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The Earlier a Child Starts to Lie, the Smarter They Are

The Earlier a Child Starts to Lie, the Smarter They Are

Lying is bad, and you shouldn’t do it. Right?

It turns out that lying may not actually be as bad as people believe. In our society lying is frowned up, and many people believe that liars are untrustworthy, self-serving people who try to take advantage of the other people around them.

While this can be true sometimes, it isn’t always the case. Of course no-one likes the idea of being lied to, especially if the liar is their partner or friend, but it turns out that liars aren’t necessarily bad people. In fact, they may be smarter and more successful than the people who lie less frequently!

Here is everything you need to know about lying.

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Lying May Be A Sign Of Success

Most parents hate the idea of their child lying to them, but recent research has found that it could be an indicator of success [1]. The research, which was completed at the Institute of Child Study at the University of Toronto, has found that children who can lie effectively may be more successful in later life.

It can be tempting to think that all lies are bad, but when children lie it is an indicator of intelligence. This is because intelligence is required to work out if you should lie or not, so the earlier a child starts to lie, the smarter they are!

Lying also helps children to develop an executive function in their brain, which gives them the ability to know the truth but to keep it in their mind so they can solve the problem in another way.

The study director Dr. Kang Lee said that lying in children could mean that they will one day grow up to be bankers or politicians. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should try to raise a liar, but it is important to be aware that lying isn’t always a bad thing – especially when children do it.

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Lies Are A Normal Part Of Society

Do you think that you are a liar? Most people like to imagine that they are honest and fair, but Bella De Paulo, a PhD professor from the University of Virginia, believes that no-one can go three weeks without lying. [2]

That’s right; no-one! Every year the professor challenges her students to go three weeks without lying, and every year they always fail. But why is this?

DePaulo told Psychology Today that; “Everyday lies are really part of the fabric of social life.” While some lies are self-serving and manipulative, most lies just help to smooth over awkward or unpleasant situations, or they help protect the egos of your loved ones.

Can You Go Three Weeks Without Lying?

It seems that lying is a normal part of society, but it is important to distinguish the difference between different lies. While a little white lie can actually benefit your relationships, choosing to manipulate others for your own gain is something that should generally be avoided.

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However, new research from Ben-Gurion University of the Negev has found that people will often make self-serving decisions in ambiguous situations. [3]

For example, people are more likely to lie and alter numbers if it means that they will be paid more. In one experiment the researchers asked participants to watch a computer screen as it shows the rolls of six different dice. With each role the participants were asked to report the number of the dice that fell closest to a target on the screen. The participants were also told that they would be paid for the number, and the number the number the higher the pay out.

The researchers found that participants were likely to tell small lies to benefit themselves. For instance, many participants reported the wrong dice with a higher number to increase their pay out. This may seem devious, but most people don’t actually view this behaviour as cheating (when they are doing it themselves). This is because the ambiguousness of the situation allows the person to validate their behaviour.

Shaul Shalvi, the study co-author, said; “People will bend the rules to the extent that they can maintain an honest self-view.”

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“The more ambiguous the situation, the more likely people are to view the facts in a way that will serve their self-interest.”

This indicates that lying is an avoidable part of society, and it isn’t all bad. Lying in children is often an indicator of future success, and many adults tell small lies to further their personal success – especially if they are in an ambiguous situation. Of course, everyone should avoid pathological lying!

Reference

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Amy Johnson

Amy is a writer who blogs about relationships and lifestyle advice.

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Last Updated on February 19, 2019

Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

No one wants to suffer. As a general rule, people like to avoid hurt and pain as much as possible. As a species, humans want a painless existence so much that scientists make a living trying to create it.

People can now choose “pain-free” labor for babies, and remedies to cure back pain, headaches, body-pains and even mental pains are a dime a dozen. Beyond medicine, we also work hard to experience little pain even when it comes to loss; often times we believe a breakup won’t hurt as much if we are the ones to call it off.

But would a world without pain truly be painless? It’s unlikely. In fact, it would probably be painful exactly for that reason.

If people never experienced hurt, they wouldn’t know what it was. On the surface level, that seems like a blessing, but think for a moment: if we didn’t know pain, how would we know peace? If you don’t know you’ve hurt or been hurt, how would you know that you need to heal? Imagine someone only knowing they have an incurable cancer at the final stage because no obvious symptoms have appeared at early stages.

Without the feeling of pain, people won’t be aware of dangerous situations—what should or shouldn’t do for survival.

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Pain Is Our Guardian

Pain serves to protect human beings from harmful actions. It’s the same reason parents teach babies that fire equals hot, and that hot equals hurt. Should the baby still place its hand in a fire or on a stove, the intense pain remains so memorable, that the child is certain never to repeat that action.

In the same way, pain within human bodies can serve as a warning that something is not right. Because you know what it is to feel “well,” you know what it is to feel poorly.[1]

Along with serving as a teacher of what not to do, pain also teaches you what you are made of in terms of what you can handle as an individual.

While the cliche, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is a tired term, it’s used excessively for a reason: it’s true. Pain helps you learn to cope with life’s inevitable difficulties and sadnesses— to develop the grit it takes to push past hardships and carry on.

Whether it’s a shattering pain, like the loss of a loved one or a debilitating accident, pain affects everyone differently. But it still affects everyone. Take a breakup as an example, anyone who has experienced it knows it can hurt to the point of feeling physical. Especially the first breakup. At a young age, it feels like the loss of the only love you’ll ever know. As you grow and learn, you realize you’re more resilient with every ended relationship.

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No Pain, No Happiness

You only know happiness when you have known pain. While the idea of constant happiness sounds nice, there is little chance it would be. Without the comparison to happiness, there’s no reason to be grateful for it. That is to say, without ever knowing sadness or pain, you would have no reason to be grateful for happiness.

In reality, there is always something missing, or something unpleasant, but it is only through those realizations that you know to be grateful when you feel you have it all. Read more about why happiness and pain have to exist together: Chasing Happiness Won’t Make You Happy

In a somewhat counter-intuitive finding, researchers found one of the things that brings about the most happiness is challenge. When people are tested, they experience a greater sense of accomplishment and happiness when they are successful. It is largely for this reason that low-income individuals can often feel happier than those who have a sense of wealth.[2]

This is a great thing to remember the next time you feel you would be happier if you just had a little more cash.

Avoiding Pain Leads to More Suffering

Pain is inevitable, embrace it positively. Anyone who strives to have a painless life is striving for perfectionism; and perfectionism guarantees sadness because nothing will ever be perfect.

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This isn’t a bleak outlook, but rather a truthful one. The messy moments in life tend to create the best memories and gratitude. Pain often serves as a reminder of lessons learned, much like physical scars on the body.

Pain will always be painful, but it’s the hurt feelings that help wiser decisions be made.

Allow Room for the Inevitable

Learning how to tolerate pain, especially the emotional kind, is a valuable lesson.

Accepting and feeling pain makes you human. There is no weakness in that. Weakness only comes when you try to blame your own pain on someone else, expecting the blame to alleviate your hurting. There’s a saying,

“Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die.”

Think back to the last time you were really angry with someone. Maybe you were hurt because you got laid off from a job. You felt angry and that anger caused so much pain that you could feel it in a physical way. Being angry and blaming your ex boss for that pain didn’t affect him or her in any way; you’re the only one who lost sleep over it.

The healthier thing to do in a situation like that is acknowledge your pain and the anger along with it. Accept it and explore it in an introspective way. How can you learn and grow? What is at the root of that pain? Are you truly hurting and angry about being laid off, or is the pain more a correlation to you feeling like you failed?

While uncomfortable, exploring your pain is a way to raise your self-awareness. By understanding more about yourself, you know how to deal with similar situations in the future. You can never expect to be numb to difficult situations, but you will learn to better prepare financially for the loss of a job and be grateful for an income since you now know nothing is promised (no matter how much you work or how deserving you may feel).

Pain Hurts, but Numbness Would Be Worse

Pain does not feel good, but the bad feeling of it will help you learn and grow. It makes the sweet moments in life even sweeter and the gratitude more sincere.

To have a happier and more successful life, you don’t learn from success or accomplishment, but through pain and failures. For it is in those moments that you learn how to do better in the future or at least cope a little more easily.

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You are the strong person you are today because of the hardships this life has presented to you. While you may have felt out of control when those hard times came, the one thing you will always have control over is how you choose to react to things. The next time you hurt or you’re angry or sad, acknowledge it and allow yourself to ruminate in it. Then take a deep breath and start learning from that pain. You’ve got this!

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

[1] University of Calgary: Why is Pain Important?
[2] Greater Good Magazine: The Importance of Pain

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