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Life Wisdom: You Don’t Get What You Deserve, You Get What You Negotiate

Life Wisdom: You Don’t Get What You Deserve, You Get What You Negotiate

There seems to be an emphasis on the value of technical knowledge or skill in today’s world. It could be assumed that only the most talented end up with what they want whether it’s a job promotion or the power to choose the type of work they want to do. After all, hard work and dedication is what leads to the best jobs, right? Although that is mostly true, there are outliers who manage to always get their way and do so easily. You know the type. He’s not particularly talented but somehow appears to have it the easiest. Chances are, this person has learned the art of negotiation.

What Makes Good Negotiation?

“In business, you don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate.” – Chester L. Karrass

What exactly is “negotiation”? Simply put, it is the process of coming to an agreement when two parties have differences. A successful negotiation occurs when both parties gain a mutual benefit. Good negotiators are able to get what’s best for themselves without damaging the other party.

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A classic example of great negotiation comes from studying how Mahatma Gandhi negotiated the independence of India from British rule in 1947. Through a combination of style, meticulous planning, patience, compromise, and execution, Gandhi was able to negotiate a successful independence from Britain without lifting a single weapon. It remains one of the most successful negotiations in political history.

The Art of Negotiation

Usually neither party has an advantage initially, but by keeping the following tips in mind you will be well on your way to a successful negotiation.

1) Listen.

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It’s so simple which is why it’s amazing how so many people mess this up. Don’t just listen to the words. Successful negotiators go beyond that by putting themselves in the other party’s shoes and understanding what he or she wants so that they can meet in the middle. Listening bridges the gap and makes the other side feel respected.

If you are negotiating with your boss for a pay raise, ask him specifically how you can do things differently to make his life easier. If you show him that you can deliver, then you will be in a much better position to negotiate a salary boost.

2) Make sure everyone walks away happy.

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What’s the point of negotiating if it is just for the benefit of one party? Both parties are there because they both want to win. If you accomplish a win-win outcome, you will be more likely to succeed in the future as other people will be more open to negotiating with you, knowing that you are reasonable.

Let’s say you are negotiating with your son who wants to eat chocolate after school before he finishes his homework. You want the work done and he wants chocolate. If you negotiate an agreement where he can have chocolate after his homework is done, then both parties win. He still gets to eat his chocolate and you got him to do his homework without yelling.

3) What do you have in common?

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It’s always better to focus on what you and the person you are negotiating with have in common rather than focusing on differences. Negotiation can be contentious, but it doesn’t have to be stressful. For example, if you are negotiating for a lower price on an old board game at a garage sale, a good approach would be to strike a conversation with the owner by asking him which is his favorite. By building up that rapport through your common love of board games, you will be more likely to get a reduced price.

Successful negotiation is a highly desirable skill that can be learned. With good negotiating skills, you will be able to help others get what they want while also achieving your own goals and desires.

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Joseph Chan

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on February 11, 2021

20 Amazing Facts About Dreams that You Might Not Know About

20 Amazing Facts About Dreams that You Might Not Know About

Dreams — Mysterious, bewildering, eye-opening and sometimes a nightmarish living hell. Dreams are all that and much more.

Here are 20 amazing facts about dreams that you might have never heard about:

Fact #1: You can’t read while dreaming, or tell the time

    If you are unsure whether you are dreaming or not, try reading something. The vast majority of people are incapable of reading in their dreams.

    The same goes for clocks: each time you look at a clock it will tell a different time and the hands on the clock won’t appear to be moving as reported by lucid dreamers.

    Fact #2: Lucid dreaming

    There is a whole subculture of people practicing what is called lucid or conscious dreaming. Using various techniques, these people have supposedly learned to assume control of their dreams and do amazing things like flying, passing through walls, and traveling to different dimensions or even back in time.

    Want to learn how to control your dreams? You can try these tips:

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    Lucid Dreaming: This Is How You Can Control Your Dreams

    Fact #3: Inventions inspired by dreams

    Dreams are responsible for many of the greatest inventions of mankind. A few examples include:

    • The idea for Google -Larry Page
    • Alternating current generator -Tesla
    • DNA’s double helix spiral form -James Watson
    • The sewing machine -Elias Howe
    • Periodic table -Dimitri Mendeleyev

    …and many, many more.

    Fact #4: Premonition dreams

    There are some astounding cases where people actually dreamt about things which happened to them later, in the exact same ways they dreamed about.

    You could say they got a glimpse of the future, or it might have just been coincidence. The fact remains that this is some seriously interesting and bizarre phenomena. Some of the most famous premonition dreams include:

    • Abraham Lincoln dreamt of His Assassination
    • Many of the victims of 9/11 had dreams warning them about the catastrophe
    • Mark Twain’s dream of his brother’s demise
    • 19 verified precognitive dreams about the Titanic catastrophe

    Fact #5: Sleep paralysis

    Hell is real and it is called sleep paralysis. It’s the stuff of true nightmares. I’ve been a sleep paralysis sufferer as a kid and I can attest to how truly horrible it is.

    Two characteristics of sleep paralysis are the inability to move (hence paralysis) and a sense of an extremely evil presence in the room with you. It doesn’t feel like a dream, but 100% real. Studies show that during an attack, sleep paralysis sufferers show an overwhelming amygdala activity. The amygdala is responsible for the “fight or flight” instinct and the emotions of fear, terror and anxiety. Enough said!

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    Fact #6: REM sleep disorder

    In the state of REM (rapid-eye-movement) stage of your sleep your body is normally paralyzed. In rare cases, however, people act out their dreams. These have resulted in broken arms, legs, broken furniture, and in at least one reported case, a house burnt down.

    Fact #7: Sexual dreams

    The very scientifically-named “nocturnal penile tumescence” is a very well documented phenomena. In laymen’s term, it simply means that you get a stiffy while you sleep. Actually, studies indicate that men get up to 20 erections per dream.

    Fact #8: Unbelievable sleepwalkers

      Sleepwalking is a very rare and potentially dangerous sleep disorder. It is an extreme form of REM sleep disorder, and these people don’t just act out their dreams, but go on real adventures at night.

      Lee Hadwin is a nurse by profession, but in his dreams he is an artist. Literally. He “sleepdraws” gorgeous portraits, of which he has no recollection afterwards. Strange sleepwalking “adventures” include:

      • A woman having sex with strangers while sleepwalking
      • A man who drove 22 miles and killed his cousin while sleepwalking
      • A sleepwalker who walked out of the window from the third floor, and barely survived

      Fact #9: Dream drug

      There are actually people who like dreaming and dreams so much that they never want to wake up. They want to continue on dreaming even during the day, so they take an illegal and extremely potent hallucinogenic drug called Dimethyltryptamine. It is actually only an isolated and synthetic form of the chemical our brains produce naturally during dreaming.

      Fact #10 Dream-catcher

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        The dream-catcher is one of the most well-known Native American symbols. It is a loose web or webs woven around a hoop and decorated with sacred objects meant to protect against nightmares.

        Fact #11: Increased brain activity

        You would associate sleeping with peace and quiet, but actually our brains are more active during sleep than during the day.

        Fact #12: Creativity and dreams

        As we mentioned before, dreams are responsible for inventions, great artworks and are generally just incredibly interesting. They are also “recharging” our creativity.

        Scientists also say that keeping a dream diary helps with creativity.

        In rare cases of REM disorder, people actually don’t dream at all. These people suffer from significantly decreased creativity and perform badly at tasks requiring creative problem solving.

        Fact #13: Pets dream too

          Our animal companions dream as well. Watch a dog or a cat sleep and you can see that they are moving their paws and making noises like they were chasing something. Go get ’em buddy!

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          Fact #14: You always dream—you just don’t remember it

          Many people claim that they don’t dream at all, but that’s not true: we all dream, but up to 60% of people don’t remember their dreams at all.

          Fact #15: Blind people dream too

          Blind people who were not born blind see images in their dreams but people who were born blind don’t see anything at all. They still dream, and their dreams are just as intense and interesting, but they involve the other senses beside sight.

          Fact #16: In your dreams, you only see faces that you already know

            It is proven that in dreams, we can only see faces that we have seen in real life before. So beware: that scary-looking old lady next to you on the bus might as well be in your next nightmare.

            Fact #17: Dreams tend to be negative

            Surprisingly, dreams are more often negative than positive. The three most widely reported emotions felt during dreaming are anger, sadness and fear.

            Fact #18: Multiple dreams per night

            You can have up to seven different dreams per night depending on how many REM cycles you have. We only dream during the REM period of sleep, and the average person dreams one to two hours every night.

            Fact #19: Gender differences

            Interestingly, 70% of all the characters in a man’s dream are other men, but women’s dream contain an equal amount of women and men. Also men’s dreams contain a lot more aggression. Both women and men dream about sexual themes equally often.

            Fact #20: Not everyone dreams in color

            As much as 12% of people only dream in black and white.

            Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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