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If You Have Low Self Control, You’re Actually More Selfless in Relationships

If You Have Low Self Control, You’re Actually More Selfless in Relationships

The common belief is that a sustainable relationship requires both parties to be devoted to one another and willing to sacrifice for each other – which typically means having a strong level of self-control in order to make rational decisions that take into account both of your needs. Impulsivity, many believe, makes you a more selfish and uncaring partner, and is a bad trait for someone to have in a relationship.

However, a recent study found that this common belief may not quite be accurate.

Researchers from Vrije Universiteit Amsterdam and the University of London, who published their study in Psychological Science, a journal for the Association of Psychological Science, demonstrated that people with low self-control were more likely to take on more than their fair share of burdens than people with high self-control.[1]

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This suggests that they are actually more likely to behave selflessly as a result of their impulsivity. Although the study was limited in scope and more research needs to be done into the field, the results indicate that previous understandings of how impulsivity affects decision may be more cynical than they need to be.

They are willing to take a greater share of the burden

The results of the study suggest that contrary to previous understandings of how impulsivity affects one’s behavior, an instinct towards helping others might be our natural response to difficulties and challenges throughout life.[2]

The study asked couples to prepare to answer 12 strangers’ embarrassing questions about themselves, and were given the choice to decide how to tackle the task. Participants with higher self-control were more likely to divide the questions and strangers evenly, giving both members of the couple six questions and six strangers. However, participants with lower self-control were more willing to take on more of the embarrassing questions and conversations with strangers, saving their partners from the conversations.

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Their instinct is to think of their partners first

The study showed that participants who had higher self-control were likely to take more time to think through the impact of their actions, including the negative impact it would have on them, and weigh that against the impact it would have on their partner, whereas impulsive people were apparently more likely to take on the task of relieving their partner of a burden.

This suggests that our instinct is to care for our partners, while logic – which tells us to care about ourselves – will make us take a step back and temper what we are willing to do for others.

This is a healthy instinct to people in relationships to foster. The need to balance your own interests over others can prevent you, in some cases, from being willing to offer your partner a vape pen when they most need it. By identifying and encouraging a desire to help your partner first, you become a more caring a providing partner.

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They expect their partners to reciprocate their devotion

On the other hand, those same scientists found that people in relationships who had more impulsivity and displayed more willingness to take a greater share of a burden than their partner were also more likely to hold higher standards and feel more resentment if their partner doesn’t go above and beyond for them, as well.

The scientists suggested that this may be a result of the impulsive person being unable to see past a partner’s current action to judge the relationship as a whole, and thus is more likely to hold an individual event or behavior against their partner, suggesting that they have more difficulty thinking through the big picture than less impulsive people.

They have to beware of letting resentment build up

The scientists pointed out that selfless behavior could be a downside over a long period of time, particularly if one partner is making multiple sacrifices.[3]

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In addition, holding a grudge about a particular incident instead of viewing the whole relationship could also sour a devoted partner. Lead researcher Francesca Righetti said such a problem is a delicate balance between all couples, but this particular trait may identify couples who struggle with it more.

Impulsivity seems to have some benefits and some trade-offs; partners with impulsive partners should take note of ensuring both members of the relationship are making sacrifices, not just one half, while impulsive partners should take care to evaluate their partner’s behavior overall, rather than through the lens of specific events.

Foster your relationship by encouraging the desire to prioritize your partner over yourself. However, such a strategy should be employed evenly by both partners. If your partner isn’t willing to sacrifice as much for you as you are for them, you may be taken advantage of instead.

Featured photo credit: Hamza Butt via flic.kr

Reference

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Last Updated on March 17, 2020

4 Simple Ways to Make Boring Work Become Interesting

4 Simple Ways to Make Boring Work Become Interesting

Are you bored at work right now?

Sitting at your desk, wishing you could be anywhere other than here, doing anything else…?

You’re not alone.

Even when you have a job you love, it’s easy to get bored. And if your job isn’t something you’re passionate about, it’s even easier for boredom to creep in.

Did you know it’s actually possible to make any job more interesting?

That’s right.

Whether it’s data entry or shelf stacking, even the most mind-numbing of jobs can be made more fun.

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Understanding the science behind boredom is the first step to beating it.

Read on to learn the truth about boredom, and what you can do to stop feeling bored at work for good.

VIDEO SUMMARY

I’m bored – as you’re watching the same film over and over again, even though it’s your favorite one

When you experience something new, your brain releases opioids – chemicals which make you feel good. [1]

It’s the feeling you might get when you taste a new food for the first time, watch a cool new film, or meet a new person.

However, the next time you have the same experience, the brain processes it in a different way, without releasing so many feel-good chemicals.

That’s why you won’t get the same thrill when you eat that delicious meal for the tenth time, rewatch that film again, or spend time with the same friend.

So, in a nutshell, we get bored when we aren’t having any new experiences.

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Now, new experiences don’t have to be huge life changes – they could be as simple as taking a different route to work, or picking a different sandwich shop for lunch.

We’re going to apply this theory to your boring job.

Keep reading find out how to make subtle changes to the way you work to defeat boredom and have more fun.

Your work can be much more interesting if you learn these little tricks.

Ready to learn how to stop feeling so bored at work?

We’ve listed some simple suggestions below – you can start implementing these right now.

Let’s do this.

Make routine tasks more interesting by adding something new

Sometimes one new element is all it takes to turn routine tasks from dull to interesting.

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Maybe there’s a long drive you have to make every single week. You get so bored, going the same old route to make the same old deliveries.

Why not make it a routine to create a playlist of new music each Sunday, to listen to on your boring drive during the week?

Just like that, something you dread can be turned into the highlight of your day.

For other routine tasks, you could try setting a timer and trying to beat your record, moving to a new location to complete the task, or trying out a new technique for getting the work done – you might even improve your productivity, too.

Combine repetitive tasks to get them out of the way

Certain tasks are difficult to make interesting, no matter how hard you try.

Get these yawn-inducing chores out of the way ASAP by combining them into one quick, focused batch.

For example, if you hate listening to meeting recordings, and dislike tidying your desk, do them both at the same time. You’ll halve the time you spend bored out of your mind, and can move onto more interesting tasks as soon as you’re done.

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Break large tasks into small pieces and plan breaks between them

Feeling overwhelmed can lead you to procrastinate and get bored. Try breaking up large tasks into lots of small pieces to keep things manageable and fun.

Try breaking up a 10,000 word report into 1000-word sections. Reward yourself at the end of each section, and you’ll get 10 mini mood boosts, instead of just one at the end.

You can also plan short breaks between each section, which will help to prevent boredom and keep you focused.

Give yourself regular rewards, it can be anything that makes you feel good

Make sure you reward yourself for achievements, even if they feel small.

Rewards could include:

  • Eating your favourite snack.
  • Taking a walk in a natural area.
  • Spending a few minutes on a fun online game.
  • Buying yourself a small treat.
  • Visiting a new place.
  • Spending time on a favourite hobby.

Your brain will come to associate work with fun rewards, and you’ll soon feel less bored and more motivated.

Boredom doesn’t have to be a fact of life.

Make your working life feel a thousand times more fun by following the simple tips above.

Reference

[1] Psychology Today: Why People Get Bored

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