Advertising
Advertising

Is an Extrovert Really Happier Than an Introvert? Let’s Look at the Research Findings

Is an Extrovert Really Happier Than an Introvert? Let’s Look at the Research Findings

Are you an extrovert or an introvert? You may know straight away or you may think that you’re a mixture of both – most people are. We live in a world that celebrates the extrovert – to be successful and happy in life you need to be outgoing, confident, talkative and sociable. But is this really the case?

With introverts being labelled as quiet, shy and sometimes unsociable it’s no wonder that people would automatically assume a typical introvert is unsuccessful or unhappy. However, maybe it’s time to question this myth and look at introversion as a positive personality trait that almost half the world’s population possesses.

What Does The Research Say?

Studies on happiness have become more and more popular and what’s abundantly clear time and again, is our happiness it more dependant on our personalities rather than material possessions.

Advertising

One study [1] looking at the behaviour of young people internationally, found that those who moved through their day in a more extroverted way, were found to lead much happier lives – this was in spite of geographical location and culture. Many more studies back this up but is this a fair evaluation?

Could The Idea That Extroverts Are Happier Than Introverts Be a Myth?

While these studies are interesting and worthwhile, there is, what could be considered, a flaw in how people’s personalities are measured. Most psychologists use what’s called the NEO PI-R assessment when conducting happiness and personality studies which only focus on the presence or absence of extroverted qualities.

In other words, there is no emphasis on positively valuing introverted qualities. If you’re an introvert yourself you can identify with the happiness you feel sitting by yourself with a good book and perhaps socialising less than extroverts, yet these are considered qualities that extroverts would associate with unhappiness.

Advertising

Extroverts thrive and re-energize by being around people and interacting, but introverts re-energize by taking themselves away and finding calm and quiet. It’s because of this that introverts fail to score highly on happiness scales in controlled studies as these low-key activities aren’t considered a source of happiness.

There’s also a struggle that introverts can experience that comes from the pressure of living in a world where extroversion is celebrated. Introverts can be made to feel outcasted because they don’t measure up to the lifestyles of those with extroverted qualities. Some introverts may lead a life that goes against their natural wants and needs in order to fit in to an extroverted world. This in itself could cause introverts to feel less happy moving through life.

Embracing Happiness No Matter What Your Personality Type

So what can we conclude from this? Are these studies really giving us an accurate understanding of happiness and how we interact with the world? While interaction with others is a huge factor in our happiness, for some it’s quality not quantity that decides how we feel in our relationships with others.

Advertising

But considering happiness is not all based on relationships and how often we interact, does this mean introverts are just as happy as extroverts? Eastern culture has introduced mindfulness, calm, meditation and quiet as an important way to connect with ourselves and reach inner happiness – things that introverts do naturally by spending more time alone.

Happiness is subjective. Introverts find more happiness in their inner-worlds while extroverts find happiness through their external worlds. But despite whether one is better than the other, what a lot of studies agree on is that the key to happiness is down to accepting ourselves, finding purpose, and creating a good social circle.

And what can definitely be concluded is that this can be achieved by anyone whether you’re an extrovert or an introvert.

Advertising

Featured photo credit: Gianne Karla Tolentino via pexels.com

Reference

More by this author

Jenny Marchal

Freelance Writer

How to Save a Bunch of Money Easily With This Simple Challenge Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset 11 Killer Ways To Get Rid Of Roaches Without Harming You If You Understand These 5 Rules In Psychology, You Can Live A Much Easier Life How To Get Over Someone You Deeply Love

Trending in Psychology

1Narcissistic Personality: What Is It and How to Deal with a Narcissist? 2What Makes a Relationship Boring and How to Avoid It 3How We Are Confusing Self-Love with Narcissism In This Generation 4A Negotiation Is Like a Game, You Can’t Get the Best Deal Without a Strategy 54 Simple Ways to Make Boring Work Become Interesting

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on August 16, 2018

Narcissistic Personality: What Is It and How to Deal with a Narcissist?

Narcissistic Personality: What Is It and How to Deal with a Narcissist?

He asks you for your opinion, but only follows his own advice regardless of what you say.She loves to talk about herself, everything about her is just better than you.  When you try to share anything happy about yourself, she seriously doubts it.

If you know someone who acts like these examples, there’s a chance they might be a narcissist.

What is a narcissistic personality?

Narcissism is a spectrum personality disorder which most of us have.

In popular culture, narcissism is interpreted as a person who’s in love with themselves, more accurately, their idealized selves. Narcissists believe that they are too unique to be understood and that they are so good that they demand for admiration from others.

Psychologist Stephen Johnson writes that,[1]

the narcissist is someone who has buried his true self-expression in response to early injuries and replaced it with a highly developed, compensatory false self.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) describes narcissistic personality as a personality disorder. It is a spectrum disorder, which means it exists on a continuum ranging from some narcissistic traits to the full-blown personality disorder.[2]

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is not very common, but the truth is, we all have some of the narcissistic traits.

Advertising

Traits of a narcissist:

  • They have a deep need for admiration and validation. They think they’re special and too unique to be understood.
  • They feel they are superior to other. They achieve more and know a lot more than you.
  • They do not show their vulnerabilities. They fear what others think of them and they want to remain superior in all situations.
  • They are unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others. They want to be the centre of attention and believe that showing emotions is a sign of weakness.
  • They are skilled manipulators and are emotionally abusive. They know how to make use of their charm to take advantage of others to get what they want.

How are narcissists different from others?

Narcissism expert and the author of Narcissism in a Nutshell, Zari Ballard, tried to answer some common questions asked by non-narcissists about what a narcissist thinks and feels from a narcissist’s perspective.[3]

Do narcissists know they are narcissists and are they happy?

We could really care less about how others feel. We enjoy our so called cold existence. True narcissists don’t want to change. We feel in total control of our lives using this method.

Do narcissists know or understand right from wrong?

Narcissists know the difference between right and wrong because they understand cause and effect. There is no “guilty conscience” giving them a clue and they are displaying the symptom of being “indifferent to social norms” while most likely presenting as ‘cold-hearted.’

Narcissists have a very different thinking mechanism. They see things from a different perspective. Unlike non-narcissists and empaths, they don’t have much sympathy and are reluctant to show emotions to others.

Why do people become narcissists?

1. Narcissism is vulnerability taken to an extreme.

The root of a narcissistic personality is a strong resistance to feeling vulnerable with anyone.[4]

Narcissists refuse to put themselves in a position where they feel vulnerable. They fear that others will take advantage of their weaknesses, so they learn to camouflage their weaknesses by acting strong and powerful. The think showing emotions to others is a sign of weakness, so they learn to hide their emotions and act cold-hearted most of the times.

Narcissists live in a state of anxiety because they are highly aware of their emotions and how others think of them.

Advertising

Vulnerability aversion, is the root of a narcissistic personality.

2. A narcissistic personality could be a result of a wounded past.

Narcissists are desperate to seek validation constantly because they either didn’t feel worthwhile and valued in the past, or were being paid too much attention as the most precious and unique one in the world.

Faulty or inadequate parenting, for example a lack of limit setting, is believed to be a major cause, and both permissive and authoritarian styles of parenting have been found to promote narcissistic symptoms.[5]

Both parents who fail to see the worth in a child, and parents who spoil and give excessive praise to the child promote narcissism as the child grows. While the former ones make the child feel inferior of others and want to get more attention, the latter ones encourage an idealized-self in the child.

How to deal with a narcissist?

1. If someone close to you is a narcissist, embrace the differences.

There’re different personality types and not everyone will think and act the same as you do. Instead of trying to change others, learn to accept the differences and strike a balance when you really have to communicate with them.

2. Don’t try to change them, focus on your own needs.

Try to understand that narcissists are resistant to change, it’s more important for you to see who they really are, instead of who you want them to be. Focus on how you feel, and what you want yourself to be.

Embrace the fact that there’re different types of personality and the only thing you can control is your attitude and your own actions.

3. Recognize what they do only comes from their insecurity.

Narcissists are quite vulnerable deep inside, they question others because that’s how they can make themselves feel better.

Advertising

When you learn that what a narcissist does to you is nothing personal, but something that comes from their insecurity, you know that sometimes they just need a certain amount of reassurance.

This is especially important if the narcissist is someone you have to closely work with, or if they’re your family member. The right amount of reassurance can calm them down and get the tasks on hand completed.

4. Ask them what would others think instead of what’d others feel.[6]

Narcissists don’t feel guilty, but they care about how others think of them deep in their heart.

Clinical psychologist Al Bernstein explains:

There are just things, like other people’s feelings, that narcissists rarely consider. If you have their ear, don’t tell them how people might react; instead, ask probing questions. Narcissists are much more likely to act on ideas that they think they thought up themselves.

If you have to work with a narcissist closely, focus on the facts and ideas, not the emotions.

5. Let go of the need of getting a narcissist’s approval.

You’re not who a narcissist says you are. Don’t let their blame game undermine your self-esteem, and don’t argue with them just to defend what you believe is right.

There is no point arguing with a narcissist just to prove them wrong because they will not give in proving themselves right. It’s more likely that you’ll get more upset when they disagree with you in an unpleasant way.

Advertising

Know your own worth and detach from a narcissist’s opinion on you.

6. If a narcissist is hurting you, stay away from them.

Remember, a healthy relationship is two-sided. It’s about mutual respect and it’s based on give and take. But any kind of relationship with a narcissist is likely to be the contrary, it’s about making the narcissist happy and constantly supporting them. A relationship like this will only weigh you down and is unhealthy for your growth.

7. Set a boundary and always keep it.

If you’re setting a boundary, you have to be willing to keep it. When a narcissist sees that you’re trying to take back control of your life, they will try to test your limits, it’s just their instinct to do it.

Be prepared that your boundary will be challenged. Make your boundary clear, have all the actions needed to be taken in your mind.

For example, if you have decided to stop communicating with them, they will likely to show up in front of you just to talk to you. Be brave enough to keep your boundary, don’t back down and get close to them again; or else they will not take your boundary seriously any more.

8. Learn when to walk away.

When a narcissist starts to make you feel uncomfortable and doubt about yourself, it’s time to pick yourself up and give yourself enough respect to just walk away from them.

If you’re in love with a narcissist, you should seriously think about ending the relationship and move on for a better life. If the narcissist is your family member, you don’t have to be cruel to them, but it’s better to keep distance from them.

Reference

Read Next