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30 Days Without Fear: A Plan That Will Make You Feel So Carefree Like Never Before

30 Days Without Fear: A Plan That Will Make You Feel So Carefree Like Never Before

Fear….The emotion is sparked off each time there is pain, evil or danger in some context or another.

In essence, the emotion is aroused in cases where the impending threat is a reality or even just imagined. You feel afraid whether there is something to fear or in some cases when there is no actual need to be afraid.

Karl Menninger :“Fears are educated into us, and can if we wish, be educated out.”

Fear is a tool for utmost resilience to escape danger. A bounce back survival mechanism. Adrenaline is released into our bloodstream with resulting biological reactions.

Our reflexes and senses are heightened to help us escape real physical danger. We reach the ‘fight or flight’ mode [1]

When you feel fear your brain signals the nervous system, the heart rate increases, blood pressure rises, breathing becomes faster, and stress hormones are released. Blood from the heart flows out in preparation for leg and arms to take action.

So basically the brain shuts down the body down and prepares it for action. The ability to reason and think decreases. Some may even feel like time is slowing down and have tunnel vision, trying to make sense of what is happening. These symptoms make it hard to be logical and stay grounded situations. The response of the body to stress or fear is in itself stressful .

Fear is a useful aid in real danger but not if the danger is self-perceived and unlikely to cause any real harm. Fear can be a drawback.

Fear holds you back if you do not need it. One such example is stage fright when making career moves. We end up making the wrong decisions due to the biological reactions of fear.

We need to be firmly grounded to deal calmly and logically with situations and not be overstimulated

The fact is 99% of times fear that is experience is fear that is non-physical. Fear existing in our minds. We think we are in danger when in actual fact we are not.

Common fears include:

  • Fear of speaking in public
  • Fear of other people and strangers
  • Fear of authority and judgment
  • Fear of losing or failure
  • Fear of change
  • Fear of being humiliated.
  • Fear of aging
  • Fear of loneliness
  • Fear of disappointment

Everybody will definitely relate to one or more of these fears at some life phase or the other, even if it is for a short time or on a subconscious level.

Even the most successful people cannot claim to be fearless. They trained themselves to take action despite fear. Halt judging yourself if you have fear. It is as normal as having the flu.

Do you fear being rejected? Are you afraid that you are not good enough and that people will figure out that you are not clever, perfect or funny enough? Do you fear failure, and what about success, do you fear success?

Fears live inside of you and follow you like shadows. The good news [2] is that you have the power and strength and practice resilience to rise above any fear!

We need to overcome mental fear. We need to analyze the root cause of fear and how to overcome it.

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Why plan to overcome fear?

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery. None but ourselves can free our minds’ Redemption song- Bob Marley

The main reason is that fear limits your potential. Personal growth is about living life the best you can. Fear is a block hat prevents personal progress and growth. David Hawkins in his book ‘Power vs Force’ [3] refers to fear as the 5th lowest level in the consciousness map of seventeen levels.

If you entrench yourself in illusions of fear [4] you cannot rise to higher levels of consciousness like acceptance, courage, love, peace, joy, and enlightenment.

The 30-day plan to overcome fear

Studies (University of Cambridge: Reconditioning the brain to overcome fear))indicate that we can conquer fear by continual exposure to them. Whether it is extreme sports, spiders, snakes or horror movies, our tolerance grows with more exposure. We learn the fear we have been harvesting is not actually harmful.

Make a list of your most significant fears. Do one thing every day that scares you and rewards yourself for completing the challenge to overcome the fear.

Day 1

On the first day make a note to alleviate all words with negative contractions for the next thirty days. Note all the usual sentences with the words like ‘won’t’ or ‘can’t.’ Flip the focus of your sentences and focus on the positive. Change the negative to positive For example, instead of saying ‘I do not want’ say ‘I would rather’. This defaults the negative. Use this day to practice flipping over all negatives that you will practice for the next thirty days. Start your ‘fear journal’ [5]

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ Eleanor Roosevelt

Day 2

Wake up and put on running shoes or head straight to the gym. The goal here is to stop procrastinating. Begin with this as a daily ritual.

If you want to conquer fear, don’t sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy. Dale Carnegie

Day 3

Create a space in your daily calendar. What would you do if you have a free hour set out for yourself every day? Read, Exercise, or play with the kids? That single hour needs to impact on life for the better. Set out priorities and make ‘me’ time an hour a day. You will be surprised how much more gets accomplished in a day

Day 4

Afraid of speaking in a public forum? Get on stage. Get involved in community forums. Go to an event in your neighborhood, raise your hand, affirm your opinion and take the stage!

The action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result but the cause, of fear. Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow. But any action is better than no action at all. Norman Vincent Peale

Day 5

Your birthday arrives and instead of celebrating you are shuddering to look at the fact that it may take a long time to count the birthday candles? Are you afraid of aging?

Do yourself a favor. Hire a makeup artist, find an aging character image and play the part, be old for the day. Observe reactions around you. You will most likely lose the fear of aging.

I’m not afraid of storms, for I’m learning how to sail my ship. Louisa May Alcott

Day 6

Afraid of being stung by bees? Contact the nearest beekeeper association in your district and venture to be a beekeeper for the day!

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Boldness is a mask for fear, however great. John Dryden

Day 7

Are you afraid of authority? Maybe your supervisor? Take a day to set a meeting to let it out. If not ready to directly approach the person in question, it can be with someone you trust or a professional as well. Talking to others relieves stress and you gain a brand new perspective.

Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear. Albert Camus

Day 8

Rule out expectations. Examine what expectations you have of others and yourself. What constraints does it have on your relationships with others if you did not have expectations of them?

Our expectations are formed based on life experiences, culture, upbringing, and religion. Suspend judgment and open your mind to brand new possibilities.

Too much self-centered attitude, you see, brings, you see, isolation. Result: loneliness, fear, anger. The extreme self-centered attitude is the source of suffering. Dalai Lama

Day 9

Do you share similar fears with others? How about setting up a group session and learning from each other?

Day 10

Afraid of public spaces and judgments. Set the day. Go to a local celebration and dance the night away like you are in front of your own mirror and no one is watching you!

Willpower is the key to success. Successful people strive no matter what they feel by applying their will to overcome apathy, doubt or fear. Dan Millman

Day 11

Go to an amusements park. Get some shivers with half a mile and half a mile back. Take a roller coaster ride.

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. Nelson Mandela

Day 12

Always worried about your image and how people will perceive you? Quit spending that morning hour in from of the mirror. Spend the day outside in your pajamas.

The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate, to tell the truth, that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls. Elizabeth Cady Stanton

Day 13

Stayed away from certain kinds of foods? Spend a full day on a meal plan with dishes you never tried before.

Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will. James Stephens

Day 14

Get out in the world. Explore the unexplored. Plan a cultural tour of an existing ethnic tribe.

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The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown. H. P. Lovecraft

Day 15

If you are afraid of losing people close to you, take an initiative to write letters expressing gratitude to loved ones and close family.

My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world. Jack Layton

Day 16

If you are afraid of solitude, spend a full day alone with no mobile devices and interaction for a full day.

He who is overly attached to other experiences fear and sorrow, for the root of all grief is attachment. Thus one should discard attachment to be happy. Chanakya

Day 17

Make contact with role models you wish to meet one day but never had the courage to approach.

Day 18

If you fear getting lost. Take a different route home. Explore and change direction

Try a thing you haven’t done three times. Once, to get over the fear of doing it. Twice, to learn how to do it. And a third time to figure out whether you like it or not.Virgil Thomson

Day 19

Launch the project that you have been procrastinating. Break open the padlock of fear that resulted in procrastination until now.

The greatest mistake we make is living in constant fear that we will make one. John C. Maxwell

Day 20

Have you been in constant disagreements with a family member, friend or colleague and cut off ties for some time? Be resilient, take the initiative to set up a meeting of to resolve the issue and maybe reconcile.

You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you.Eric Hoffer

Day 21

A work related fear? We all have some kind of fear when it comes to our tasks. What are yours? Confront that fear and put it in perspective. Resolve the issue at hand

Day 22

Do you have social anxiety? Go out there and accept that invitation. This time does not recluse in a corner. In fact leave your smartphone at home that day, or keep it inside your bag.

Day 23

Has it been a while and you keep wondering why you are snoozing off and feeling tired or your appetite has kept you munching all day? Book and appointment with your doctor and get a full health check up.

Day 24

Do you maybe you felt like crouching in a corner waiting for the end of the world? Are you down and out, grouchy or feeling lousy? Book an appointment with a therapist.

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Day 25

Afraid of heights. Challenge yourself to do the next mountain climbing expedition. The start of by taking an escalator to the top in the tallest high building in your region and look down!

“Step by step we get ahead, not necessarily in fast spurts. But you build discipline by preparing for the fast spurts.” – Charlie Munger

Day 26

Holding back to ask a special someone to accompany you on an outing? Take the plunge and make the date.

If fear is the great enemy of intimacy, love is its true friend. Henri Nouwen

Day 27

Plan those special journeys. See places. Do things you always wanted to.

There’s no fear when you’re having fun. Will Thomas

Day 28

Make a list of all you wish to complete and all the mistakes you fear. Remember do not be afraid of perfection as you will never be perfect. Mistakes are life lessons.

The greatest mistake we make is living in constant fear that we will make one. John C. Maxwell

Day 29

Celebrate a love for life. Release brakes and be free, let go. Release hurt. Release fear. Stop entertaining past pain. The energy that is consumed by hanging on to past trials is halting innovation into a new life. Take this day to journal one thing you let go of.

Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness, of hatred, of jealousy, and, most easily of all, the gate of fear. Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Day 30

Reflect on every challenge you have accomplished and start afresh. Follow the master plan and alleviate all fears harvested and all those that will sprout.

Breathe. Meditate. Meditation and deep breathing regulate emotions.

Bloom out in a new spread of life.

At the end of the day, we must go forward with hope and not backward by fear and division. Jesse Jackson

Challenging your fears is taking time for a soul reflection. Every one of us has fears limiting life paths. We can transform our resistance and fear by shining light on them. Some release early, some can take time. By taking on the challenge to strengthen resilience and counteract fears we move in a wavelength of an authentic realm.

Reference

[1]Laboratory News: The science of Fear
[2]University of Cambridge: Reconditioning the brain to overcome fear
[3]Personality-development.org: David Hawkins
[4]SpiritualBuzz: David R. Hawkins – All Fears Are Illusions
[5]Lifehack: Master Your Fear With These 6 Tips

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Last Updated on October 16, 2018

How to Be Happy Again: 13 Simple Ways to Shake off Sadness Right Now

How to Be Happy Again: 13 Simple Ways to Shake off Sadness Right Now

When you look at your own life, maybe you’re thinking about how time has gone by so quickly and you have no idea how you got to where you are at. You might begin to feel sad because you’ve drifted so far from where you wanted to be at your age. Life was much more difficult than you expected it to be, so you just settled and decided to accept that this is just how life is.

You’ve given up and your goal now is just to get by. You just want to be happy.

However, it doesn’t have to be this way.

Cultivating much more happiness in your life is a very real and close possibility. You just have to put in a little work.

Here are 13 proven ways to shake off your sadness and feel happy again:

1. Do what brings you meaning

We’ve all been there. A feeling of boredom and being stuck in our lives without knowing what to do.

Nancy is one of the many who’ve been there. Take a look at her story and find out why finding your meaning to live is so important.

Rather than trying to figure out such heavy questions such as “What is my purpose in life?” it’s much easier to turn on the television and let the day go by.

“When a person can’t find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure.” -Viktor Frankl

Many affluent people are experiencing unhappiness no matter how much money, respect, or fame they have because of one big reason: Our unhappiness stems ultimately from a feeling of meaninglessness.

Frankl has developed a process called Logotherapy[1] to help people build more meaning in their lives. He was put in charge of the mental health department of the Viennese hospital system because they were losing too many patients to suicide. His practices were what prevented tens of thousands of these patients from killing themselves. He did this by helping instill a sense of meaning to their lives.

What you can do right now:

In moments when you are struggling with unhappiness, you can start applying Frankl’s Logotherapy in your life by doing the following:

  • Work on a project that demands your skills and abilities. If you have trouble coming up with one, then look for something important to work on that will help someone in need.
  • Immerse yourself fully in your experience and share it with people who love you in an authentic, non-judgmental manner.
  • Find a redemptive perspective towards your suffering. Meaning comes in our lives when we change our perspective about our hardships in a way that it improves our lives rather than bringing it down.

I met a woman in Thailand once who ran an orphanage with children who were affected by the AIDS virus. She also suffered from cancer, but rather than viewing the illness as something that is ruining her life, she shared with me:

“It’s kind of like a death sentence when the doctor says to you ‘you’re HIV positive’ or ‘you have cancer’ and it gives me an ability to identify with these children that are HIV positive, so I’m grateful for cancer because of it, if nothing else.”

Recommended reading:

Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl

2. Start killing your options and get crystal clear on what you want

“Too many choices exhaust us, make us unhappy and lead us to sometimes abscond from making a decision all together.”[2] Keep your options open” may be advice you’ve heard often. But if you keep your options too open, it usually makes you more unhappy, stressed out, and tired from having to choose between too many things.

When you have too many choices to make, you begin to make more poorer decisions as you make each following one throughout the day. This is what’s known as decision fatigue.

The most important thing you can do to increase your level of happiness is by effectively reducing the amount of any unnecessary decisions you have to make in a day.

What you can do right now:

Set up routines to help you accomplish the following:

  • Make the most important decisions earlier in the day when your mind is more fresh.
  • Try to plan out your day the night before whenever possible.
  • Choose your meals in advance.
  • If you have to make an important decision but you’re hungry, eat first.
  • When you have too many choices, try to narrow it down to choosing between a select few.
  • Automate your life as much as possible by doing the following:
    • Set up automatic payment functions on any bills you have
    • Use free software If This Then That , to automate your life . For example: instead of watching and refreshing to win an auction on Ebay or get that coveted item on Craigslist, have an email notification sent to you, so you can be one of the first to jump on the deal.
    • If your budget allows, hire a virtual assistant or a company like Fancy Hands to take a lot of menial tasks off your plate.

3. Create safe spaces to find yourself and beat the feeling of shame

We’re constantly bombarded with messages that tell us we need to look, act, or be a certain way in order to be happy and successful.

The average person gets exposed to over 10,000 advertisements a day and most of these messages are total nonsense.[3]

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All of these false promises given to us each day are what causes us to portray ourselves in a way we think others want us to be so that we can fit in. The sad part is that many of us do find ways to fit in, but we never actually feel like we belong.

When we don’t feel loved and understood for who we truly are, there is no way we can ever be happy. The reason we are often reluctant to be our most authentic selves is because of shame.

At some point in your life, you will run into shame and it will make you feel like there is something wrong with you. Whether it was getting teased at school, not meeting up to your parents’ expectations, or being harshly judged by a peer, shame makes you hide your true self and wear a mask to show someone else.

    Learning to have the courage to stay true to yourself is one of the keys to longer lasting happiness.

    Dr. Brene Brown, an amazing vulnerability researcher, explained in her TED talk that she once took put a poll on social media asking “How would you define vulnerability? What makes you feel vulnerable?”:

    Within an hour and a half, she had 150 responses. Here’s what some of them said:

    • Having to ask my husband for help because I’m sick, and we’re newly married
    • Initiating sex with my husband / wife
    • Being turned down
    • Asking someone out
    • Waiting for the doctor to call back
    • Getting laid off
    • Laying off people

    Vulnerable moments like these are when we are most prone to feeling shame. Learning about how to handle that shame is what will enable you to recover from it in a healthy way.

    What you can do right now:

    Practice vulnerability.

    Start by looking yourself in the mirror each morning and telling yourself “I’m not perfect, but that’s ok”

    Take Dr. Brown’s simple advice that she gave on the Oprah show. When you experience shame, talk to yourself like you talk to someone you love, reach out to someone you trust, and tell your story.[4]

    Recommended reading:

    I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Making the Journey from “What Will People Think?” to “I Am Enough” by Dr. Brene Brown

    4. Engage your curiosity to supercharge your personal growth

    Some of the greatest things that exist in our world today were a result of someone’s curiosity. It’s the reason why people like Steve Jobs, Thomas Edison, and Henry Ford created some of the most innovative products of all time.

    Satisfying your curiosity releases dopamine in your brain.[5] This is also why we absolutely have to finish a great movie and watch it till the end. You want to know what happens and when you finally do, you get that rush of dopamine and get pleasure from it as a reward. The same applies with any habits we’ve formed, such as checking our social media feeds and emails.

    While these kind of things may give you a short moment of happiness, there is a type of curiosity that will give you a more longer lasting happiness. Dr. Todd Kashdan explains it in the terms of being a “curious explorer”.

    “Curious explorers are comfortable with the risks of taking on new challenges. Instead of trying desperately to explain and control our world, as a curious explorer we embrace uncertainty, and see our lives as an enjoyable quest to discover, learn and grow.”

    By using your curiosity to help you get better at something, become more knowledgeable or see something in a new perspective, you’ll find life to be much more enjoyable.

    What you can do right now:

    Kashdan’s suggestions on how to become “Curious Explorers” are summarized in Kari Henley’s Huffington Post article in the following way:[6]

    • Try to notice little details of your daily routine that you never noticed before.
    • When talking to people, try to remain open to whatever transpires without judging or reacting.
    • Let novelty unfold and resist the temptation to control the flow.
    • Gently allow your attention to be guided by little sights, sounds or smells that come your way.

    Recommended reading:

    Curious? Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life by Todd Kashdan PhD.

    5. Help yourself by helping others

    The happiest people are ones who make a positive impact on others.

    “No man or woman is an island. To exist just for yourself is meaningless. You can achieve the most satisfaction when you feel related to some greater purpose in life, something greater than yourself.” ―Denis Waitley

    Every individual has something they can contribute to the world. The hard part is figuring out what that is. And the truth is, we’ll never figure it out until we actually do something about it.

    Science has shown data that supports the evidence that giving is a powerful way to lasting happiness. If done in the right way, giving can feel good and give you the much needed boost in your mood.[7]

    “Happiness is only real when shared.” -Christopher McCandless, Into The Wild

    What you can do right now:

    Intentionally begin contributing to something or someone in your life.

    Check out these 20 small acts of kindness to do something bigger than just for yourself.

    6. Get out of your comfort zone to rewire your brain

    Chances are you are unhappy because of the routine. Simply put, you’re bored but at the same time, maybe you’re a little afraid of trying something new.

    Or, in a more extreme example, you might hate your job but you are too afraid to quit because you’re worried you may become broke with nothing better ahead for you.

      Whatever the case may be, bringing yourself out of your comfort zone as much as possible can result in a  much more satisfying life.

      Scientists have found evidence that if a person steps out of their comfort zone just enough, then they can increase endorphin’s in their brain, which creates increased feelings of happiness.[8]

      What you can do right now:

      • Create more experiences in your life that you can’t back out of. Think of a big goal in your life you’ve always wanted to accomplish, then create a situation that brings you out of your comfort zone that you’ll follow through with.
      • Travel more. Neuroscience has shown that new experiences can build new neuropathways in the brain.[9]When this occurs, it promotes mental health as a result. There is a joy that comes from traveling and whether you’re visiting a foreign country, a nearby city, or even a staycation to a new local restaurant, discovering and experiencing new things can do the trick.[10]

      7. Kick materialism in the face and invest in experiences

      I can’t remember the number of times I was excited to buy a new toy, game, or piece of technology for myself only to get bored of it not too long after. This goes to show material things usually only bring out a temporary amount of happiness at best. Happy experiences last as a happy memory forever.

      While owning material possessions can be nice, they can never be a part of you like great experiences can be a part of you. This is why you should invest more in experiences rather than things.[11]

      “Part of us believes the new car is better because it lasts longer. But, in fact, that’s the worst thing about the new car,” he said. “It will stay around to disappoint you, whereas a trip to Europe is over. It evaporates. It has the good sense to go away, and you are left with nothing but a wonderful memory.” — Dan Gilbert

      What you can do right now:

      Rather than spending your money on buying something a material possession that you’ve always wanted, try these options instead:

      • Invest in a class you have always wanted to take.
      • Book a trip to somewhere you have always wanted to visit.
      • Get tickets to a popular show that you might like.

      8. Meditate regularly

      Self-realization has been shown to have many benefits and this can be achieved by regularly practicing mindfulness meditation.

      Taking a moment to get yourself untangled from all the messy thoughts and emotions you experience can be just the thing you need to be happier. Meditation increases gray matter in the hippocampus, which is an area of the brain important for learning, memory and emotion. It also reduces gray matter in the amygdala, the area of the brain associated with stress and anxiety.

      These are just a few of the many benefits meditation has been shown to give you.

      What you can do right now:

      Download the no-nonsense Headspace meditation app. All you need is 10 minutes and a comfortable chair. If you find yourself thinking you don’t have 10 minutes, then let the truth of Tony Robbins’ words settle in:

      “If you don’t have 10 minutes, you don’t have a life.”

      9. Change your attitude to gratitude

      This is something that’s commonly said, but it comes from a place of truth.

      The Journal of Happiness published a study where the 219 men and women participants involved wrote three letters of gratitude over a three week period. The results showed that writing letters of gratitude increased participants’ happiness and life satisfaction while decreasing depressive symptoms.[12]

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      Your brain cannot simultaneously focus on positive and negative things at once. Because of this, practicing gratitude can help you shift your focus from being sad about the things you don’t have in your life to being glad for the things you do have.

      When you engage in the act of being thankful for something, production of dopamine and serotonin increases.[13] This activates the happiness center of the brain, which is similar to how antidepressants work; so, you could think of gratitude as a natural antidepressant.

      What you can do right now:

      • Start a habit of writing down three things you are grateful for each day.
      • Regularly write a thank you card to someone you appreciate or to someone who has done something recently for you.
      • Inject things you are thankful for in your daily conversations instead of focusing on negative topics.

      10. Create better habits

      One of the biggest difference between happy and unhappy people are the habits they have. Over 40% of your day isn’t spent on making active decisions but is a result of habit.

      The truth about why it’s so hard to break out of old routines is simply the fact that it is a routine. Human beings are creatures of habit. Charles Duhigg explains in his book The Power of Habit how the basic structure of habits consists of a cue (trigger), the routine, and the reward.

        For example, stress can be your cue to engage in your routine of smoking a cigarette, which rewards you with the surge of nicotine to relieve your stress. Duhigg teaches the key to turning bad habits into good ones is to figure out how to change the routine. Rather than smoking, maybe you can go for a nice walk or meditate to achieve the same stress relief.

        If your habits are not making you healthier and happier, that means you may be automatically spending almost half your day doing things that make you more unhappy.

        What you can do right now:

        Changing your habits is much easier said than done, which is why you also need to modify your environment as much as possible to increase your chances of success. After doing so, try and tackle the routines which will help you to replace the bad habits with good habits.

        Also take a look at this detailed guide to try to hack your habit loop and build lasting habits for a better self:

        How to Break a Habit and Hack the Habit Loop 

        11. Learn how to predict happiness more accurately

        There are plenty of things in life that aren’t as pleasant as you thought they would be.

        You may have always wanted the nice expensive car, but now that you have it, you’re constantly stressed out about any new scratches and annoyed at all the extra unexpected expenses involved with keeping it well maintained and in good condition.

        You may have always wanted to be married, but now that you are, you didn’t realize the immense amount of work it takes to build and maintain a loving relationship.

        Harvard psychology professor Dan Gilbert argues one of the reasons for our unhappiness is by wrongly predicting the types of things that will make us happy.[14]

        “If I wanted to know what a certain future would feel like to me, I would find someone who is already living that future. If I wonder what it’s like to become a lawyer or marry a busy executive or eat at a particular restaurant, my best bet is to find people who have actually done these things and see how happy they are. What we know from studies will increase the accuracy of your prediction, but nobody wants to do it.”

        Simply investing the time and energy to learning more about what you are getting yourself into can increase your chances of accurately placing yourself in happier situations.

        What you can do right now:

        Reach out to people that are living the lifestyle you want or possess something you want to have; get on a call with them, or take them out for coffee. Ask about their experiences, both good and bad, and observe if what they have makes them happier, and then decide if it is something you want as well.

        Speaking to a close friend who owns a new piece of technology that you want or is currently involved a career that you want to pursue is easy. Yet, if the person of interest is a celebrity or a highly respected individual, then getting in touch with them will be much harder. In this case, scour any public information such as blog posts, interviews and social media posts to get to know them and help you make a decision whether the life they are living is one you want to pursue.

        Recommended reading:

        Stumbling Upon Happiness by Dan Gilbert

        12. Treat yourself with compassion to boost your self-esteem

        Imagine sitting down in a cafe and overhearing a conversation between two girls at the next table.

        “…and you’ve gotten fatter as well. It’s terrible…”

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        “Don’t you feel horrible right now?”

        “With those large thighs and your horse’s hips?”

        Fortunately, this conversation was staged by the personal care company, Dove. But the conversation was one that actually happened, except it was with one’s self.

        The script for the actresses were written from actual self-dialogue from women who were documenting the thoughts that they had about themselves each time the thought came to mind.

        Dove ran this campaign to illustrate this point: if we wouldn’t talk to others in this negative manner, why would we talk to ourselves in this way?

        Here’s the video:

        People who practice self-compassion also have greater social connectedness, emotional intelligence, happiness, and overall life satisfaction. So the next time you are feeling low and start nitpicking at yourself, come to your own defense and give yourself a break.

        What you can do right now:

        Here are some ways you can practice self-compassion:

        • Treat yourself as you would your own child.
        • Practice non-judgmental mindfulness (i.e. meditation, yoga) to quiet your inner-critic.
        • Remind yourself of the fact that you are not alone.
        • Give yourself permission to be imperfect.
        • If you struggle with having self compassion and find yourself in need of help, consider hiring a supportive coach or therapist.

        13. Give yourself time to be sad

        Most of the time, people try to avoid negative emotions because they are afraid of the pain and grief they will experience or of the vulnerability it will require. But unless you let those tears come, you will never be able to let go of the emotions. They will stay stuck inside of you.

        It gets even worse when you try and numb your sadness with negative behaviors such as overmedicating, excessively drinking or distracting yourself by overworking. What happens when you numb your negative behaviors is that you are also numbing your positive behaviors.[15]

        Fully experiencing your emotions, whether they’re positive or negative, is important for your own well being.

        “But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. You know what love is. You know what grief is. And only then can you say, “All right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment.” Morrie Schwartz, Tuesdays With Morrie

        What you can do right now:

        Get into a habit of identifying your emotions. For example, when you start to feel sad, simply tell yourself “This is sadness.” Once you begin calling your emotions by name, it helps you realize it is an emotion and doesn’t have to define who you are.

        This is the simple process that lets you ride the wave of emotion and let it pass without letting it take hold of you and controlling your behavior.

        The next time you start feeling sadness, let yourself feel it. Don’t let your fear find an excuse to avoid it. Just like a roller coaster becomes fun after the initial drop, let the discomfort of sadness come through you so you can go back to enjoying your life again.

        The important part of feeling your sadness is to make sure you don’t cross the fine line of dwelling on it and victimizing yourself. Let the feeling come, and when it wants to go, let it go.

        Recommended reading:

        Happiness marks the spot

        Unlike in fairytales, there is no such thing as happily ever after. Instead, it’s similar to there being a variety of scattered treasures buried in a huge field called life. You will need to dig a little to find each treasure as you walk through different points in your life.

        If you find yourself feeling unhappy about where you are, you don’t have to stay that way. You can in fact restart your life to be happy again:

        How to Start Over and Reboot Your Life When It Seems Too Late

        As you continue to go through the daily grind, make the choice to invest time and energy into using the methods outlined here to uplift your spirits. You’ll be happy you did.

        Featured photo credit: unsplash via unsplash.com

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