Advertising
Advertising

How to Negotiate Skilfully to Get What You Want All the Time

How to Negotiate Skilfully to Get What You Want All the Time

Negotiation is often unpleasant but necessary, in business, in the workplace, and in life. Some of us dislike negotiation so much we avoid it whenever we can.

When it comes to salary negotiations, to take just one example, a Salary.com survey [1] found one-fifth of all workers don’t negotiate salary at all when given a job offer. Nearly half of those surveyed – 48 percent – said they always get nervous when it comes to salary negotiations, and a further 39 percent sometimes do. When asked why, 18 percent said they think negotiation is inherently unpleasant.

But because negotiation is necessary, it’s important to work to change those feelings of angst and learn to negotiate in a way that makes both you and your clients feel good.

Advertising

Why is Negotiation So Hard?

Why do people tend to find negotiation so difficult in the first place? Part of the reason is because it can be uncomfortable to ask for what you want. Imposter syndrome can make you feel like you don’t deserve the success you have, and if you do anything to call attention to yourself – like asking for a raise – everyone will notice that you somehow snuck into your position and don’t belong there at all.

It’s also a skill that’s not really taught, and indeed includes a combination of skills [2] that take time to learn, such as:

  • confidence
  • the ability to read other people
  • listening skills
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional control
  • communication skills
  • teamwork
  • ethics

Another problem is that we just don’t trust each other. Research by professor Karen Walch has found that, while 40 percent of people think of themselves as trustworthy [3]in a negotiation, most people think the other party in the negotiation is only out to win. Starting out from a place of mistrust can make a lot of negotiations go south.

Advertising

Why is Negotiation a Key Skill?

Negotiation comes in handy in a lot of areas of life, not just when you’re starting a new job or asking for a raise. You will negotiate with coworkers when you work on projects together, with your boss for vacation time, with clients and potential clients on specs, deadlines and project costs, among other things.

Being able to negotiate well is a key to getting what you want in a lot of situations. Learning this skill can help you gain confidence in other areas of business and life, too, because you know that you will be comfortable asking for what you need and can make your clients or business associates feel good about negotiating with you.

How to Improve Your Negotiating Skills

One aspect of better negotiation has to do with mindset. If you tend to go into negotiations thinking the other person is just out to beat you (or that you have to be in it to win it), you will be a lot more combative and less flexible, which could make the whole deal go wrong.

Advertising

Negotiation is communication and collaboration. If you can think about negotiating as a relationship instead of as people on different sides, one of whom will “win” and one will “lose,” you’ll be starting in a much better place. It might also help to think of negotiating as asking, and that you don’t have to get everything you want in order for the process to have been a success.

When it comes to negotiating in business or on behalf of your business, it may also help to think of yourself as a member and representative of a team. What you’re asking is not just for you; it will benefit everyone in the company (this also helps if asking for something makes you feel greedy).

It’s also important to understand the culture of your company when it comes to negotiation. When you’re asking for a raise it’s helpful to know how others have approached the situation. And if you are negotiating with someone else on behalf of your company, it’s good to know if people who have been in your position before have tended to be hard-driving or more laid-back.

Advertising

To find these things out you’ll have to ask, and someone else in the company who may be better at negotiating could become a mentor or coach for you as you refine your style and gain confidence.

Make sure you plan ahead for meetings, do as much research as you can, and go in with an open mind but also a clear idea of what your goals are and you’ll be able to negotiate more strongly and have happier clients, too.

Reference

More by this author

Sarah White

Freelance Writer, Editor, Professional Crafter

Hobbies are Good for You: How to Find One That Fits Your Personality You’re Paid to Work, Not to Endure Verbal Abuse. Don’t Be Intimidated How to Make People Read Your Emails (and Letters) and Reply Every Time How To Get Rid Of Oily Skin: 10 Effective DIY Facial Mask Ideas How to Negotiate Skilfully to Get What You Want All the Time

Trending in Psychology

1 How to Be Happy: Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You Unhappy 2 The Desire to Be Liked Will End You up Feeling More Rejected 3 Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering 4 How to Increase Your Self Awareness to Be Much More Successful 5 How to Do Meditation at Home to Calm Your Anxious Mind

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on April 1, 2019

How to Be Happy: Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You Unhappy

How to Be Happy: Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You Unhappy

When we talk about happiness, we often think about staying happy all the time – every single day, every single minute with zero negativity. Many try to pursue this constant state of “happiness” as their ultimate goal, and avoid anything that may take it away from them.

But, what is the meaning of this type of “happiness”?

It’s a lot like your favorite food. The more often you have it isn’t always better. On the contrary, when you only have a chance to eat it sparingly, that’s when you really savor every bite. So is it the food itself that makes you happy, or is it how valuable it is to you when you are eating it?

Always remember that only by experiencing sadness do we understand what it is to be happy.

Advertising

Video Summary

Don’t Assume Others Are Always Happy

Most people see those who have seemingly perfect lives and assume they are happy all the time. Since childhood, we are conditioned to chase the idea of “happily-ever-after” that we see in fairytales. On social media, everyone tends to share only the best looking aspects of their lives. So, it’s very easy to have a distorted view of what “happiness” is around us.

In reality, there is always something missing, something lacking, or something unpleasant.

No one has a perfect life. Even the most glamorous celebrities or the richest billionaires have their own set of challenges and problems.

When we feel negative, we’re only focusing on a small fluctuating curve. As CEO of Lifehack, I’ve had to deal with countless problems, and some of them felt like real setbacks at the time. During those moments, it really seemed like these problems would be the life or death of my company and my life goals. But, I got through them; and, weeks, months and eventually years passed with many more ups and downs.

Advertising

You need to keep your sights on the extended curve.  Looking back now, a lot of those “really big” problems at the time now seem like only small blips in a long line of experiences. Recalling them in my mind now makes me smile!

Stop Trying to Be Happy–Just Be

It’s natural to want to be happy as often as possible.

So what can we do?

First, throw away the belief that a perfect life means happiness. Personally, I would be miserable if everything was perfect. It’s through experiencing the pains of lifelong challenges that drives us to care for others when they are experiencing similar trials. If life was perfect, you wouldn’t be able to empathize. If life was perfect, you wouldn’t grow.

Advertising

To be truly happy, stop chasing permanent happiness.

It sounds like a paradox. But, what I mean is to accept that there will be ups and downs throughout life. Gracefully understand that happiness is a fluctuation of positive and negative events.

Understand the importance of gratitude. Instead of focusing on the unpleasant moment, flash back your memory to when you didn’t have something. I like to think about my career, for example. When I didn’t have a career I was passionate about, I felt lost and demotivated. I felt like everyone was figuring out their lives but me. But, when I found my purpose and started Lifehack, I was deeply happy, even before I realized I would be successful! This memory keeps me going when I hit tough spots. It takes the darkness to make us grateful for the light.

Happiness and Sadness Exist Together

What it all comes down to is this: your life will be filled with beautiful, happy and incredible moments–happy tears and joyous shouts and funny stories. But, your life will also be filled with rain and storms that never seem like they will pass while you’re going through them.

Advertising

But, whether your face is warmed by the sunshine, or your heart is dampened by the rain, know that it’s all part of the ebb and flow of life.

Treasure the happy moments and power through the sad ones. Don’t try to avoid “sad” or “negative” experiences, and blindly chase being “happy”. In the end you will achieve a true level of contentment in your life, based on meaningful experiences and achievements. Being able to create growth and meaning out of both positive and negative events — that is the true meaning of “happiness”.

Read Next