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Can Time Really Heal Us or Not?

Can Time Really Heal Us or Not?

It is very hard to experience heartbreak. It feels like the pain will never end, even though everyone around you is telling you that you will move on.

Break-ups are difficult for everyone involved, whether it was a mutual breakup or a one-sided break-up. The pain can feel almost physical, and the idea of living a normal day-to-day life can feel impossible. Your instincts may be telling you to hide from the pain with a distraction, but in reality, it is best to experience the roller-coaster of emotions that your body is feeling.

At the time the pain will seem intense, and many people will tell you that time is the best healer. But is this actually true? Will time heal your pain?

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The truth is that time will heal your broken heart, but how long this will take varies between people. Everyone has their own individual reaction to rejection and heartbreak, and these reactions will also be shaped by the length of the relationship, your age, and how emotionally involved you were with the other person.

So time will heal you, but in the meantime, you can also do some things to help heal yourself.

Here are seven ways to heal yourself quickly so that you can start letting go.

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Be In A Relationship With Your Best Friends

Your best friends love and care for you in a way that is similar to a romantic relationship – just without the romance! This is why you should spend as much time as you can focusing on the positive, loving relationships you have with your best friends, instead of thinking about your negative previous romantic relationship.

Remember that your friends fulfill you in a way that a partner never will. Travel with your friends, invite them out for dinner dates and spend the night on the couch with them watching TV – you may even find that you end up having more fun with them than you would have with your ex.

Remember That Rejection Is A Part Of Life

No-one likes being rejected, but sadly it happens to most people at some point in their life. This is because life is filled with soaring highs and crashing lows, and while the lows are difficult at the time they will make you stronger emotionally.

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Focus On Having A Positive Mind-Set

Be open to new experiences and ideas, and make an effort to try new things that you’ve always been interested. Who knows – you could end up preferring yoga to your last relationship!

Know That Grief Is Not A Choice

You have gone through a difficult break-up and you have lost something that was very important to you, so grief is completely natural. Many people try to control their grief, but grief is not a choice and it will control you. This may feel unpleasant, but the best thing that you can do is bravely battle through the pain that you feel. Acknowledge the hurt, and then let it pass.

Remember That The Majority Of Relationships End

Whether it is due to a break-up or a divorce, lots of relationships will end. This is why you shouldn’t ever feel inadequate after a break-up. Even the most interesting, loving, funny and beautiful people go through rejection, heartbreak and loss.

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Work On Loving Yourself

One of the hardest things about a break-up is feeling like you are incomplete without the other person. If you can relate to this, remember that you don’t need someone else to complete you if you love yourself enough. Take some time to learn more about yourself and what you love so that you can be happy without a partner.

Spend Time With People Who Support You

Spending time with people who love and support you for who you are will help to ease the pain of the break-up. They will remind you that many people do support you, and this will motivate you to move on through your heartbreak.

More by this author

Amy Johnson

Amy is a writer who blogs about relationships and lifestyle advice.

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Last Updated on May 7, 2019

How to Detect a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

How to Detect a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

Work in any competitive field long enough, and you’re bound to run into a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It’s a powerful image. A shepherd watches over his flock to protect them from harm. He’d chase away any predator that tried to make its way into the flock. A clever wolf wearing the skin of a sheep as a disguise can sneak by the vigilant shepherd and get into the herd undetected.

The story isn’t just a colorful description–it’s a warning to all of us to beware the wolf in sheep’s clothing. They may seem innocent, but they have ulterior motives. They’ll use different tactics to camouflage their intentions.

The person who is kind to you, but undercuts you when you aren’t around is a wolf in disguise. A wolf in sheep’s clothing might pick your brain for ideas and then pass them off as their own to get a promotion. They’re always looking out for themselves at the expense of everyone around them.

Wearing a Disguise Has Its Advantages

People don’t go out of their way to manipulate others unless they’re getting something out of it. Hiding their intentions gives wolves the chance to manipulate other people to advance their own agenda. They know that what they’re trying to do wouldn’t be popular, or it might cause struggle if they presented themselves honestly.

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    They’ll be able to do what they want with less interference if they put on an act. By the time people figure out their true motives, the wolf has what it wants.

    Signs That Someone Is a Wolf in Disguise

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        1. They live to take power instead of empowering others. A wolf uses people as stepping stones to get the things that they want. They don’t care what happens to anyone else.[1] A wolf at work might make you look bad during a presentation to make themselves look amazing in front of the boss.
        2. Wolves seem sweet on the outside, but they’ll show you their teeth. If wolves revealed their true identity, people wouldn’t associate with them. They develop a friendly or kind persona, but they can’t keep up the act 24/7. Eventually, they’ll reveal their aggressive tendencies. A wealthy person who likes to break the law may make sizable charitable donations to convince people that they are kind and thoughtful. These donations largely keep them out of trouble, but if someone calls them out, they destroy that person’s reputation to stifle the criticism.
        3. They manipulate through emotions to get what they want. Wolves know that they can get ahead by appealing to your emotions. They find out what you want and need, and they give you just enough to keep you quiet and compliant. Imagine that your boss is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and you want to ask for a vacation. She might try to play on your guilt and feelings of insecurity to get you to skip vacation or take fewer days off.
        4. A wolf will charm you first. Wolves are experts at manipulating the people around them. They appear interested in whatever you’re doing, and you’ll get the impression that they care. After they get you where they want you, they do just enough to keep you on the hook. This is the coworker who may start out being your friend, but they end up dumping responsibility onto you. When they see that you are growing frustrated, they’ll surprise you with something to charm you some more. Then, they’ll continue to do whatever they want.
        5. Their stories are full of holes.  Calling a wolf out is the surest way to make them squirm. When this person tries to come up with a story, it won’t make much sense because they are improvising.[2] The classic example of this is the significant other that you suspect has cheated on you. When you ask them why they came home so late, they’ll either become upset with you, or they’ll make up a weak explanation.

        How to Spot a Wolf

          Know What’s Real So You Can Spot the Phony

          Do some homework so that you have as much of the story as possible before you work with them. Research how they respond in certain situations, or give them hypothetical problems to see how they respond.

          A job applicant might tell you that she’s always positive and thinks of herself as a team-player. That’s what every employer wants to hear. During the interview you ask applicants to work in groups to solve a problem to see how they handle the situation. The applicant “positive team-player” is bossy and negative. You’ve spotted the wolf.

          A wolf will tell you something that ultimately benefits them. Gather evidence that proves or disproves their position, and see what happens. Chances are, when you choose the side that supports their agenda, they’ll act like your best friend. If you disagree, they’ll become aggressive.

          Spotting a potential wolf–especially if you are one of the sheep–can present you with some challenges. If your gut tells you that a wolf is lurking among all the other sheep, pay attention, and make sure you take the next step.

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          Ask Questions, the More the Better

          There’s nothing wrong with asking questions to uncover the truth. The safety of everyone in your group is at risk. Since wolves often make up stories, you may be able to call them out when their tales lack details.

          When they state an opinion, ask “Why do you think that?” or “How do you know it’s like that?” They’ll have trouble coming up with enough information to pull off the lie.

          Since wolves are always pretending to be something they aren’t, they don’t usually have a clearly thought-out reason for what they say. In a debate, they won’t understand the root of an issue.

          They may also tell you what they think you want to hear, but when pressed for more information, they won’t have anything to add. Their knowledge is superficial. No matter how much you try to encourage discussion, they will not be able to carry on a conversation about the subject.

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          Wolves Are Everywhere

          As much as we want to believe that everyone has the best intentions, it isn’t always the case. Some people only do things to benefit themselves, and they don’t care who they hurt in the process.

          Wolves in sheep’s clothing can be found in almost every setting. You can’t get rid of them, but if you can spot them, you can avoid falling into their traps.

          Reference

          [1] Association of Biblical Counselors: Three Ways to Spot a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing
          [2] Power of Positivity: Beware of a wolf in sheep’s clothing

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