Advertising
Advertising

Want To Chat With Anyone Without Feeling Weird? You Should Stop Over-Thinking First

Want To Chat With Anyone Without Feeling Weird? You Should Stop Over-Thinking First

Awkward moments always happen.

Imagine you are in a party with a bunch of people that you barely know. You try to start a conversation to break the silence.

You: Hi. How are you?
She: Doing well. You?
You: Great…

Advertising

Then the awkward silence appears.

It is embarrassing, like an actor forgetting his lines on stage. Most of the time, you probably have some words in mind but you’re just afraid of saying them because you’re over-thinking. Will she get the joke? Will she feel bored? Will she think that I act like a fool?

Over-thinking never helps

Whenever we meet someone new, we always try to leave a good impression. That’s why we think so much while talking to those people we don’t know well. Since we have little information about them, the only way that we might be able to impress them is trying to recall the funniest joke, find the most unique story, and search for the most interesting topic that people would echo.

Advertising

But the anxiety doesn’t stop here. After saying the perfect lines, we doubt if people like it or not, and wonder how they think about us. We’re desperate to get cues from their every gesture and every word they say. If they don’t actually like what we have previously said, the anxiety builds up and we have to search for some other lines again. The loop never ends, until either one walks away.

There is nothing wrong about seeking acceptance in social interactions but over-thinking always makes you behave in a stiff and unnatural manner. The weirdness of acting stiffly while talking to strangers can only be cured when you stop over-thinking.

Distract yourself from the gesture of the person

Instead of paying full attention to the facial expressions or body languages of the person, you can shift your attention to something else.

Advertising

It is normal that we would try to find out whether people are impressed by what we say. We look at their facial expressions to see if they agree with what we say; we look at their body languages to know if they are interested in the topic we share. But staring at them with these questions in mind would sometimes make people feel uncomfortable and also make yourself more nervous.

You can simply shift your attention to something else, such as the their outfits and the surrounding environment. This might not only make you less nervous and over-think less but also provides materials for conversations. You might appreciate the beautiful outfits they are wearing or ask about the songs the band is playing. This allows you to relax yourself and act as if you are talking to a friend of yours.

Abandon the thought that you need to put on a certain persona

There are certain personas that would make you an impressive person in front of a bunch of strangers but pretending to be who you aren’t only makes the situation more awkward.

Advertising

It is not hard to imagine that in a party, the most charismatic people are the ones who share endless interesting stories and tell innumerable jokes. However, if you are not that kind of people, don’t pretend to be. You can’t act like an extrovert when you’re an introvert. This only makes you feel uncomfortable with the whole situation and you will only get more and more anxious.

Embrace your uniqueness in every moment. People who want a business partner are looking for someone with honesty; those who want a true friend are looking for someone with sincerity; the ones who want a lifelong lover are looking for someone with uniqueness. You can’t please everyone so abandon the thought of being some kind of person, and be who you really are.

Exercise before you champion the skill

It will take practice. Don’t be afraid of moving one step forward at first. It is likely that you will be rejected on certain occasions but it doesn’t mean you’re going to fail next time. No one is naturally born with social skills. Everyone takes time to learn.

Someday you will find that yourself being able to talk to strangers with any difficulties. And the awkwardness will soon disappear.

More by this author

Sheba Leung

Translator. Sport lover. Traveler.

The Only Guide You Need for the Best Movies to Watch How to Get Your Great Ideas Heard with Just One Page of Proposal Everything Is Neutral, Whether It’s Good Or Bad Is Attached To What You Think How I Rewired My Brain to Think Like a Designer and Unlock My Creativity Rejection Is No Longer Painful If We Look at It Differently

Trending in Communication

1 How to Stop Living on Autopilot with Antonio Neves 2 The Gentle Art of Saying No For a Less Stressful Life 3 7 Ways to Make Life Changing Decisions 4 Living in the Past? 7 Ways To Let Go And Live A Happy Life 5 What’s the Meaning of Life? A Guide to Live with Meaning

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on August 4, 2020

The Gentle Art of Saying No For a Less Stressful Life

The Gentle Art of Saying No For a Less Stressful Life

No!

It’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments — you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be able to get anything done, at least not well or on time.

But requests for your time are coming in all the time — through phone, email, IM or in person. To stay productive, and minimize stress, you have to learn the Gentle Art of Saying No — an art that many people have problems with.

What’s so hard about saying no? Well, to start with, it can hurt, anger or disappoint the person you’re saying “no” to, and that’s not usually a fun task. Second, if you hope to work with that person in the future, you’ll want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.

But it doesn’t have to be difficult or hard on your relationship. Here’s how to master the Gentle Art of Saying No:

Advertising

1. Value Your Time

Know your commitments, and how valuable your precious time is. Then, when someone asks you to dedicate some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do it. And tell them that: “I just can’t right now … my plate is overloaded as it is.”

2. Know Your Priorities

Even if you do have some extra time (which for many of us is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want to spend that time?

For myself, I know that more commitments means less time with my wife and kids, who are more important to me than anything.

3. Practice Saying No

Practice makes perfect. Saying “no” as often as you can is a great way to get better at it and more comfortable with saying the word. And sometimes, repeating the word is the only way to get a message through to extremely persistent people. When they keep insisting, just keep saying no. Eventually, they’ll get the message.

4. Don’t Apologize

A common way to start out is “I’m sorry but …” as people think that it sounds more polite. While politeness is important, apologizing just makes it sound weaker. You need to be firm, and unapologetic about guarding your time.

Advertising

5. Stop Being Nice

Again, it’s important to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. When you make it easy for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do it. But if you erect a wall, they will look for easier targets.

Show them that your time is well guarded by being firm and turning down as many requests (that are not on your top priority list) as possible.

6. Say No to Your Boss

Sometimes we feel that we have to say yes to our boss — they’re our boss, right? And if we say “no,” then we look like we can’t handle the work — at least, that’s the common reasoning.

But in fact, it’s the opposite — explain to your boss that by taking on too many commitments, you are weakening your productivity and jeopardizing your existing commitments. If your boss insists that you take on the project, go over your project or task list and ask him/her to re-prioritize, explaining that there’s only so much you can take on at one time.

7. Pre-Empting

It’s often much easier to pre-empt requests than to say “no” to them after the request has been made. If you know that requests are likely to be made, perhaps in a meeting, just say to everyone as soon as you come into the meeting,

Advertising

“Look guys, just to let you know, my week is booked full with some urgent projects and I won’t be able to take on any new requests.”

8. Get Back to You

Instead of providing an answer then and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their request some thought and get back to them. This will allow you to give it some consideration, and check your commitments and priorities. Then, if you can’t take on the request, simply tell them:

“After giving this some thought, and checking my commitments, I won’t be able to accommodate the request at this time.”

At least you gave it some consideration.

9. Maybe Later

If this is an option that you’d like to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s often better to just say,

Advertising

“This sounds like an interesting opportunity, but I just don’t have the time at the moment. Perhaps you could check back with me in [give a time frame].”

Next time, when they check back with you, you might have some free time on your hands.

10. It’s Not You, It’s Me

This classic dating rejection can work in other situations. Don’t be insincere about it, though. Often, the person or project is a good one, but it’s just not right for you, at least not at this time.

Simply say so — you can compliment the idea, the project, the person, the organization … but say that it’s not the right fit, or it’s not what you’re looking for at this time. Only say this if it’s true — people can sense insincerity.

More Tips for a Less Stressful Life

Featured photo credit: Kyle Glenn via unsplash.com

Read Next