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Last Updated on May 29, 2018

We Are Living in a Generation Where Everyone Defines Cheating Differently

We Are Living in a Generation Where Everyone Defines Cheating Differently

According to a research,[1] 60 percent of men and 45 percent of women are cheating on their spouse. These figures are scary and alarming considering that when you fall in love your aspiration is that it never ends.

When Love Goes Wrong, Cheating Arises

Love is only possible when a certain degree of individual development and self confidence has been built. This is as a result of a psychological evolution that is achieved when one has learned to respect oneself and to love oneself.

Falling in love occurs when we believe we have found our ideal someone, who completes and satisfies us. But, behind that quest for perfection lies a demand for the other, fear of unbearable disappointment and cheating when the relationship does not meet our expectations.

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Cheating Is More Than A Betrayal

Over the last years, cheating has increased and this has been a major factor of relationships ending. However, most people in relationships don’t know if they can trust their partners’ loyalty. This has raised many advice articles and more on how to know when a partner is cheating or articles outlining steps to get your ex back.[2]

One question that usually bothers those who are not able to get back on their feet after a cheating experience, is the question if love makes us wiser or rather reveals the real nature of our partners. A good relationship is not based on waiting for our imaginary partner to become real, nor on asking the real partner to match our defined requirements. Cheating usually begins with a long series of grievances over respect, differences and submission.

Most people see cheating as a weakness or an ego booster. I will seek to reveal the intent behind cheating from the perspective of men and woman respectively, the triggers, signals which should not be confused with cheating, and more.

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What Surveys Tell Us About Signs That Someone Is Cheating

Different behaviors and attitudes can be classified as cheating.[3] Basically, most people consider sex and other intimate physical contact to be cheating. But a distinction must be made to reveal that men usually define it physically while women define it emotionally.

A 2013 journal by the University of Michigan[4] asked 456 undergraduates to rate 27 different behaviors (sexual, erotic, and more) on a scale of 1-100, showing how strongly they are considered to be cheating. The higher the number the more clearly it was cheating for the participants.

Below are some of the results.

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  • Accompanying to a formal event—43.3
  • Going out to dinner—41.4
  • Oral sex—96.8
  • Taking a shower together—96.2
  • Kissing on the lips—88.7
  • Kissing on the cheek—36.9
  • Forming a deep emotional bond—52.4
  • Spending lots of time together—52.2
  • Sitting in the other person’s lap—52.2
  • 10. Sharing secrets—36.5
  • 11. Supporting the other person financially—35.8
  • 12. Talking on the phone several times a week—40.1

Other attitudes considered as cheating could be:

  • Become best friends with someone of the opposite sex.
  • Developping a crush for another individual.
  • Sharing your most private thoughts and feelings with someone else.
  • Masturbating.
  • Wearing revealing clothes.
  • Watching Porn.
  • Hugging the opposite sex.
  • Been Cordial With the Opposite Gender.

What Cheating Tells Us About Our Relationship

Everyones desires to have a relationship that will stand the test of time, but most of the times our expectations are caught short. Here are some things cheating implies [5] .

Lack of Acknowledgement

Men and women differ in the way they love, but no matter the gender cheating usually sets in when you refuse to love and aknowledge your partner.

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Sudden Changes

Most people do not realize that changes are healthy, which is why they create tensions. If you realize that you often have mood swings, it is better to let your partner know, because if not, your partner may be shocked by your changed personality and cheat.

Lack of Respect

Love grows when the other person’s freedom is respected. Most times cheating comes into play when you fail to respect your partner.

Lovers Can’t Be Rigid And Stubborn

Cheating[6] signs are visible when a partner is not satisfied. However in a relationship, you must be flexible and accommodate your partner. Honesty will go a long way in all relationship to curb factors triggering cheating.

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

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George Olufemi O

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Last Updated on March 22, 2019

How to Be Happy: Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You Unhappy

How to Be Happy: Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You Unhappy

When we talk about happiness, we think about staying happy all the time – every single day, every single minute with zero negativity.  We try to pursue this constant state of “happiness” as our goal, and avoid anything that may take it away from us.

But what is the meaning of this type of “happiness”?  It’s like your favorite food.  The more you have of it doesn’t always mean the better.  On the contrary, when you only have a chance to eat it sparingly, that’s when you really savor every bite of it.  So is it the food itself that makes you happy, or is it how valuable it is to you when you are eating it?

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We should always remember that only by experiencing sadness do we understand what it is to be happy.

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Assuming others are always happy is the biggest misunderstanding of happiness.

Most people see those who have seemingly perfect lives and assume they are happy all the time.  Since childhood, we are conditioned to chase the idea of “happily-ever-after” that we see in fairytales.  On social media, everyone tends to share only the best looking aspects of their lives (including ourselves).  So it’s very easy to have a distorted view of what “happiness” is around us.

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In reality, there is always something missing, something lacking, or something unpleasant.

No one has a perfect life.  Even the most glamorous celebrities or the richest billionaires, everyone has their own set of challenges and problems.

When we feel negative, we’re only focusing on a small fluctuating curve.  As CEO of Lifehack, I’ve had to deal with countless problems, and some of them felt like real setbacks at the time.  During those moments, it really seemed like these problems would be the life or death of my company and my life goals.  But I got through them, and weeks, months and eventually years passed with many more ups and downs.

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You need to keep your sights on the extended curve.   Looking back now, a lot of those “really big” problems at the time seem like only small blips in a long line of experiences. Recalling them in my mind now makes me smile!

Stop trying to be happy. Just be.

It’s natural to want to be happy as often as possible.  So what can we do?  First, throw away the belief that a perfect life means happiness.  Personally, I would be miserable if everything was perfect.  It’s from experiencing the pains of lifelong challenges that drives us to care for others when they are experiencing the same trials.  If life was perfect, you wouldn’t be able to empathize.  If life was perfect, you wouldn’t grow.

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To be truly happy, stop chasing permanent happiness.  It sounds like a paradox.  What I mean is, accept that there will be ups and downs throughout life.  Gracefully understand that happiness is a fluctuation of positive and negative events.

Understand the importance of gratitude.  Instead of focusing on the unpleasant moment right now, flash back your memory to when you had or didn’t have something.  I like to think about my career, for example.  When I didn’t have a career I was passionate about, I felt lost and demotivated.  I felt like everyone was figuring out their lives but me.  But when I found my purpose and started Lifehack, I was deeply happy, even before I realized I would be successful!  This memory keeps me going when there are tough spots.  It takes the darkness to make us grateful for the light.

Happiness and sadness exist together

What it all comes down to is this: your life will be filled with beautiful, happy and incredible moments.  Happy tears and joyous shouts and funny stories.  But your life will also be filled with rain and storms that don’t ever seem to pass when you’re going through them.

But whether your face is warmed by the sunshine, or your heart is dampened by the rain, know that it’s all part of the ebb and flow of life.  Treasure the happy moments and power through the sad ones.  Don’t try to avoid “sad” or “negative” experiences, and blindly chase being “happy”.  In the end you will achieve a true level of contentment in your life, based on meaningful experiences and achievements.  Being able to create growth and meaning out of both positive and negative events — that is the true meaning of “happiness”.

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