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How to Find Love That Really Lasts

How to Find Love That Really Lasts

Being single and struggling to find true love that lasts is still one of the biggest struggles so many people are facing today, no matter how successful they may be in other aspects of their lives. Although it may seem that you are lonely in your struggle, bear in mind that 44% of adult American population is single, 40 million of which are actively searching for love via online dating services.

The reasons for being single vary from person to person…

You may have been single for a while

It’s either because you didn’t have the time to dedicate to dating and truly getting to know someone, or you simply couldn’t find the partner that suits your needs. Either way, a certain amount of time has gone by, making it harder for you to get back in the game and start from scratch.

You may have gone through lots of heartbreaks in the past

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It is not uncommon that people who have been through some negative past experiences will feel uncertain and fearful once they are faced with similar situations.

No matter how hard it seems, or what our past experiences may be, for most people love is worth the search and the struggle. You are one of them since you are reading this article. You are the person with a clear goal in mind – you want the love that brings happiness, love that is true, honest and that lasts.

However, knowing what you want doesn’t always result in getting it. Anyone who has ever been single knows that finding the love you want can be quite challenging. The first question that comes to your mind is – How does one go about finding love actually? Then, you might ask if you were even supposed to be looking for love. Isn’t it one of those things that just happens or doesn’t, you might ask. Then, even if you meet someone, how do you really get to know a person? Or, you might have a problem identifying the right person for you. And, finally, how do you avoid making the same choices and mistakes?

How to find true love

At least from my experience, and from the experiences of people around me, love does not come when we look for it, nor when we pressure it into being. On the contrary, true love that lasts comes when you stop looking for it outside of yourself. Rather than looking for the love in the people we meet, and blaming them for not doing so, we need to shift the focus onto ourselves instead.

1. Work on yourself

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As the commonly known attraction principle states – we attract who we are. Therefore, if you are a person who is looking for others to provide them with the love they lack for themselves, chances are you are going to meet exactly those kind of people, who also look for someone to fulfill that gap for them. You know the rest of this story.

On the other hand, think of the people you know, I’m sure we all have at least one or two friends, or relatives, who simply find love whenever they want to. Great chances are that all of those people have one common denominator – they love themselves. To love yourself means to accept who you are, not care what anyone else thinks of you; to do what you love the most, and to be completely content with yourself.

Then, the message you are sending out tells of a person who is easily lovable and doesn’t feel needy of other people’s attention. And, that is exactly why love and attention are what they are most commonly getting.

2. Don’t rush

You can’t hurry love, indeed. If you are tired of waiting for the one, you can easily get into the trap of rushing into a relationship with the first person that seems nice enough without even taking the time to truly get to know the person. By rushing things we are more likely to sacrifice ourselves. This usually leaves a bitter taste in your mouth after you get some time to rationally think about everything.

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3. Reach out to meet new people

In order to break all negative or ineffective past programs, we have to step out into the world in a different way. Since chances of meeting the relationship material at a bar are 9% for women and 2% for men, why not trying some other activities where you can meet some interesting people, and maybe a future love interest.

If you have a dog, dog parks are a great place for both you and your furry friend to meet some like-minded people.

Another great way to meet new people is through everyone’s favorite topic – food. Depending on the type of food you like, you can find many great cooking classes, try pop-up dining, or any other type of food inspired gathering where you can meet and chat with people who share your taste.

With numerous dating websites and apps being developed recently, online dating has become mainstream in the last couple of years. Even though online dating has many pros and cons, you can benefit from it if you combine it with the real life experience wisely. Make sure to use the dating apps just as means for getting into contact with people and getting to know them a little before you meet them in the real world where you may consider dating.

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4. Don’t always trust the love at first sight

One of the common misconceptions about love that is meant to last is that there has to be an instant attraction between two people. In reality, physical attraction can be an important factor, yet it could also be completely misleading and short lived. This is why relationships between people who were friends first, are usually strong, healthy and lasting.

5. Don’t settle for an OK relationship

Ultimately, we can all feel what constitutes the right relationship for us, no matter how many disappointments it took to get us there. Therefore, we owe it to ourselves to not settle for anything less than that. Accepting an OK relationship out of fear of being alone robs us of our precious time we could spend focusing on ourselves and meeting the person who is just right for us.

This doesn’t mean that true and lasting love is perfect, there is no one with whom we are the absolute perfect match with, yet it takes less effort to work on a relationship once we meet someone we share the same goals with.

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Ana Erkic

Social Media Consultant, Online Marketing Strategist, Copywriter, CEO and Co-Founder of Growato

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Last Updated on December 3, 2019

10 Life Lessons You’d Better Learn Early on in Life

10 Life Lessons You’d Better Learn Early on in Life

There are so many lessons I wish I had learned while I was young enough to appreciate and apply them. The thing with wisdom, and often with life lessons in general, is that they’re learned in retrospect, long after we needed them. The good news is that other people can benefit from our experiences and the lessons we’ve learned.

Here’re 10 important life lessons you should learn early on:

1. Money Will Never Solve Your Real Problems

Money is a tool; a commodity that buys you necessities and some nice “wants,” but it is not the panacea to your problems.

There are a great many people who are living on very little, yet have wonderfully full and happy lives… and there are sadly a great many people are living on quite a lot, yet have terribly miserable lives.

Money can buy a nice home, a great car, fabulous shoes, even a bit of security and some creature comforts, but it cannot fix a broken relationship, or cure loneliness, and the “happiness” it brings is only fleeting and not the kind that really and truly matters. Happiness is not for sale. If you’re expecting the “stuff” you can buy to “make it better,” you will never be happy.

2. Pace Yourself

Often when we’re young, just beginning our adult journey we feel as though we have to do everything at once. We need to decide everything, plan out our lives, experience everything, get to the top, find true love, figure out our life’s purpose, and do it all at the same time.

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Slow down—don’t rush into things. Let your life unfold. Wait a bit to see where it takes you, and take time to weigh your options. Enjoy every bite of food, take time to look around you, let the other person finish their side of the conversation. Allow yourself time to think, to mull a bit.

Taking action is critical. Working towards your goals and making plans for the future is commendable and often very useful, but rushing full-speed ahead towards anything is a one-way ticket to burnout and a good way to miss your life as it passes you by.

3. You Can’t Please Everyone

“I don’t know the secret to success, but the secret to failure is trying to please everyone” – Bill Cosby.

You don’t need everyone to agree with you or even like you. It’s human nature to want to belong, to be liked, respected and valued, but not at the expense of your integrity and happiness. Other people cannot give you the validation you seek. That has to come from inside.

Speak up, stick to your guns, assert yourself when you need to, demand respect, stay true to your values.

4. Your Health Is Your Most Valuable Asset

Health is an invaluable treasure—always appreciate, nurture, and protect it. Good health is often wasted on the young before they have a chance to appreciate it for what it’s worth.

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We tend to take our good health for granted, because it’s just there. We don’t have to worry about it, so we don’t really pay attention to it… until we have to.

Heart disease, bone density, stroke, many cancers—the list of many largely preventable diseases is long, so take care of your health now, or you’ll regret it later on.

5. You Don’t Always Get What You Want

“Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.” – John Lennon

No matter how carefully you plan and how hard you work, sometimes things just don’t work out the way you want them to… and that’s okay.

We have all of these expectations; predetermined visions of what our “ideal” life will look like, but all too often, that’s not the reality of the life we end up with. Sometimes our dreams fail and sometimes we just change our minds mid-course. Sometimes we have to flop to find the right course and sometimes we just have to try a few things before we find the right direction.

6. It’s Not All About You

You are not the epicenter of the universe. It’s very difficult to view the world from a perspective outside of your own, since we are always so focused on what’s happening in our own lives. What do I have to do today? What will this mean for me, for my career, for my life? What do I want?

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It’s normal to be intensely aware of everything that’s going on in your own life, but you need to pay as much attention to what’s happening around you, and how things affect other people in the world as you do to your own life. It helps to keep things in perspective.

7. There’s No Shame in Not Knowing

No one has it all figured out. Nobody has all the answers. There’s no shame in saying “I don’t know.” Pretending to be perfect doesn’t make you perfect. It just makes you neurotic to keep up the pretense of manufactured perfection.

We have this idea that there is some kind of stigma or shame in admitting our limitations or uncertainly, but we can’t possibly know everything. We all make mistakes and mess up occasionally. We learn as we go, that’s life.

Besides—nobody likes a know-it-all. A little vulnerability makes you human and oh so much more relatable.

8. Love Is More Than a Feeling; It’s a Choice

That burst of initial exhilaration, pulse quickening love and passion does not last long. But that doesn’t mean long-lasting love is not possible.

Love is not just a feeling; it’s a choice that you make every day. We have to choose to let annoyances pass, to forgive, to be kind, to respect, to support, to be faithful.

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Relationships take work. Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes it’s incredibly hard. It is up to us to choose how we want to act, think and speak in a relationship.

9. Perspective Is a Beautiful Thing

Typically, when we’re worried or upset, it’s because we’ve lost perspective. Everything that is happening in our lives seems so big, so important, so do or die, but in the grand picture, this single hiccup often means next to nothing.

The fight we’re having, the job we didn’t get, the real or imagined slight, the unexpected need to shift course, the thing we wanted, but didn’t get. Most of it won’t matter 20, 30, 40 years from now. It’s hard to see long term when all you know is short term, but unless it’s life-threatening, let it go, and move on.

10. Don’t Take Anything for Granted

We often don’t appreciate what we have until it’s gone: that includes your health, your family and friends, your job, the money you have or think you will have tomorrow.

When you’re young, it seems that your parents will always be there, but they won’t. You think you have plenty of time to get back in touch with your old friends or spend time with new ones, but you don’t. You have the money to spend, or you think you’ll have it next month, but you might not.

Nothing in your life is not guaranteed to be there tomorrow, including those you love.

This is a hard life lesson to learn, but it may be the most important of all: Life can change in an instant. Make sure you appreciate what you have, while you still have it.

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Featured photo credit: Ben Eaton via unsplash.com

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