a learned pattern passed down from generations, for instance, if someone witnessed one parent constantly pandering to the other. As a result, the child will eventually mimic a similar behavior when they form relationships as they grow older.

10 signs you’re in a co-dependent relationship [3]

  • You invest a lot of time in trying to help your partner to change in a way that leaves you feeling drained.
  • You are so sensitive towards your partner’s moods that it has an affect your own.
  • Your partner’s needs always come first since he or she is your top priority.
  • Despite your hard work, your efforts still do not feel like enough.
  • You feel unfulfilled or undervalued in your relationship. Despite this, you feel unable to end it.
  • In the past, you have been in relationships with addicts or in relationships that were physically, mentally or emotionally abusive.
  • You feel responsible when your partner messes up.
  • You give more love and care to your partner than yourself.
  • You are frequently anxious, irrespective of if the relationship is having good or bad times.
  • You rarely do things without your partner.

So what to do to break the co-dependency pattern?[4]

Recognize your co-dependency behavioral patterns

Start being more aware of the things that you do that promote the co-dependency. Once you are able to identify these traits, you will be able to tackle them.

Do you always do all the housework with no help? Are you the one who makes all the telephone calls when anything needs to be sorted out?

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Take some time to rediscover who you truly are

Co-dependency has its roots firmly embedded in low self-esteem. Start by seeking out more of the things you like doing. Consider it to be some much-needed “you” time.

Is there an old hobby that you could take up again? What things or activities generally leave you feeling happier.

Reconnect with family and friends to rebuild social ties and relationships

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People who are co-dependant often fall into a pattern of isolating themselves and predominantly spending their free time with their partner.

When was the last time you have a girls’ or boys’ night out with your friends? How about a weekend visiting relatives without your partner?

Stop blaming yourself for the fault of the other person

Accept that it is not your fault for your partner’s shortcomings. They need to take responsibility for their own actions, as do you.

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If your partner talks about quitting an addiction, it is their job to take the steps. You can only support them, but ultimately, it is their job to do the hard work.

If you still find it difficult to break the co-dependency pattern, seek counseling to completely solve any problems

Sometimes there could be a hoard of underlying issues that make it difficult to break away from co-dependency. Speaking to a therapist can help you undercover those problems and address them in a healthy environment.

Featured photo credit: Pixabay via pixabay.com

Reference

More by this author

J.S. von Dacre

Writer at Lifehack

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Last Updated on February 1, 2019

How to Increase Your Self Awareness to Be Much More Successful

How to Increase Your Self Awareness to Be Much More Successful

Self awareness can be defined as having a clear understanding of your personality, including your beliefs, emotions, motivation, strengths and weaknesses.

A 2010 study by Green Peak Partners and Cornell’s School of Industrial and Labor Relations found that self awareness is a key and common characteristic of successful leaders. [1]

And research[2] by the Driehaus College of Business at De Paul University has also demonstrated that high self awareness leads to improved team performance.

Self Awareness Makes You Improve Much Faster Than the Others

“If I have lost confidence in myself, I have the universe against me.” – Ralicoph Waldo Emerson

Self awareness allows us to understand who we are, and how others see us. From this, we can determine how similar or different we are to other people.

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Individuals with high self awareness tend to live happier and more fulfilling lives. That’s because being self aware brings several powerful benefits, including:

  • Finding and expressing your authentic self.
  • Being proactive, instead of reactive.
  • Enjoying positive and harmonious interpersonal relationships.
  • Having deeper thoughts.
  • Revealing your true purpose.

One secret behind the magic of self awareness, is the fact that being self aware allows you to see your weaknesses. Once you know what they are, you can then act accordingly to fix them (where possible).

As an example, think back to a time when you achieved a major success in your life. Your confidence jumped off the scale, and suddenly, everything in your life began to look rosy. However, success was fleeting, and before long you were not only back where you started – but had lost your initial faith and confidence too.

Instead of seeing this as bad luck or personal failure, the better response would be to analyze exactly what happened.

What caused your success? What caused your failure? And what could you have done differently?

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By answering these questions, you’ll gain insight into your decision making and personality traits. Most importantly, you’ll be able to discover where you went wrong, and how you could avoid this next time around. This is how self awareness becomes a crucial partner in reaching your dreams and goals.

How to Increase Your Self Awareness

“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom.” – Lao-Tze

Okay, you’ve now seen some of the ways that self awareness can boost your success in life. (And we’ve only scratched the surface of potential benefits.)

It’s now time to reveal several tips and techniques that will increase your self awareness.

Take a psychometric test: You’ll understand more about yourself

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Psychometric tests are ideal for raising your self awareness. The tests force you to think deeply about yourself, and how your react to different situations. Self reflection = Self awareness. Try this free, 100-question psychometric test offered by the University of Cambridge.

Keep a personal journal: It can reduce anxiety and depression at the same time

Writing a daily journal can be a great tool for increasing your self awareness. If your writing is honest and open, you’ll quickly discover things about yourself that you’d never previously realised. You’ll also begin to see how habits create your conditions. For self awareness purposes, your daily journal should (at the very least) list your biggest failures and greatest successes of the day. Science supports the effectiveness of journalism, with a recent Psychotherapy Research study[3] showing that writing a daily journal reduced anxiety and depression.

Learn to meditate: To clear your thoughts

If you’ve never tried meditating before, then you should definitely consider trying it, if you want to boost your self awareness. Meditation can help you to delve below the incessant chatter of your conscious mind, and instead, let you tap into the depths of your subconscious mind. As well as boosting your well-being and health, meditation can clear your thoughts, and help you to become more creative.[4]

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How to get started? There are plenty of books and videos that can teach you the basics of meditation. Alternatively, you’ll be sure to find mediation classes in your local area.

Ask for feedback: You’ll be amazed

Choose a close family member or friend who knows you well. Ask then to give you an honest appraisal of your actions, beliefs and motivations. You’ll be amazed (and possibly shocked!) at what you hear. In fact, it’s likely that you’ll gain a completely new perspective on yourself. Use this new knowledge to make positive changes that could increase your effectiveness and success in life.

Through boosting your self awareness, you’ll begin to see new, exciting opportunities for growth and success. You’ll also learn how others see you. This will help your interpersonal relationships – as well as your ability to read others.

Self awareness can help you predict the success of others. It can also help you predict your own success.

So, choose to follow in the footsteps of the highly-successful, and start developing your self awareness today.

Reference

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