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Last Updated on May 29, 2018

We Are Living in a Generation Where Everyone Defines Cheating Differently

We Are Living in a Generation Where Everyone Defines Cheating Differently

According to a research,[1] 60 percent of men and 45 percent of women are cheating on their spouse. These figures are scary and alarming considering that when you fall in love your aspiration is that it never ends.

When Love Goes Wrong, Cheating Arises

Love is only possible when a certain degree of individual development and self confidence has been built. This is as a result of a psychological evolution that is achieved when one has learned to respect oneself and to love oneself.

Falling in love occurs when we believe we have found our ideal someone, who completes and satisfies us. But, behind that quest for perfection lies a demand for the other, fear of unbearable disappointment and cheating when the relationship does not meet our expectations.

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Cheating Is More Than A Betrayal

Over the last years, cheating has increased and this has been a major factor of relationships ending. However, most people in relationships don’t know if they can trust their partners’ loyalty. This has raised many advice articles and more on how to know when a partner is cheating or articles outlining steps to get your ex back.[2]

One question that usually bothers those who are not able to get back on their feet after a cheating experience, is the question if love makes us wiser or rather reveals the real nature of our partners. A good relationship is not based on waiting for our imaginary partner to become real, nor on asking the real partner to match our defined requirements. Cheating usually begins with a long series of grievances over respect, differences and submission.

Most people see cheating as a weakness or an ego booster. I will seek to reveal the intent behind cheating from the perspective of men and woman respectively, the triggers, signals which should not be confused with cheating, and more.

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What Surveys Tell Us About Signs That Someone Is Cheating

Different behaviors and attitudes can be classified as cheating.[3] Basically, most people consider sex and other intimate physical contact to be cheating. But a distinction must be made to reveal that men usually define it physically while women define it emotionally.

A 2013 journal by the University of Michigan[4] asked 456 undergraduates to rate 27 different behaviors (sexual, erotic, and more) on a scale of 1-100, showing how strongly they are considered to be cheating. The higher the number the more clearly it was cheating for the participants.

Below are some of the results.

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  • Accompanying to a formal event—43.3
  • Going out to dinner—41.4
  • Oral sex—96.8
  • Taking a shower together—96.2
  • Kissing on the lips—88.7
  • Kissing on the cheek—36.9
  • Forming a deep emotional bond—52.4
  • Spending lots of time together—52.2
  • Sitting in the other person’s lap—52.2
  • 10. Sharing secrets—36.5
  • 11. Supporting the other person financially—35.8
  • 12. Talking on the phone several times a week—40.1

Other attitudes considered as cheating could be:

  • Become best friends with someone of the opposite sex.
  • Developping a crush for another individual.
  • Sharing your most private thoughts and feelings with someone else.
  • Masturbating.
  • Wearing revealing clothes.
  • Watching Porn.
  • Hugging the opposite sex.
  • Been Cordial With the Opposite Gender.

What Cheating Tells Us About Our Relationship

Everyones desires to have a relationship that will stand the test of time, but most of the times our expectations are caught short. Here are some things cheating implies [5] .

Lack of Acknowledgement

Men and women differ in the way they love, but no matter the gender cheating usually sets in when you refuse to love and aknowledge your partner.

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Sudden Changes

Most people do not realize that changes are healthy, which is why they create tensions. If you realize that you often have mood swings, it is better to let your partner know, because if not, your partner may be shocked by your changed personality and cheat.

Lack of Respect

Love grows when the other person’s freedom is respected. Most times cheating comes into play when you fail to respect your partner.

Lovers Can’t Be Rigid And Stubborn

Cheating[6] signs are visible when a partner is not satisfied. However in a relationship, you must be flexible and accommodate your partner. Honesty will go a long way in all relationship to curb factors triggering cheating.

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

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George Olufemi O

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Last Updated on January 6, 2019

Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

No one wants to suffer. As a general rule, people like to avoid hurt and pain as much as possible. As a species, humans want a painless existence so much that scientists make a living trying to create it.

People can now choose “pain-free” labor for babies, and remedies to cure back pain, headaches, body-pains and even mental pains are a dime a dozen. Beyond medicine, we also work hard to experience little pain even when it comes to loss; often times we believe a breakup won’t hurt as much if we are the ones to call it off.

But would a world without pain truly be painless? It’s unlikely. In fact, it would probably be painful exactly for that reason.

If people never experienced hurt, they wouldn’t know what it was. On the surface level, that seems like a blessing, but think for a moment: if we didn’t know pain, how would we know peace? If you don’t know you’ve hurt or been hurt, how would you know that you need to heal? Imagine someone only knowing they have an incurable cancer at the final stage because no obvious symptoms have appeared at early stages.

Without the feeling of pain, people won’t be aware of dangerous situations—what should or shouldn’t do for survival.

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Pain Is Our Guardian

Pain serves to protect human beings from harmful actions. It’s the same reason parents teach babies that fire equals hot, and that hot equals hurt. Should the baby still place its hand in a fire or on a stove, the intense pain remains so memorable, that the child is certain never to repeat that action.

In the same way, pain within human bodies can serve as a warning that something is not right. Because you know what it is to feel “well,” you know what it is to feel poorly.[1]

Along with serving as a teacher of what not to do, pain also teaches you what you are made of in terms of what you can handle as an individual.

While the cliche, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is a tired term, it’s used excessively for a reason: it’s true. Pain helps you learn to cope with life’s inevitable difficulties and sadnesses— to develop the grit it takes to push past hardships and carry on.

Whether it’s a shattering pain, like the loss of a loved one or a debilitating accident, pain affects everyone differently. But it still affects everyone. Take a breakup as an example, anyone who has experienced it knows it can hurt to the point of feeling physical. Especially the first breakup. At a young age, it feels like the loss of the only love you’ll ever know. As you grow and learn, you realize you’re more resilient with every ended relationship.

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No Pain, No Happiness

You only know happiness when you have known pain. While the idea of constant happiness sounds nice, there is little chance it would be. Without the comparison to happiness, there’s no reason to be grateful for it. That is to say, without ever knowing sadness or pain, you would have no reason to be grateful for happiness.

In reality, there is always something missing, or something unpleasant, but it is only through those realizations that you know to be grateful when you feel you have it all. Read more about why happiness and pain have to exist together: Chasing Happiness Won’t Make You Happy

In a somewhat counter-intuitive finding, researchers found one of the things that brings about the most happiness is challenge. When people are tested, they experience a greater sense of accomplishment and happiness when they are successful. It is largely for this reason that low-income individuals can often feel happier than those who have a sense of wealth.[2]

This is a great thing to remember the next time you feel you would be happier if you just had a little more cash.

Avoiding Pain Leads to More Suffering

Pain is inevitable, embrace it positively. Anyone who strives to have a painless life is striving for perfectionism; and perfectionism guarantees sadness because nothing will ever be perfect.

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This isn’t a bleak outlook, but rather a truthful one. The messy moments in life tend to create the best memories and gratitude. Pain often serves as a reminder of lessons learned, much like physical scars on the body.

Pain will always be painful, but it’s the hurt feelings that help wiser decisions be made.

Allow Room for the Inevitable

Learning how to tolerate pain, especially the emotional kind, is a valuable lesson.

Accepting and feeling pain makes you human. There is no weakness in that. Weakness only comes when you try to blame your own pain on someone else, expecting the blame to alleviate your hurting. There’s a saying,

“Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die.”

Think back to the last time you were really angry with someone. Maybe you were hurt because you got laid off from a job. You felt angry and that anger caused so much pain that you could feel it in a physical way. Being angry and blaming your ex boss for that pain didn’t affect him or her in any way; you’re the only one who lost sleep over it.

The healthier thing to do in a situation like that is acknowledge your pain and the anger along with it. Accept it and explore it in an introspective way. How can you learn and grow? What is at the root of that pain? Are you truly hurting and angry about being laid off, or is the pain more a correlation to you feeling like you failed?

While uncomfortable, exploring your pain is a way to raise your self-awareness. By understanding more about yourself, you know how to deal with similar situations in the future. You can never expect to be numb to difficult situations, but you will learn to better prepare financially for the loss of a job and be grateful for an income since you now know nothing is promised (no matter how much you work or how deserving you may feel).

Pain Hurts, but Numbness Would Be Worse

Pain does not feel good, but the bad feeling of it will help you learn and grow. It makes the sweet moments in life even sweeter and the gratitude more sincere.

To have a happier and more successful life, you don’t learn from success or accomplishment, but through pain and failures. For it is in those moments that you learn how to do better in the future or at least cope a little more easily.

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You are the strong person you are today because of the hardships this life has presented to you. While you may have felt out of control when those hard times came, the one thing you will always have control over is how you choose to react to things. The next time you hurt or you’re angry or sad, acknowledge it and allow yourself to ruminate in it. Then take a deep breath and start learning from that pain. You’ve got this!

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

[1]University of Calgary: Why is Pain Important?
[2]Greater Good Magazine: The Importance of Pain

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