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How Couples Counseling Can Help You Get Through Hard Times with Your Loved One

How Couples Counseling Can Help You Get Through Hard Times with Your Loved One

The average couples counseling is 12 sessions, however it can be varying for each couple. Most times after a couple of sessions you should know if the therapy is working.

Couples counseling should help you and your partner communicate better in a more positive and effective manner.

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Do couples counseling really work? Is it an effective solution when it comes to saving a relationship? It depends on who are in the relationship. For veterans who have gone through certain difficult periods, handling a relationship could be tough. However veterans can find benefits with programs that help them become appreciative of their environment and its loved ones.[1]

At the end of the day, couples should know that much could be salvaged depending on the multitude of considerations that the two persons in the relationship bring to counseling. Some of the qualities that could make couples counseling is empathy, being commitment-oriented, integrity and honesty, flexibility, humility, basic intelligence, maturity, mental balance and being concerned about the other person as much as you care about yourself. You may not have many of these characteristics but working on these qualities now could help you make the most of couples counseling.

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Here are some ways couples counseling can help saving a relationship.

Explore a problem from a new perspective

If couples are motivated enough, they can start looking and exploring the reason for their failures in the relationship with a new perspective. It is indeed a more insightful and expansive process when couples can look at a problem with a fresh viewpoint rather than being rigid about it. Most times enrolling for couples counseling shows a couple is willing to work through their problems. And couples counseling would give them that new angle to find solutions rather than be stuck with problems.

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Be able to make hard choices or decisions

During couple counseling, couples can make those hard choices of wanting to make the relationship work or not.[2] Certainly there is a renewed commitment or clarification of why a couple would want to make the relationship work again. Most times couples would want to go forward and save what relationship they have.

Improve communication between partners

Interactions could become poor in a relationship. Quality communication between partners is eroded when disputes occur. Such times could cause couples to reach a stalemate and distort their opinion of each other. Most times they lose the ability to be more trusting of each other and their weaknesses become exposed. However couples counseling could better their communication with each other and let them express their feelings more openly. They have an avenue to express how they truly feel.

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Resolve conflicts in new ways

Couple counseling makes couples discover and find new ways to resolve conflicts. It can be hard to recognize conflicts or its causes and how to go about them. But a therapist will certainly provide tools necessary in dealing with difficult issues. You learn something you may never have known previously in handling critical situations.

Find a ground to expunge your disappointment or frustration

Of course we may be carrying “baggage” in a relationship, this we may not even be aware of. And such baggage would cause further harm in subsequent disputes. Couples counseling will always provide a “neutral territory” for couples to discuss and work through difficult issues. Such “baggage” could be what stops you from moving on in a relationship, but this is discussed and worked out.

You should understand that couples counseling takes hard work, determination, and a desire to take one for the team. It is not for the immature or unprepared. It comes down to the willingness and the desire to do anything to save your relationship and be progressive about it.

Reference

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Casey Imafidon

Specialized in motivation and personal growth, providing advice to make readers fulfilled and spurred on to achieve all that they desire in life.

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Last Updated on May 7, 2019

How to Detect a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

How to Detect a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

Work in any competitive field long enough, and you’re bound to run into a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It’s a powerful image. A shepherd watches over his flock to protect them from harm. He’d chase away any predator that tried to make its way into the flock. A clever wolf wearing the skin of a sheep as a disguise can sneak by the vigilant shepherd and get into the herd undetected.

The story isn’t just a colorful description–it’s a warning to all of us to beware the wolf in sheep’s clothing. They may seem innocent, but they have ulterior motives. They’ll use different tactics to camouflage their intentions.

The person who is kind to you, but undercuts you when you aren’t around is a wolf in disguise. A wolf in sheep’s clothing might pick your brain for ideas and then pass them off as their own to get a promotion. They’re always looking out for themselves at the expense of everyone around them.

Wearing a Disguise Has Its Advantages

People don’t go out of their way to manipulate others unless they’re getting something out of it. Hiding their intentions gives wolves the chance to manipulate other people to advance their own agenda. They know that what they’re trying to do wouldn’t be popular, or it might cause struggle if they presented themselves honestly.

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    They’ll be able to do what they want with less interference if they put on an act. By the time people figure out their true motives, the wolf has what it wants.

    Signs That Someone Is a Wolf in Disguise

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        1. They live to take power instead of empowering others. A wolf uses people as stepping stones to get the things that they want. They don’t care what happens to anyone else.[1] A wolf at work might make you look bad during a presentation to make themselves look amazing in front of the boss.
        2. Wolves seem sweet on the outside, but they’ll show you their teeth. If wolves revealed their true identity, people wouldn’t associate with them. They develop a friendly or kind persona, but they can’t keep up the act 24/7. Eventually, they’ll reveal their aggressive tendencies. A wealthy person who likes to break the law may make sizable charitable donations to convince people that they are kind and thoughtful. These donations largely keep them out of trouble, but if someone calls them out, they destroy that person’s reputation to stifle the criticism.
        3. They manipulate through emotions to get what they want. Wolves know that they can get ahead by appealing to your emotions. They find out what you want and need, and they give you just enough to keep you quiet and compliant. Imagine that your boss is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and you want to ask for a vacation. She might try to play on your guilt and feelings of insecurity to get you to skip vacation or take fewer days off.
        4. A wolf will charm you first. Wolves are experts at manipulating the people around them. They appear interested in whatever you’re doing, and you’ll get the impression that they care. After they get you where they want you, they do just enough to keep you on the hook. This is the coworker who may start out being your friend, but they end up dumping responsibility onto you. When they see that you are growing frustrated, they’ll surprise you with something to charm you some more. Then, they’ll continue to do whatever they want.
        5. Their stories are full of holes.  Calling a wolf out is the surest way to make them squirm. When this person tries to come up with a story, it won’t make much sense because they are improvising.[2] The classic example of this is the significant other that you suspect has cheated on you. When you ask them why they came home so late, they’ll either become upset with you, or they’ll make up a weak explanation.

        How to Spot a Wolf

          Know What’s Real So You Can Spot the Phony

          Do some homework so that you have as much of the story as possible before you work with them. Research how they respond in certain situations, or give them hypothetical problems to see how they respond.

          A job applicant might tell you that she’s always positive and thinks of herself as a team-player. That’s what every employer wants to hear. During the interview you ask applicants to work in groups to solve a problem to see how they handle the situation. The applicant “positive team-player” is bossy and negative. You’ve spotted the wolf.

          A wolf will tell you something that ultimately benefits them. Gather evidence that proves or disproves their position, and see what happens. Chances are, when you choose the side that supports their agenda, they’ll act like your best friend. If you disagree, they’ll become aggressive.

          Spotting a potential wolf–especially if you are one of the sheep–can present you with some challenges. If your gut tells you that a wolf is lurking among all the other sheep, pay attention, and make sure you take the next step.

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          Ask Questions, the More the Better

          There’s nothing wrong with asking questions to uncover the truth. The safety of everyone in your group is at risk. Since wolves often make up stories, you may be able to call them out when their tales lack details.

          When they state an opinion, ask “Why do you think that?” or “How do you know it’s like that?” They’ll have trouble coming up with enough information to pull off the lie.

          Since wolves are always pretending to be something they aren’t, they don’t usually have a clearly thought-out reason for what they say. In a debate, they won’t understand the root of an issue.

          They may also tell you what they think you want to hear, but when pressed for more information, they won’t have anything to add. Their knowledge is superficial. No matter how much you try to encourage discussion, they will not be able to carry on a conversation about the subject.

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          Wolves Are Everywhere

          As much as we want to believe that everyone has the best intentions, it isn’t always the case. Some people only do things to benefit themselves, and they don’t care who they hurt in the process.

          Wolves in sheep’s clothing can be found in almost every setting. You can’t get rid of them, but if you can spot them, you can avoid falling into their traps.

          Reference

          [1] Association of Biblical Counselors: Three Ways to Spot a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing
          [2] Power of Positivity: Beware of a wolf in sheep’s clothing

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