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The Earlier a Child Starts to Lie, the Smarter They Are

The Earlier a Child Starts to Lie, the Smarter They Are

Lying is bad, and you shouldn’t do it. Right?

It turns out that lying may not actually be as bad as people believe. In our society lying is frowned up, and many people believe that liars are untrustworthy, self-serving people who try to take advantage of the other people around them.

While this can be true sometimes, it isn’t always the case. Of course no-one likes the idea of being lied to, especially if the liar is their partner or friend, but it turns out that liars aren’t necessarily bad people. In fact, they may be smarter and more successful than the people who lie less frequently!

Here is everything you need to know about lying.

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Lying May Be A Sign Of Success

Most parents hate the idea of their child lying to them, but recent research has found that it could be an indicator of success [1]. The research, which was completed at the Institute of Child Study at the University of Toronto, has found that children who can lie effectively may be more successful in later life.

It can be tempting to think that all lies are bad, but when children lie it is an indicator of intelligence. This is because intelligence is required to work out if you should lie or not, so the earlier a child starts to lie, the smarter they are!

Lying also helps children to develop an executive function in their brain, which gives them the ability to know the truth but to keep it in their mind so they can solve the problem in another way.

The study director Dr. Kang Lee said that lying in children could mean that they will one day grow up to be bankers or politicians. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should try to raise a liar, but it is important to be aware that lying isn’t always a bad thing – especially when children do it.

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Lies Are A Normal Part Of Society

Do you think that you are a liar? Most people like to imagine that they are honest and fair, but Bella De Paulo, a PhD professor from the University of Virginia, believes that no-one can go three weeks without lying. [2]

That’s right; no-one! Every year the professor challenges her students to go three weeks without lying, and every year they always fail. But why is this?

DePaulo told Psychology Today that; “Everyday lies are really part of the fabric of social life.” While some lies are self-serving and manipulative, most lies just help to smooth over awkward or unpleasant situations, or they help protect the egos of your loved ones.

Can You Go Three Weeks Without Lying?

It seems that lying is a normal part of society, but it is important to distinguish the difference between different lies. While a little white lie can actually benefit your relationships, choosing to manipulate others for your own gain is something that should generally be avoided.

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However, new research from Ben-Gurion University of the Negev has found that people will often make self-serving decisions in ambiguous situations. [3]

For example, people are more likely to lie and alter numbers if it means that they will be paid more. In one experiment the researchers asked participants to watch a computer screen as it shows the rolls of six different dice. With each role the participants were asked to report the number of the dice that fell closest to a target on the screen. The participants were also told that they would be paid for the number, and the number the number the higher the pay out.

The researchers found that participants were likely to tell small lies to benefit themselves. For instance, many participants reported the wrong dice with a higher number to increase their pay out. This may seem devious, but most people don’t actually view this behaviour as cheating (when they are doing it themselves). This is because the ambiguousness of the situation allows the person to validate their behaviour.

Shaul Shalvi, the study co-author, said; “People will bend the rules to the extent that they can maintain an honest self-view.”

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“The more ambiguous the situation, the more likely people are to view the facts in a way that will serve their self-interest.”

This indicates that lying is an avoidable part of society, and it isn’t all bad. Lying in children is often an indicator of future success, and many adults tell small lies to further their personal success – especially if they are in an ambiguous situation. Of course, everyone should avoid pathological lying!

Reference

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Amy Johnson

Freelance writer, editor and social media manager.

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Last Updated on August 16, 2018

Narcissistic Personality: What Is It and How to Deal with a Narcissist?

Narcissistic Personality: What Is It and How to Deal with a Narcissist?

He asks you for your opinion, but only follows his own advice regardless of what you say.She loves to talk about herself, everything about her is just better than you.  When you try to share anything happy about yourself, she seriously doubts it.

If you know someone who acts like these examples, there’s a chance they might be a narcissist.

What is a narcissistic personality?

Narcissism is a spectrum personality disorder which most of us have.

In popular culture, narcissism is interpreted as a person who’s in love with themselves, more accurately, their idealized selves. Narcissists believe that they are too unique to be understood and that they are so good that they demand for admiration from others.

Psychologist Stephen Johnson writes that,[1]

the narcissist is someone who has buried his true self-expression in response to early injuries and replaced it with a highly developed, compensatory false self.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) describes narcissistic personality as a personality disorder. It is a spectrum disorder, which means it exists on a continuum ranging from some narcissistic traits to the full-blown personality disorder.[2]

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is not very common, but the truth is, we all have some of the narcissistic traits.

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Traits of a narcissist:

  • They have a deep need for admiration and validation. They think they’re special and too unique to be understood.
  • They feel they are superior to other. They achieve more and know a lot more than you.
  • They do not show their vulnerabilities. They fear what others think of them and they want to remain superior in all situations.
  • They are unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others. They want to be the centre of attention and believe that showing emotions is a sign of weakness.
  • They are skilled manipulators and are emotionally abusive. They know how to make use of their charm to take advantage of others to get what they want.

How are narcissists different from others?

Narcissism expert and the author of Narcissism in a Nutshell, Zari Ballard, tried to answer some common questions asked by non-narcissists about what a narcissist thinks and feels from a narcissist’s perspective.[3]

Do narcissists know they are narcissists and are they happy?

We could really care less about how others feel. We enjoy our so called cold existence. True narcissists don’t want to change. We feel in total control of our lives using this method.

Do narcissists know or understand right from wrong?

Narcissists know the difference between right and wrong because they understand cause and effect. There is no “guilty conscience” giving them a clue and they are displaying the symptom of being “indifferent to social norms” while most likely presenting as ‘cold-hearted.’

Narcissists have a very different thinking mechanism. They see things from a different perspective. Unlike non-narcissists and empaths, they don’t have much sympathy and are reluctant to show emotions to others.

Why do people become narcissists?

1. Narcissism is vulnerability taken to an extreme.

The root of a narcissistic personality is a strong resistance to feeling vulnerable with anyone.[4]

Narcissists refuse to put themselves in a position where they feel vulnerable. They fear that others will take advantage of their weaknesses, so they learn to camouflage their weaknesses by acting strong and powerful. The think showing emotions to others is a sign of weakness, so they learn to hide their emotions and act cold-hearted most of the times.

Narcissists live in a state of anxiety because they are highly aware of their emotions and how others think of them.

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Vulnerability aversion, is the root of a narcissistic personality.

2. A narcissistic personality could be a result of a wounded past.

Narcissists are desperate to seek validation constantly because they either didn’t feel worthwhile and valued in the past, or were being paid too much attention as the most precious and unique one in the world.

Faulty or inadequate parenting, for example a lack of limit setting, is believed to be a major cause, and both permissive and authoritarian styles of parenting have been found to promote narcissistic symptoms.[5]

Both parents who fail to see the worth in a child, and parents who spoil and give excessive praise to the child promote narcissism as the child grows. While the former ones make the child feel inferior of others and want to get more attention, the latter ones encourage an idealized-self in the child.

How to deal with a narcissist?

1. If someone close to you is a narcissist, embrace the differences.

There’re different personality types and not everyone will think and act the same as you do. Instead of trying to change others, learn to accept the differences and strike a balance when you really have to communicate with them.

2. Don’t try to change them, focus on your own needs.

Try to understand that narcissists are resistant to change, it’s more important for you to see who they really are, instead of who you want them to be. Focus on how you feel, and what you want yourself to be.

Embrace the fact that there’re different types of personality and the only thing you can control is your attitude and your own actions.

3. Recognize what they do only comes from their insecurity.

Narcissists are quite vulnerable deep inside, they question others because that’s how they can make themselves feel better.

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When you learn that what a narcissist does to you is nothing personal, but something that comes from their insecurity, you know that sometimes they just need a certain amount of reassurance.

This is especially important if the narcissist is someone you have to closely work with, or if they’re your family member. The right amount of reassurance can calm them down and get the tasks on hand completed.

4. Ask them what would others think instead of what’d others feel.[6]

Narcissists don’t feel guilty, but they care about how others think of them deep in their heart.

Clinical psychologist Al Bernstein explains:

There are just things, like other people’s feelings, that narcissists rarely consider. If you have their ear, don’t tell them how people might react; instead, ask probing questions. Narcissists are much more likely to act on ideas that they think they thought up themselves.

If you have to work with a narcissist closely, focus on the facts and ideas, not the emotions.

5. Let go of the need of getting a narcissist’s approval.

You’re not who a narcissist says you are. Don’t let their blame game undermine your self-esteem, and don’t argue with them just to defend what you believe is right.

There is no point arguing with a narcissist just to prove them wrong because they will not give in proving themselves right. It’s more likely that you’ll get more upset when they disagree with you in an unpleasant way.

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Know your own worth and detach from a narcissist’s opinion on you.

6. If a narcissist is hurting you, stay away from them.

Remember, a healthy relationship is two-sided. It’s about mutual respect and it’s based on give and take. But any kind of relationship with a narcissist is likely to be the contrary, it’s about making the narcissist happy and constantly supporting them. A relationship like this will only weigh you down and is unhealthy for your growth.

7. Set a boundary and always keep it.

If you’re setting a boundary, you have to be willing to keep it. When a narcissist sees that you’re trying to take back control of your life, they will try to test your limits, it’s just their instinct to do it.

Be prepared that your boundary will be challenged. Make your boundary clear, have all the actions needed to be taken in your mind.

For example, if you have decided to stop communicating with them, they will likely to show up in front of you just to talk to you. Be brave enough to keep your boundary, don’t back down and get close to them again; or else they will not take your boundary seriously any more.

8. Learn when to walk away.

When a narcissist starts to make you feel uncomfortable and doubt about yourself, it’s time to pick yourself up and give yourself enough respect to just walk away from them.

If you’re in love with a narcissist, you should seriously think about ending the relationship and move on for a better life. If the narcissist is your family member, you don’t have to be cruel to them, but it’s better to keep distance from them.

Reference

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