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Revealed: Body Language That Makes You Attractive at Work and in Dating

Revealed: Body Language That Makes You Attractive at Work and in Dating

As human beings, the way we move and use our bodies can be one of the most effective ways of communication. In fact, it can play a much more important role than even the words we speak.

Dr Albert Mehrabian[1] is a psychologist that created a breakdown of effective human communication: 7 percent spoken words, 38 percent tone of voice, and 55 percent body language. Whether or not experts agree on the numbers, what is agreed on is that body language is an essential key component in our communication.

Learning more about body language can not only help us with improving communication ourselves, but to better understand others’ needs, wants and feelings.

With this in mind, I will go through essential body language tips within the common daily settings of work, dating and making friends.

What Are The Key Components Of Body Language?

Body language comes in many forms and often time it can be involuntary. Understanding the different components of our day-to-day body language can help us to be more aware and conscious of how we come across to others.

Facial expressions, eye contact, body movements and gestures, together with speech and tone of voice, can all give off signals both consciously and unconsciously to other people. Therefore, understanding how we use these to our advantage can help with more effective communication overall.

Body Language In The Work Place

The workplace is where we want to show competency, confidence and trustworthiness which can be shown in the body language we use.

Face: Smiling is important when making connections with others and more so with bosses and colleagues. A fake smile can be detected extremely easily so practicing a genuine smile (or Duchenne smile) will make you seem more approachable and trustworthy.

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    ▲ When you smile genuinely, you don’t only raise the muscles at the corner of your mouth, but also the muscles of your cheeks and your eyebrows.

    Eyes: Use frequent but direct eye contact – enough that you can notice the colour of their irises . Try the inverted triangle technique by looking from each eye down to the mouth.

      ▲ Looking into people’s eyes can be embarrassing (I know that feeling!) You can rotate your gaze to make eye contact more natural.

      Gestures: The power pose (hands on hips) not only tricks your mind into feeling more confident but conveys confidence to others. Think about how you use your hands – create a firm handshake and when talking, animate your hands to convey passion and enthusiasm.

        ▲ By putting your hands on your hips, you can make others instantly think you’re more confident and powerful. (via James Clear)

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        When sitting, crossing your legs in a figure-4 portrays a more confident stance but usually only in men. It subconsciously exposes the genital region and causes the upper body to lean back showing relaxed confidence.

          ▲ It’s different from the conventional ‘both knees’ leg cross!

          Voice: Having a higher pitch in your voice can be perceived by others as you being nervous and less powerful. Try to lower the pitch and speak slowly and clearly to convey control and confidence.

          Body Language In Dating

          Body language is crucial in how you are perceived by your date. Use these tricks to show you’re interested, relaxed and have a desire to get closer.

          Face: Natural laughter lights up the face and is a genuine sign of relaxation and lets the other person see you’re at ease in their company. Not only does it help you as endorphins are released and stress reduced, it can also allow your vulnerabilities to show because your guard is dropped and this can make you more appealing.

            ▲ Laughter rather than restricted smile enables your date to feel closer to you.

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            Eyes: Widening the eyes can convey interest and invites a positive response in the other person. Women who widen their eyes become particularly attractive as it’s believed to be associated with the eye/face proportion of babies and elicits an urge to protect and offer love.

            Gestures: When chatting with your date, lean forward slightly as this shows genuine interest. When they’re talking make sure you nod and smile to let them know you’re interested in what they’re saying. Slight touching on their upper arm can create feelings of intimacy without inappropriateness, making your date warm to you more.

              ▲ When your date speaks, don’t forget to lean forward a bit to show how eager to listen what they say.

              Voice: Both men and women actually like a deeper tone of voice in the opposite sex. That’s not to say you should have a deep, husky voice but deepening it and speaking slowly and confidently can come across as sexy and alluring.

              Body Language When Meeting New People

              If you want to become more successful in connecting and making new friends, then it’s important to come across in a friendly, easy-going way as well as showing you have commonalities with each other.

              Face: Smiling is obviously key to coming across as friendly and approachable. Make sure you use a natural laugh that will make your smile more genuine.

              Eyes: Other than good eye contact, you may consider throwing in a wink as a way of making friends. Yes, it’s more associated with flirting but don’t be afraid to use it in the context of a signal or a shared joke. Winking can elicit a feeling of connection in the other person and you can come off as more fun and confident.

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                ▲ Winking is a signal telling your new friend that you share some hidden knowledge with him/her.

                Gestures: We subconsciously mirror the body language of people we are fond of so subtly copy hand gestures, other movements or the way they stand. This will convey a sense that you are mindful of them and genuinely interested. Also make sure you have an open posture so you come across as welcoming and approachable.

                  ▲ Mirroring the body language of your new friend can make you two share more commonalities and feel more connected.

                  Voice: Showing friendliness with your voice can be achieved with intonation. Having a variety of tone conveys genuine interest, while monotone speech can give the impression of boredom even if you don’t intend it to.

                  Body language is important in our day-to-day interactions and there are many instances where we have subconscious tendencies that can lead to giving off wrong signals. Being more aware of how you come across using your gestures, voice, facial expressions and eyes can get you ahead in your social interactions and create a positive impression in your life overall.

                  Reference

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                  Jenny Marchal

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                  Last Updated on April 23, 2019

                  13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently

                  13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently

                  Let me begin by being 100% frank with you – everyone is capable of happiness.

                  Happiness is first a choice but it also takes persistence to maintain. Happiness is our birth right and my mission is to help as many people as I can live their happiest life.

                  My mission is to spread the message that everyone deserves happiness.

                  To live a happy life; however, you must do the work, gain the necessary knowledge, and increase your awareness.

                  You must fully embody this state and begin to think and feel happiness on every level of your being.

                  Often times, excuses present themselves and our mind gives us the reasons why we can’t be happy:

                  “I am too busy right now to focus on happiness”

                  “I will be happy when I finish school, when I have the money, when I am in the right relationship, when I have kids, when my children are older….”

                  “I would have had a happy life if this traumatic event had never happened”

                  “I don’t deserve happiness”

                  EVERYONE deserves happiness. The reason that you are here right now is because you have a purpose and you are on the earth to enjoy your journey.

                  Think BIGGER than your excuses. Push FARTHER than your complaints.

                  Don’t be pulled away from greatness. Get uncomfortable. At least these are what happy and successful people do on a daily basis.

                  This article highlights the top 13 tips and tricks of how happy people think and feel.

                  If you would like to begin embodying this life-changing state, then… Here are the 13 ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently:

                  1. Happy People Put Happiness First

                  Happy people have made the decision that their end goal is happiness.

                  Every situation, event, bad day ultimately ends with happiness.

                  To them, happiness is equivalent to sleep and water – it is a necessity to their life. To live an unhappy life is to have never lived at all.

                  The happy person asks,

                  “What would be the point of living if every day and moment were filled with negativity?”

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                  “Why would I deplete my energy on negativity when I expend less to be positive?”

                  They make happy-based decisions which means in EVERY MOMENT they choose happiness.

                  If their circumstances can’t change then they instead change their perspective, they look for the silver lining in the negative.

                  Happy people don’t let negativity steal their moments away – a positive mindset always prevails.

                  If you ask a happy person how their day was, they will always answer your question with a highlight or a lesson learned.

                  2. Happy People Embrace Pain

                  I know what you are thinking –

                  “No one is ALWAYS happy”

                  or …

                  “Even happy people get in bad moods”

                  and …

                  These statements are absolutely accurate.

                  Happy people aren’t always happy and they DO get into bad moods. They get overwhelmed, they feel defeated, and their feelings get hurt.

                  Happy people aren’t invincible and they feel pain just like everyone else. The only difference between happy people and people who let negativity run their lives is that…

                  Happy people quickly acknowledge their pain and they make a decision to find a way to transform their pain into something greater. They also use these 13 simple ways to shake off the sadness.

                  Happy people admit the negativity they feel and they do what it takes to get back into their natural state: happiness.

                  When your end goal is happiness, then you will find a way to achieve it no matter how much strength you have to muster.

                  3. Happy People Have a Happy Self-Image

                  We all have an image in our minds that we subconsciously live up to.

                  The reason that change is so hard is because our subconscious mind is programmed to live by how we define ourselves.

                  How are you currently defining yourself?

                  For happy people, they see themselves with a smile, positive outlook, and/or a bounce in their step. When an event or situation arises that brings in a negative emotion, they quickly change their state to resemble their natural self-image.

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                  When happy people are in a bad mood, it feels unusual to them because feeling negative isn’t aligned with how they see themselves.

                  When they feel upset, they acknowledge the negativity and look for a solution to bring their emotions to the level of how they perceive themselves.

                  Look at how you define yourself today – your mind and body are always trying to live up to the definition it is taught to believe.

                  Your body’s job is to keep you in a “normal” state because this is where it feels most comfortable.

                  If your self-image is happy, then your mind and body will naturally be brought back to where it feels at home. Your actions will be a clue to how you define yourself.

                  4. Happy People Have a Strong Support System

                  The happiest people know that it takes a village and they lean on others for support.

                  Happy people feel comfortable reaching out for help when they feel that their resistances are overpowering them. They quickly sense their negativity and they tell somebody.

                  Happy people ask for assistance when they can’t figure out a problem. Seeking help takes strength and it never gets in the way of their self-worth. Happy people appreciate the wisdom that their support system provides.

                  They have strong connections with the people who are close to them. They never trudge through tough times alone because jeopardizing their happiness for too long would be detrimental to their well-being.

                  5. Happy People Safeguard Their Minds from Negative Triggers

                  Warding off negativity is almost impossible when we live in a society that lives by what went wrong and feeds off of what could go wrong. News travels instantaneously so it would be unrealistic to shut this out of your life completely.

                  However, one strategy that happy people use to safeguard their minds is regulating their environment.

                  We have a lot of control on how we allow our environments to affect us. We can control our social media feed, the television shows and movies we watch, the books that we read, the people that we spend our time with, and the places that we hang out.

                  If happiness is your end goal, then take a good look at what is bringing you down. What triggers your unhappiness? See if there is anything in your environment that can be changed……

                  What we listen to, read, and who we hang out with influence our mind, what we think about, what we worry about, our reactions, and behaviors.

                  Happy people know what triggers a feeling of negativity and it feels out of alignment for them so they do what it takes to avoid it.

                  They might regulate their social media news feed to reflect the information that brings them positive energy. They might regulate the people that they spend their time with. It is important to hang out with like-minded people.

                  What are you triggers? How can you avoid the negativity in your environment?

                  These are ways that happy people regulate their environment and safeguard their minds.

                  6. Happy People Know When to Say “No”

                  Happy people know when to sit one out and say “no.” They do this to protect their happiness and well-being.

                  Life gets overwhelming – a lot of people need our attention and the to do list can seem never ending.

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                  Happy people give themselves permission to take the day off and they feel comfortable with saying “no” when their stress levels begin to climb. They understand that those around them aren’t benefiting from someone who is frazzled, overwhelmed, and tired.

                  A happy person identifies their negative emotion and then they quickly treat it to bring themselves back to their “normal” state, so that they can be at their best for not only themselves but for those around them, too.

                  A simple “no” can ultimately mean many more “yes’s” in the future because happiness has a long battery life. You can take a look at Leo Babauta’s article The Gentle Art of Saying No and learn to say no.

                  7. Happy People Are Good Evaluators

                  Happy people can quickly sense when something is off with themselves or others. They are very intuitive to happiness levels. When someone isn’t quite right, they are the first ones to notice.

                  Being able to evaluate happiness means that you can identify when negativity is lingering around for too long.

                  We all have bad days; however, the happy person evaluates often and quickly intervenes.

                  In other words, happy people frequently evaluate their state and immediately change when their pessimism is overshadowing their joy.

                  8. Happy People Bring Other People Up

                  What goes on inside of us is mirrored into our physical world.

                  What we think about literally consumes our life and is displayed in our work, relationships, and attitude.

                  Happy people naturally feel good inside and about themselves so they treat others the way that they treat themselves. It never feels forced to give a compliment or to help out a stranger.

                  When we are truly happy with ourselves, everyone around us has a better experience. Happy people are kind to themselves and because of this, it feels natural to them to want to make others’ happy, too.

                  9. Happy People Go After Their Dreams

                  Happy people are always following the joyful path. They make happy-based decisions and because of this, they always end up where they want to be.

                  It’s absolutely impossible to be happy by following an undesirable path, which is quite opposite for unhappy people.

                  Most people journey through life on a path they think they are “supposed” to be own. Warning signs (negativity) are often ignored because they truly believe that these feelings are a normal part of life.

                  Negativity is NOT normal.

                  The happiest people investigate the negativity in their life and quickly analyze the results. This process allows them to get back on the joyful path which ends in a desirable outcome.

                  Follow your happiness and your dreams will come true (If that isn’t motivation then I don’t know what is!)

                  In addition to happiness, here are 14 amazing things that happen when you live your passion.

                  10. Happy People Never Sweat the Small Stuff

                  The only expectation that the happy person has is that they remain in a joyful state.

                  They rarely have expectations for the events and people in their lives because they know that this is a sure way to get let down.

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                  The happiest people take life as it comes – you could say that they roll with the punches. When you don’t have expectations, thenyoue can just sit back and watch how beautifully life unfolds.

                  Happy people understand that bad things are inevitable, they are a part of life – The car will break, the kids will make mistakes, people will be late, and dinner will burn.

                  If it’s not anything seriously affecting their lives, then they don’t give their energy to it.

                  11. Happy People Rarely Have to Prove That They Are Right

                  Happy people remember that it’s more important to live up to what they believe. When you live your life aligned with your belief system, then there is no need to explain or prove yourself to others.

                  Differences in opinions are inevitable, but the happiest of people know it’s wasted energy to defend their position.

                  It is more effective to simply show people, through actions, how you think, feel, and what you believe.

                  Energy is saved, arguments are diminished, and credibility/respect are gained when we live by what we believe.

                  12. Happy People Smile (Even When They Don’t Want To)

                  Smiling is one of the healthiest things we can do; and happy people use this simple trick quite often.

                  It has been proven that smiling has the ability to boost your immune system, decrease stress levels, and can even make you look younger. The benefits of smiling have even been backed up by science.[1]

                  Better yet, smiling is contagious. When you engage in a quick smile, you are likely to brighten someone else’s day along with your own. It is no wonder why happy people smile often!

                  13. Happy People Live Life in the Present Moment.

                  When we are genuinely happy, we are living for the moment.

                  Happy people let go of the past, enjoy the present, and look forward to the future. They take the moments for what they are worth – they only invest their energy in what feels right to them.

                  Everyone is capable of living a happy-centered life. You deserve a life that you desire – your dream life. All you have to start doing is make happy-based decisions TODAY.

                  In every moment, decide on what makes you happy – decide on what gets you excited. Stop doing what you don’t love, don’t listen to the people that you dislike.

                  If you are engaging in something that isn’t bringing you joy, then quit doing it. Listen to your heart, stop ignoring the warning signs (negativity) because they are there for a reason.

                  I have observed, studied, and interviewed some of the happiest and most successful people along with some of the most miserable and self-loathing.

                  It starts with one decision – happiness.

                  The happiest, most successful people choose happiness with EACH and EVERY decision. And you can start doing this today.

                  Featured photo credit: Autumn Goodman via unsplash.com

                  Reference

                  [1] Harvard Business Review: The Science Behind the Smile

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