Advertising
Advertising

Can Time Really Heal Us or Not?

Can Time Really Heal Us or Not?

It is very hard to experience heartbreak. It feels like the pain will never end, even though everyone around you is telling you that you will move on.

Break-ups are difficult for everyone involved, whether it was a mutual breakup or a one-sided break-up. The pain can feel almost physical, and the idea of living a normal day-to-day life can feel impossible. Your instincts may be telling you to hide from the pain with a distraction, but in reality, it is best to experience the roller-coaster of emotions that your body is feeling.

At the time the pain will seem intense, and many people will tell you that time is the best healer. But is this actually true? Will time heal your pain?

Advertising

The truth is that time will heal your broken heart, but how long this will take varies between people. Everyone has their own individual reaction to rejection and heartbreak, and these reactions will also be shaped by the length of the relationship, your age, and how emotionally involved you were with the other person.

So time will heal you, but in the meantime, you can also do some things to help heal yourself.

Here are seven ways to heal yourself quickly so that you can start letting go.

Advertising

Be In A Relationship With Your Best Friends

Your best friends love and care for you in a way that is similar to a romantic relationship – just without the romance! This is why you should spend as much time as you can focusing on the positive, loving relationships you have with your best friends, instead of thinking about your negative previous romantic relationship.

Remember that your friends fulfill you in a way that a partner never will. Travel with your friends, invite them out for dinner dates and spend the night on the couch with them watching TV – you may even find that you end up having more fun with them than you would have with your ex.

Remember That Rejection Is A Part Of Life

No-one likes being rejected, but sadly it happens to most people at some point in their life. This is because life is filled with soaring highs and crashing lows, and while the lows are difficult at the time they will make you stronger emotionally.

Advertising

Focus On Having A Positive Mind-Set

Be open to new experiences and ideas, and make an effort to try new things that you’ve always been interested. Who knows – you could end up preferring yoga to your last relationship!

Know That Grief Is Not A Choice

You have gone through a difficult break-up and you have lost something that was very important to you, so grief is completely natural. Many people try to control their grief, but grief is not a choice and it will control you. This may feel unpleasant, but the best thing that you can do is bravely battle through the pain that you feel. Acknowledge the hurt, and then let it pass.

Remember That The Majority Of Relationships End

Whether it is due to a break-up or a divorce, lots of relationships will end. This is why you shouldn’t ever feel inadequate after a break-up. Even the most interesting, loving, funny and beautiful people go through rejection, heartbreak and loss.

Advertising

Work On Loving Yourself

One of the hardest things about a break-up is feeling like you are incomplete without the other person. If you can relate to this, remember that you don’t need someone else to complete you if you love yourself enough. Take some time to learn more about yourself and what you love so that you can be happy without a partner.

Spend Time With People Who Support You

Spending time with people who love and support you for who you are will help to ease the pain of the break-up. They will remind you that many people do support you, and this will motivate you to move on through your heartbreak.

More by this author

Amy Johnson

Amy is a writer who blogs about relationships and lifestyle advice.

If You Feel Trapped, Do These 9 Things To Take Your Life Back If You Feel Trapped, Do These 9 Things To Take Your Life Back This List of 50 Low-cost Hobbies Will Excite You Daily Routine of Successful People That Will Inspire You to Achieve More 15 Inspirational Weekend Activities to do by Yourself 15 Amazing Design Ideas For Your Small Living Room

Trending in Psychology

1 Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering 2 How to Increase Your Self Awareness to Be Much More Successful 3 How to Do Meditation at Home to Calm Your Anxious Mind 4 How to Handle Rejection and Overcome the Fear of Being Rejected 5 8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on February 19, 2019

Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

No one wants to suffer. As a general rule, people like to avoid hurt and pain as much as possible. As a species, humans want a painless existence so much that scientists make a living trying to create it.

People can now choose “pain-free” labor for babies, and remedies to cure back pain, headaches, body-pains and even mental pains are a dime a dozen. Beyond medicine, we also work hard to experience little pain even when it comes to loss; often times we believe a breakup won’t hurt as much if we are the ones to call it off.

But would a world without pain truly be painless? It’s unlikely. In fact, it would probably be painful exactly for that reason.

If people never experienced hurt, they wouldn’t know what it was. On the surface level, that seems like a blessing, but think for a moment: if we didn’t know pain, how would we know peace? If you don’t know you’ve hurt or been hurt, how would you know that you need to heal? Imagine someone only knowing they have an incurable cancer at the final stage because no obvious symptoms have appeared at early stages.

Without the feeling of pain, people won’t be aware of dangerous situations—what should or shouldn’t do for survival.

Advertising

Pain Is Our Guardian

Pain serves to protect human beings from harmful actions. It’s the same reason parents teach babies that fire equals hot, and that hot equals hurt. Should the baby still place its hand in a fire or on a stove, the intense pain remains so memorable, that the child is certain never to repeat that action.

In the same way, pain within human bodies can serve as a warning that something is not right. Because you know what it is to feel “well,” you know what it is to feel poorly.[1]

Along with serving as a teacher of what not to do, pain also teaches you what you are made of in terms of what you can handle as an individual.

While the cliche, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is a tired term, it’s used excessively for a reason: it’s true. Pain helps you learn to cope with life’s inevitable difficulties and sadnesses— to develop the grit it takes to push past hardships and carry on.

Whether it’s a shattering pain, like the loss of a loved one or a debilitating accident, pain affects everyone differently. But it still affects everyone. Take a breakup as an example, anyone who has experienced it knows it can hurt to the point of feeling physical. Especially the first breakup. At a young age, it feels like the loss of the only love you’ll ever know. As you grow and learn, you realize you’re more resilient with every ended relationship.

Advertising

No Pain, No Happiness

You only know happiness when you have known pain. While the idea of constant happiness sounds nice, there is little chance it would be. Without the comparison to happiness, there’s no reason to be grateful for it. That is to say, without ever knowing sadness or pain, you would have no reason to be grateful for happiness.

In reality, there is always something missing, or something unpleasant, but it is only through those realizations that you know to be grateful when you feel you have it all. Read more about why happiness and pain have to exist together: Chasing Happiness Won’t Make You Happy

In a somewhat counter-intuitive finding, researchers found one of the things that brings about the most happiness is challenge. When people are tested, they experience a greater sense of accomplishment and happiness when they are successful. It is largely for this reason that low-income individuals can often feel happier than those who have a sense of wealth.[2]

This is a great thing to remember the next time you feel you would be happier if you just had a little more cash.

Avoiding Pain Leads to More Suffering

Pain is inevitable, embrace it positively. Anyone who strives to have a painless life is striving for perfectionism; and perfectionism guarantees sadness because nothing will ever be perfect.

Advertising

This isn’t a bleak outlook, but rather a truthful one. The messy moments in life tend to create the best memories and gratitude. Pain often serves as a reminder of lessons learned, much like physical scars on the body.

Pain will always be painful, but it’s the hurt feelings that help wiser decisions be made.

Allow Room for the Inevitable

Learning how to tolerate pain, especially the emotional kind, is a valuable lesson.

Accepting and feeling pain makes you human. There is no weakness in that. Weakness only comes when you try to blame your own pain on someone else, expecting the blame to alleviate your hurting. There’s a saying,

“Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die.”

Think back to the last time you were really angry with someone. Maybe you were hurt because you got laid off from a job. You felt angry and that anger caused so much pain that you could feel it in a physical way. Being angry and blaming your ex boss for that pain didn’t affect him or her in any way; you’re the only one who lost sleep over it.

The healthier thing to do in a situation like that is acknowledge your pain and the anger along with it. Accept it and explore it in an introspective way. How can you learn and grow? What is at the root of that pain? Are you truly hurting and angry about being laid off, or is the pain more a correlation to you feeling like you failed?

While uncomfortable, exploring your pain is a way to raise your self-awareness. By understanding more about yourself, you know how to deal with similar situations in the future. You can never expect to be numb to difficult situations, but you will learn to better prepare financially for the loss of a job and be grateful for an income since you now know nothing is promised (no matter how much you work or how deserving you may feel).

Pain Hurts, but Numbness Would Be Worse

Pain does not feel good, but the bad feeling of it will help you learn and grow. It makes the sweet moments in life even sweeter and the gratitude more sincere.

To have a happier and more successful life, you don’t learn from success or accomplishment, but through pain and failures. For it is in those moments that you learn how to do better in the future or at least cope a little more easily.

Advertising

You are the strong person you are today because of the hardships this life has presented to you. While you may have felt out of control when those hard times came, the one thing you will always have control over is how you choose to react to things. The next time you hurt or you’re angry or sad, acknowledge it and allow yourself to ruminate in it. Then take a deep breath and start learning from that pain. You’ve got this!

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

[1] University of Calgary: Why is Pain Important?
[2] Greater Good Magazine: The Importance of Pain

Read Next