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See What Over 2000 Reddit Users Says About “What’s The Saddest Thing You Ever Done To Fit In?”

See What Over 2000 Reddit Users Says About “What’s The Saddest Thing You Ever Done To Fit In?”

When was your last time to do something you don’t like just to fit in the environment? I remember I had a time when I first entered university and was afraid to be unable to make friends. What I did was to join several cultural nights where I drank cans of beer when I actually hate beer. It was terrible.

We have all been there. We all have tried to change ourselves just to fit in the crowd, out of social insecurity.

You are not alone.

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A question was raised in Reedit about “What’s the saddest, lamest thing you’ve ever done to ‘fit in’?” and it went viral in receiving over 2000 replies in a day.

The following replies are chosen among the ones with more comments.

“Paid them to like me. : Found out later, they thought what I was doing was sad. One girl told me that I didn’t need to spend money on buying them food and stuff because I was already their friend.” -Nixconvie

Some people use money as a temptation to buy what they want. In a relationship which requires love and care, materials do not always work. Do you really think buying a person gifts can exchange for a true friendship? All you will get is a ‘thank you’, and nothing much.

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Sending presents is a way to show care but doing it to make people like you is not persuasive. True friendships are based on the quality time you spent together, mutual trust, and being companions in difficult times. They are more spiritual and emotional, and the happiness cannot be bought. Instead of fulfilling their materialistic needs, spend more time on knowing each other and creating mutual memories.

“When I was around 12 years old I was bullied. At one point I thought my bullies would stop bullying me if I joined them. So one day they started bullying this other kid, this was one of the nicest kids in class. After a few minutes, I saw the tears in his eyes and realized that I’ve been in his position daily, and I stopped on the spot. I felt like a jerk, and get ashamed when I think about it.”-racoon1969

Bullying is common in schools and society where people take sides to join the majority against the few left ones. Like what mentioned above, some people try to avoid being bullied by joining the bullies when they know it is wrong. Hurting others makes you feel bad because you are apparently unwilling to. Especially when you were once the victim, you understand how it feels and you feel guilty when others are hurt in the same case.

Don’t be afraid to leave people who hold friendship with power. The relationship is never healthy when one follows what others do out of fear. If you think it’s not right, it’s fine to follow your heart. Trust me, you don’t want such a friend and you don’t want more victims.

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“Begged my mom to buy me etnies (the skateboarding shoes) when I was 10. She finally did but I broke down crying and begged her to take them back once I learned they were $40.” – fgsixtynine

Preferences on clothing style and taste vary frequently in lifetime. If the friendship is simply bonded by a symbol or a product, it is pretty much vulnerable. When things change from time to time, what is treasurable is the solidity in a relationship because it’s built upon people but not objects.

“I stopped hanging out with one of my best friends as much because all the other kids found him annoying.”– LieutenantCuppycake

How do you define “friends”? Do those you met in a social event and never spoke ever again count? When we grow older, we know it is not easy to find true friends. Sometimes we meet fancy people in gatherings but what is left afterwards is a “morning” or a “bye”. It is valuable when we receive an invitation message to dinner because we know somebody treats us as real friends.

Appreciate it if you have a friend like this, even if some others don’t like her. We don’t make friends to cater others. How you feel about the person and what’s in your friendship is all you should care. Remember, never give up on genuine people because they are rare to find in the world.

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“I started smoking in high school because all the “cool kids” smoked during lunch breaks… I was so desperate to fit in and prove that I’m cool as well.” -eukaRIOTa

Peer influence us a lot by making ourselves believe that we need to always follow the trend and be as ‘cool’ as the others. People who want to fit in the group sometimes follow their peer without taking note of the negative consequences. If your friend asks you to try drugs with him/her, will you follow or stop him/her?

A healthy relationship should be built on positive influence to one another. We hope to receive advice from friends at hard times and we motivate them as encouragement. Good friends are the ones who show support and make your life better.

In times we might think we need to fit in so as to be liked. Indeed, the right people will come and love you just the way you are. It’s alright if you don’t get along with some groups because nobody fits everybody. Keep going and be yourself and the right things will come to you.

Featured photo credit: Lovely Professional University via happenings.lpu.in

More by this author

Brandy Chan

Music Lover. Movie Lover. Traveller.

Admit It, The Way We Learn To Fall In Love Is Wrong 100 Inspirational Quotes That Will Make You Love Life Again See What Over 2000 Reddit Users Says About “What’s The Saddest Thing You Ever Done To Fit In?” These Ideas Are Categorised As “What Seems Awesome Until You Tried it”, by Over 1000 Reddit Users Around The World

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Published on October 7, 2019

4 Types of Toxic People and How to Deal with Them

4 Types of Toxic People and How to Deal with Them

Can a person really be toxic? Well, a toxic person does not refer to those who are affected by the virus or toxic. To be precise, toxic people are those who are very unsupportive, abusive and unhealthy in nature. Their behavior is filled with venom and you will not feel any sort of gentle breeze in their words.

In this article, you will learn how to spot out a toxic person, and what you can do to deal with them.

Signs of Toxic People

To make it more obvious, I have added some signs of toxic people below.

Manipulative Behavior And Fabricated Mind

Toxic people are unable to deal with the bitter truth firmly. If you are going to blurt out their fabrications with proof, they will try to change the whole matter with their manipulative behavior. They will titillate you with sensitive words or they will try to frighten you to get rid of the problems.

Inhuman And Merciless in Nature

We know that sharing our thoughts with friends will keep us in good mental state. But, if you are not getting fruitful outcomes, you have to understand that you are spending time with toxic friends.

Toxic people do not know how to put themselves in other’s shoes. They just put on a mask of simplicity. But, in reality, they don’t have feelings for you. Therefore, you should stop sharing your valuable time with them as you will get nothing except annoyance and silence.

Hypocrisy at Its Best in Their Nature

Toxic people have a great hunger for respect, adoration, and fidelity. After dignifying them with these valuable elements, you will get nothing; you will be cheated, manipulated and criticized by them. And, if you are not willing to listen to them, you will be controlled by guilt-tripping.

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Emotional Outburst And Pathological Excuses

Toxic people always want to see themselves in the positive end. Therefore, to get their job done, they always have an emotional outburst and emotional excuse to make an impulsive impression upon you.

We do mistakes and it is our duty to accept those mistakes. But, toxic people have their own rules, they have a tendency to present themselves rationally even after committing a mistake. If someone tries to expose themselves with facts, they show no embarrassment and use emotional excuses as a shield.

Play with Your Emotion And Gradually Erode It

Toxic people always try to condescend you with critical jokes and when you try to elicit your thoughts, they just burst out laughing. Teasing becomes an important element in your relationship with toxic person. They even give you backhanded compliments to belittle you.

Thus, using their toxic mindset, they just gradually diminish your abilities as well as intelligence. And you will have nothing left in your hand other than putting up with these things to maintain the silence.

Well, you probably might have not seen all these signs in one person as there are different types of toxic people roaming around you.

4 Types of Toxic People

To understand it better, I’m mentioning the different types of toxic people here.

1. Conversational Narcissist

There are some toxic people who do not know how to give importance to others. They will talk about themselves but never ask you about your condition; they will only recall you when they need you or they are facing some sort of problems.

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2. Emotional Vampires

These vampires do not suck your blood but dissipate your emotion. They always talk negatively about everyone and compel you to think in the same pattern that they follow. They mask themselves in such a way in front of you that you gradually start giving importance to them. But, ultimately, you will not get any positive outcome from them.

3. Monsters with Green eyes

As discussed earlier, toxic people will give you backhanded compliments. Basically, these are called monsters with green eyes. These monsters feel happy when you feel sad. Therefore, they will always try to belittle your achievements, intelligence, and strengths. Along with it, they give compliments with some negativity in it.

4. Black-Eyed Cats

These cats always do mew-mew and try to control everything around them. They love to be pampered but, they do not like if someone goes against them.

If you are in a relationship with such persons, you will be nagged until you are giving them complete satisfaction. In a nutshell, it must be said that you have to align yourself with them if you want to live with them. But, ultimately, you will lose your mental, conversational and emotional freedom.

How to Deal with Toxic People

Living with problems is more convenient than living with toxic people. But, toxic people are parasites and therefore, you will see these monsters rambling around you wherever you go.

However, if you know how to deal with them, it would be very helpful for you and your life would be much easier to live. We have added some tips to assist you, just check these out.

Get Rid of Intermittent Reinforcement

We are very optimistic in nature and over the time, this optimism has reached to such a level that we can happily put up with the ‘close losses’ instead of trying to catch the ‘near wins’.

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B.F Skinner once did an experiment with three rats. He put them in different cages attached with levers. The lever delivered food when it was pressed. In the 1st cage, the lever always delivered food when the rat pressed it. In case of the 2nd cage, food was never delivered by the lever even after pressing it, therefore, the rat understood the lesson and never tried to get food. But, in the third cage, the lever delivered food randomly and as a result, the rat was completely hooked and fixated. He constantly pushed it but didn’t get the food always.

Well, this is called intermittent relationship and the same thing happens in human relationships where toxic people give you intermittent reinforcement and your heart gets pumped up with optimism. As a result, you will be hooked and your life will be fixated at some point with toxic people.

You should learn to move on without them and live your life happily because random happiness cannot bring permanent relief.

Never Make Too Many Allowances And Pardons

Well, sympathetic attitude is very good and it is also a fact that sometimes toxic people suffer from genuine depression, physical as well as mental illness. But, you have to set a boundary and you cannot allow people to get away with anything so easily.

If you make too many allowances as well as pardons, it would not be good for you in the long-term. Yes, there are some people who are facing extreme hardships and they are not even toxic in nature. But, all you can do is show some genuine compassion keeping yourself within the boundaries.

Always Try to Ignore Their Toxic Traps

Demotivational words are the primary weapon that they frequently use in their implications to detract you. Along with this, they throw words in such a way that you start feeling guilty. Well, you must understand that these are just toxic traps and you should not step on it.

Always remember that you will have full access to freedom if you stop taking things personally. They not only do this with you but also with everyone. You just have to keep in mind that these toxic words are not based on truth but on their own mental reproduction. So, you just have to ignore this and focus on your work.

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Show Them Your Beautiful Smile Not the Curves on Your Forehead

Toxic people have an aptitude to attack mentally, mock disgracefully and diminish shamefully. But, you will not be affected if you don’t surrender yourself. Show them that you are not getting belittled or insulted.

We all have our problems and we also know that we are capable of solving these problems. Therefore, the matter entirely depends upon us and if we don’t allow these vampires to enter into our life or play with our emotions, they cannot suck our happiness. So, I’d suggest you show your beautiful smile when they buzz around you.

Don’t Suppress Yourself

Toxic people will intimidate, bully, pass guilt, and forcefully take money from you to get their job done. They know very well that they are doing wrong and at the same time, they are acquainted with the concept that we are incapable of doing anything against them.

Most of the time, we keep ourselves quiet until someone speaks up. And because of this suppressive mindset, we are gradually being dragged into their mind games.

Well, we have to change this concept as it infuses courage into them. We need to obstruct them with firm minds and make them realize the negative consequences of their behavior.[1] If they are upsetting you, just tell them directly. Your direct statement might open a new gate of opportunity that will allow you to help them if they are suffering from genuine problems.

So, why are you still tolerating these toxic people? Follow the tips mentioned above and deal with them in the right way.

Featured photo credit: Devin Avery via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Tips for Grooming: Change Your Fixed Negative Belief

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