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How to Negotiate When the Person You’re Talking to Is Stubborn

How to Negotiate When the Person You’re Talking to Is Stubborn

It can be very frustrating when the person you are talking to is stubborn. It can feel like they are not willing to listen to a word that you are saying, which makes you wonder why you are even bothering to make your point in the first place.

However it may be more than just stubbornness that is stopping your friend from changing their mind. According to psychologists, the more one person tries to convince someone else of something they don’t agree with, the more the other person will blindly stand their ground. [1]

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This might make it seem like it is impossible to change their mind, but that isn’t the case. In reality you can use useful negotiation tips to help the other person see your point of view, and this can be beneficial for both of you; it opens your minds up to new ideas and it makes it easier for you to understand each other.

If you want someone to see your point of view, here are four useful negotiation tactics that will help.

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Present Both Sides Of The Argument

It may seem counter intuitive to present the other person’s side of the argument as well as your own, but in reality this will make you seem more rational and reasonable. If you want to change someone’s mind about something you need to make sure that they don’t dig their heels in and start feeling defensive, which will happen if you only present your own side of the argument. They will feel like they have to defend their side, which will quickly disintegrate into a disagreement that can’t be resolved.

If you present both sides of the argument you are giving the other person a reason to try and see your point of view so that you can co-operate with each other.

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Focus On Showing Them The Whole Picture, Rather Than Trying To Prove Them Wrong

It can be tempting to prove the other person wrong as soon as you realise that you disagree with their point, but instead you show present the whole picture. Instead of focusing on the disagreement between the pair of you, focus on the underlying problem that bothers both of you. For instance, maybe your friend has a different political opinion to you, but it is likely that you both want the best for your country in all senses; economically, politically and socially.

Bring the argument around to the points that you can agree on, so that the other person knows that you both have similar interests. This will make it easier for you both to discuss your opinions with a positive mind set.

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Highlight The Negative Parts Of Your Argument

No-one likes to acknowledge that their argument is flawed, but if someone disagrees with you that means they must perceive flaws in your argument. For this reason they will find your points more credible if you highlight the negative parts of your argument. This will make you seem reasonable and rational, and it will make it seem like you have spent a lot of time thinking about both sides of the argument before settling on an opinion. You can even put a positive spin on the negative points to help them see the argument from your perspective!

Point Out That In The End It Is Their Decision

Stubborn people will feel defensive and annoyed if they think that you are forcing your opinions on them or trying to change their mind, so you should remember to take the time to point out that in the end it is their decision. You may be debating with them and providing them with useful facts, but you are not trying to shove your opinion down their throat; they are free to refuse or accept your opinions.

Reference

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Amy Johnson

Amy is a writer who blogs about relationships and lifestyle advice.

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Last Updated on February 19, 2019

Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

No one wants to suffer. As a general rule, people like to avoid hurt and pain as much as possible. As a species, humans want a painless existence so much that scientists make a living trying to create it.

People can now choose “pain-free” labor for babies, and remedies to cure back pain, headaches, body-pains and even mental pains are a dime a dozen. Beyond medicine, we also work hard to experience little pain even when it comes to loss; often times we believe a breakup won’t hurt as much if we are the ones to call it off.

But would a world without pain truly be painless? It’s unlikely. In fact, it would probably be painful exactly for that reason.

If people never experienced hurt, they wouldn’t know what it was. On the surface level, that seems like a blessing, but think for a moment: if we didn’t know pain, how would we know peace? If you don’t know you’ve hurt or been hurt, how would you know that you need to heal? Imagine someone only knowing they have an incurable cancer at the final stage because no obvious symptoms have appeared at early stages.

Without the feeling of pain, people won’t be aware of dangerous situations—what should or shouldn’t do for survival.

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Pain Is Our Guardian

Pain serves to protect human beings from harmful actions. It’s the same reason parents teach babies that fire equals hot, and that hot equals hurt. Should the baby still place its hand in a fire or on a stove, the intense pain remains so memorable, that the child is certain never to repeat that action.

In the same way, pain within human bodies can serve as a warning that something is not right. Because you know what it is to feel “well,” you know what it is to feel poorly.[1]

Along with serving as a teacher of what not to do, pain also teaches you what you are made of in terms of what you can handle as an individual.

While the cliche, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is a tired term, it’s used excessively for a reason: it’s true. Pain helps you learn to cope with life’s inevitable difficulties and sadnesses— to develop the grit it takes to push past hardships and carry on.

Whether it’s a shattering pain, like the loss of a loved one or a debilitating accident, pain affects everyone differently. But it still affects everyone. Take a breakup as an example, anyone who has experienced it knows it can hurt to the point of feeling physical. Especially the first breakup. At a young age, it feels like the loss of the only love you’ll ever know. As you grow and learn, you realize you’re more resilient with every ended relationship.

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No Pain, No Happiness

You only know happiness when you have known pain. While the idea of constant happiness sounds nice, there is little chance it would be. Without the comparison to happiness, there’s no reason to be grateful for it. That is to say, without ever knowing sadness or pain, you would have no reason to be grateful for happiness.

In reality, there is always something missing, or something unpleasant, but it is only through those realizations that you know to be grateful when you feel you have it all. Read more about why happiness and pain have to exist together: Chasing Happiness Won’t Make You Happy

In a somewhat counter-intuitive finding, researchers found one of the things that brings about the most happiness is challenge. When people are tested, they experience a greater sense of accomplishment and happiness when they are successful. It is largely for this reason that low-income individuals can often feel happier than those who have a sense of wealth.[2]

This is a great thing to remember the next time you feel you would be happier if you just had a little more cash.

Avoiding Pain Leads to More Suffering

Pain is inevitable, embrace it positively. Anyone who strives to have a painless life is striving for perfectionism; and perfectionism guarantees sadness because nothing will ever be perfect.

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This isn’t a bleak outlook, but rather a truthful one. The messy moments in life tend to create the best memories and gratitude. Pain often serves as a reminder of lessons learned, much like physical scars on the body.

Pain will always be painful, but it’s the hurt feelings that help wiser decisions be made.

Allow Room for the Inevitable

Learning how to tolerate pain, especially the emotional kind, is a valuable lesson.

Accepting and feeling pain makes you human. There is no weakness in that. Weakness only comes when you try to blame your own pain on someone else, expecting the blame to alleviate your hurting. There’s a saying,

“Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die.”

Think back to the last time you were really angry with someone. Maybe you were hurt because you got laid off from a job. You felt angry and that anger caused so much pain that you could feel it in a physical way. Being angry and blaming your ex boss for that pain didn’t affect him or her in any way; you’re the only one who lost sleep over it.

The healthier thing to do in a situation like that is acknowledge your pain and the anger along with it. Accept it and explore it in an introspective way. How can you learn and grow? What is at the root of that pain? Are you truly hurting and angry about being laid off, or is the pain more a correlation to you feeling like you failed?

While uncomfortable, exploring your pain is a way to raise your self-awareness. By understanding more about yourself, you know how to deal with similar situations in the future. You can never expect to be numb to difficult situations, but you will learn to better prepare financially for the loss of a job and be grateful for an income since you now know nothing is promised (no matter how much you work or how deserving you may feel).

Pain Hurts, but Numbness Would Be Worse

Pain does not feel good, but the bad feeling of it will help you learn and grow. It makes the sweet moments in life even sweeter and the gratitude more sincere.

To have a happier and more successful life, you don’t learn from success or accomplishment, but through pain and failures. For it is in those moments that you learn how to do better in the future or at least cope a little more easily.

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You are the strong person you are today because of the hardships this life has presented to you. While you may have felt out of control when those hard times came, the one thing you will always have control over is how you choose to react to things. The next time you hurt or you’re angry or sad, acknowledge it and allow yourself to ruminate in it. Then take a deep breath and start learning from that pain. You’ve got this!

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

[1] University of Calgary: Why is Pain Important?
[2] Greater Good Magazine: The Importance of Pain

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