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Revealed: Body Language That Makes You Attractive at Work and in Dating

Revealed: Body Language That Makes You Attractive at Work and in Dating

As human beings, the way we move and use our bodies can be one of the most effective ways of communication. In fact, it can play a much more important role than even the words we speak.

Dr Albert Mehrabian[1] is a psychologist that created a breakdown of effective human communication: 7 percent spoken words, 38 percent tone of voice, and 55 percent body language. Whether or not experts agree on the numbers, what is agreed on is that body language is an essential key component in our communication.

Learning more about body language can not only help us with improving communication ourselves, but to better understand others’ needs, wants and feelings.

With this in mind, I will go through essential body language tips within the common daily settings of work, dating and making friends.

What Are The Key Components Of Body Language?

Body language comes in many forms and often time it can be involuntary. Understanding the different components of our day-to-day body language can help us to be more aware and conscious of how we come across to others.

Facial expressions, eye contact, body movements and gestures, together with speech and tone of voice, can all give off signals both consciously and unconsciously to other people. Therefore, understanding how we use these to our advantage can help with more effective communication overall.

Body Language In The Work Place

The workplace is where we want to show competency, confidence and trustworthiness which can be shown in the body language we use.

Face: Smiling is important when making connections with others and more so with bosses and colleagues. A fake smile can be detected extremely easily so practicing a genuine smile (or Duchenne smile) will make you seem more approachable and trustworthy.

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    ▲ When you smile genuinely, you don’t only raise the muscles at the corner of your mouth, but also the muscles of your cheeks and your eyebrows.

    Eyes: Use frequent but direct eye contact – enough that you can notice the colour of their irises . Try the inverted triangle technique by looking from each eye down to the mouth.

      ▲ Looking into people’s eyes can be embarrassing (I know that feeling!) You can rotate your gaze to make eye contact more natural.

      Gestures: The power pose (hands on hips) not only tricks your mind into feeling more confident but conveys confidence to others. Think about how you use your hands – create a firm handshake and when talking, animate your hands to convey passion and enthusiasm.

        ▲ By putting your hands on your hips, you can make others instantly think you’re more confident and powerful. (via James Clear)

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        When sitting, crossing your legs in a figure-4 portrays a more confident stance but usually only in men. It subconsciously exposes the genital region and causes the upper body to lean back showing relaxed confidence.

          ▲ It’s different from the conventional ‘both knees’ leg cross!

          Voice: Having a higher pitch in your voice can be perceived by others as you being nervous and less powerful. Try to lower the pitch and speak slowly and clearly to convey control and confidence.

          Body Language In Dating

          Body language is crucial in how you are perceived by your date. Use these tricks to show you’re interested, relaxed and have a desire to get closer.

          Face: Natural laughter lights up the face and is a genuine sign of relaxation and lets the other person see you’re at ease in their company. Not only does it help you as endorphins are released and stress reduced, it can also allow your vulnerabilities to show because your guard is dropped and this can make you more appealing.

            ▲ Laughter rather than restricted smile enables your date to feel closer to you.

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            Eyes: Widening the eyes can convey interest and invites a positive response in the other person. Women who widen their eyes become particularly attractive as it’s believed to be associated with the eye/face proportion of babies and elicits an urge to protect and offer love.

            Gestures: When chatting with your date, lean forward slightly as this shows genuine interest. When they’re talking make sure you nod and smile to let them know you’re interested in what they’re saying. Slight touching on their upper arm can create feelings of intimacy without inappropriateness, making your date warm to you more.

              ▲ When your date speaks, don’t forget to lean forward a bit to show how eager to listen what they say.

              Voice: Both men and women actually like a deeper tone of voice in the opposite sex. That’s not to say you should have a deep, husky voice but deepening it and speaking slowly and confidently can come across as sexy and alluring.

              Body Language When Meeting New People

              If you want to become more successful in connecting and making new friends, then it’s important to come across in a friendly, easy-going way as well as showing you have commonalities with each other.

              Face: Smiling is obviously key to coming across as friendly and approachable. Make sure you use a natural laugh that will make your smile more genuine.

              Eyes: Other than good eye contact, you may consider throwing in a wink as a way of making friends. Yes, it’s more associated with flirting but don’t be afraid to use it in the context of a signal or a shared joke. Winking can elicit a feeling of connection in the other person and you can come off as more fun and confident.

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                ▲ Winking is a signal telling your new friend that you share some hidden knowledge with him/her.

                Gestures: We subconsciously mirror the body language of people we are fond of so subtly copy hand gestures, other movements or the way they stand. This will convey a sense that you are mindful of them and genuinely interested. Also make sure you have an open posture so you come across as welcoming and approachable.

                  ▲ Mirroring the body language of your new friend can make you two share more commonalities and feel more connected.

                  Voice: Showing friendliness with your voice can be achieved with intonation. Having a variety of tone conveys genuine interest, while monotone speech can give the impression of boredom even if you don’t intend it to.

                  Body language is important in our day-to-day interactions and there are many instances where we have subconscious tendencies that can lead to giving off wrong signals. Being more aware of how you come across using your gestures, voice, facial expressions and eyes can get you ahead in your social interactions and create a positive impression in your life overall.

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                  Jenny Marchal

                  A passionate writer who loves sharing about positive psychology.

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                  Last Updated on October 17, 2019

                  How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

                  How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

                  You see your partner every single day. They are the first person you talk to in the morning and the last person you kiss goodnight.

                  But does seeing each other day in and day out equal a healthy relationship? Not necessarily.

                  Spending quality time with your partner is the best way to ensure your relationship stays healthy and strong. This means going above and beyond sitting together while you watch Netflix or going out for the occasional dinner. You deserve more from your relationship – and so does your spouse!

                  What does quality time mean? It means spending time with your spouse without interruption. It’s a chance for you to come together and talk. Communication will build emotional intimacy and trust.

                  Quality time is also about expressing love in a physical way. Not sex, necessarily (but that’s great, too!) but through hand-holding, cuddling, caressing, and tickling. Studies show that these displays of affection will boost partner satisfaction.[1]

                  So how do you spend quality time with your partner? Here are 13 relationship tips on making the most out of your time with your partner.

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                  1. Recognize the Signs

                  If you want a healthy relationship, you have to learn how to recognize the signs that you need to spend more quality time together.

                  Some telltale signs include:

                  • You’re always on your phones.
                  • You value friendships or hobbies over quality time with your spouse.
                  • You aren’t together during important events.
                  • You are arguing more often or lack connection.
                  • You don’t make plans or date nights.
                  • You’re not happy.

                  If you are experiencing any of these relationship symptoms, know that quality time together can reverse the negative effects of the signs above.

                  2. Try New Things Together

                  Have you ever wanted to learn how to play an instrument or speak another language? How about skydive or ballroom dance?

                  Instead of viewing these as solo hobbies and interests, why not involve your partner?

                  Trying new activities together builds healthy relationships because it encourages spouses to rely on one another for emotional and physical support.

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                  Shared hobbies also promote marital friendship, and the Journal of Happiness Studies found that marital satisfaction was twice as high for couples who viewed each other as best friends.[2]

                  3. Schedule in Tech-Free Time

                  Your phone is a great way to listen to music, watch videos, and keep up-to-date with friends and family. But is your phone good for your relationship?

                  Many couples phone snub, or ‘phub’, one another. Studies show that phubbing can lower relationship satisfaction and increase one’s chances of depression.[3]

                  Reduce those chances by removing distractions when spending quality time together and showing your partner they have your full attention.

                  4. Hit the Gym as a Couple

                  One way you can spend more time together as a couple is by becoming workout partners. Studies show that couples are more likely to stay with their exercise routine if they work out together.[4] Couples also work out harder than they would solo. One study found that 95 percent of couples who work out together maintained weight loss compares to the 66 percent of singles who did.[5]

                  Join a gym, do at-home couples’ workouts, try couples yoga, hit the hiking trails, or get your bikes out. No matter which way you choose to exercise, these healthy activities can promote a healthy relationship.

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                  5. Cook Meals Together

                  Pop open a bottle of wine or put some romantic music on while you get busy – in the kitchen, of course!

                  One of the best relationship tips for spending quality time together when you both have busy schedules is to cook meals together.[6]

                  Spice things up and try and prepare a four-course meal or a fancy French dish together. Not only is this a fun way to spend your time together, but it also promotes teamwork.

                  If all goes well, you’ll have a romantic date night meal at home that you prepared with your four hands. And if the food didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped, you are guaranteed to have a laugh and create new memories together.

                  6. Have a Regular Date Night

                  Couples experience a greater sense of happiness and less stress when they are spending quality time together.[7] One of the biggest relationship tips for a healthy partnership is to include a date night in your weekly routine.

                  The National Marriage Project found that having a weekly date night can make your relationship seem more exciting and helps prevent relationship boredom.[8] It also lowers the probability of divorce, improves your sex life, and increases healthy communication.

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                  Some great ideas for what to do on your date night include:

                  • Have a movie marathon – Gather up your favorite flicks and cuddle up on the couch.
                  • Play games together – Cards, board games, video games, and other creative outlets are a fun way to spend quality time together.
                  • Recreate your first date – Go back to that restaurant and order the same meal you did when you first got together. You can spice up your evening by pretending you’re strangers meeting for the first time and see how sexy the night gets.
                  • Plan a weekend getaway – There’s nothing better than traveling with the one you love.
                  • Dinner and a movie – A classic!
                  • Try a new restaurant – Make it your mission to rate and try all of the Mexican restaurants/Irish pubs/Italian trattorias in your area.
                  • Have a long sex session – Intimacy promotes the release of the oxytocin hormone which is responsible for a myriad of great feelings.[9]

                  Here’re even more date night ideas for your reference: 50 Unique and Really Fun Date Ideas for Couples

                  Final Thoughts

                  The benefits of spending quality time together are endless. Here are just some of the ways it can contribute to a healthy relationship:

                  • Improves emotional and physical intimacy
                  • Lowers divorce rates
                  • Improves communication
                  • Reduces marital boredom
                  • Bonds couples closer
                  • Improves friendship
                  • Boosts health
                  • Reduces stress

                  These are all excellent reasons to start making date night a regular part of your week.

                  It’s easy to have a healthy relationship when you set aside dedicated time to share with your spouse. Try new things together, make your spouse your workout buddy, and look for innovative ways to be close and connected.

                  These relationship tips will bring great benefits to your marriage.

                  Featured photo credit: Allen Taylor via unsplash.com

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