When was your last time to do something you don’t like just to fit in the environment? I remember I had a time when I first entered university and was afraid to be unable to make friends. What I did was to join several cultural nights where I drank cans of beer when I actually hate beer. It was terrible.
We have all been there. We all have tried to change ourselves just to fit in the crowd, out of social insecurity.
You are not alone.
A question was raised in Reedit about “What’s the saddest, lamest thing you’ve ever done to ‘fit in’?” and it went viral in receiving over 2000 replies in a day.
The following replies are chosen among the ones with more comments.
“Paid them to like me. : Found out later, they thought what I was doing was sad. One girl told me that I didn’t need to spend money on buying them food and stuff because I was already their friend.” -Nixconvie
Some people use money as a temptation to buy what they want. In a relationship which requires love and care, materials do not always work. Do you really think buying a person gifts can exchange for a true friendship? All you will get is a ‘thank you’, and nothing much.
Sending presents is a way to show care but doing it to make people like you is not persuasive. True friendships are based on the quality time you spent together, mutual trust, and being companions in difficult times. They are more spiritual and emotional, and the happiness cannot be bought. Instead of fulfilling their materialistic needs, spend more time on knowing each other and creating mutual memories.
“When I was around 12 years old I was bullied. At one point I thought my bullies would stop bullying me if I joined them. So one day they started bullying this other kid, this was one of the nicest kids in class. After a few minutes, I saw the tears in his eyes and realized that I’ve been in his position daily, and I stopped on the spot. I felt like a jerk, and get ashamed when I think about it.”-racoon1969
Bullying is common in schools and society where people take sides to join the majority against the few left ones. Like what mentioned above, some people try to avoid being bullied by joining the bullies when they know it is wrong. Hurting others makes you feel bad because you are apparently unwilling to. Especially when you were once the victim, you understand how it feels and you feel guilty when others are hurt in the same case.
Don’t be afraid to leave people who hold friendship with power. The relationship is never healthy when one follows what others do out of fear. If you think it’s not right, it’s fine to follow your heart. Trust me, you don’t want such a friend and you don’t want more victims.
“Begged my mom to buy me etnies (the skateboarding shoes) when I was 10. She finally did but I broke down crying and begged her to take them back once I learned they were $40.” – fgsixtynine
Preferences on clothing style and taste vary frequently in lifetime. If the friendship is simply bonded by a symbol or a product, it is pretty much vulnerable. When things change from time to time, what is treasurable is the solidity in a relationship because it’s built upon people but not objects.
“I stopped hanging out with one of my best friends as much because all the other kids found him annoying.”– LieutenantCuppycake
How do you define “friends”? Do those you met in a social event and never spoke ever again count? When we grow older, we know it is not easy to find true friends. Sometimes we meet fancy people in gatherings but what is left afterwards is a “morning” or a “bye”. It is valuable when we receive an invitation message to dinner because we know somebody treats us as real friends.
Appreciate it if you have a friend like this, even if some others don’t like her. We don’t make friends to cater others. How you feel about the person and what’s in your friendship is all you should care. Remember, never give up on genuine people because they are rare to find in the world.
“I started smoking in high school because all the “cool kids” smoked during lunch breaks… I was so desperate to fit in and prove that I’m cool as well.” -eukaRIOTa
Peer influence us a lot by making ourselves believe that we need to always follow the trend and be as ‘cool’ as the others. People who want to fit in the group sometimes follow their peer without taking note of the negative consequences. If your friend asks you to try drugs with him/her, will you follow or stop him/her?
A healthy relationship should be built on positive influence to one another. We hope to receive advice from friends at hard times and we motivate them as encouragement. Good friends are the ones who show support and make your life better.
In times we might think we need to fit in so as to be liked. Indeed, the right people will come and love you just the way you are. It’s alright if you don’t get along with some groups because nobody fits everybody. Keep going and be yourself and the right things will come to you.
Featured photo credit: Lovely Professional University via happenings.lpu.in