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Love Doesn’t Come and Stay for Good. You Have to Learn These Communication Tricks

Love Doesn’t Come and Stay for Good. You Have to Learn These Communication Tricks

Have you ever caught yourself complaining about your romantic relationship to a friend. Ever heard yourself saying things like:

“He just never listens to me!”

“She doesn’t talk to me when she’s angry!”

“I just feel like we argue all the time.”

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Guess what? You might need to develop your communication skills with your significant other.

Nobody Can Get Along with Another Person 100% of the Time

Spending a lot of time with another person increases the possibility that you two will not always agree with each other. Remember, that’s normal. Nobody can get along with another person 100% of the time. But these disagreements can easily turn into arguments if you don’t work on improving your communication skills.

All Relationship Problems Originate with Bad Communication Skills

Having good communication skills increase your chances of having a happy, fulfilling, and successful relationship.[1] If you both work together toward improving your communication skills, your relationship will begin to grow and develop in ways you didn’t think possible before. Remember, all relationship problems originate with bad communication skills.[2]

To get you started, let’s take a look at some of the most common communication pitfalls in relationships and tricks you can use to achieve improved communication skills.

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4 Deadly Communication Pitfalls You Must Avoid

Letting your emotions take over.

When you get into a disagreement with your partner, it can be easy to let anger work its way into the conversation. Susan Heitler, PhD and couples psychologist, says, “The hotter you get, the more likely it is that you’ll race full speed ahead down the criticism and blame road.”[3]

How many times have one of your disagreements turned into you blaming them for something?

Using blaming language.

While talking to your partner, if you begin a statement with “you always”, it sets the conversation up for an argument and makes the listener think you don’t want to work as a team.[4] This is because your partner will automatically become defensive, expecting to be blamed for something.

Listening to respond instead of listening to understand.

If you find yourself thinking of how you’re going to respond to what your partner is saying, you’re far more likely to interrupt them. Interrupting your partner lets them know that you don’t really care about what they have to say. [5] And this obviously won’t end well.

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Avoiding difficult conversations.

Maybe there’s a specific topic that the two of you can never discuss without an argument. You assume that the best thing to do is to avoid the difficult conversations, so you two avoid a heated discussion.

Only 4 Tricks Are Needed To Make A Change

Give yourself a brief moment of silence.

If you feel yourself getting angry or you catch yourself criticizing your partner, take a step back from the conversation. You need a moment to think and maybe even get away from your partner for a few minutes. If neither of you can calm down, consider having the conversation at a later date. Emotions do not allow for healthy communication skills.

Use “I” statements and “we” language instead.

Make your feeling or thoughts clear and present them in a non-critical way by using “I” statements.[6]

Saying something like “I feel” or “I worry” is much better than “you did X”. Also, remind your partner that you view your relationship as a team by using “we” language to be more inclusive.

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Stop interrupting and be aware of the body language.

It’s more than that, though. It’s easy to wait for your turn to speak. Instead, try to really understand what they’re saying.

Paying attention to their body language and facial expressions can help you really understand the point that your partner is trying to make.[7]

Talk about everything. Literally.

Confront the awkward conversations and difficult topics. Having a healthy, long-term relationship means being able to deal with everything together, as a team.

The more of these uncomfortable discussions the two of you can have, the more confident and trusting you’ll feel in your relationship.[8]

In the end, working on improving your communication skills with your partner will give you a much healthier relationship. A relationship where the two of you can focus on growing as individuals and as a team.

Reference

More by this author

Amber Pariona

EFL Teacher, Lifehack Writer, English/Spanish Translator, MPA

What Makes a Relationship Boring and How to Avoid It How to Know If You’re Really in Love or Not (Yes It Can Be Confusing) Why You and Your Partner Don’t Need to Speak the Same Love Language to Stay Together Why Worrying About Losing a Friend Is Unnecessary No.1 Relationship Killer: Your Good Intention to Advise Your Partner When They’re Upset

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Last Updated on February 18, 2019

Why It’s Never Too Late To Redefine Yourself

Why It’s Never Too Late To Redefine Yourself

The ability to reinvent and redefine yourself is a bold, daring and purposeful choice. It doesn’t just happen. You have to make a conscious, intentional choice and then follow through.

If the thought of forging a new path, changing habits, thought patterns and your inner circle of friends scares you – you’re not alone. Change can be a very scary thing. It takes courage, fortitude and a bit of faith to decide to shed your old self and don a new persona. However, it is one of the most critical processes one must repeatedly endure in the pursuit of destiny. Change unlocks new levels of potential.

The Need for Change

Everyday when we wake up, we make a decision. We decide to follow our routine or we decide to go off script and shake things up a bit. For those who are creatures of habit, routine is comfortable, easy and produces very little stress. The problem with this is, after a while you stop growing.

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We all reinvent ourselves at some point in our lives. It is absolutely necessary to achieve certain levels of success.

Reflect back on who you were as a teenager and then who you were at 25. Those are two very different people. Most of us are completely different. Your thought patterns changed, your appearance, job, level of education and even your friends– changed. We like to refer to this as “growing up” or maturing and consider it to be one of life’s natural progressions. However the changes you made were purposeful and deliberate.

This process must be a lifelong and continuous cycle. You are never too old to refresh yourself.

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Happy_old_man

    Signs It’s Time to Redefine

    “Just as established products and brands need updating to stay alive and vibrant, you periodically need to refresh or reinvent yourself.”– Mireille Guiliano

    So how do you know when it’s time for a system upgrade? There are signs along the way that alert you that it is time for an overhaul. The first sign is the feeling of being stuck. If you feel like you are in a rut, you’re bored with life or you need some newness and excitement, a self reinvention may be in order. Re-evaluate your life vision and your goals. Is that vision still valid and are your goals consistent with your vision and–are they achievable? If you are off course, it’s time for a change. If you are not moving forward and making progress, it’s time for a change.

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    In life, there’s no such thing as neutrality–you’re either moving forward or you are moving backward. Time constantly moves forward and if you are standing still, you are actually losing ground. No matter your age or stage in life– there is always room for improvement.

    “You’re never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream.” ~C. S. Lewis

    The second sign that you are due for a change is the occurrence of major life events in which change is forced upon you. Getting married, starting a new job, being promoted, ending a relationship, becoming a parenting or relocating are all prime opportunities to completely overhaul your life.

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    When these major shifts occur in your life–you have to shift with them. You can’t have a single mentality and have a successful marriage. You can’t remain selfish and irresponsible, and raise a healthy, well-adjusted child. You can’t be promoted to a supervisory position and keep the same subordinate attitude. Each level of success requires something different from you.

    Aronld in Predator

      Consider, for a moment, Arnold Schwarzenegger. People may have different opinions about his character and some of his life choices, but he is a master at reinventing himself. He achieved the ultimate success as a professional body builder by earning the title “Mr. Universe” three times. He then earned a tremendous amount of fame and fortune in the entertainment industry making action/adventure films. And in his latest role, he served two terms as the Governor of California. He succeeded as a professional body builder, a film star and a politician. Each role required massive amounts of change, commitment, strength and hard work.

      And if Arnold can do it…so can you!

      Featured photo credit: BK via flickr.com

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