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Love Doesn’t Come and Stay for Good. You Have to Learn These Communication Tricks

Love Doesn’t Come and Stay for Good. You Have to Learn These Communication Tricks

Have you ever caught yourself complaining about your romantic relationship to a friend. Ever heard yourself saying things like:

“He just never listens to me!”

“She doesn’t talk to me when she’s angry!”

“I just feel like we argue all the time.”

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Guess what? You might need to develop your communication skills with your significant other.

Nobody Can Get Along with Another Person 100% of the Time

Spending a lot of time with another person increases the possibility that you two will not always agree with each other. Remember, that’s normal. Nobody can get along with another person 100% of the time. But these disagreements can easily turn into arguments if you don’t work on improving your communication skills.

All Relationship Problems Originate with Bad Communication Skills

Having good communication skills increase your chances of having a happy, fulfilling, and successful relationship.[1] If you both work together toward improving your communication skills, your relationship will begin to grow and develop in ways you didn’t think possible before. Remember, all relationship problems originate with bad communication skills.[2]

To get you started, let’s take a look at some of the most common communication pitfalls in relationships and tricks you can use to achieve improved communication skills.

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4 Deadly Communication Pitfalls You Must Avoid

Letting your emotions take over.

When you get into a disagreement with your partner, it can be easy to let anger work its way into the conversation. Susan Heitler, PhD and couples psychologist, says, “The hotter you get, the more likely it is that you’ll race full speed ahead down the criticism and blame road.”[3]

How many times have one of your disagreements turned into you blaming them for something?

Using blaming language.

While talking to your partner, if you begin a statement with “you always”, it sets the conversation up for an argument and makes the listener think you don’t want to work as a team.[4] This is because your partner will automatically become defensive, expecting to be blamed for something.

Listening to respond instead of listening to understand.

If you find yourself thinking of how you’re going to respond to what your partner is saying, you’re far more likely to interrupt them. Interrupting your partner lets them know that you don’t really care about what they have to say. [5] And this obviously won’t end well.

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Avoiding difficult conversations.

Maybe there’s a specific topic that the two of you can never discuss without an argument. You assume that the best thing to do is to avoid the difficult conversations, so you two avoid a heated discussion.

Only 4 Tricks Are Needed To Make A Change

Give yourself a brief moment of silence.

If you feel yourself getting angry or you catch yourself criticizing your partner, take a step back from the conversation. You need a moment to think and maybe even get away from your partner for a few minutes. If neither of you can calm down, consider having the conversation at a later date. Emotions do not allow for healthy communication skills.

Use “I” statements and “we” language instead.

Make your feeling or thoughts clear and present them in a non-critical way by using “I” statements.[6]

Saying something like “I feel” or “I worry” is much better than “you did X”. Also, remind your partner that you view your relationship as a team by using “we” language to be more inclusive.

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Stop interrupting and be aware of the body language.

It’s more than that, though. It’s easy to wait for your turn to speak. Instead, try to really understand what they’re saying.

Paying attention to their body language and facial expressions can help you really understand the point that your partner is trying to make.[7]

Talk about everything. Literally.

Confront the awkward conversations and difficult topics. Having a healthy, long-term relationship means being able to deal with everything together, as a team.

The more of these uncomfortable discussions the two of you can have, the more confident and trusting you’ll feel in your relationship.[8]

In the end, working on improving your communication skills with your partner will give you a much healthier relationship. A relationship where the two of you can focus on growing as individuals and as a team.

Reference

More by this author

Amber Pariona

EFL Teacher, Lifehack Writer, English/Spanish Translator, MPA

What Makes a Relationship Boring and How to Avoid It How to Know If You’re Really in Love or Not (Yes It Can Be Confusing) Why You and Your Partner Don’t Need to Speak the Same Love Language to Stay Together Why Worrying About Losing a Friend Is Unnecessary No.1 Relationship Killer: Your Good Intention to Advise Your Partner When They’re Upset

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Last Updated on August 15, 2018

When You Start to Enjoy Being Single, These 12 Things Will Happen

When You Start to Enjoy Being Single, These 12 Things Will Happen

Being single can make you weary, especially if you didn't initiate a breakup, it could be easy to get carried away with reminiscing and what-if scenarios. Staying caught up in the past is toxic to your growth, however, and interferes with your ability to move forward. Single life can be self-actualizing and enjoyable, but you need to embrace it first. No matter where you are on your journey in coming to terms with being single, the following 12 fantastic things will happen when you accept it.

Video Summary

1. You will be more focused.

    Once you start to treasure your new-found freedom, you will realize that taking time for yourself will show you what is most important in your life. Enjoying your single time will make what you want clearer and reveal which areas of your life you should build upon. Additionally, studies show that experiencing something alone results in our brain forming a more clear and longer lasting memory.

    2. You will be more active.

      Studies show that unmarried people are also more fit than their hitched counterparts. Let yourself welcome being single, and use this time to your benefit. You'll be more confident and in control when you do meet someone special.

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      3. You will be more likely to have high goals.

        Being single means you can't settle. In case someone who captures your heart comes along, you need to be at the top of your game. By embracing your time being single, you will be more able to pursue your goals and work towards a more complete, fulfilling future.

        4. You will be more creative.

          Spending time alone is also linked to an increase in creative thinking. Spending more time alone will force you to be a deeper thinker, and could lead you to solutions and projects you wouldn't have thought of otherwise.

          5. Your schedule will be your own.

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            Once you get past feeling lonely and realize how wonderful being single is, you will become aware of one of the best perks – your schedule is now completely your own. No longer do you need to have nights out approved, nor will long days at work get interrupted. Relax into loving your single life because nothing is quite as liberating as deciding every moment of your weekly schedule.

            6. You will likely save money.

              Dating is a great way to wave goodbye to all your hard earned cash. When you're with someone, there's nothing more important than impressing them, including your income. However, when the relationship fizzles, you realize how this tactic doesn't pay off. Not only are we more prone to spending when dating, married couples are more likely to have credit card debt than unmarried singles. So don't get depressed when you're eating cheap meals alone – it's really a form of investing in your future!

              7. You won't need to compromise on entertainment.

                Particularly if your significant other tends to have different tastes than you, being single can be a blessing. As soon as you can appreciate being single, you will realize how freeing it is to always watch exactly what you want. There is no longer any need to skimp on your favorite movies, plays, or TV shows that others don't appreciate.

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                8. You will have more time for your family.

                  Another thing you will realize once you learn to relish being single is you now have much more time for family. Especially when it comes to older relatives, time spent with them truly is precious. Make the most of your single time by reconnecting with family members in your life you may have been neglecting.

                  9. You have more time for your friends.

                    Once you start basking in your single glory, you will also find that you have more time for your friends. Not only will increased free time let you reconnect with friends you may have neglected while being half of a couple, studies also show that married people have much weaker social lives than those who are unmarried.

                    10. You will find new haunts in your city.

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                      Once you start to enjoy your single life again you will also find that you have plenty of time to rediscover your city. Where relationships see us fall into the same habit of favorite spots to drink, eat, or dance, when you're on your own you will naturally start to explore fresh venues again.

                      11. You'll find more interests.

                        Similarly, enjoying your time being single will give you more time to consider new hobbies and interests. Instead of repeating the same go-to dates, you can now freely explore activities that really make you passionate.

                        12. You will be more aware of what you want.

                          Ultimately, taking time to ourselves is an important ingredient in discovering what type of person is our ideal match, or what career we can happily commit to. By delighting in your uninhibited life, you are more able to experiment and thereby find out what works for you and what doesn't. Don't look at being single as a drawback, since learning more about yourself and finding out what makes you tick are crucial in forming balanced, healthy relationships in the future.

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