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How to Give a Relationship Another Chance When It’s on the Rocks

How to Give a Relationship Another Chance When It’s on the Rocks

Here you are, sitting next to your lawyer, across the table being your soon-to-be former spouse and their own lawyer, discussing alimony terms,[1] property classification and other important things of your divorce. Because you are divorcing your partner. It’s not the outcome you expected when you got married and you are probably wondering how it all ended this way.

Well, marriage counseling might prevent the divorce and get your relationship on track once again. According to the numbers, marriage counseling helps 7 in 10 couples[2] find their happiness again. The counselor is not going to tell you what to do and how to do, but they will provide you with all the tools needed to fix your relationship. Marriage counselors simply allow the couple to explore their relationship from a new perspective, giving them the opportunity they needed to sort out their issues.

One of the major benefits of going to couple counseling is that you will improve your communication skills,[3] which allows you to solve any future issues that may arise over time. In a relationship, effective communication is the key, so counseling provides you with the means to support your relationship both in the present and in the future.

With this being said, you have to know there are plenty of choices when it comes to couple counseling. Here are 11 options to choose from.

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1. Nancy Graham

Graham is specialized in relationship issues and she thinks people should focus on the positive things in their lives. She is helping couples find their strengths and improve their communication, so they can save their marriage. Graham is a licensed social worker and therapist.

Call or Email Nancy Graham now – (713) 965-6957

2. Yaji Tramontini and Love Therapy Center

Yaji Tramontini is the founder of the Love Therapy Center, where couples benefit from a holistic approach on their relationship. Tramontini uses a method called EMDR therapy, which helps the spouse deal with the painful experiences in their past, which could be ruining the relationship. The therapy center offers a big diversity of services, all based on the belief that unconditional love is the path towards restoring a relationship.

Call or Text directly: (415) 412-6615

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3. Alison Leigh

Leigh is a licensed therapist who can help you focus on healing, instead of the past mistakes. She has over 20 years of experience and she is specialized in Somatic Psychotherapy, a a method which uses the body to access the unconscious, allowing the couple to experience an instant change, unlike other therapy methods. With Leigh you can focus on finding the solutions for your couple problems. She is also specialized in working with LGBT couples.

4. Fiachra O’Sullivan

With a family of psychotherapists on the back, O’Sullivan took his time to become one himself. He is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, specialized in Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples. O’Sullivan sees the relationship of a couple as a force that can heal and restore the power, so he helps his clients use that force and mend their relationship. The typical first session is 80 minutes, followed by 50 minutes sessions.

Call or mail at 415.967.3447 / figs@therapywithfigs.com

5. Mark Spurlock MFT

Spurlock is in the field of couple counseling for more than two decades, during which he developed his unique therapy method. His sessions are fun and productive, as he uses creative ways to help couples restore their relationship. In the past, Spurlock worked with drug and alcohol addicts, providing therapy for victims of child abuse and domestic violence, which gives him a broad view upon relationships. Most couples will have 45 minutes sessions, once a week.

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Call him at (619)813-0315

6. Michelle Germain

Germain is another experienced therapist with 25 years of practice under her belt. She is also the author of the The Jill Principle: A Woman’s Guide to Healing Your Spirit After Divorce or Breakup and has a master in social work. If you are not in San Diego area, close to Germain, you can have phone therapy sessions with her. Germain’s focus is to approach the individuals wholly, mind, body and soul, so they can improve their couple relationship.

Call her at 760-290-1047 or email michele@michelegermain.com

7. Dr. Barbara Cunningham

Cunningham has been helping couples restore their relationship for years and she is specialized in a less common type of therapy: divorce therapy. Because she is committed to her work, she offers a free first session, so you can see if she is the right therapist for you. If things go well, you can schedule the rest of the sessions. Cunningham also works with gay and lesbian couples.

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8. Barbara Neal, LPC

Neal approaches couple therapy with a solution-focused method, using her broad experience in the field. She helps couples develop new skills and improve their communication, so they can reach the perfect balance in their relationship. Neal always follows realistic outcomes with her clients. At her clinic there are several insurance plans accepted: BCBS Texas, Blue Cross and Blue Shield, CIGNA, HUMANA and MultiPlan.

9. Dr. Carl Ward, PHD

Dr. Ward believes relationships are indeed complicated and he understands that couples do have their ups and downs. At his clinic, Dr. Ward provides couple therapy for everyone who needs to improve their relationship. With almost three decades of experience, Dr. Ward has handled hundreds of couples, as well as individuals. His clinic accepts four insurance plans: Coventry Health Care, Blue Cross and Blue Shield, HUMANA and MultiPlan.

10. GRASP Group

GRASP’s mission is to support couples to enjoy a healthy relationship. The center provides 50 minutes therapy sessions that offer an insight on the problems you have inside your relationship and a way to solve these problems via effective communication. The Group works with both same sex couples and hetero couples.

11. Symmetry Counseling

The therapists at Symmetry have a pragmatic approach to couple therapy, aiming to help couples see that positive effect as soon as possible and mend their relationship. The licensed therapists provide a supportive environment for couples. The clinic accepts various insurance plans, among which Blue Cross Blue Shield PPO, Aetna, Cigna, Magellan, and Value Options.

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

[1] Tennessee Divorce: Alimony terms
[2] JMFT: Research on the Treatment of Couple Distress
[3] Psychology Today: 7 Keys to Long-Term Relationship Success

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Last Updated on September 11, 2020

Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

No one wants to suffer. As a general rule, people like to avoid hurt and pain as much as possible. As a species, humans want a painless existence so much that scientists make a living trying to create it.

People can now choose “pain-free” labor for babies, and remedies to cure back pain, headaches, body-pains and even mental pains are a dime a dozen. Beyond medicine, we also work hard to experience little pain even when it comes to loss; often times we believe a breakup won’t hurt as much if we are the ones to call it off.

But would a world without pain truly be painless? It’s unlikely. In fact, it would probably be painful exactly for that reason.

If people never experienced hurt, they wouldn’t know what it was. On the surface level, that seems like a blessing, but think for a moment: if we didn’t know pain, how would we know peace? If you don’t know you’ve hurt or been hurt, how would you know that you need to heal? Imagine someone only knowing they have an incurable cancer at the final stage because no obvious symptoms have appeared at early stages.

Without the feeling of pain, people won’t be aware of dangerous situations—what should or shouldn’t do for survival.

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Pain Is Our Guardian

Pain serves to protect human beings from harmful actions. It’s the same reason parents teach babies that fire equals hot, and that hot equals hurt. Should the baby still place its hand in a fire or on a stove, the intense pain remains so memorable, that the child is certain never to repeat that action.

In the same way, pain within human bodies can serve as a warning that something is not right. Because you know what it is to feel “well,” you know what it is to feel poorly.[1]

Along with serving as a teacher of what not to do, pain also teaches you what you are made of in terms of what you can handle as an individual.

While the cliche, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is a tired term, it’s used excessively for a reason: it’s true. Pain helps you learn to cope with life’s inevitable difficulties and sadnesses— to develop the grit it takes to push past hardships and carry on.

Whether it’s a shattering pain, like the loss of a loved one or a debilitating accident, pain affects everyone differently. But it still affects everyone. Take a breakup as an example, anyone who has experienced it knows it can hurt to the point of feeling physical. Especially the first breakup. At a young age, it feels like the loss of the only love you’ll ever know. As you grow and learn, you realize you’re more resilient with every ended relationship.

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No Pain, No Happiness

You only know happiness when you have known pain. While the idea of constant happiness sounds nice, there is little chance it would be. Without the comparison to happiness, there’s no reason to be grateful for it. That is to say, without ever knowing sadness or pain, you would have no reason to be grateful for happiness.

In reality, there is always something missing, or something unpleasant, but it is only through those realizations that you know to be grateful when you feel you have it all. Read more about why happiness and pain have to exist together: Chasing Happiness Won’t Make You Happy

In a somewhat counter-intuitive finding, researchers found one of the things that brings about the most happiness is challenge. When people are tested, they experience a greater sense of accomplishment and happiness when they are successful. It is largely for this reason that low-income individuals can often feel happier than those who have a sense of wealth.[2]

This is a great thing to remember the next time you feel you would be happier if you just had a little more cash.

Avoiding Pain Leads to More Suffering

Pain is inevitable, embrace it positively. Anyone who strives to have a painless life is striving for perfectionism; and perfectionism guarantees sadness because nothing will ever be perfect.

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This isn’t a bleak outlook, but rather a truthful one. The messy moments in life tend to create the best memories and gratitude. Pain often serves as a reminder of lessons learned, much like physical scars on the body.

Pain will always be painful, but it’s the hurt feelings that help wiser decisions be made.

Allow Room for the Inevitable

Learning how to tolerate pain, especially the emotional kind, is a valuable lesson.

Accepting and feeling pain makes you human. There is no weakness in that. Weakness only comes when you try to blame your own pain on someone else, expecting the blame to alleviate your hurting. There’s a saying,

“Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die.”

Think back to the last time you were really angry with someone. Maybe you were hurt because you got laid off from a job. You felt angry and that anger caused so much pain that you could feel it in a physical way. Being angry and blaming your ex boss for that pain didn’t affect him or her in any way; you’re the only one who lost sleep over it.

The healthier thing to do in a situation like that is acknowledge your pain and the anger along with it. Accept it and explore it in an introspective way. How can you learn and grow? What is at the root of that pain? Are you truly hurting and angry about being laid off, or is the pain more a correlation to you feeling like you failed?

While uncomfortable, exploring your pain is a way to raise your self-awareness. By understanding more about yourself, you know how to deal with similar situations in the future. You can never expect to be numb to difficult situations, but you will learn to better prepare financially for the loss of a job and be grateful for an income since you now know nothing is promised (no matter how much you work or how deserving you may feel).

Pain Hurts, but Numbness Would Be Worse

Pain does not feel good, but the bad feeling of it will help you learn and grow. It makes the sweet moments in life even sweeter and the gratitude more sincere.

To have a happier and more successful life, you don’t learn from success or accomplishment, but through pain and failures. For it is in those moments that you learn how to do better in the future or at least cope a little more easily.

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You are the strong person you are today because of the hardships this life has presented to you. While you may have felt out of control when those hard times came, the one thing you will always have control over is how you choose to react to things. The next time you hurt or you’re angry or sad, acknowledge it and allow yourself to ruminate in it. Then take a deep breath and start learning from that pain. You’ve got this!

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

[1] University of Calgary: Why is Pain Important?
[2] Greater Good Magazine: The Importance of Pain

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