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Why Feeling Embarrassed Is a Gift but Not a Burden

Why Feeling Embarrassed Is a Gift but Not a Burden

Embarrassment can strike at any time.

It might be a glass of wine you’ve knocked over, accidentally scratching someone’s iPhone, or even standing on the paw of a friend’s dog!

Careless mistakes like these, can rapidly induce high levels of personal embarrassment.

However…

Embarrassment is a natural response. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.

    That’s right. It’s perfectly natural to feel and look embarrassed when you’ve made a blunder.[1]

    Think of it like this: Embarrassment is a non-verbal way of saying that you’re sorry. It also clearly indicates to other people that you don’t normally make this mistake, and you’re certainly not comfortable with it.

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    Furthermore, researchers have found that people who are prone to feeling and expressing embarrassment are regarded by others as trustworthy. They’re also more likely to be forgiven for any incident/mistake, than someone who shows no signs of embarrassment.[2]

    It’s fair to say that embarrassment makes us feel bad. However, this feeling can act as a prompter, so that we don’t repeat the same mistakes. In other words, embarrassment can be an effective learning tool.

    Embarrassment shows people that you care.

    As mentioned above, embarrassment can be a valuable tool in learning how to avoid making the same mistakes repeatedly.

    “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” – Rita Mae Brown

    Embarrassment can also indicate your emotional openness.

    For example, if you blush easily, this immediately indicates to other people that you’re a sensitive person. And given the choice between dealing with a cold-hearted person, or a sensitive person, I’m sure you can guess who the vast majority of us would choose.

    Personal interactions are vitally important in this world. So, rather than trying to hide your blushes, recognize them as a healthy response to embarrassing situations.

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    So, why not make embarrassment your advantage?

    Are you ready to learn the secrets of transmuting embarrassment into its positive counterpart?

    As you’ll see… it’s like turning lead into gold.

    1. When you stay cool in awkward moments, you’re impressive.

    You’ve just started a new job as a manager at a local convenience store. And you’re keen to build a good impression with your staff. Unfortunately for you, the customer from hell has just walked through the door!

    They approach you and immediately begin to aggressively complain about the store, the staff – and even you. It’s a scenario that could easily see you crumble, and lose face with your new staff.

    Luckily, you manage to keep your cool (at least on the outside), and you deal confidently and decisively with the complainer. Your new team are impressed by your calmness and ability to quickly react to a difficult situation.

    2. When you laugh at your mistakes, you look confident.

    Needing a break from your home, you’ve chosen to take your family to Starbucks for some drinks. Your order a couple of lattes, a frappucino and an iced tea. The drinks are prepared and placed on a tray for you to take them to your table.

    As you make your way across the café, you accidentally catch one of your feet on a table leg. The collision is enough to throw you off balance – and for the drinks to slide off the tray and onto the floor!

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    It’s an embarrassing situation, for sure.

    Fortunately, you have a well-developed sense of humor, and you’re able to see the funny side in the incident. Instead of getting angry by the event, you’re able to laugh it off. It’s an attractive trait, and one that will likely lead you to getting the drinks replaced for free!

    3. When you’re blushing, you build social bonds.

    You’re no social butterfly, but you’ve agreed to go along to a friend’s housewarming party. Before arriving, you start to feel apprehensive about meeting new people.

    Your friend greets you at their door, asks you to come in, and then (to your horror) starts introducing you to a dozen or more people that you’ve never seen before. Your natural shyness is easy to spot, as your face is blushing, and you’re struggling to keep eye contact with everyone you’re introduced to.

    Now, you may regard your behavior as a bad thing, but to the people meeting you, they’re likely to see you in a favorable light. For example, they’ll probably see you as a sensitive and sympathetic person.

    And one other thing… Researchers have found that ‘blushers’ are better at relationships – as they have higher levels of monogamy and trustworthiness.[3]

    4. When you’re very aware of the first-time of something, you do better.

    You’ve just passed your driving test, and for the first time, you’ll be able to drive on your own (without the aid of an instructor). You’re uneasy and nervous about taking your first solo drive. In this tense mental and emotional state, you’ll have heightened senses which will lead to you take extra care and caution.

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    It’s a similar situation when you start a new job. You’re likely to go out of your way to ensure that you don’t make any mistakes – or make a fool out of yourself on your first day. Use this ‘first-time awareness’ to keep you clear from embarrassing situations, or at least to deal quickly and effectively with these situations.

    Just remember that this state should not be your norm. In day-to-day life, you should be relaxed and composed.

    5. When you accepting and enjoy the inevitable, you have a better time.

    It’s your 30th birthday, and your partner has booked a surprise visit to a comedy show.

    While you love comedy, you hate attention.

    As the show moves into full gear, you have a gut feeling that the next comedian is going to pick on you. And he does! He’s heard it’s your birthday, and now he has a whole list of jokes to go through – each of them mocking you relentlessly. You’d love to walk out, but hey, you’re supposed to be having fun!

    The trick to dealing with this embarrassing situation is to accept that it’s happening, and there’s little point fighting against it. Once you shift into this mental state, suddenly the situation won’t seem as bad – and won’t appear to last as long.

    I hope that I’ve been able to give you a fresh perspective on embarrassment.

    You don’t need to be afraid of it. Instead, you can use it as a positive weapon in all of your interpersonal relationships.

    Reference

    More by this author

    Craig J Todd

    Freelance Writer helping businesses and people to thrive.

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    Last Updated on August 15, 2018

    What Makes a Relationship Boring and How to Avoid It

    What Makes a Relationship Boring and How to Avoid It

    You’ve finally reached that comfortable spot in your relationship. You finish each other’s sentences and know before they order what the other one will have for lunch at your favorite restaurant. But, it’s starting to feel like boredom to you.

    Video Summary

    Security Can Lead to Boredom

    It is normal to reach this level of security in a relationship. The longer you’re with somebody, the more you get to know them and what to expect from them. This level of familiarity is the cause of relationship boredom.

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    Although security is definitely something you want with your significant other, what you don’t want is the boredom. One of the biggest mistakes a couple can make is believing that their predictability makes up for the loss of intimacy or excitement they used to feel together.[1] Why? Because this boredom increases your chances of losing the love between you.

    When a couple starts to settle for feeling safe and secure, they believe nothing in the world can tear them apart. And this sense of confidence means they often stop putting effort into their relationship. Instead, their shared life becomes automatic, occurring without too much thought or investment and becoming indifferent. The last thing you want is to be in an indifferent romantic relationship. With indifference comes a whole slew of other feelings like annoyance and irritation, which in turn, prompts arguments.[2]

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    Don’t allow this to happen to you and your significant other.

    How to Prevent Boredom in Your Relationship

    So, what can you do to avoid boredom in your relationship? Here are some great ideas to spark the passion and excitement:

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    Try Something New Together

    There’s nothing better for breaking up monotony than doing something new together. Do you two love taking pictures? Take a photography class together. Do you usually go hiking on the weekends? Throw a zipline or paragliding session into the mix. Research indicates that trying new activities is a great way to beat boredom.

    Make a Plan for the Future

    No, you don’t have to plan where you’ll buy your house or how many kids you’ll have if you’re not ready for that sort of conversation. You can, however, plan a weekend getaway or a vacation for a few months down the road. Making a plan gives you something to look forward to, which helps fight boredom. According to life coach Kelly Rogers, making plans for the future gives your relationship a little adrenaline rush, making you feel a sense of appreciation for each other.[3]

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    Establish a Date Night

    In your everyday, mundane life together, it can be easy to forget to make the two of you a priority. Establishing a mandatory date night is a wonderful way to bring you and your significant other together for some quality time. Melanie Schilling, a relationship psychologist, claims that date nights are actually critical to relationship health.[4] Set something specific to do together as often as your schedule allows. It doesn’t have to be dinner at an expensive restaurant either. You can plan a “no cell phone” night, a walk at the park, or even try to recreate one of your first dates together.

    Remember to Say “I Love You”

    Don’t forget to remind your partner why you are together, especially when boredom creeps its head between you two. Simple things like saying, “I love you” or letting them know how much you appreciate them can help you keep the romance alive in your relationship. Try to think about the happy memories the two of you have shared; it can be far too easy to dwell on the problems. Remembering why and how much you love your significant other is a great way to forget about any boredom you thought you were feeling.

    Reference

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