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Every Family Has Its Problems, This Is How Some Stick Together No Matter What

Every Family Has Its Problems, This Is How Some Stick Together No Matter What

Families are meant to be there with you through thick and thin. They are supposed to pick you up when you fall down, nudge you to the right direction when you are lost and misguided and correct you when you are mistaken and short-sighted but what happens when you are in a war with the ones you called family? Do you go your separate ways or do you make it work?

Before we make any hasty decisions and come to the conclusion, let’s analyze what a family conflict is.[1]

Family conflict is a struggle or discord among the members of a family, whether it is between the parents or parent and child or between siblings. It is caused due to many reasons. It might be caused by financial problems; when we can’t pay bills. The other reasons might be a rivalry between the siblings, due to different sets of beliefs and viewpoints and poor communication in the family.

Whatever the causes and reasons, family conflicts take away a sense of security and belongings from a person and if not resolved, it will result in breaking of the family or even criminal activities at worst.

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Let’s go in depth about the different types of family conflicts.[2]

1. Parental Conflict

It occurs when a husband and his wife are in constant disagreement with each other. This creates a hostile environment, which will ultimately harm socializing aspects of the child as a child coming from a high conflict background can’t socialize with his/her counterparts and is more prone to have a conflict with others. This usually results in the divorce of husband and wife.

2. Parent-child Conflict

It occurs when the parents don’t agree with the viewpoint of children or vice-versa. It is primarily caused due to generation gaps and controlling behavior of certain family members. It leads to the separation of a child from family.

3. Sibling Conflict

It occurs among the children of a family and may result in breaking of the family.

So, what shall we do when there is conflict between the family members? Shall we quit, give up on each other and stop being families? Or we work towards resolving whatever the issue that is causing the conflict?

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If you want to resolve a family conflict, then you should know about family counseling.

Family counseling falls under the Family Act, it helps families with relationship problems and manages the issues concerning the family and children during marriage, divorce, and separation. It may also be about the grave feelings, living arrangements, financial issues, and issues regarding children.

Family counselors are trained individuals, who help people solve emotional issues with their family and reach agreement in the case of disagreements.[3] He/she will listen to our problems and help us find effective solutions.

People should go to family counseling whenever there is a source of discontent and disharmony in family or whenever the family is faced with important issues as a unit. It can be after or before or during a marriage, separation, divorce, remarriage or death of a family member. The other scenario might be a case if any of the family members is suffering from physical or mental health problems.

Some of the signs to look for in case you need family counseling are listed below.

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  • Communication breakdown in a family
  • Withdrawal of family members from family events
  • Extreme reactions to little problems
  • Violence upon oneself or family members
  • Change of behavior
  • Substance abuse problems in family

These are telltale signs, if you find above signs, then it’s time to take family counseling.[4]

Even after a separation or divorce, family counseling is still necessary.

Whenever we separate with our partners with some irreconcilable differences, we shouldn’t forget that the separation doesn’t only affect us, they affect the children as well. Therefore, if we seek family counseling, it will help address the needs of children and provide children with the stability they need to flourish in life.

The divorce rate in USA is about 40 to 50 percent among the married couple, which is even more in their subsequent marriage. Homeless and runaway youth primarily identify family conflict as the main reason behind their decision to walk away from their family.[5] Most of these could be avoided if we were willing to see the family counsellors and work to mend our relationships.

For instance, take a case of Jacqueline Mary Ray and Tom Selleck.[6] They were the power couple of Hollywood, however, they split because Tom was obsessed with the role in the series Magnum P.I. This could have been avoided if the couple would have given family counseling a try. In many other notable cases, celebrity couple like Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard, Jessica Simpson and Eric Johnson, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West went to family counseling, which resolved their family conflict and helped them remain as a family even amidst the conflict.

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Remember when we have a conflict in the family next time that blood is thicker than the water and any conflict can be resolved with the help of family counseling.

Featured photo credit: Pexels via static.pexels.com

Reference

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Nabin Paudyal

Co-Founder, Siplikan Media Group

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Last Updated on May 7, 2019

How to Detect a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

How to Detect a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

Work in any competitive field long enough, and you’re bound to run into a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It’s a powerful image. A shepherd watches over his flock to protect them from harm. He’d chase away any predator that tried to make its way into the flock. A clever wolf wearing the skin of a sheep as a disguise can sneak by the vigilant shepherd and get into the herd undetected.

The story isn’t just a colorful description–it’s a warning to all of us to beware the wolf in sheep’s clothing. They may seem innocent, but they have ulterior motives. They’ll use different tactics to camouflage their intentions.

The person who is kind to you, but undercuts you when you aren’t around is a wolf in disguise. A wolf in sheep’s clothing might pick your brain for ideas and then pass them off as their own to get a promotion. They’re always looking out for themselves at the expense of everyone around them.

Wearing a Disguise Has Its Advantages

People don’t go out of their way to manipulate others unless they’re getting something out of it. Hiding their intentions gives wolves the chance to manipulate other people to advance their own agenda. They know that what they’re trying to do wouldn’t be popular, or it might cause struggle if they presented themselves honestly.

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    They’ll be able to do what they want with less interference if they put on an act. By the time people figure out their true motives, the wolf has what it wants.

    Signs That Someone Is a Wolf in Disguise

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        1. They live to take power instead of empowering others. A wolf uses people as stepping stones to get the things that they want. They don’t care what happens to anyone else.[1] A wolf at work might make you look bad during a presentation to make themselves look amazing in front of the boss.
        2. Wolves seem sweet on the outside, but they’ll show you their teeth. If wolves revealed their true identity, people wouldn’t associate with them. They develop a friendly or kind persona, but they can’t keep up the act 24/7. Eventually, they’ll reveal their aggressive tendencies. A wealthy person who likes to break the law may make sizable charitable donations to convince people that they are kind and thoughtful. These donations largely keep them out of trouble, but if someone calls them out, they destroy that person’s reputation to stifle the criticism.
        3. They manipulate through emotions to get what they want. Wolves know that they can get ahead by appealing to your emotions. They find out what you want and need, and they give you just enough to keep you quiet and compliant. Imagine that your boss is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and you want to ask for a vacation. She might try to play on your guilt and feelings of insecurity to get you to skip vacation or take fewer days off.
        4. A wolf will charm you first. Wolves are experts at manipulating the people around them. They appear interested in whatever you’re doing, and you’ll get the impression that they care. After they get you where they want you, they do just enough to keep you on the hook. This is the coworker who may start out being your friend, but they end up dumping responsibility onto you. When they see that you are growing frustrated, they’ll surprise you with something to charm you some more. Then, they’ll continue to do whatever they want.
        5. Their stories are full of holes.  Calling a wolf out is the surest way to make them squirm. When this person tries to come up with a story, it won’t make much sense because they are improvising.[2] The classic example of this is the significant other that you suspect has cheated on you. When you ask them why they came home so late, they’ll either become upset with you, or they’ll make up a weak explanation.

        How to Spot a Wolf

          Know What’s Real So You Can Spot the Phony

          Do some homework so that you have as much of the story as possible before you work with them. Research how they respond in certain situations, or give them hypothetical problems to see how they respond.

          A job applicant might tell you that she’s always positive and thinks of herself as a team-player. That’s what every employer wants to hear. During the interview you ask applicants to work in groups to solve a problem to see how they handle the situation. The applicant “positive team-player” is bossy and negative. You’ve spotted the wolf.

          A wolf will tell you something that ultimately benefits them. Gather evidence that proves or disproves their position, and see what happens. Chances are, when you choose the side that supports their agenda, they’ll act like your best friend. If you disagree, they’ll become aggressive.

          Spotting a potential wolf–especially if you are one of the sheep–can present you with some challenges. If your gut tells you that a wolf is lurking among all the other sheep, pay attention, and make sure you take the next step.

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          Ask Questions, the More the Better

          There’s nothing wrong with asking questions to uncover the truth. The safety of everyone in your group is at risk. Since wolves often make up stories, you may be able to call them out when their tales lack details.

          When they state an opinion, ask “Why do you think that?” or “How do you know it’s like that?” They’ll have trouble coming up with enough information to pull off the lie.

          Since wolves are always pretending to be something they aren’t, they don’t usually have a clearly thought-out reason for what they say. In a debate, they won’t understand the root of an issue.

          They may also tell you what they think you want to hear, but when pressed for more information, they won’t have anything to add. Their knowledge is superficial. No matter how much you try to encourage discussion, they will not be able to carry on a conversation about the subject.

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          Wolves Are Everywhere

          As much as we want to believe that everyone has the best intentions, it isn’t always the case. Some people only do things to benefit themselves, and they don’t care who they hurt in the process.

          Wolves in sheep’s clothing can be found in almost every setting. You can’t get rid of them, but if you can spot them, you can avoid falling into their traps.

          Reference

          [1] Association of Biblical Counselors: Three Ways to Spot a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing
          [2] Power of Positivity: Beware of a wolf in sheep’s clothing

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