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The Most Common Mistakes That Make Great Relationships Turn into Bad Ones

The Most Common Mistakes That Make Great Relationships Turn into Bad Ones

It happened again. For some reason, something as simple as choosing dinner just turned into an argument. You don’t understand it. The two of you have always been a great couple, yet lately, something just isn’t right. What’s going on?

Time and time again, perfectly happy and in love couples make common mistakes that ruin their relationships. It’s difficult to identify the problem because there is no one-size-fits-all relationship advice out there.

Can’t wait turning things around?

But, there is a long list of the most common mistakes that ruin romantic relationships. If you’re hoping to save what the two of you have, it’s worth taking a look at the following relationship advice and figuring out what exactly applies to you and your partner.

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The most common and fatal relationship mistakes

So, without further ado, here are the most common mistakes that can ruin great relationships:

Expecting your significant other to be telepathic

As much as you may want them to be, your significant other is not telepathic. They cannot read your mind. And it is not fair of you to expect them to magically know what you need if you haven’t clearly told them. If your partner doesn’t know what you need, it is not a sign that they don’t love you enough. It is a sign of a lack of communication.

What can you do? Learn to effectively communicate your wants and needs. Be truthful, open, honest, sincere, and patient.[1] Without these traits, no relationship can grow and develop . Help your partner learn more about you by being clear with them. Give them the chance to be a successful partner.

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Withholding information

We’re not talking about keeping their birthday gift a surprise until the big day, we’re talking about honesty. If you keep a secret and your significant other find out about it, guess what? You’ve just broken the trust between you two. And trust is nearly impossible to rebuild. Why bother rebuilding trust when you can just be honest and open in the first place?

Just to be clear, keeping a secret is equivalent to lying. It is not “withholding information”. It is lying and it is dishonest. One of the best pieces of relationship advice that I’ve ever heard is to keep trust between the two of you, not secrets.

Trying to fix their problems

Ever have a bad day at work and just need to vent, complain, and whine about the situation and the people involved? Did you want somebody to tell you what you did wrong, what you should have done, and what to do to fix the problem later? No, right? What you wanted was somebody to listen to you. That’s it. You just needed to get it all off your chest.

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Guess what? It’s exactly the same with your significant other. If they have a problem and they choose to confide in you, it is not your responsibility to provide a solution.[2] Unless your partner specifically says something along the lines of, “What would you do?”, “What should I do?”, or “Please help me fix this problem.” – just listen. Pretty simple relationship advice, right?

Expecting them to make you happy

Yes, your partner should care about your happiness. No, your partner should not actively seek to destroy your happiness. But, it is not your partner’s job to make sure all of your needs are met. Being in a relationship does not mean that you stop being an independent individual.

What’s the point of the relationship then? Well, to grow and develop together, while maintaining independent identities. Healthy relationships are all about providing support, sharing dreams, and being happy for the other person’s emotional and intellectual growth. It’s about being considerate and giving, not about making the other person happy all the time.

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Communicating with negative nonverbal signs

Both of you are probably guilty of this one. Your partner says something that just sounds ridiculous so what do you do? Roll your eyes? Shake your head? Mutter something unintelligibly or otherwise indicate your disapproval without words?

My relationship advice? This isn’t necessary. In fact, it’s sort of rude. Don’t treat your significant other this way. It’s almost as if you’re asking for an argument. Show some respect to the person you are choosing to be with. Change your nonverbal cues for something more positive. A smile, a light touch, a hug, eye contact. These actions will benefit both of you much more than negative nonverbal communication.

If any of this sounds familiar to you, heed the relationship advice. Don’t go down any of these common paths unless you’re hoping for your relationship to end. Remember, relationships are all about caring, loving, showing consideration, and growing together. They take commitment and effort to be healthy, fulfilling, and successful.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via pexels.com

Reference

More by this author

Amber Pariona

EFL Teacher, Lifehack Writer, English/Spanish Translator, MPA

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Last Updated on February 19, 2019

Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

No one wants to suffer. As a general rule, people like to avoid hurt and pain as much as possible. As a species, humans want a painless existence so much that scientists make a living trying to create it.

People can now choose “pain-free” labor for babies, and remedies to cure back pain, headaches, body-pains and even mental pains are a dime a dozen. Beyond medicine, we also work hard to experience little pain even when it comes to loss; often times we believe a breakup won’t hurt as much if we are the ones to call it off.

But would a world without pain truly be painless? It’s unlikely. In fact, it would probably be painful exactly for that reason.

If people never experienced hurt, they wouldn’t know what it was. On the surface level, that seems like a blessing, but think for a moment: if we didn’t know pain, how would we know peace? If you don’t know you’ve hurt or been hurt, how would you know that you need to heal? Imagine someone only knowing they have an incurable cancer at the final stage because no obvious symptoms have appeared at early stages.

Without the feeling of pain, people won’t be aware of dangerous situations—what should or shouldn’t do for survival.

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Pain Is Our Guardian

Pain serves to protect human beings from harmful actions. It’s the same reason parents teach babies that fire equals hot, and that hot equals hurt. Should the baby still place its hand in a fire or on a stove, the intense pain remains so memorable, that the child is certain never to repeat that action.

In the same way, pain within human bodies can serve as a warning that something is not right. Because you know what it is to feel “well,” you know what it is to feel poorly.[1]

Along with serving as a teacher of what not to do, pain also teaches you what you are made of in terms of what you can handle as an individual.

While the cliche, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is a tired term, it’s used excessively for a reason: it’s true. Pain helps you learn to cope with life’s inevitable difficulties and sadnesses— to develop the grit it takes to push past hardships and carry on.

Whether it’s a shattering pain, like the loss of a loved one or a debilitating accident, pain affects everyone differently. But it still affects everyone. Take a breakup as an example, anyone who has experienced it knows it can hurt to the point of feeling physical. Especially the first breakup. At a young age, it feels like the loss of the only love you’ll ever know. As you grow and learn, you realize you’re more resilient with every ended relationship.

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No Pain, No Happiness

You only know happiness when you have known pain. While the idea of constant happiness sounds nice, there is little chance it would be. Without the comparison to happiness, there’s no reason to be grateful for it. That is to say, without ever knowing sadness or pain, you would have no reason to be grateful for happiness.

In reality, there is always something missing, or something unpleasant, but it is only through those realizations that you know to be grateful when you feel you have it all. Read more about why happiness and pain have to exist together: Chasing Happiness Won’t Make You Happy

In a somewhat counter-intuitive finding, researchers found one of the things that brings about the most happiness is challenge. When people are tested, they experience a greater sense of accomplishment and happiness when they are successful. It is largely for this reason that low-income individuals can often feel happier than those who have a sense of wealth.[2]

This is a great thing to remember the next time you feel you would be happier if you just had a little more cash.

Avoiding Pain Leads to More Suffering

Pain is inevitable, embrace it positively. Anyone who strives to have a painless life is striving for perfectionism; and perfectionism guarantees sadness because nothing will ever be perfect.

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This isn’t a bleak outlook, but rather a truthful one. The messy moments in life tend to create the best memories and gratitude. Pain often serves as a reminder of lessons learned, much like physical scars on the body.

Pain will always be painful, but it’s the hurt feelings that help wiser decisions be made.

Allow Room for the Inevitable

Learning how to tolerate pain, especially the emotional kind, is a valuable lesson.

Accepting and feeling pain makes you human. There is no weakness in that. Weakness only comes when you try to blame your own pain on someone else, expecting the blame to alleviate your hurting. There’s a saying,

“Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die.”

Think back to the last time you were really angry with someone. Maybe you were hurt because you got laid off from a job. You felt angry and that anger caused so much pain that you could feel it in a physical way. Being angry and blaming your ex boss for that pain didn’t affect him or her in any way; you’re the only one who lost sleep over it.

The healthier thing to do in a situation like that is acknowledge your pain and the anger along with it. Accept it and explore it in an introspective way. How can you learn and grow? What is at the root of that pain? Are you truly hurting and angry about being laid off, or is the pain more a correlation to you feeling like you failed?

While uncomfortable, exploring your pain is a way to raise your self-awareness. By understanding more about yourself, you know how to deal with similar situations in the future. You can never expect to be numb to difficult situations, but you will learn to better prepare financially for the loss of a job and be grateful for an income since you now know nothing is promised (no matter how much you work or how deserving you may feel).

Pain Hurts, but Numbness Would Be Worse

Pain does not feel good, but the bad feeling of it will help you learn and grow. It makes the sweet moments in life even sweeter and the gratitude more sincere.

To have a happier and more successful life, you don’t learn from success or accomplishment, but through pain and failures. For it is in those moments that you learn how to do better in the future or at least cope a little more easily.

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You are the strong person you are today because of the hardships this life has presented to you. While you may have felt out of control when those hard times came, the one thing you will always have control over is how you choose to react to things. The next time you hurt or you’re angry or sad, acknowledge it and allow yourself to ruminate in it. Then take a deep breath and start learning from that pain. You’ve got this!

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

[1] University of Calgary: Why is Pain Important?
[2] Greater Good Magazine: The Importance of Pain

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