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This Is What Real Life Romance Is Like: Be Curious About What Your Partner Does

This Is What Real Life Romance Is Like: Be Curious About What Your Partner Does

If someone were to ask you about romance, how would you define it? What does it entail and mean to you? Hollywood does a great job of giving us a very distorted view on what romance is, and sets unrealistic expectations when it comes to our own relationships. Movies like The Notebook or Dear John, for example, have personally given me unrealistic expectations when it comes to love and romance. I mean, who wouldn’t want the love of their life to build them a home exactly the way they wanted? But when it comes to real life relationships, romance is much more complex than in the movies.

Gifts and surprises can make you forget what love really means…

We would all be lying if we said we didn’t want gifts or surprises from our significant other from time to time. It shows us that they pay attention to what we say, and makes us feel important when they surprise us with something because we know it took them time and planning. However, giving frequent material items can really make a person end up craving more and more things rather than the actual affection we get from them. It will make a person lose sight of what love is really all about. Love and romance is not about gifts, it’s about getting to know your partner on a deeper level so you’re able to have a stronger connection with them. Material items often provide short-lived satisfaction.

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Trust me, your curiosity is the precious gift your partner wants to receive

The key to having a more romantic and long-lasting relationship is curiosity. When you’re curious with the person you’re with, it means that you’re curious about their world and everything in it. Let’s say your girlfriend enjoys going to broadway shows. You may not have any desire to go to one, but you go because it’s not about the broadway show, it’s about showing her that you desire to learn more about her through the things she loves. You may not have enjoyed one second of it, but it’ll give you something else to talk about over dinner after. Or maybe you’ll really enjoy it, and it’ll give the two of you something else to do together. Doing these types of things will cultivate intimacy and help build a stronger and better bond between the two of you.

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Curiosity breaks the wall and make you two as one

Curiosity isn’t about just engaging in activities that your partner wants to do, it’s also being curious about them as a person. It allows for better communication. Sometimes we tend to jump to conclusions and make assumptions. You may also find that you are judging your partner for certain habits they have or decisions they make. When you’re consistently approaching your loved one in these ways, it’s very easy to misread situations, unintentionally hurt their feelings, and cause unnecessary arguments.

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For example, your partner may have a difficult time talking about their feelings and, as a result, they internalize a lot and shut down during important conversations. This may give you the impression that they don’t care about your feelings, or care enough about the situation to find a solution. Instead of assuming, jumping to conclusions and getting frustrated, try to get to the bottom of the deeper-seeded issue. This gives your partner the opportunity to let their walls down and to open up to you about something you didn’t know about them, which will allow the two of you to bond more and become closer.

Forget the movies and enjoy the romance in real life!

Again, love and romance is more than just gifts. It’s about all the things money can’t buy you. It’s about time, attention, affection, and curiosity. All of which are more valuable than any gift you could ever receive. When you replace gifts with all of those things, you give your relationship the opportunity to reach new heights and depths it may not have otherwise reached.

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Erica Wagner

Erica is a passionate writer who shares inspiring ideas and lifestyle tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on July 3, 2020

30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

In today’s world, true peace must come from within us and our own actions. Here are 30 small things you can do on a regular basis to increase your overall sense of harmony, peace, and well-being:

1. Don’t go to every fight you’re invited to

Particularly when you’re around those who thrive on chaos, be willing to decline the invitation to join in on the drama.

2. Focus on your breath

Throughout the day, stop to take a few deep breaths. Keep stress at bay with techniques such as “square breathing.” Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, then out for four counts, and hold again for four counts. Repeat this cycle four times.

3. Get organized and purge old items

A cluttered space often creates a cluttered spirit. Take the time to get rid of anything you haven’t used in a year and invest in organizational systems that help you sustain a level of neatness.

4. Stop yourself from being judgmental

Whenever you are tempted to have an opinion about someone else’s life, check your intentions. Judging others creates and promotes negative energy.

5. Say ‘thank you’ early and often

Start and end each day with an attitude of gratitude. Look for opportunities in your daily routine and interactions to express appreciation.

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6. Smile more

Even if you have to “fake it until you make it,” there are many scientific benefits of smiling and laughing. Also, pay attention to your facial expression when you are doing neutral activities such as driving and walking. Turn that frown upside down!

7. Don’t worry about the future

As difficult as this sounds, there is a direct connection between staying in the present and living a more peaceful life. You cannot control the future. As the old proverb goes, “Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it won’t get you anywhere.” Practice gently bringing your thoughts back to the present.

8. Eat real food

The closer the food is to the state from which it came from the earth, the better you will feel in eating it. Choose foods that grew from a plant over food that was made in a plant.

9. Choose being happy over being right

Too often, we sacrifice inner peace in order to make a point. It’s rarely worth it.

10. Keep technology out of the bedroom

Many studies, such as one conducted by Brigham and Women’s Hospital, have connected blue light of electronic devices before bed to adverse sleep and overall health. To make matters worse, many people report that they cannot resist checking email and social media when their cell phone is in reach of their bed, regardless of the time.

11. Make use of filtering features on social media

You may not want to “unfriend” someone completely, however you can choose whether you want to follow their posts and/or the sources of information that they share.

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12. Get comfortable with silence

When you picture someone who is the ultimate state of peace, typically they aren’t talking.

13. Listen to understand, not to respond

So often in conversations, we use our ears to give us cues about when it is our turn to say what we want to say. Practice active listening, ask questions, process, then speak.

14. Put your troubles in a bubble

Whenever you start to feel anxious, visualize the situation being wrapped in a bubble and then picture that sphere floating away.

15. Speak more slowly

Often a lack of peace manifests itself in fast or clipped speech. Take a breath, slow down, and let your thoughtful consideration drive your words.

16. Don’t procrastinate

Nothing adds stress to our lives like waiting until the last minute.

17. Buy a coloring book

Mandala coloring books for adults are becoming more popular because of their connection to creating inner peace.

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18. Prioritize yourself

You are the only person who you are guaranteed to live with 24 hours a day for the rest of your life.

19. Forgive others

Holding a grudge is hurting you exponentially more than anyone else. Let it go.

20. Check your expectations

Presumption often leads to drama. Remember the old saying, “Expectations are premeditated resentments.”

21. Engage in active play

Let your inner child come out and have some fun. Jump, dance, play, and pretend!

22. Stop criticizing yourself

The world is a hard enough place with more than enough critics. Your life is not served well by being one of them.

23. Focus your energy and attention on what you want

Thoughts, words, and actions all create energy. Energy attracts like energy. Put out what you want to get back.

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24. Assign yourself “complaint free” days.

Make a conscious decision not to complain about anything for a whole day. It might be harder than you think and the awareness will stick with you.

25. Surround yourself with people you truly enjoy being in the company of

Personalities tend to be contagious, and not everyone’s is worth catching. Be judicious in your choices.

26. Manage your money

Financial concerns rank top on the list of what causes people stress. Take the time each month to do a budget, calculate what you actually spend and sanity check that against the money you have coming in.

27. Stop trying to control everything

Not only is your inner control freak sabotaging your sense of peace, it is also likely getting in the way of external relationships as well.

28. Practice affirmations

Repeat positive phrases that depict the life and qualities you want to attract. It may not come naturally to you, but it works.

29. Get up before sunrise

Personally witnessing the dawn brings a unique sense of awe and appreciation for life.

30. Be yourself

Nothing creates more inner discord than trying to be something other than who we really are. Authenticity breeds happiness.

Featured photo credit: man watching sunrise via stokpic.com

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