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Life Wisdom: You Don’t Get What You Deserve, You Get What You Negotiate

Life Wisdom: You Don’t Get What You Deserve, You Get What You Negotiate

There seems to be an emphasis on the value of technical knowledge or skill in today’s world. It could be assumed that only the most talented end up with what they want whether it’s a job promotion or the power to choose the type of work they want to do. After all, hard work and dedication is what leads to the best jobs, right? Although that is mostly true, there are outliers who manage to always get their way and do so easily. You know the type. He’s not particularly talented but somehow appears to have it the easiest. Chances are, this person has learned the art of negotiation.

What Makes Good Negotiation?

“In business, you don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate.” – Chester L. Karrass

What exactly is “negotiation”? Simply put, it is the process of coming to an agreement when two parties have differences. A successful negotiation occurs when both parties gain a mutual benefit. Good negotiators are able to get what’s best for themselves without damaging the other party.

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A classic example of great negotiation comes from studying how Mahatma Gandhi negotiated the independence of India from British rule in 1947. Through a combination of style, meticulous planning, patience, compromise, and execution, Gandhi was able to negotiate a successful independence from Britain without lifting a single weapon. It remains one of the most successful negotiations in political history.

The Art of Negotiation

Usually neither party has an advantage initially, but by keeping the following tips in mind you will be well on your way to a successful negotiation.

1) Listen.

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It’s so simple which is why it’s amazing how so many people mess this up. Don’t just listen to the words. Successful negotiators go beyond that by putting themselves in the other party’s shoes and understanding what he or she wants so that they can meet in the middle. Listening bridges the gap and makes the other side feel respected.

If you are negotiating with your boss for a pay raise, ask him specifically how you can do things differently to make his life easier. If you show him that you can deliver, then you will be in a much better position to negotiate a salary boost.

2) Make sure everyone walks away happy.

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What’s the point of negotiating if it is just for the benefit of one party? Both parties are there because they both want to win. If you accomplish a win-win outcome, you will be more likely to succeed in the future as other people will be more open to negotiating with you, knowing that you are reasonable.

Let’s say you are negotiating with your son who wants to eat chocolate after school before he finishes his homework. You want the work done and he wants chocolate. If you negotiate an agreement where he can have chocolate after his homework is done, then both parties win. He still gets to eat his chocolate and you got him to do his homework without yelling.

3) What do you have in common?

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It’s always better to focus on what you and the person you are negotiating with have in common rather than focusing on differences. Negotiation can be contentious, but it doesn’t have to be stressful. For example, if you are negotiating for a lower price on an old board game at a garage sale, a good approach would be to strike a conversation with the owner by asking him which is his favorite. By building up that rapport through your common love of board games, you will be more likely to get a reduced price.

Successful negotiation is a highly desirable skill that can be learned. With good negotiating skills, you will be able to help others get what they want while also achieving your own goals and desires.

More by this author

Joseph Chan

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on May 7, 2019

How to Detect a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

How to Detect a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

Work in any competitive field long enough, and you’re bound to run into a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It’s a powerful image. A shepherd watches over his flock to protect them from harm. He’d chase away any predator that tried to make its way into the flock. A clever wolf wearing the skin of a sheep as a disguise can sneak by the vigilant shepherd and get into the herd undetected.

The story isn’t just a colorful description–it’s a warning to all of us to beware the wolf in sheep’s clothing. They may seem innocent, but they have ulterior motives. They’ll use different tactics to camouflage their intentions.

The person who is kind to you, but undercuts you when you aren’t around is a wolf in disguise. A wolf in sheep’s clothing might pick your brain for ideas and then pass them off as their own to get a promotion. They’re always looking out for themselves at the expense of everyone around them.

Wearing a Disguise Has Its Advantages

People don’t go out of their way to manipulate others unless they’re getting something out of it. Hiding their intentions gives wolves the chance to manipulate other people to advance their own agenda. They know that what they’re trying to do wouldn’t be popular, or it might cause struggle if they presented themselves honestly.

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    They’ll be able to do what they want with less interference if they put on an act. By the time people figure out their true motives, the wolf has what it wants.

    Signs That Someone Is a Wolf in Disguise

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        1. They live to take power instead of empowering others. A wolf uses people as stepping stones to get the things that they want. They don’t care what happens to anyone else.[1] A wolf at work might make you look bad during a presentation to make themselves look amazing in front of the boss.
        2. Wolves seem sweet on the outside, but they’ll show you their teeth. If wolves revealed their true identity, people wouldn’t associate with them. They develop a friendly or kind persona, but they can’t keep up the act 24/7. Eventually, they’ll reveal their aggressive tendencies. A wealthy person who likes to break the law may make sizable charitable donations to convince people that they are kind and thoughtful. These donations largely keep them out of trouble, but if someone calls them out, they destroy that person’s reputation to stifle the criticism.
        3. They manipulate through emotions to get what they want. Wolves know that they can get ahead by appealing to your emotions. They find out what you want and need, and they give you just enough to keep you quiet and compliant. Imagine that your boss is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and you want to ask for a vacation. She might try to play on your guilt and feelings of insecurity to get you to skip vacation or take fewer days off.
        4. A wolf will charm you first. Wolves are experts at manipulating the people around them. They appear interested in whatever you’re doing, and you’ll get the impression that they care. After they get you where they want you, they do just enough to keep you on the hook. This is the coworker who may start out being your friend, but they end up dumping responsibility onto you. When they see that you are growing frustrated, they’ll surprise you with something to charm you some more. Then, they’ll continue to do whatever they want.
        5. Their stories are full of holes.  Calling a wolf out is the surest way to make them squirm. When this person tries to come up with a story, it won’t make much sense because they are improvising.[2] The classic example of this is the significant other that you suspect has cheated on you. When you ask them why they came home so late, they’ll either become upset with you, or they’ll make up a weak explanation.

        How to Spot a Wolf

          Know What’s Real So You Can Spot the Phony

          Do some homework so that you have as much of the story as possible before you work with them. Research how they respond in certain situations, or give them hypothetical problems to see how they respond.

          A job applicant might tell you that she’s always positive and thinks of herself as a team-player. That’s what every employer wants to hear. During the interview you ask applicants to work in groups to solve a problem to see how they handle the situation. The applicant “positive team-player” is bossy and negative. You’ve spotted the wolf.

          A wolf will tell you something that ultimately benefits them. Gather evidence that proves or disproves their position, and see what happens. Chances are, when you choose the side that supports their agenda, they’ll act like your best friend. If you disagree, they’ll become aggressive.

          Spotting a potential wolf–especially if you are one of the sheep–can present you with some challenges. If your gut tells you that a wolf is lurking among all the other sheep, pay attention, and make sure you take the next step.

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          Ask Questions, the More the Better

          There’s nothing wrong with asking questions to uncover the truth. The safety of everyone in your group is at risk. Since wolves often make up stories, you may be able to call them out when their tales lack details.

          When they state an opinion, ask “Why do you think that?” or “How do you know it’s like that?” They’ll have trouble coming up with enough information to pull off the lie.

          Since wolves are always pretending to be something they aren’t, they don’t usually have a clearly thought-out reason for what they say. In a debate, they won’t understand the root of an issue.

          They may also tell you what they think you want to hear, but when pressed for more information, they won’t have anything to add. Their knowledge is superficial. No matter how much you try to encourage discussion, they will not be able to carry on a conversation about the subject.

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          Wolves Are Everywhere

          As much as we want to believe that everyone has the best intentions, it isn’t always the case. Some people only do things to benefit themselves, and they don’t care who they hurt in the process.

          Wolves in sheep’s clothing can be found in almost every setting. You can’t get rid of them, but if you can spot them, you can avoid falling into their traps.

          Reference

          [1] Association of Biblical Counselors: Three Ways to Spot a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing
          [2] Power of Positivity: Beware of a wolf in sheep’s clothing

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