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Want To Chat With Anyone Without Feeling Weird? You Should Stop Over-Thinking First

Want To Chat With Anyone Without Feeling Weird? You Should Stop Over-Thinking First

Awkward moments always happen.

Imagine you are in a party with a bunch of people that you barely know. You try to start a conversation to break the silence.

You: Hi. How are you?
She: Doing well. You?
You: Great…

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Then the awkward silence appears.

It is embarrassing, like an actor forgetting his lines on stage. Most of the time, you probably have some words in mind but you’re just afraid of saying them because you’re over-thinking. Will she get the joke? Will she feel bored? Will she think that I act like a fool?

Over-thinking never helps

Whenever we meet someone new, we always try to leave a good impression. That’s why we think so much while talking to those people we don’t know well. Since we have little information about them, the only way that we might be able to impress them is trying to recall the funniest joke, find the most unique story, and search for the most interesting topic that people would echo.

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But the anxiety doesn’t stop here. After saying the perfect lines, we doubt if people like it or not, and wonder how they think about us. We’re desperate to get cues from their every gesture and every word they say. If they don’t actually like what we have previously said, the anxiety builds up and we have to search for some other lines again. The loop never ends, until either one walks away.

There is nothing wrong about seeking acceptance in social interactions but over-thinking always makes you behave in a stiff and unnatural manner. The weirdness of acting stiffly while talking to strangers can only be cured when you stop over-thinking.

Distract yourself from the gesture of the person

Instead of paying full attention to the facial expressions or body languages of the person, you can shift your attention to something else.

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It is normal that we would try to find out whether people are impressed by what we say. We look at their facial expressions to see if they agree with what we say; we look at their body languages to know if they are interested in the topic we share. But staring at them with these questions in mind would sometimes make people feel uncomfortable and also make yourself more nervous.

You can simply shift your attention to something else, such as the their outfits and the surrounding environment. This might not only make you less nervous and over-think less but also provides materials for conversations. You might appreciate the beautiful outfits they are wearing or ask about the songs the band is playing. This allows you to relax yourself and act as if you are talking to a friend of yours.

Abandon the thought that you need to put on a certain persona

There are certain personas that would make you an impressive person in front of a bunch of strangers but pretending to be who you aren’t only makes the situation more awkward.

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It is not hard to imagine that in a party, the most charismatic people are the ones who share endless interesting stories and tell innumerable jokes. However, if you are not that kind of people, don’t pretend to be. You can’t act like an extrovert when you’re an introvert. This only makes you feel uncomfortable with the whole situation and you will only get more and more anxious.

Embrace your uniqueness in every moment. People who want a business partner are looking for someone with honesty; those who want a true friend are looking for someone with sincerity; the ones who want a lifelong lover are looking for someone with uniqueness. You can’t please everyone so abandon the thought of being some kind of person, and be who you really are.

Exercise before you champion the skill

It will take practice. Don’t be afraid of moving one step forward at first. It is likely that you will be rejected on certain occasions but it doesn’t mean you’re going to fail next time. No one is naturally born with social skills. Everyone takes time to learn.

Someday you will find that yourself being able to talk to strangers with any difficulties. And the awkwardness will soon disappear.

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Sheba Leung

Translator. Sport lover. Traveler.

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Last Updated on August 20, 2018

Quit Your Job If You Don’t Like It, No Matter What

Quit Your Job If You Don’t Like It, No Matter What

Do you know that feeling? The one where you have to wake up to go to your boring 9-5 job to work with the same boring colleagues who don’t appreciate what you do.

I do, and that’s why I’ve decided to quit my job and follow my passion. This, however, requires a solid plan and some guts.

The one who perseveres doesn’t always win. Sometimes life has more to offer when you quit your current job. Yes, I know. It’s overwhelming and scary.

People who quit are often seen as ‘losers’. They say: “You should finish what you’ve started”.

I know like no other that quitting your job can be very stressful. A dozen questions come up when you’re thinking about quitting your job, most starting with: What if?

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“What if I don’t find a job I love and regret quitting my current job?”
“What if I can’t find another job and I get in debt because I can’t pay my bills?”
“What if my family and friends judge me and disapprove of the decisions I make?”
“What if I quit my job to pursue my dream, but I fail?

After all, if you admit to the truth of your surroundings, you’re forced to acknowledge that you’ve made a wrong decision by choosing your current job. But don’t forget that quitting certain things in life can be the path to your success!

One of my favorite quotes by Henry Ford:

If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.

Everything takes energy

Everything you do in life takes energy. It takes energy to participate in your weekly activities. It takes energy to commute to work every day. It takes energy to organize your sister’s big wedding.

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Each of the responsibilities we have take a little bit of our energy. We only have a certain amount of energy a day, so we have to spend it wisely.  Same goes for our time. The only things we can’t buy in this world are time and energy. Yes, you could buy an energy drink, but will it feel the same as eight hours of sleep? Will it be as healthy?

The more stress there is in your life, the less focus you have. This will weaken your results.

Find something that is worth doing

Do you have to quit every time the going gets touch? Absolutely not! You should quit when you’ve put everything you’ve got into something, but don’t see a bright future in it.

When you do something you love and that has purpose in your life, you should push through and give everything you have.

I find star athletes very inspiring. They don’t quit till they step on that stage to receive their hard earned gold medal. From the start, they know how much work its going to take and what they have to sacrifice.

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When you do something you’re really passionate about, you’re not in a downward spiral. Before you even start you can already see the finish line. The more focus you have for something, the faster you’ll reach the finish.

It is definitely possible to spend your valuable time on something you love and earn money doing it. You just have to find out how — by doing enough research.

Other excuses I often hear are:

“But I have my wife and kids, who is going to pay the bills?”
“I don’t have time for that, I’m too busy with… stuff” (Like watching TV for 2 hours every day.)
“At least I get the same paycheck every month if I work for a boss.”
“Quitting my job is too much risk with this crisis.”

I understand those points. But if you’ve never tried it, you’ll never know how it could be. The fear of failure keeps people from stepping out of their comfort zone.

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I’ve heard many people say, “I work to let my children make their dream come true”. I think they should rephrase that sentence to: “I pursue my dreams — to inspire and show my children anything is possible.” 

Conclusion

Think carefully about what you spend your time on. Don’t waste it on things that don’t brighten your future. Instead, search for opportunities. And come up with a solid plan before you take any impulsive actions.

Only good things happen outside of your comfort zone.

Do you dare to quit your job for more success in life?

Featured photo credit: Jadon Barnes via images.unsplash.com

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