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See What Over 2000 Reddit Users Says About “What’s The Saddest Thing You Ever Done To Fit In?”

See What Over 2000 Reddit Users Says About “What’s The Saddest Thing You Ever Done To Fit In?”

When was your last time to do something you don’t like just to fit in the environment? I remember I had a time when I first entered university and was afraid to be unable to make friends. What I did was to join several cultural nights where I drank cans of beer when I actually hate beer. It was terrible.

We have all been there. We all have tried to change ourselves just to fit in the crowd, out of social insecurity.

You are not alone.

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A question was raised in Reedit about “What’s the saddest, lamest thing you’ve ever done to ‘fit in’?” and it went viral in receiving over 2000 replies in a day.

The following replies are chosen among the ones with more comments.

“Paid them to like me. : Found out later, they thought what I was doing was sad. One girl told me that I didn’t need to spend money on buying them food and stuff because I was already their friend.” -Nixconvie

Some people use money as a temptation to buy what they want. In a relationship which requires love and care, materials do not always work. Do you really think buying a person gifts can exchange for a true friendship? All you will get is a ‘thank you’, and nothing much.

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Sending presents is a way to show care but doing it to make people like you is not persuasive. True friendships are based on the quality time you spent together, mutual trust, and being companions in difficult times. They are more spiritual and emotional, and the happiness cannot be bought. Instead of fulfilling their materialistic needs, spend more time on knowing each other and creating mutual memories.

“When I was around 12 years old I was bullied. At one point I thought my bullies would stop bullying me if I joined them. So one day they started bullying this other kid, this was one of the nicest kids in class. After a few minutes, I saw the tears in his eyes and realized that I’ve been in his position daily, and I stopped on the spot. I felt like a jerk, and get ashamed when I think about it.”-racoon1969

Bullying is common in schools and society where people take sides to join the majority against the few left ones. Like what mentioned above, some people try to avoid being bullied by joining the bullies when they know it is wrong. Hurting others makes you feel bad because you are apparently unwilling to. Especially when you were once the victim, you understand how it feels and you feel guilty when others are hurt in the same case.

Don’t be afraid to leave people who hold friendship with power. The relationship is never healthy when one follows what others do out of fear. If you think it’s not right, it’s fine to follow your heart. Trust me, you don’t want such a friend and you don’t want more victims.

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“Begged my mom to buy me etnies (the skateboarding shoes) when I was 10. She finally did but I broke down crying and begged her to take them back once I learned they were $40.” – fgsixtynine

Preferences on clothing style and taste vary frequently in lifetime. If the friendship is simply bonded by a symbol or a product, it is pretty much vulnerable. When things change from time to time, what is treasurable is the solidity in a relationship because it’s built upon people but not objects.

“I stopped hanging out with one of my best friends as much because all the other kids found him annoying.”– LieutenantCuppycake

How do you define “friends”? Do those you met in a social event and never spoke ever again count? When we grow older, we know it is not easy to find true friends. Sometimes we meet fancy people in gatherings but what is left afterwards is a “morning” or a “bye”. It is valuable when we receive an invitation message to dinner because we know somebody treats us as real friends.

Appreciate it if you have a friend like this, even if some others don’t like her. We don’t make friends to cater others. How you feel about the person and what’s in your friendship is all you should care. Remember, never give up on genuine people because they are rare to find in the world.

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“I started smoking in high school because all the “cool kids” smoked during lunch breaks… I was so desperate to fit in and prove that I’m cool as well.” -eukaRIOTa

Peer influence us a lot by making ourselves believe that we need to always follow the trend and be as ‘cool’ as the others. People who want to fit in the group sometimes follow their peer without taking note of the negative consequences. If your friend asks you to try drugs with him/her, will you follow or stop him/her?

A healthy relationship should be built on positive influence to one another. We hope to receive advice from friends at hard times and we motivate them as encouragement. Good friends are the ones who show support and make your life better.

In times we might think we need to fit in so as to be liked. Indeed, the right people will come and love you just the way you are. It’s alright if you don’t get along with some groups because nobody fits everybody. Keep going and be yourself and the right things will come to you.

Featured photo credit: Lovely Professional University via happenings.lpu.in

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Brandy Chan

Music Lover. Movie Lover. Traveller.

100 Inspirational Quotes That Will Make You Love Life Again Admit It, The Way We Learn To Fall In Love Is Wrong See What Over 2000 Reddit Users Says About “What’s The Saddest Thing You Ever Done To Fit In?” These Ideas Are Categorised As “What Seems Awesome Until You Tried it”, by Over 1000 Reddit Users Around The World

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Last Updated on September 18, 2020

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

1. Take a step back and evaluate

When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

  1. What is the problem?
  2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
  3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
  4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
  5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

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2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

4. Process your thoughts/emotions

Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

  1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
  2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
  3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
  4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

5. Acknowledge your thoughts

Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

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Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

6. Give yourself a break

If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

As Helen Keller once said,

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

  1. What’s the situation?
  2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
  3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
  4. Take action on your next steps!

After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

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12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

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