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30 Days Without Fear: A Plan That Will Make You Feel So Carefree Like Never Before

30 Days Without Fear: A Plan That Will Make You Feel So Carefree Like Never Before

Fear….The emotion is sparked off each time there is pain, evil or danger in some context or another.

In essence, the emotion is aroused in cases where the impending threat is a reality or even just imagined. You feel afraid whether there is something to fear or in some cases when there is no actual need to be afraid.

Karl Menninger :“Fears are educated into us, and can if we wish, be educated out.”

Fear is a tool for utmost resilience to escape danger. A bounce back survival mechanism. Adrenaline is released into our bloodstream with resulting biological reactions.

Our reflexes and senses are heightened to help us escape real physical danger. We reach the ‘fight or flight’ mode [1]

When you feel fear your brain signals the nervous system, the heart rate increases, blood pressure rises, breathing becomes faster, and stress hormones are released. Blood from the heart flows out in preparation for leg and arms to take action.

So basically the brain shuts down the body down and prepares it for action. The ability to reason and think decreases. Some may even feel like time is slowing down and have tunnel vision, trying to make sense of what is happening. These symptoms make it hard to be logical and stay grounded situations. The response of the body to stress or fear is in itself stressful .

Fear is a useful aid in real danger but not if the danger is self-perceived and unlikely to cause any real harm. Fear can be a drawback.

Fear holds you back if you do not need it. One such example is stage fright when making career moves. We end up making the wrong decisions due to the biological reactions of fear.

We need to be firmly grounded to deal calmly and logically with situations and not be overstimulated

The fact is 99% of times fear that is experience is fear that is non-physical. Fear existing in our minds. We think we are in danger when in actual fact we are not.

Common fears include:

  • Fear of speaking in public
  • Fear of other people and strangers
  • Fear of authority and judgment
  • Fear of losing or failure
  • Fear of change
  • Fear of being humiliated.
  • Fear of aging
  • Fear of loneliness
  • Fear of disappointment

Everybody will definitely relate to one or more of these fears at some life phase or the other, even if it is for a short time or on a subconscious level.

Even the most successful people cannot claim to be fearless. They trained themselves to take action despite fear. Halt judging yourself if you have fear. It is as normal as having the flu.

Do you fear being rejected? Are you afraid that you are not good enough and that people will figure out that you are not clever, perfect or funny enough? Do you fear failure, and what about success, do you fear success?

Fears live inside of you and follow you like shadows. The good news [2] is that you have the power and strength and practice resilience to rise above any fear!

We need to overcome mental fear. We need to analyze the root cause of fear and how to overcome it.

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Why plan to overcome fear?

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery. None but ourselves can free our minds’ Redemption song- Bob Marley

The main reason is that fear limits your potential. Personal growth is about living life the best you can. Fear is a block hat prevents personal progress and growth. David Hawkins in his book ‘Power vs Force’ [3] refers to fear as the 5th lowest level in the consciousness map of seventeen levels.

If you entrench yourself in illusions of fear [4] you cannot rise to higher levels of consciousness like acceptance, courage, love, peace, joy, and enlightenment.

The 30-day plan to overcome fear

Studies (University of Cambridge: Reconditioning the brain to overcome fear))indicate that we can conquer fear by continual exposure to them. Whether it is extreme sports, spiders, snakes or horror movies, our tolerance grows with more exposure. We learn the fear we have been harvesting is not actually harmful.

Make a list of your most significant fears. Do one thing every day that scares you and rewards yourself for completing the challenge to overcome the fear.

Day 1

On the first day make a note to alleviate all words with negative contractions for the next thirty days. Note all the usual sentences with the words like ‘won’t’ or ‘can’t.’ Flip the focus of your sentences and focus on the positive. Change the negative to positive For example, instead of saying ‘I do not want’ say ‘I would rather’. This defaults the negative. Use this day to practice flipping over all negatives that you will practice for the next thirty days. Start your ‘fear journal’ [5]

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ Eleanor Roosevelt

Day 2

Wake up and put on running shoes or head straight to the gym. The goal here is to stop procrastinating. Begin with this as a daily ritual.

If you want to conquer fear, don’t sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy. Dale Carnegie

Day 3

Create a space in your daily calendar. What would you do if you have a free hour set out for yourself every day? Read, Exercise, or play with the kids? That single hour needs to impact on life for the better. Set out priorities and make ‘me’ time an hour a day. You will be surprised how much more gets accomplished in a day

Day 4

Afraid of speaking in a public forum? Get on stage. Get involved in community forums. Go to an event in your neighborhood, raise your hand, affirm your opinion and take the stage!

The action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result but the cause, of fear. Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow. But any action is better than no action at all. Norman Vincent Peale

Day 5

Your birthday arrives and instead of celebrating you are shuddering to look at the fact that it may take a long time to count the birthday candles? Are you afraid of aging?

Do yourself a favor. Hire a makeup artist, find an aging character image and play the part, be old for the day. Observe reactions around you. You will most likely lose the fear of aging.

I’m not afraid of storms, for I’m learning how to sail my ship. Louisa May Alcott

Day 6

Afraid of being stung by bees? Contact the nearest beekeeper association in your district and venture to be a beekeeper for the day!

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Boldness is a mask for fear, however great. John Dryden

Day 7

Are you afraid of authority? Maybe your supervisor? Take a day to set a meeting to let it out. If not ready to directly approach the person in question, it can be with someone you trust or a professional as well. Talking to others relieves stress and you gain a brand new perspective.

Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear. Albert Camus

Day 8

Rule out expectations. Examine what expectations you have of others and yourself. What constraints does it have on your relationships with others if you did not have expectations of them?

Our expectations are formed based on life experiences, culture, upbringing, and religion. Suspend judgment and open your mind to brand new possibilities.

Too much self-centered attitude, you see, brings, you see, isolation. Result: loneliness, fear, anger. The extreme self-centered attitude is the source of suffering. Dalai Lama

Day 9

Do you share similar fears with others? How about setting up a group session and learning from each other?

Day 10

Afraid of public spaces and judgments. Set the day. Go to a local celebration and dance the night away like you are in front of your own mirror and no one is watching you!

Willpower is the key to success. Successful people strive no matter what they feel by applying their will to overcome apathy, doubt or fear. Dan Millman

Day 11

Go to an amusements park. Get some shivers with half a mile and half a mile back. Take a roller coaster ride.

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. Nelson Mandela

Day 12

Always worried about your image and how people will perceive you? Quit spending that morning hour in from of the mirror. Spend the day outside in your pajamas.

The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate, to tell the truth, that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls. Elizabeth Cady Stanton

Day 13

Stayed away from certain kinds of foods? Spend a full day on a meal plan with dishes you never tried before.

Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will. James Stephens

Day 14

Get out in the world. Explore the unexplored. Plan a cultural tour of an existing ethnic tribe.

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The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown. H. P. Lovecraft

Day 15

If you are afraid of losing people close to you, take an initiative to write letters expressing gratitude to loved ones and close family.

My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world. Jack Layton

Day 16

If you are afraid of solitude, spend a full day alone with no mobile devices and interaction for a full day.

He who is overly attached to other experiences fear and sorrow, for the root of all grief is attachment. Thus one should discard attachment to be happy. Chanakya

Day 17

Make contact with role models you wish to meet one day but never had the courage to approach.

Day 18

If you fear getting lost. Take a different route home. Explore and change direction

Try a thing you haven’t done three times. Once, to get over the fear of doing it. Twice, to learn how to do it. And a third time to figure out whether you like it or not.Virgil Thomson

Day 19

Launch the project that you have been procrastinating. Break open the padlock of fear that resulted in procrastination until now.

The greatest mistake we make is living in constant fear that we will make one. John C. Maxwell

Day 20

Have you been in constant disagreements with a family member, friend or colleague and cut off ties for some time? Be resilient, take the initiative to set up a meeting of to resolve the issue and maybe reconcile.

You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you.Eric Hoffer

Day 21

A work related fear? We all have some kind of fear when it comes to our tasks. What are yours? Confront that fear and put it in perspective. Resolve the issue at hand

Day 22

Do you have social anxiety? Go out there and accept that invitation. This time does not recluse in a corner. In fact leave your smartphone at home that day, or keep it inside your bag.

Day 23

Has it been a while and you keep wondering why you are snoozing off and feeling tired or your appetite has kept you munching all day? Book and appointment with your doctor and get a full health check up.

Day 24

Do you maybe you felt like crouching in a corner waiting for the end of the world? Are you down and out, grouchy or feeling lousy? Book an appointment with a therapist.

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Day 25

Afraid of heights. Challenge yourself to do the next mountain climbing expedition. The start of by taking an escalator to the top in the tallest high building in your region and look down!

“Step by step we get ahead, not necessarily in fast spurts. But you build discipline by preparing for the fast spurts.” – Charlie Munger

Day 26

Holding back to ask a special someone to accompany you on an outing? Take the plunge and make the date.

If fear is the great enemy of intimacy, love is its true friend. Henri Nouwen

Day 27

Plan those special journeys. See places. Do things you always wanted to.

There’s no fear when you’re having fun. Will Thomas

Day 28

Make a list of all you wish to complete and all the mistakes you fear. Remember do not be afraid of perfection as you will never be perfect. Mistakes are life lessons.

The greatest mistake we make is living in constant fear that we will make one. John C. Maxwell

Day 29

Celebrate a love for life. Release brakes and be free, let go. Release hurt. Release fear. Stop entertaining past pain. The energy that is consumed by hanging on to past trials is halting innovation into a new life. Take this day to journal one thing you let go of.

Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness, of hatred, of jealousy, and, most easily of all, the gate of fear. Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Day 30

Reflect on every challenge you have accomplished and start afresh. Follow the master plan and alleviate all fears harvested and all those that will sprout.

Breathe. Meditate. Meditation and deep breathing regulate emotions.

Bloom out in a new spread of life.

At the end of the day, we must go forward with hope and not backward by fear and division. Jesse Jackson

Challenging your fears is taking time for a soul reflection. Every one of us has fears limiting life paths. We can transform our resistance and fear by shining light on them. Some release early, some can take time. By taking on the challenge to strengthen resilience and counteract fears we move in a wavelength of an authentic realm.

Reference

[1] Laboratory News: The science of Fear
[2] University of Cambridge: Reconditioning the brain to overcome fear
[3] Personality-development.org: David Hawkins
[4] SpiritualBuzz: David R. Hawkins – All Fears Are Illusions
[5] Lifehack: Master Your Fear With These 6 Tips

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Last Updated on February 28, 2019

The Desire to Be Liked Will End You up Feeling More Rejected

The Desire to Be Liked Will End You up Feeling More Rejected

Admit it, you feel good when other people think you’re nice. Maybe you were complimented by a stranger saying that you had a nice outfit. You felt good about yourself and you were happy for the rest of the day.

    We all like to feel liked, whether by a stranger or a loved one. It makes you feel valued and that feeling can be addictive. But when the high wears off and you no longer have validation that someone thinks you’re a good, sweet person, you may feel insecure and lacking. While wanting others to like you isn’t in itself a bad thing, it can be like a disease when you feel that you constantly need to be liked by others.

    Humans are wired to want to be liked.

    It’s human nature to seek approval from others. In ancient times, we needed acceptance to survive. Humans are social animals and we need to bond with others and form a community to survive. If we are not liked by others, we will be left out.

    Babies are born to be cute and be liked by adults.

      The large rounded head, big forehead, large eyes, chubby cheeks, and a rounded body. Babies can’t survive without an adult taking care of them. It’s vital for adults to find babies lovely to pay attention to them and divert energy towards them.[1]

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      Recognitions have always been given by others.

        From the time you were a child, whether at school or at home, you have been receiving recognition from external parties. For instance, you received grades from teachers, and if you wanted something, you needed approval from your parents. We’ve learned to get what we want by catering to other people’s expectations. Maybe you wanted to get a higher grade in art so you’d be more attentive in art classes than others to impress your teacher. Your teacher would have a generally good impression on you and would likely to give you a higher grade.

        When you grow up, it’s no different. Perhaps you are desperate to get your work done so you do things that your manager would approve. Or maybe you try to impress your date by doing things they like but you don’t really like.

        Facebook and Instagram have only made things worse. People posting their photos and sharing about their life on Instagram just to feels so good to get more likes and attention.

        Being liked becomes essential to reaching desires.

          We start to get hyper focused on how others see us, and it’s easy to imagine having the spotlight on you at all time. People see you and they take an interest in you. This feels good. In turn, you start doing more things that bring you more attention. It’s all positive until you do something they don’t like and you receive criticism. When this happens, you spiral because you’ve lost the feeling of acceptance.

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          But the reality is this is all just perception. Humans, as a species, are selfish. We are all just looking at ourselves; we only perceive others are giving us their focus. Even for those who please others are actually focusing on making themselves feel good. It’s like an optical illusion for your ego.

            The desire to be liked is an endless chase.

              Aiming to please others in order to feel better will exhaust you because you can never catch up with others’ expectation.

              The ideal image will always change.

              It used to be ideal to have a fair weight, a little bit fat was totally acceptable. Then it’s ideal to be very slim. Recently we’ve seen “dad-bods” getting some positive attention. But this is already quickly changing. In fact, a recent article from Men’s Health asked 100 women if they would date a guy who had a dad-bod, about 50% of women claimed to not care either way, only 15% exclusively date men with a “dad bod”.[2]

              People’s expectations on you can be wrong.

              Most people put their expectations on others based on what’s right in the social norms, yet the social norms are created by humans in which 80% of them are just ordinary people according to the 80/20 rules.[3]

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              Think about it, every day, from the time you wake up to the time you go to sleep, you filter what you believe to be truth. If someone compliments you, you take it and add it to an idea of what the best version of yourself is. When someone criticizes you, even in a destructive way, you might accept it altogether, or add it to a list of things you’re insecure about. When you absorb the wrong opinion from others, you will either sabotage your self-esteem or overestimate yourself by accepting all the good compliments and stop growing; or accepting all the destructive criticisms and sabotage your own self-esteem and happiness.

              Others’ desires are not the same as yours.

                If you live your life as one long effort of trying to please other people, you will never be happy. You’re always going to rely on others to make you feel worth living. This leads to total confusion when it comes to your personal goals; when there’s no external recognition, you don’t know what to live for.

                The only person to please is yourself.

                  Think of others’ approval as fuel and think of yourself as a car. When that fuel runs out, you can’t function. This is not a healthy mindset.

                  In reality, we’re human and we can create our own fuel. You can feel good based on how much you like yourself. When you do things to make you like yourself more, you can start to see a big change in your opinion. For example, if being complimented by others made you feel good and accepted, look in the mirror and compliment yourself. Say what you wish others would say about you.

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                  Internal approval takes practice, but it’s worth the effort. You have to re-train your own mind. Think of the dog who knows there is food when the bell rings, the reflex is hard wired into the dog.[4] We need our own triggers to reinforce the habit of internal approval too. Recognize yourself every day instead of waiting for people to do it for you, check out in this article the steps to take to recognize your own achievements and gain empowerment: Don’t Wait for People to Praise You. Do It Yourself Every Single Day

                  Notice that when you start to focus on yourself and what to do to make yourself happy, others may criticize you. Since you’ve stopped trying to please others to meet their expectations, they may judge you for what you do. Be critical about what they say about you. They aren’t always right but so are you. Everyone has blind spots. Let go of biased and subjective comments but be humble and open to useful advice that will improve you.

                  Remember that you are worth it, every day. It will take time to stop relying on others to make you feel important and worth something, but the sooner you start trying, the happier and healthier you will be.

                  Featured photo credit: Annie Spratt via unsplash.com

                  Reference

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