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Why Do Men Cheat on Their Loved Ones and What They Actually Think

Why Do Men Cheat on Their Loved Ones and What They Actually Think

Now, now, before you get all “woman cheat too” and “this is a sexist subject” on me, I must disclose the fact that I agree with you. But statistically and historically, women have been asking the question, “why do men cheat?” since the beginning of the ages, apparently to no avail.

Are men more likely to cheat? Well, sadly, the answer is yes. But perhaps we can try to better understand this occurrence before we crucify the male species for their shortcomings.

Statistically speaking, men do cheat more than women. But not as many men as you may think.

It all comes down to the numbers. This whole topic is a hard pill to swallow, but rest assured, it actually isn’t as bad as you may predict. Now this all breaks down to a matter of relativity, what do you consider cheating? If you break it down on a purely physical and emotional level (leaving out the multitude of complications that arise from the internet) the statistics aren’t as bad as you may think!

According to data derived from the National Opinion Research Center, Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, Rutgers University, and a selection of other credible sources, what we feared remains to be true;[1] men do cheat more. But not by much.

In the data allotted, it has been found that:

An astonishingly low number of men in committed relationships admit to cheating.

Only 21% admit to doing so. Much lower than you thought, huh? Well you must consider that this is a matter of good will. Most cheaters will never admit to doing so, and if they do they’re either not afraid of being caught or have already informed their partners.

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Most men would consider cheating if they thought that they would not get caught.

At 76% this rate is alarmingly high, but then again we’re only considering the imagination at work. The classic cliché, “you can look, but don’t touch” is the pinnacle of this point.

Cheating does not always stem from unhealthy relationships.

56% of the men who admitted to cheating also reported being content in their current relationships, and this was not a factor for their decision to cheat.

Monogamy, are we as humans meant to stay with one mate for life?

Sorry to break it to some of you die-hard romantics, but most experts say no. Only 3-5% of the remaining 5,000 mammals living on planet Earth (including humans) spend the entirety of their lives with solely one mate.

From an evolutionary perspective, men are more likely to engage in what is known as extramarital sex, for the purpose of “spreading their seed” and producing as much offspring as is naturally possible. Our closest ancestors the primates practice this form of mating, where the strongest male gets first choice of his supple mates. This plays into the ideal that men tend to experience more emotions of threatened territory or ego, rather than affection and intimacy.

Expert Jane Lancaster, an evolutionary anthropologist from the University of New Mexico believes that the monogamous partnership between men and women is only for the good of the offspring.

“The human species has evolved to make commitments between males and females in regards to raising their offspring, so this is a bond. However that bond can fit into all kinds of marriage patterns – polygyny, single parenthood, monogamy.”

How do you know if your man is cheating?

There are a few tell-tale signs to know if your man is sniffing around where he shouldn’t be. I’ve got to tell you, if you’re having suspicions and feel a need to dig; you’re probably right and need to realize you deserve better. But these are a few sure-fire ways to know.

  • He won’t show you his phone. It’s not even that he doesn’t give you his password. It might just be an indication that he feels the need to lock it around you. And if he seems to get antsy if you hold it a bit too long while scrolling for pictures, then you know something’s up.
  • Sudden change in interest. It seems that out of nowhere he’s distracted, and is creating some distance between you. There’s a possibility someone else may have caught his attention. Go with your gut instinct, it’s usually right.
  • You catch him lying. About where he’s been or who he was with. Unless he’s planning a surprise party for you, he has no reason to be sneaky.
  • He accuses you. This behavior is definitely a red flag if it starts out of nowhere. People only suspect what they themselves would do.
  • He clears his browser history. There are many few good reasons to do this. Maybe he’s just into weird porn? But that just opens a whole other can of worms.
  • He’s glued to his phone. Or the internet in general. How can anything in the virtual world be at all interesting when his QUEEN is sitting just next to him?

There is no good reason to cheat, but everyone has their reasons.

A quick refresh: there’s an unsettling array of reasons why men go out and cheat. And none of them are good reasons. But in the moment, they may feel justifiable to the individual. Perhaps if we could gain a better grasp on this fluke in human behavior, we can cope with it better when it happens to us. So why do men cheat?

    1. The Illusion of Variety

    As soon as you sign online you’re prompted with ads to “Meet Singles in Your Area” or the newest dating app. Perhaps they’re a social media guru, with hordes of literal followers worshiping their every move. There is an abundance of supposed variety on the internet. Because of this no man feels that he has to settle, and his next “Tinderella” is about to slide in his DM’s.

    2. He’s A Puddle of Insecurity

    He has something to prove. Mainly to himself. He doesn’t feel attractive. Or perhaps he’s been out of the dating game so long he needs to feel like “he’s still got it.”

    3. Boredom

    He feels like he needs something more sexually from his partner that they’re just not capable of giving. Or perhaps the relationship has hit a lull and the sex drive just isn’t kicking into gear. This is his way of pulling away in hopes that it will spice things up again, even if it’s only on his end.

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    4. Deviancy

    Some people are just into weird things. However they came to acquire their quirky little fetish, they may feel that it’s just too weird for their partner. Instead of freaking them out, they act out their fantasies on paid company, or someone easy who doesn’t mind turning up the intensity.

    5. They’re a F*** Boy

    Pardon my language, but it has to be said. This turn of phrase has become alarmingly common in our hook up culture; and is somewhat encouraged. A F*** Boy is someone who does not intend on committing, and relishes in playing on people’s emotions to achieve sexual gratification.

    They typically have a rotation of sexual partners, ranked in order of their appeal. These people are toxic. Stay away.

    6. Immaturity

    They have not yet reached a point where they prioritize honestly and loyalty. There’s a chance they never will.

    7. Damaged

    Whatever it is that hurt them, be it abuse during upbringing, or a bad relationship experience, they numb the pain with sexual gratification. They will never allow themselves to fully trust another individual, and therefore they cannot fully commit to them.

    8. Skewed Concept of Love

    They have not yet deciphered the different between being infatuated and being in-love. During the infatuation period everything the person does and says is intoxicating, exciting, and romantic. After a while the chemicals and hormones start to die down, and what you’re left with is raw intimacy. Many can’t hack it when it gets real, so they look for the idealistic romance elsewhere.

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    9. Addiction

    They actually suffer from addiction. Perhaps they cheat when they are under the influence of their poison of choice, and quite literally cannot control their actions. Or maybe they do have their addiction under control, but use sex as a form of release. Sex itself can be an addiction.

    10. He’s Leaving You

    Maybe he’s not ready to leave yet, but he’s testing the waters; testing to see what’s out there. Some men have a real issue with being alone, so they like to have something on the back-burner to make the transition a bit more smooth.

    11. Revenge

    He’s mad at you for something, whatever it may be. And now you’re going to pay. He’s rectifying the situation by throwing away his relationship. Hey, whatever works.

    Should you stay, or should you go?

    Girl, do I even have to tell you? Dump him! I know, he’s damaged. I know, you want to fix him. I know, no one understands how he acts when it’s just you two alone. I’ve heard it all. I’ve said it all. But if you absolutely insist on going through the motions and giving this scrub another chance, here are a few suggestions:

    • Therapy. If you are absolutely, positively intent on saving this relationship, then this is your best bet. In this environment, you can have an expert mediate and interpret what you expose during your sessions and how it effects your relationship. If both participants are willing to work for it, the relationship can be saved.
    • Take a Break. Obviously he doesn’t appreciate what he has, so show him what he’s losing! Take a break to explore yourself, heal, discover your self-worth, and take a look around if you know what I mean. Once he realizes he can’t live without you he’ll come crawling right back. But the question is, will you want him?
    • Hall Pass. It’s only fair right? For the majority, this method probably won’t save your relationship. But for some it’s just the ticket! You deserve a free pass to even the scale.

    Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

    Reference

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    Jenn Beach

    Traveling vagabond, writer, & plant-based food enthusiast.

    How We Are Confusing Self-Love with Narcissism In This Generation How Traveling Can Drastically Improve Your Interpersonal Skills 10 Best Lumbar Support Cushions That All Desk Workers Need One Small Action Separates Success From Mediocrity. How Not To Turn Meaningful Discussions Into Arguments By Keeping This 1 Thing In Mind.

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    Last Updated on January 16, 2020

    12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

    12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

    The way you feel about yourself greatly influences how you live and interact with others. If you are confident about yourself, you tend to see yourself positively and actually enjoy spending time with and around people. You don’t feel self-conscious or awkward around others, and that allows you to live your fullest and happiest life.

    However, if you’re drowning in a sea of self-doubt, hesitancy and shyness, you often withdraw and isolate yourself from others and avoid interacting and connecting with people. That anxiety you feel in the pit of your stomach when you are around people is holding you back greatly and it is not good for your emotional health and overall well-being. You need to do something about it if you are low in self-confidence or have friends or family members who are not confident.

    “Confidence isn’t walking into a room thinking you’re better than everyone, it’s walking in not having to compare yourself to anyone” – Anonymous

    Here are simple, practical tips to boost your confidence right now and make you feel and act your best.

    1. Stop labeling yourself as awkward, timid or shy.

    When you label yourself as awkward, timid or shy, you sub-consciously tell your mind to act accordingly and psychologically feel inclined to live up to those expectations. Instead of labeling and entertaining negative self-talk, visualize and affirm yourself as confident and strong. Close your eyes for a minute and visualize yourself in different situation as you would like to be.

    Be your own cheerleader. Experts believe that positive affirmation and good mental practices like picturing yourself winning or achieving a goal can lead to greater feelings of self-assurance and prepare your brain for success.[1] As the saying goes, “seeing is believing.” Picture yourself as confident and soon enough you will begin to manifest behavior that gives evidence to this new ‘fact.’

    2. Recognize that the world is not focused on you (unless, of course, you are Kanye West).

    That means you don’t have to be excessively sensitive about who you are or what you are doing (or not doing). You are not on the center stage; there is no need for preoccupation with self and perfectionism. As rap music star Rocko sings, “You just do you and I will do me, aight?”

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    Forget about trying to please everyone or being perfect. Trying to be perfect and being a people-pleaser puts too much pressure on you and creates unnecessary anxiety. Besides, people are too preoccupied with their own issues to pay much attention to your every move unless, of course, you are a mega famous, super celebrity like Beyonce or Kanye West.

    3. Focus on other people as opposed to yourself.

    If you are low on confidence, self-conscious, nervous and shy in social situations, focus your attention on other people and what they are saying or doing instead of focusing on your own awkwardness.

    For example, think about what it is that is interesting about the person who’s the centre of the party or the guy or girl you are talking with. Prompt them to talk more about themselves and be genuinely curious and interested in what they say. You will instantly come across as confident and warmhearted.

    People generally want to talk about themselves, be heard and understood. They will love it when you’re eager and willing to listen to them and really hear what they have to say.

    This habit of focusing more on what you love in others as opposed to what you dislike in yourself will not only help you become more assertive and comfortable in virtually all social situations, but also instantly make you feel great about yourself.

    4. Know (and accept) yourself for who you are.

    Chinese military general, strategist and philosopher Sun Tzu, author of the internationally acclaimed book The Art of War, said, “Know yourself and you will win all battles.” Even in the battle with lack of confidence, you will need to know yourself to win.

    Knowing yourself starts with understanding that people are not all the same, neither are all social situation suitable for everyone. You might not be confident in large gatherings, but you could be bold and confident in one-on-one and small group interactions. We all have our own unique gifts and unique ways of expressing ourselves. Embrace yours!

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    Introverts, for example, have a quiet confidence that is, unfortunately, often confused for shyness. They are naturally low key and prefer to spend time alone. However, this natural disposition affords them certain unique gifts, such as an ability to listen better than most people and notice things that others don’t.

    Your uniqueness is where your strength and advantage lies. You won’t be comfortable and confident in all situations all the time. Albert Einstein said,

    “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

    5. Crack a smile.

    If there is one sure way to instantly boost your confidence, it’s cracking a smile. Christine Clapp, a public speaking expert at The George Washington University, says that flashing those pretty, pearly white teeth will immediately make you appear both confident and composed. But, the effect of smiling is not just external. Studies show that smiling can also help nix feelings of stress and pave the way for a happier and more relaxed you.[2]

    Not a bad return for something seemingly so trite, wouldn’t you agree?

    6. Break a sweat—with exercise.

    Working out is another great way to make yourself feel amazing and confident. Science has shown that exercising increases your endorphins, helps reduce stress, tones your muscles and makes you feel happy and confident.[3]

    And hey, all you have to do is take a walk a few times a week and you’ll see the benefits. What seems to matter—as far as your confidence goes—is whether you break a sweat, not how strenuous your session is, which is pretty cool. Start working out now.

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    7. Groom yourself.

    This might seem mundane, but it’s amazing how much of a difference a shower and shave can have on your confidence and self-image. And when you spritz on a scent, the boost on confidence and self-esteem is incredible. As it turns out, your favorite fragrance does more than make you smell oh-so-nice.

    A study found that a fragrance can inspire confidence in men. Interestingly, the study also found that the more a man likes the fragrance, the more confident he might feel. Another study found that 90% of women feel more confident while wearing a scent than those who go fragrance-free.

    8. Dress nicely.

    Another one that might seem trite, but it works. If you dress nicely, you’ll instantly feel good about yourself and give your confidence a real boost. That is largely because you’ll feel attractive, presentable and sometimes even successful in nice clothes.

    While dressing nicely means something different for everyone, it does not necessarily mean wearing $500 designer outfits. It means wearing clothes that are clean, that you are comfortable in and that are nice-looking and presentable, including casual clothes.

    9. Do activities you enjoy.

    Whether it is reading a book, playing a musical instrument, riding your bicycle or going fishing, do what you really enjoy and what makes you truly happy often. It will boost your self-esteem, soothe your ego and allow you to identify with your gifts and talents. That will in turn bolster your self-belief and grow your confidence exponentially.

    You might not become popular for doing what you love, but you might not even want to be popular at all. Being popular doesn’t make you happy; doing what you love does.

    10. Prepare for the possibility of rejection / setback.

    Late World No. 1 professional tennis player Arthur Ashe said, “One important key to success is self-confidence. A key to self-confidence is preparation.” You need to prepare for the possibility of rejection and setback.

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    Why?

    Everybody suffers rejection and setback at one point or another. You are not exempted. The question on your mind, therefore, should not be if you will be rejected, but how you will handle rejection when it comes.

    Prepare yourself adequately in every situation to minimize the risk and effect of rejection and so that your confidence is not broken. For example, learn public speaking and rehearse what you are going to say beforehand if you have landed a public speaking engagement. That way, you are sure of yourself and confident you have what it takes to hack it. If you are rejected, don’t take it personally.

    Rejection and setbacks happen to the best of us. Take it as a learning experience. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

    11. Face uncomfortable situations square in the face.

    Don’t run away from uncomfortable situations. Running away from people or situations because you feel scared, shy or timid only confirms and reinforces your shyness. Instead, face the situation that makes you uneasy square in the face. For example, go ahead and talk to that person you are afraid to approach, or go straight to the front of your yoga class! What’s the worst that can happen?

    Prepare and be ready for any eventuality. The more you face your fears, the more you realize you are stronger than you thought and the more confident you get. This simple, yet admittedly courageous, act makes you unstoppable. You get comfortable being uncomfortable and begin to feel like you can take on the world. And that is the hallmark of someone destined for great things.

    12. Sit up straight and walk tall—you are awesome!

    Yes, sit up straight and believe you are awesome. Don’t slump in your chair or slouch your shoulders. Experts say the right stance can not only keep your self-esteem and mood lifted, but also lead to more confidence in your own thoughts.[4]

    The way to sit is to open up your chest and keep your head level so that you look and feel poised and assured. And when you get up, stand tall and walk like you’re on a mission. People who sit up straight and walk tall are more attractive and instantly feel more confident. Try it now: you’ll feel fierce and confident just by sitting up straight and walking tall.

    Featured photo credit: Freshh Connection via unsplash.com

    Reference

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