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How to Be Assertive Without Being Too Aggressive

How to Be Assertive Without Being Too Aggressive

Have you ever been in a situation where you are in a group whose opinions are not aligned with yours? What did you do? Did you keep quiet or did you express your opinions just as they express themselves?

Assertiveness is a skill of those people who can express themselves straightforwardly, without stepping on the rights of others. However, not everyone knows the importance of assertiveness for both personal and professional lives. Some people find it difficult to be assertive. But what most of us don’t know is that assertiveness is not a unique trait a person can possess that others don’t have. It is actually a skill which we can learn.

Why Do Some People Find It Hard To Be Assertive

To be assertive requires three points of the triangle; the passive, aggressive and assertive . You need to find the right mix of these three important points to be assertive.

The Passive

When we were kids, adults always taught us to be kind and friendly to other kids. Most of us have adapted this teaching to a point where we oftentimes become hesitant to express our opinions and thoughts. We believe that it is not nice to argue and disagree with others.

We develop a passive behavior because we are programmed to believe that those who goes out of the norm and are not afraid to say what they want to say are rude, disrespectful and are often rejected. But what you don’t know is that by being passive no one else gets upset but you. We are stepping into our own rights and it can negatively impact our self-confidence.

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The Aggressive

Completely opposite to being passive, aggressive people tend to fail in considering other people’s rights and feelings. They are not aware that by expressing their opinions, they have undermined the self-esteem and the rights of others.

Aggressive behaviors come in so many ways. By simply demanding someone rather than asking, rushing them or ignoring them, we are encouraging them to be passive while we become aggressive.

The Assertive

Assertiveness is finding the right balance between being passive and being aggressive. It is a two-way communication where we can convey our message and listen to others as well. It encourages an exchange of views so the rights of both parties are exercised and opinions and feelings are expressed appropriately. It means sharing, appreciating others and seeing them as an equal.

It can be a struggle finding the right balance. Our current roles, past experiences, how we view ourselves, the stress we experience and our incorrect assumption that these traits are by nature affect our responses and our communication with others. But if we become self-aware and we open our minds, we will realize how important it is to learn how to be assertive.

How Can Being Assertive Help Our Professional And Personal Lives?

As mentioned earlier, assertiveness can provide significant growth both in our professional and personal lives. Forbes reported [1]that leaders who are assertive are perceived to have higher integrity than those who are not. Also, it is vital for an organization to have a team of assertive individuals that promote cooperation, support, unity, training and developments . This is to successfully establish an effective project management process which is essential for project success.

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When it comes to our personal development, assertiveness sure helps a lot. Here are some of them.

Provide Yourself More Value. Assertiveness increases self-confidence and improves self-image. You develop the awareness that you have are not only entitled to your own opinions, but you have the right to express them. Also, you adopt a more realistic view of yourself.

You Learn To Value Others. Rather than seeing other people as a threat, an assertive behavior allows you to see them in a realistic context. You understand the individualities of a person and you see them as collaborators which can help you achieve things.

Gives You An Opportunity To Achieve More. When you convey your message appropriately and clearly, you never have to worry about unresolved issues or not being able to please other people. You can channel your effort and time for more worthy things which can help you unleash your full potential.

Overall, one major benefit of being assertive is that it allows us to h ave a healthy relationship with other people while improving ourselves. It may not be easy, but over time, we can learn to develop this behavior.

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So, What Does It Takes To Be Assertive?

Each person has different ways of developing assertiveness in them. For others, it can be pretty easy, while for some it may require them a lot of efforts to be assertive. But here are some tips we can work on to develop our assertiveness.

Know Your Value As A Person

Never allow other people to let you feel less important as them. Don’t allow them to make you feel inferior. Understand that your opinions, thoughts, feelings and your right to express them are as valuable as others.

We have a full control of ourselves. Some people may treat us poorly because they can see us doing that on our own selves. That gives them permission to treat us the way they do. Our confidence, energy and our attitude convey a message to people. These trigger their actions towards us.

If they see us as someone who has high regard of ourselves and someone who knows how to protect our rights and dignity, they will treat us as such as well. So it all starts with ourselves. When we know our value as a person, people will start to see us as their equal.

Identify Your Needs And Wants And Address Them

If you wait for people to address and satisfy your needs, you might wait for forever. Be independent. You need to put yourself in action to satisfy your own needs and wants. Moreover, when you learn to work towards satisfying your needs, you are more likely to reach your true potential and you become self-fulfilled. Thus, you boost your self-confidence and self-esteem.

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However, in your desire to achieve your goals, do not forget that there are limitations. Do not be over-fixated with your dreams that you ignore and undermine other people’s rights. They too have to work for their own desires so make sure you don’t sacrifice other people’s needs to achieve yours.

Acknowledge The Fact That You Have No Control Of People’s Response

As the cliché saying goes, “you can’t please everyone”. You are not responsible for other people’s response towards your actions. So stop fretting about upsetting them because of your assertive behavior.

We are only responsible for our actions. We should not concede to their wants and needs for as long as we are not violating their rights and feelings. If they don’t like how we assert our own views and opinions, it is not our responsibility.

Express And Accept Criticisms In An Appropriate Manner

We have an imperfect life and that is why we give criticisms to others and receive criticisms as well. It is important that we should learn how to express negative thoughts to others in a way that we don’t violate their rights. Point mistakes and opinions, but express it in a way that it will be useful for the improvement and development of that certain person.

Likewise, when we receive criticisms, we should not take it personally. It’s okay to be upset or angry for a moment, but we should never lose our respect for the person. Instead, let’s view criticisms as a useful feedback which we can use for our personal or professional growth.

Say “No” When You Feel It’s Not Right For You

We always have to go for what’s right for us. We can’t just go with other people’s demand, especially if it is not aligned with our principles. If we do, we are losing our self-worth. We should always remember that it’s okay not no please everyone for as long as we are not stepping on their rights. But, if there is really a need to do things which are beyond our capabilities, we can learn to find other alternatives to meet halfway and provide a win-win solution.

Learning how to be assertive is not as complicated as we think. It may take some time to master assertiveness, but with constant practice, we can slowly make a transition. So give it a try and who knows, sooner or later, you will enjoy the long-term benefits of being assertive.

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Last Updated on August 15, 2018

What Makes a Relationship Boring and How to Avoid It

What Makes a Relationship Boring and How to Avoid It

You’ve finally reached that comfortable spot in your relationship. You finish each other’s sentences and know before they order what the other one will have for lunch at your favorite restaurant. But, it’s starting to feel like boredom to you.

Video Summary

Security Can Lead to Boredom

It is normal to reach this level of security in a relationship. The longer you’re with somebody, the more you get to know them and what to expect from them. This level of familiarity is the cause of relationship boredom.

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Although security is definitely something you want with your significant other, what you don’t want is the boredom. One of the biggest mistakes a couple can make is believing that their predictability makes up for the loss of intimacy or excitement they used to feel together.[1] Why? Because this boredom increases your chances of losing the love between you.

When a couple starts to settle for feeling safe and secure, they believe nothing in the world can tear them apart. And this sense of confidence means they often stop putting effort into their relationship. Instead, their shared life becomes automatic, occurring without too much thought or investment and becoming indifferent. The last thing you want is to be in an indifferent romantic relationship. With indifference comes a whole slew of other feelings like annoyance and irritation, which in turn, prompts arguments.[2]

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Don’t allow this to happen to you and your significant other.

How to Prevent Boredom in Your Relationship

So, what can you do to avoid boredom in your relationship? Here are some great ideas to spark the passion and excitement:

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Try Something New Together

There’s nothing better for breaking up monotony than doing something new together. Do you two love taking pictures? Take a photography class together. Do you usually go hiking on the weekends? Throw a zipline or paragliding session into the mix. Research indicates that trying new activities is a great way to beat boredom.

Make a Plan for the Future

No, you don’t have to plan where you’ll buy your house or how many kids you’ll have if you’re not ready for that sort of conversation. You can, however, plan a weekend getaway or a vacation for a few months down the road. Making a plan gives you something to look forward to, which helps fight boredom. According to life coach Kelly Rogers, making plans for the future gives your relationship a little adrenaline rush, making you feel a sense of appreciation for each other.[3]

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Establish a Date Night

In your everyday, mundane life together, it can be easy to forget to make the two of you a priority. Establishing a mandatory date night is a wonderful way to bring you and your significant other together for some quality time. Melanie Schilling, a relationship psychologist, claims that date nights are actually critical to relationship health.[4] Set something specific to do together as often as your schedule allows. It doesn’t have to be dinner at an expensive restaurant either. You can plan a “no cell phone” night, a walk at the park, or even try to recreate one of your first dates together.

Remember to Say “I Love You”

Don’t forget to remind your partner why you are together, especially when boredom creeps its head between you two. Simple things like saying, “I love you” or letting them know how much you appreciate them can help you keep the romance alive in your relationship. Try to think about the happy memories the two of you have shared; it can be far too easy to dwell on the problems. Remembering why and how much you love your significant other is a great way to forget about any boredom you thought you were feeling.

Reference

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